Seven Powerful Lessons for Living that I Learned by Writing a Book

 

Well, my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader finally went to print on Tuesday, 1/11/11. The process of writing has been a truly rewarding experience full of highs and lows and as intensely humbling as it has been exhilarating. As I’ve reflected back on some of the things I’ve learned along the way, I was struck by how applicable these lessons are to life in general. And, being a writer and a coach, I feel compelled to share them in the hopes that they will be of value to you — if only in some small way.

Lesson #1:  When you commit yourself to something that you want with all of your heart, a series of events is set into motion that allows you to get what you most need. However, some of these events may not necessarily be what you originally wanted.

The idea for writing The Pinocchio Principle floated into my head and onto a page in my journal almost six years ago. I dabbled at it – wrote a little here and there, sometimes in long spurts and other times in trickles. It went back and forth from my desk to my shelf again and again. In the latter part of 2009 I began to feel increasing frustration as I never seemed to have the uninterrupted blocks of time I needed to really concentrate and bring the book to life. Lo and behold, in the coming months I saw some of my largest coaching and consulting contracts come to an end. By January of 2010 my practice had become sizably reduced. I initially experienced frustration, disappointment and sadness. And then I realized that I had been given the gift of time and space. Three months later the first draft of manuscript was finished.

Lesson #2: Everything always takes longer than you think it will (note that it took another nine months for me to get from a first draft to a finished book).

This is actually a fairly well known adage called Hofstadter’s Law. Hofstadtler adds that his law holds even when you take into account Hofstadtler’s law. This is especially true when you are doing something you have never done before. You will not know what you don’t know. And mistakes will be made. If you beat yourself up for them, you will only prolong your suffering — and your delays. However, if you acknowledge and embrace these difficult lessons, you will move forward with far more confidence and lightness. You will also have a lot more fun. And so will everyone else who comes into contact with you and your work.

Lesson #3: Everything you do will be infused with whatever you are feeling when you do it.

Before I fully embraced lesson number two, I would try to power forward in spite of the fact that what I really needed to do was slow down. Anything I wrote in that state felt awkward, forced and completely devoid of the energy and passion I wanted to invoke. And I ultimately ended up having to rewrite those passages anyway. When I learned to reconnect with my intention of wanting my readers to feel uplifted and inspired, the words that fell onto the page came far more easily — and often in ways that uplifted and inspired me as well.

Pay attention to the energy you pour into the projects you work on. If you feel resentful or irritated as you go about your tasks, chances are the project will invoke those same feelings in everyone who comes into contact with it. Choose to infuse your work with love and positive intentions and see if people respond in a different way.

Lesson #4: The paradox of success is that only when you forget about yourself and your ego needs and focus on what you can give to others will you actually find what you seek.

As soon as I began to worry about what others might think of what I was writing (or of me), my writing fell apart. It was as though my left hand was writing while my right hand was grabbing hold of my wrist and keeping it from moving the pen across the page. I became too wrapped up in my own self image and needing to look good, which completely disconnected me from my true purpose. And as a result, the inspiration came to a complete halt. However, as soon as I became conscious of these egocentric thoughts and deliberately refocused myself on wanting to deliver something that would truly help my readers, I was able to get back into the flow.

I believe the same is true with anything we do. As soon as we worry about what others will think of us, we fall flat on our faces and end up experiencing the very things we most fear. When we shift our focus from what we can get to what we can give, we have a far more fulfilling experience — and so does everyone else.

Lesson #5: There is power in partnership.

I couldn’t have written this book without the aid of an unbelievable number of people who may not realize how invaluable their assistance really was. My coach helped me recognize the pitfalls I was stumbling into and guided me gently back onto my path. My editor reworded sentences to make the ideas to become crisper, clearer and more engaging. My husband and a number of clients and friends were kind enough to read passages of my manuscript and give me feedback, and the more eyes I had viewing the pages, the better the work became. Friends who had written their own books shared sage advice that guided me along my path. My designer showed amazing patience as I continue to revise cover after cover.  Just as, if not more powerful than help in the mechanics of putting the book together was the support, love and encouragement I constantly felt from everyone along the way. Sometimes just talking through a concept helped me realize what I really needed to say and allowed me to more clearly articulate myself.

If you don’t have people around you who can be a sounding board, a coach, a mentor, a cheerleader – even a shoulder to cry on at times, I highly encourage you to seek people out who can support you in this way and rely on them often.

Lesson #6: Whenever you ask a question, you gain access to the answers you seek.

I actually wrote about this process in The Pinocchio Principle. Whatever you focus your attention on becomes illuminated. If you focus your mind on a question, you will find that the answers you seek begin to appear in various ways, often repetitively. They may come in the form of signs, information that you happen to come across, conversations you find yourself in, and even images that enter your mind. But you must pay attention in order to discern these answers, or you may miss them.

Some of the questions I held in my mind as I wrote The Pinocchio Principle included the following:

• How do you breathe life back into work and truly tap your highest potential?  And how can you help others to do the same?
• How can you be who you really are (and succeed) in a world that seems to want you to be someone else?
• How can you successfully navigate through uncertainty (and help others to do the same) when everything around you seems to be falling apart?
• How do you tap into your creativity and inner wisdom in such a way that you are able to find the answers you most need at any moment?

The act of writing The Pinocchio Principle allowed me to find the answers I was seeking in such a way that I realized in the end my truest reward was simply having written it —regardless of whether anyone actually purchased a copy or not.

Lesson #7:  Every dream worth pursuing will require you to go beyond what you believe to be your limits and push you out of your comfort zone.

There will be times when you question whether you really have what it takes to succeed.  You will have days where you feel as though the work you do comes easily and carries you away in a flow of its own.  And you will also have days where you will (literally or figuratively) sit and stare catatonically, immersed in the feeling of being completely, utterly stuck.

I have always believed that we are never given more than we are able to handle.  The discovery I made in this process is that sometimes you have to be pushed to your edge to realize just how much you are actually capable of.  The frustration, anxiety and doubt eventually do pass, but you may have to sit with them for awhile before they leave.  They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun and cast shadows everywhere you look, only to help you better appreciate the bright beautiful light of day that was really there all along.

Click here if you’d like to order a copy of The Pinocchio Principle, or go to www.PinocchioPrinciple.com for more information.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Reconnecting and Renewing

Last week my kids and I watched The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, as we do every year.  It’s fun to villainize him – the insensitive jerk who figures if he can’t be happy, no one else should be.  He steals the Whos’ Christmas presents, their trees,  stockings and decorations – even their food.  And then he is baffled that even without all their “stuff” Christmas still comes.  As he watches them celebrate, singing hand in hand, his heart begins to grow and it busts right out of its shell.  The Grinch finally realizes that he cannot take their celebration away because it comes from within them.  And then he finds that he too has something within himself that is redeeming and worth celebrating.

No matter what holiday you celebrate this time of year, it is a time to celebrate something that transcends all the trappings of this world – the stuff we collect, the agendas we have, the races we are running, the things we fill our lives up with that keep us from truly enjoying each moment of them.  It is a time for us to honor something within each of us that is greater than all of that – timeless and boundless – something that no one can take away.  The holiday spirit is simply a reminder of a Spirit that is with us all the time.  Sometimes dormant, sometimes forgotten, sometimes forsaken.  Sometimes drowned out by all the noise and busyness in our lives.

But we can reconnect with it anytime.  And when one or more people do reconnect, it opens the hearts of others – even someone as foul and reproachable as The Grinch.  It is this Spirit that gives life to our most precious dreams and visions and guides us on a path that will allow us to find everything we need in order to realize them.  It helps us to navigate through our biggest challenges and to make the most of our opportunities.  It unites us in ways that allow us to partner with others who are strong where we are weak and share a passion for that which we most wish to create.  It is the lifeblood of our organizations, our communities, our world.  And at this time every year we have a beautiful reminder of its presence in ourselves and everyone around us.

We need not do anything, acquire anything, or prove anything to enjoy this extraordinary gift.  We only need to remember who we really are and what is most important.

All of the gifts that we give and receive are outward gestures that honor what is true within each other.  These gestures are expressions of our appreciation, our gratitude, our admiration and our love — which are far more important than the packages they come in.  So it’s okay if you don’t have all your Christmas shopping done, your presents wrapped, your table prepared to perfection.  And it’s okay if you haven’t even been able to clear the work off your desk long enough to even begin thinking about those things.  Right now, right here, you can stop and reconnect with this Spirit and allow it to give form to whatever you do and say from this moment forward.

When we act with the intent of tapping into this Spirit within and sharing it with others, anything we do will be heartfelt – whether we have the “perfect gift”, or no gift at all.  And we can give this gift to ourselves too – when we simply remember what is most real within us and what is most real within those around us.

The wonderful thing about this time of year is that it also marks the end of one thing and the beginning of another.  As January 1 draws closer, we realize we have a whole new year before us – a brand new clean slate upon which to create something that is a reflection of this beauty we are now rediscovering, reconnecting to, and celebrating within ourselves and everything around us.

I wish you and yours the happiest and most blessed of holidays.

 The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be will be released on 1/11/11 and is now available to preorder.  Like the Grinch, Pinocchio is a classic character who endeavors to find something real within himself that transforms his life and those around him as well.  This book is a roadmap to help you do that too.  To order, or get more information (including an excerpt), go to www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

The True Gift of Giving

“All which I abandon, all which I give, I enjoy in a higher manner through the fact that I give it away. To give is to enjoy possessively the object which one gives.”

~ Jean-Paul Sartre, philosopher

I had a roommate in college who was down in the dumps for a few weeks.  Her usually delightful demeanor had become heavy and a little dark.  She was going through one of those slumps we all encounter from time to time.  One day when I came home from class, there was a envelope taped onto our door.  As I looked around the building we lived in, I noticed similar envelopes hanging on other doors.  This one had my name on it, handwritten.  I tore it open and found a piece of notebook paper upon which was written one of the the most heartfelt notes I had ever read.

It was signed “from someone who appreciates you deeply” and as I read it, I found myself falling into the page while small tears began to collect at the corners of my eyes.  The author of the note had recounted things I had done over the last several weeks – many of of which I thought were insignificant  –  that made a difference in that person’s life.  There were kind, warm words of praise and gratitude as well as encouragement and inspiration.  Whoever wrote that note apparently thought I was special and took the time to tell me why in such a way that it profoundly touched me.  I looked up and saw someone across the hall reading her note and watched as her face began to light up.

When I opened the door, I found my roomate sitting contentedly writing in her journal and sipping a cup of tea.  She looked up and smiled for what seemed the first time in weeks.

“Did you get one of these notes?’ I asked her.

“No,” She responded with a grin.

And then it hit me.  She was the one who wrote the notes.  She didn’t admit it at first, but I finally got it out of her.

“What led you to do this?” I asked her.  “It must have taken you hours!”

“I was tired of feeling tired and sad and lonely,” she said.  I was sick of my gloomy little world.  And I decided that if I couldn’t make it better for myself, maybe I could make it better for someone else. “

She had started with one note.  And then she wrote another.  And then another.  And it felt so good, she said, that she decided she’d just write until she didn’t feel like writing anymore.

That was over twenty years ago.  And it still inspires me.    She taught me more through her actions that I would have learned by reading ten books that day.  I don’t think she intended it at the time, or even realized it until she started writing her notes, but the gift she gave to everyone in that building ended up being something that benefitted her just as much as everyone else.  And my guess is that it is still benefitting her and everyone else – because I know it’s still meaningful and significant to me.

Gandhi said “You must be the change you want to see in the world”.  Richard Bach wrote “We teach what we most need to learn.”  And Maya Angelou tells us, “I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.”  Perhaps this is one of the true gifts in giving – that when we get outside of ourselves to touch another human being, it has a way of bringing us gently back to ourselves so that we too receive the gift.  And it holds true even when we think we have nothing left to give.

When our egos get the best of us and we think nothing will ever go the way we want it to, we can transcend a state of wanting by moving into a state of giving.  Think of something you want right now, in this moment.  What is it that “something” will give you?  Most likely it is a feeling – perhaps a feeling of contentment, satisfaction, prosperity, abundance, or joy.  Now, see if there is something you can do for another person to help them experience those things.  Often when we give to others, we find we already had that which we were seeking.  We realize the thing we thought we needed is a means to an end that we have already arrived at.

I have written about this phenomenon (and why it is so vital to leadership) at length in my upcoming book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Meant to Be, which will be released on 1/11/11.  For more information, go to www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.   If you pre-order, I’ll send you an autographed copy!

A few spots still remain in my upcoming Adventures in Authentic Leadership small group coaching series.  You’ll have the opportunity to apply the concepts in The Pinocchio Principle to make ongoing progress toward your specific goals, aspirations, and challenges with support, feedback and accountability.  The series kicks off on 1/13/11 and will meet every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1pm at my office in central Phoenix.  Read more…

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Why I Wrote “The Pinocchio Principle”

This video is about what led me to write The Pinocchio Principle:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.  If you cannot see it on the page, click here to view it.  Below I have expanded on the key messages.  I hope you enjoy it!

What I really love about coaching is that it is not about telling people what to do or giving them answers.  The beauty and the magic that happens with coaching is that the client gets connected with something inside of them that has all the answers they need.  It is their inner wisdom – their creativity, ingenuity and resilience.  It is also the seed that contains within it their unique talent, style, energy and passion.  And it is amazing to see it come out.

I seek to do this for myself.  I want to instill it in my kids.  If I could give anything to the world, it would be to show people how to connect to the core of their true selves and to have the courage to bring that to whatever they are doing.  I spend a lot of time reflecting on what I can do to get clearer on the process – and what I might be able to write about that could tell the story.  One day when I was journaling, Pinocchio popped into my writing.

Pinocchio is a universal story – he is an archetype that mirrors so much of what is happening in our lives right now.  Most people think of him as the guy whose nose grew when he lied.  But Pinocchio is a story of a puppet that longed to be real.  He wanted to transcend that stiff, hollow wooden frame and do things in the world that he couldn’t do as a puppet.

So many of us are at a place where we are ready to go beyond the boundaries we have previously set for ourselves – to dig deeper, dream bigger, and fly higher.  We long to shed the strings that keep us tied to illusions that are simply not true – about what we need to do or be to enjoy success, and the limits that we think will keep us from achieving it.  Like Pinocchio, so many of us long to be REAL – who we really are beyond the constraints that keep us bound.

What I love about Pinocchio is that he messed up.  He told lies and then he recognized the consequences.  He landed himself in a cage.  He succumbed to temptation.  He had misstep after misstep.  And yet what the Blue Fairy told him was that to become REAL, he would need to prove himself brave, truthful and unselfish.  And I think the same thing is true for all of us.  Our journeys will be full of obstacles as well – and there will be times of frustration, anxiety and stress.  The experiences we have will activate the courage we have within to be true to ourselves and others and of service in the world, just as Pinocchio’s experiences did for him.

That’s why I wrote The Pinocchio Principle:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.  It’s really a road map to help each of us take whatever experience we are having right now and utilize it as a window into ourselves that allows us to tap into whatever we need to rise above any situation that we find ourselves in.  My hope is that it will help you navigate the perils and possibilities of your own personal odyssey so that you can unearth your greatness and bring it into the world in such a way that it blesses your own life as well as that of others.  As you do this for yourself, you will inspire others to do the same – which I believe is the mark of a true leader – regardless of your vocation, title or role.

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be will be released on 1/11/11 and is now available for preorder at www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.  I will also be working with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1:00pm from 1/13/11 through 6/16/11.  For more information or to register, go to www.DianeBolden.com/AIAL.html.   The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Motivation vs. Inspiration

“The key thing to remember is not that we need to be fast but that we are running a race that has no finish line. So the fuel that drives us needs to be made of something substantial — something for the heart that the head can also follow.” 

~ Vincent Kralyevich, American film producer, director, author, art director and composer

Have you ever had an idea that made the hair on your arms stand up?  Maybe it’s a dream that beckons to you – one that holds promise for your future and that of others as well.  When you think of the possibilities, you may find yourself feeling light, energized, and connected to something greater than yourself.

This is what inspiration feel like. It is buoyant and powerful.  Simple, yet strong.   And it is contagious.  Inspired action tends to touch others in a way that activates something inside of them as well .  It connects them not only to you, but also to themselves.  I like to think of inspiration as a pull – like a magnet that draws us toward something and gives us the power to bridge the gap – even if we aren’t sure exactly how to do it.  Inspiration is something we receive and it comes to us when we are receptive to it.   It requires trust, faith and patience.

What gets in the way of inspiration is our doubts, fears and faulty assumptions about what we can or cannot do, or what is even possible.  These doubts are like layers of stuff that dilute the magnetic force of inspiration.  Inspiration still beckons to us, but something stands in our way.  This is where motivation comes in.  It is something we summon up inside ourselves to get us to overcome the obstacles that are in front of us.  And as leaders (regardless of your vocation, title or role), it is something we often try to summon up in others to get them to do the same.

Motivation often takes the form of the carrot or the stick.  What gets us off the dime when we are balled up in our own fear is the willingness – and the will – to take action in spite of it – because of what we have to gain when we do – or what we have to lose if we do not.  Where inspiration is the pull, motivation is the push.   The word motive is derived from motivation.  Our motives can be in service to a higher good, or they can be in service to ourselves alone.

When motivation is aligned with inspiration, miracles can happen.  But when it is not, we will find ourselves feeling out of sync.  Inspiration (a higher calling) without motivation (the will to act on it) leaves us feeling stagnant, stuck, and/or unfulfilled.   When we refuse to answer our calls to greatness and play small instead, it is often because we have let our fear and doubt get the better of us.   Though we may be very busy, we will likely feel as though we are not accomplishing anything of great significance.  Motivation serves us best when it works through obstacles in our own thinking that get in the way of acting on our inspiration.

Motivation without inspiration feels a lot like driving a car without power steering or trying to run through mud.  It requires a lot of effort and strength and leaves us feeling exhausted.  When motivation serves a higher purpose (that provided by inspiration), the load is lightened and the way becomes clear.  But when the object of our desire is one that derives solely from our ego’s need for things like power, prestige, control, approval, or wealth, the push of motivation is not aligned with the pull of inspiration and we stray off course.  That’s when things get difficult – we may feel as though we are exerting a lot of effort but not really getting anywhere.

Sometimes our motivation and inspiration begin in alignment and then gradually become disconnected.  We start out feeling in sync, making great progress and experiencing a state of flow, and then we hit a bump in the road.  The bump may be a fear or some other kind of assumption that we need to examine and disempower before we can move on.  Or, it may be that we simply need to wait awhile.

Inspiration comes from a higher source – one that sees a bigger picture than we do.  Sometimes there will be delays that we do not understand.  Our egos can become impatient and steal the show – trying to push through these barriers with sheer force and exhausting us and everyone around us in the process.  And once our egos are in charge, things have a way of deteriorating.  Our motivation (or motive) mutates from being in service to a greater good to being in service to ourselves – or some ego need.

It can be tough to discern what kind of action (or inaction) is required when we encounter an impasse.   But if we get quiet, we can tap our source of inner wisdom to find the answers we need.   When we purify our motives (motivation) so that they are in service to a higher calling (inspiration) we get back on the path that leads to greatest fulfillment for ourselves and everyone around us.  And using motivation to remove the blocks that stand in our way will ensure that we actually make progress on that path and bring our greatness into the world in a way that inspires others to do the same.

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about getting back to the basics of who you really are, what you are here to accomplish, and how you can unearth your greatness in a way that inspires others to do the same.  It will be released on 1/11/11.      I will also be working with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1:00pm from 1/13/11 through 6/16/11.  For more information, go to www.DianeBolden.com/AIAL.html.  Contact me at Diane@DianeBolden.com if you are interested in participating.  The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Paths to Proficiency

“Every master was once a disaster.”

I heard someone say that the other day in a yoga class.  It gave me comfort.  Because I am all too familiar with that awkward, humbling stage that comes with learning something new – when you want to run with the stallions but feel more like a donkey.  It’s a universal phenomenon, really.  Ralph Waldo Emerson reminds us that “Every artist was once an amateur.”

We can all learn a lot about our paths to proficiency by looking at the ways in which we have mastered things over the course of our lives – whether it be how to drive a car, play our favorite sport, or take up a new hobby.  Today, as I was finishing my yoga class, I realized how my experiences on my yoga mat mirror those in my life – and how I can transfer my learnings from one arena to the other.  For what it’s worth, I thought I’d share a few of my insights.

(1) There is power in persistent practice.   Every once in awhile a yoga instructor demonstrates a pose that evokes a “you’ve got to be kidding” response from me.  I always give it a try, and usually the first time I do I look a lot like I feel – completely inept.  There is one pose that I have recently dreaded and just about every time I’ve gone to yoga for the last few weeks, this instructor builds it into the class.  Ugh.  Not again.  But I muster up my strength and give it a shot every time, and I have to say it gradually has become less and less onerous to me.  This morning I was actually able to hold the pose – it was only for a few seconds – but I did it!  And I realize the more I practice, the better I will get at that and the easier and more fun it will become.

Isn’t that like life, though?  Every day there are things you can sail through and then there will be those areas that require a lot of hard work, practice and patience before you can feel even the least bit effective.  But if you keep at it, one day you will surprise yourself with how far you have come.  And everything that led up to that point will be worth it.

(2) Learn from and admire others, but don’t compare yourself to them.  Sometimes this is a thin line.  As a novice, you need to watch people perform so that you can see how things are done.  And even as you get pretty good, you can still learn a lot from others’ examples.  But the minute you begin to compare yourself, you will lose your focus and dilute your effectiveness.  This is true regardless of whether comparing yourself to others makes you feel inferior or superior.  Let me explain.

In yoga, when I watch someone do something to get the proper technique and admire their grace, I can pick up a few tips and then concentrate on getting into my zone so I can do what I need to in the way I need to do it.  But the minute I look over at the person next to me to see if I’m doing better or worse, I lose my balance and fall down.  I have learned that the same thing holds true in my personal and professional life as well.

When we gauge how well we are doing by comparing ourselves to others, the energy and focus that is required to perform effectively becomes scattered.  When you believe you are not measuring up, the confidence that is vital to your success gets sapped.  And if you do not believe you can do something, you will inevitably prove yourself right.  On the other end of the spectrum, when you believe you are outperforming others and become a little too smug, your confidence can turn into arrogance which shifts your focus from what you are doing to how others are perceiving you.  And anything that is more focused on appearances than substance lacks foundation and eventually crumbles.

The best of the best gain their confidence from within – as a product of their effort, focus, and the results that come with effort and focus.  They don’t need to compare themselves to other to know that they are good – or to know that they can get even better.

(3) Lighten up and have some fun.  In yoga, the instructors are quick to remind people that falling over is par for the course and that the important thing is to just keep on trying – and to play at it.  The people in those classes who seem so good at yoga that they could be teaching the class themselves are the first to tell you about how many times they fell over or how long it took them to get to where they are.  And they will also tell you that they still fall occasionally.  Why?  Because once you master something in yoga, there is always a way to deepen the pose or increase the level of difficulty.  But when you challenge your balance and fall out of it, you learn what you need to do to stay in it longer next time.  That’s how mastery happens.

The same thing is true in life.  When we get all balled up in knots trying to make things perfect and avoiding every possible misstep, we risk becoming stagnant and playing small.  Getting too attached to the results leads us to stiffen up and become consumed with needing things to happen in the exact way we want them to.  Without flexibility, we lose our ability to bend and make the necessary course corrections that allow us to ultimately excel.  If you ever look at the top performers in any industry, sport, or artistic endeavor you will notice that accompanying their intensity is an ability to relax into their game in such a way that it appears easy and natural.  The ability to play at work is another mark of the master.

(4) Replenish yourself regularly.  My favorite part of yoga is the last five minutes of each class.  They call it Shivasana.  It’s where the previous fifty to eighty minutes of stretching, strengthening and balancing give way to lying flat on your back relaxing every muscle of your body.  It is in these last few moments of the class, the instructors will tell you, that all the benefits of the practice take root.  In these moments, the mind becomes clear, and stress and tension melt away.  The end result is a feeling of freshness and revitalized energy that lasts throughout the day.

In our frenetic lives, it is easy to forget about the importance of pausing every once in awhile to make the most of our experiences – whether by giving ourselves a needed break, or simply taking a moment to assess where we are going, to what degree we are still on course, and what, if any, course corrections are necessary.  Being willing to invest our precious time into replenishing ourselves in this way pays handsome dividends – and sometimes the times we think we can’t afford to slow down are in fact the times we cannot afford not to.

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about getting back to the basics of who you really are, what you are here to accomplish, and how you can unearth your greatness in a way that inspires others to do the same.  It is now available on Amazon.

 

Picture by Vvvstep from Dreamstime.com.

Priorities, Productivity and Perspective

Do you ever feel as though your life is just one big to do list that never gets completed?

Well, if you do you’re not alone.  Many of us feel as though a starting gun goes off at the beginning of the day and the hours that follow seem a lot like a marathon with no finish line.  Some spend their nights dreaming of the things they worked on during the day or what has yet to be done.  And others lie awake thinking about it.  It reminds me of the poor guy in Greek mythology, Sisyphus, who was condemned to roll a great boulder to the top of a hill only to have it roll back down just before he reached the summit.

I was feeling this way recently, and in the midst of the craze I was aware of a longing to escape from the tyranny I had created for myself.  And it really is a self created tyranny. So much of our lives is dictated by the habits and patterns we fall into and the way we think about things.  The danger is when we become so tangled up in routines and thoughts that we forget that we are the ones who created them.  A good coach can help you pinpoint the underlying patterns that are the root of the anxiety you are experiencing – so that you can take steps to alleviate your suffering.   And with practice, we can all learn to do this for ourselves as well.

I don’t know if I have this whole thing licked just yet, but I believe I’m making progress.  I thought it might be helpful to share the process I went through.  Though the solution I came up with may not be the right one for you, the process itself may help you find one that is a perfect fit.

(1)  GET A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. 

When you get to that point where you feel something’s got to give, the most powerful thing you can do is find a way to pull yourself up and out for a bit – so that instead of being immersed in your pattern, you can simply observe it.  I noticed that I was in a continual state of churning — so preoccupied with wanting to keep working at things on my list that I had little patience for anything else that required my attention, including my kids.  I was acting in a way that was inconsistent with my true values.  And I didn’t like what I saw.

It became apparent that I was having trouble shifting gears from achieving my work related goals to giving energy to other equally important parts of my life.  I realized the pressure I was experiencing to finish everything before I could attend to what was next was largely self imposed.  What I really want is to experience a sense of ease and lightness in the things that I do — to enjoy not just the outcome, but also the process of achieving my goals and living my life itself – all areas of my life.

(2)  CREATE A SYSTEM THAT SUPPORTS YOUR NEW PERSPECTIVE. 

Ask yourself the question, what do I need to do to align my actions with my new way of thinking?  What new habits or patterns can I create that will better serve me?  I had to remind myself that finishing everything on my to do list is a pipe dream that only leads to disappointment.  I remembered my own advice to clients – use your never ending “to do” list as a “maybe I’ll do list” so that your mind can rest in knowing that nothing is going to fall through the cracks.  With that in mind, I created the following system for myself:

• Each day, I identify a list of my top three to five priority tasks from my “maybe I’ll do list” as well as some additional items that would be great to do but okay to leave undone if necessary.  I enter these things on a “THINGS TO DO TODAY” list on my calendar in an appointment slot at the beginning of the day.  I also create a “THINGS I DID TODAY” entry as an appointment slot at the end of the day.
•  Throughout the day, as I accomplish things, I transfer them from my “THINGS TO DO” list to my “THINGS I DID” list, and take delight as the former list gets smaller while the latter grows larger.  (It’s even a bigger thrill for me than checking a box!)
•  At the end of the day I spend twenty minutes to stop, assess and plan for the next day.  I acknowledge myself for what I have completed.  I look at what remains on my “THINGS TO DO LIST” for that day and transfer any incomplete items to my  “THINGS TO DO” list for the next day (which leaves my THINGS TO DO list for that day blank and gives me a feeling of closure  – woo hoo!).  I take a look at my calendar and my “maybe I’ll do list”  to assess what my priorities are for the following day and add them to the next day’s list.  Then I clean off my desk and go pick up my kids.

Granted, there will be days where all heck breaks loose and I’m unable to follow my system the way I’ve planned it.  And that’s OK.  The more I follow it, the more engrained and natural it will become.  My goal is to change my feeling of being out of control to become more intentional and conscious about the way I use my time.  So any little change will be progress.  I encourage you to be kind to yourself as you endeavor to change your habits and patterns as well.

(3) BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

You can start this before you go to bed at night.  Envision yourself waking with energy, enthusiasm and inspiration.  I like to take a quick glance at my “THINGS TO DO LIST” for the next day with gratitude that I will have everything I need to accomplish it.  I believe this allows my subconscious mind to begin working on things while I sleep – which will potentially  lead to new insights when I awaken.

As you begin your day,  get very clear on what you’d like to experience by day’s end — and every moment in between and see if you can experience that state before you even begin.  See if you can remember the last time you were in your productive zone, where you accomplished more than you thought possible.  Move into that feeling and replicate it for yourself.  If you find yourself becoming anxious, stressed, or slipping into old patterns, come back to your intention and desired perspective,  take a deep breath and let it inform your action.

The important thing is to tap into your inner genius to find the answers you most need.  I’ve found this to be so important that I’ve written a book about it.  It’s called The Pinocchio Principle ~ Being Real: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be and it will be released on 1/11/11.  I’ve also decided to work with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix for 90 minutes twice a month for a period of six months, beginning in January.  Contact me at Diane@DianeBolden.com if you are interested in participating.  The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Stay tuned for more information and subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com to hear about free upcoming events, videos and teleseminars.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Bringing Leadership to Life

The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book, The Pinocchio Principle — Being Real:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, which will be released on 1/11/11 and will soon be available to pre-order.  I hope you enjoy it!

 Our foundations are shaking.  Corporations are going under.  People are losing their jobs and having difficulty finding new ones.  Frustration is finding its way into every crevice of our daily lives.  The ground that so many stand upon is crumbling.  It can be a scary time.  But these changes can also be an exciting time of adventure and reinvention.

For years, many of us have been living in ways that are inauthentic — doing jobs that are not a match for our true talents, striving to achieve pinnacles of power, prestige or wealth.  And each step has increased the chance of us falling further away from our true selves and from what truly satisfies and nourishes us.  As our foundation collapses, we are forced to ponder what is left, what truly has value, and what is actually genuine and meaningful in our lives.  This dissolving façade, while painful, enables something more powerful to emerge and bring with it gifts that will benefit all of humanity.  We are becoming real again.

With the dramatic changes the world is experiencing, perhaps now more than ever, it is time for each of us to recognize that we no longer need to rely on others to show us the way to genuine “success” — however it is to be defined.  We are wired for it.  It is in our blood, in our DNA, in our spirits.  We have everything we need to get there.  And to find ourselves, we must become engaged in the greatest adventure of our lives.  In fact, we have already begun this adventure, and through it we are reaching a place of creative tension, where the plot thickens and we are sitting on the edge of our seats to see what will happen next.  We are the stars of our own shows, the heroes of our own stories.

The changes for greater peace and true prosperity and the happiness we have been praying for are coming about.  Lasting change must come from the inside out.  Our world is made up of many nations, many communities, and at its core, many people.  The truest change must start from within each of us.  We can no longer wait for something or someone to rescue us, to solve all our problems, or to make right what is not working.

The greatest thing a leader can do is help us unearth our own authentic leadership so that we, in turn, can do the same for others.  True leadership is about bringing out the best in people.  We can all be leaders.  And we all must be.  There is something greater ready to emerge.  And it is within each of us.  It is the treasure we have been dancing around in our own backyards.

The old structures are crumbling to make way for the new.  And as uncomfortable and challenging as it is, this falling away is an essential part of our own renewal and liberation from whatever no longer serves us, to everything that allows us to bring to fruition our greatest visions and dreams.  Seeds cannot sprout from hardened ground.  The ground must first become soft and fertile.  And that is what is happening now.  The old protection mechanisms we relied upon may have kept away the things we feared, but they also kept us from our greatest selves.  In the end, we will realize we never really needed that protection anyway.  We are much stronger than we thought we were.  And now is the time to truly experience that strength, that fortitude, that determination, and that grace.

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle — Being Real:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is a road map to help you navigate the perils and possibilities of your personal odyssey.  Using Pinocchio as a metaphor, it blends wisdom, inspiration and humor and includes numerous stories and examples of personal and professional transformation as well as practical tips and tools that will help you become a true leader to others in the only way possible:  by starting with yourself.  To hear about free upcoming promotional events such as teleseminars, videos and speaking engagements, subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com – you’ll also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Leading Through Uncertainty

How do I motivate and inspire my team in the midst of uncertainty that could lead to the whole department being eliminated?  I mean, I’m not even sure I’ll have a job myself!

This is a question a client of mine recently asked.  A tough one.  I didn’t have an immediate answer for him.  He didn’t want to blow smoke in their faces or hand them a bunch of rose colored glasses.  Nor should he.  It is a scary time for a lot of people right now.  And there are no easy answers.  But in times of uncertainty, it is more important than ever to rest in the certainty that each one of us has what it takes to rise above anything life may bring us.

This is what the greatest leaders have done throughout history.  It’s easy to lead when things are stable and successful.  It’s when all chaos breaks loose and the chances of survival are slim that the world’s heroes have risen up to help people remember who they are and to rise up to their most daunting challenges.

Here are three things to remember when you find yourself in a situation similar to the one my client was in:

(1) There is nothing that will come your way that you cannot handle.  If you want proof, consider the fact that you are still here.  Think back to the last struggle or setback you faced.  What did you do?  How did you get through it?  What did you learn?  In retrospect, what would you tell yourself in order to help you get through that?  And what will you tell yourself now?

Sometimes it helps to think of the worst case scenario.  What would you do?  Really.  What would you do?  If you sit with that question and allow yourself to remain calm, you will find an answer.  Because when you get quiet, you summon up that which is timeless within you – that which will not change with the uncertainty, but rather grow stronger in the face of it – your inner strength, resilience, creativity and ingenuity.  Benjamin Franklin said it well many years ago:  “To be thrown upon one’s own resources, is to be cast into the very lap of fortune; for our faculties then undergo a development and display an energy of which they were previously unsusceptible.”

Getting connected to your core strength is essential and must be done before you can provide any real inspiration and motivation to others.  Your confidence will emanate at a level that people will feel – before you even say a word.

(2)  Once you have reconnected with your own inner reserves, help others reconnect with theirs as well.  Extraordinary leaders have the ability to connect with people at a deeper level.  They see not only what each person they lead has done in the past, but also what they are capable of doing in the future.  In times of chaos and uncertainty, people need to be reminded of their strengths because trying times tend to lead us to doubt ourselves and forget how very capable and strong we really are.

Speaking to people in terms of what they are capable of as a group can be helpful, but speaking to each person individually will have a far more powerful impact.  Think about each person you lead.  What has he or she done in the past that has impressed you?  What natural talents have you noticed – what does each person do that seems to come easily?  What does each tend to do that has a positive impact on themselves and everyone around them?  Maybe it is a sense of humor.  Perhaps it is an ability to foresee obstacles no one anticipated and create a plan for overcoming them.  Maybe it is an ability to think outside the box, a dogged determination to make things work, or a natural tendency to partner with others.  What is it that gives you faith that no matter what happens, this person will rise above it?  Speak to it with sincere appreciation and encouragement.  Help that person to embody those qualities once again.

(3)  Keep people’s focus (including your own) on possibilities rather than frustrations.  As with everything in life, whatever we focus on has a way of becoming amplified.  When we allow ourselves to become consumed with fear and doubt, our brains have a way of finding things that feed those states and we find that there seems to be even more to be afraid of or frustrated by.  This phenomenon often happens without our conscious awareness, and it is a vicious cycle that can keep us falling deeper and deeper into despair.

Reversing this cycle requires a conscious effort.  When we notice we are feeling upset by a certain thought, the first step is to become aware of the thought that has caused the reaction and deliberately choose another one to focus on.  There is always something positive or hopeful to focus on.  Sometimes finding it takes a bit of work, but that effort will be met with rich rewards.  A man named Ambrose Redmoon once said “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important.”  We need to figure out what is more important – more worthy of our attention and energy and focus on that.  As we do, our innate talents and strengths have a way of rising to the occasion.

With any change that brings uncertainty, there is a process of renewal involved.  The old must fall way in order for the new to be revealed.  This is true in nature as well as in our communities, organizations and in our very selves.  We can focus on what we are losing and experience a great deal of sadness and grief, or we can focus on what is newly emerging around us – and within us.  Sometimes the most difficult changes are the very things we need to experience to get closer to what we really want in life.  We may not realize the gifts change and uncertainty bring for weeks, months, and even years.  But we can recognize how it has served us in the past and trust in the process, in each other, and in ourselves.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.” 

~  Richard Bach

 My new book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Being Real: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be  is about reconnecting to your inner reserves and drawing upon them to give life to your greatest visions and dreams.  It will be released on January 11, 2011 and will soon be available to pre-order.  Stay tuned for more information and subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com to hear about free upcoming events, videos and teleseminars – and to receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

In Search of Greatness: Finding Your Zone

Last night Tom Petty was in town and I was lucky enough to get a last minute opportunity to watch him perform.  Chuck Berry – at age 83 – was the opening act.  He moved and grooved and belted out his tunes with just as much energy and passion that he did fifty years ago.  And then TP and the Heartbreakers took the stage.  They rocked the house.  People were out of their seats from the very first song and transported to a place that transcended time and space – where worries, tension and stress simply melt away.

I love to watch people who have mastered their craft enter their zones.  They are mesmerizing.  Uplifting.  Inspiring.  Fascinating to watch.  And their energy is contagious.  They have the ability to connect with people they’ve never even seen before and somehow leave them in a better state than they were before.  Their impact on us remains long after we have parted ways.

It’s easy to see this state of grace in people who perform – like musicians, actors, athletes, speakers, dancers, etc.  But any of us can get into a zone that allows us to experience a state of flow, where we become one with the work in such a way that it can feel effortless and transformational.  And that can have a powerful impact on everyone around us as well.

As I watched Tom Petty perform, I noticed  three major things about him that I believe are key to finding your zone – no matter who you are or what you do.

(1)  Don’t take yourself too seriously.

“It’s all right if you love me.  It’s all right if you don’t.”  Classic line from a classic Tom Petty song.  I imagine the first time he performed, he probably cared a lot about what people thought of him.  Most of us have gotten hooked into worrying about the opinion of others at one time or another.  Wanting to win approval and admiration isn’t a crime.  And there is nothing wrong with desiring success.  But getting too attached to it can have adverse effects.  It’ll trip you up and keep you from entering your zone.  There is a sweet spot that Tom Petty and other great masters of their crafts have found – one that allows them to play at success without becoming preoccupied with it.  The paradox is that letting go of the intense need for success seems to have a way of somehow unlocking the gates for it to come in – and it makes everything a lot more fun.

(2)  Be WHERE you are.

The timeless place Tom Petty transported his audience to was largely a product of his own ability to completely immerse himself in what was taking place around him in each moment.  He could not have been more present.  In this state, we do not fret over things that happened yesterday or worry about what might happen tomorrow.  We simply allow things to unfold around us in such a way that we can remain tuned in and turned on.  We connect with our intuition.  We act on our insights and learn to improvise.  Rather than waiting for the “right opportunity” to do what we love, we begin where we are and allow everything that we do to be an expression of love in and of itself.  And we create a space that connects us to others in profound ways.

(3)  Be WHO you are.

Tom Petty’s voice is distinctive.  And so is his style.  Maybe he found it immediately.  Maybe, like many of us, he started out by emulating someone else before he discovered that what came naturally to him worked better than anything else he tried.    Great artists often learn by studying and duplicating the work of other artists.  But the best of the best eventually break out of the mold and find their unique form.  The same is true for each of us.  We begin our lives by learning from and  mirroring others, but at some point the time comes for us to step into and embrace our uniqueness.  Gradually, we learn to trust that the gifts we have each been given are there for a reason and find ways to put them to use.  As we believe in ourselves and our ability to contribute to something greater than ourselves, our work – like that of Tom Petty and Chuck Berry – becomes an inspiration to others.

As I was leaving the stadium after the concert had ended, I noticed a man on the street playing his heart out on a tenor sax.   Taped to the pole he was standing next to was a large cardboard sign on which was written in bold black letters the words:

“YOU HAVE GREATNESS WITHIN YOU.

SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOUR DREAMS

AND THEY WILL COME TRUE.”

I couldn’t agree more.

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Becoming Real: Authentic Leadership for the 21st Century is about unleashing your greatness.  It will be released on January 11, 2011 and will soon be available to pre-order.  Stay tuned for more information and subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com to hear about free upcoming events, videos and teleseminars.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!