Share ThisCategory Archives: Boosting Creativity, Productivity & Effectiveness
Room to Grow
What is it that you are longing to create in the coming year? And what do you need to let go of in order to allow it to fully take root?
Are you willing to entertain the thought that it may come in a form that is unfamiliar to you?
Every year, we are encouraged to set New Year’s resolutions. We are a goal driven society that is conditioned to seek more. Our egos desire more money, more fame and prestige, and more stuff. A deeper part of ourselves longs for more peace, more meaning, and more purpose in our lives. We want to move beyond our previous realizations of what we’ve already accomplished to master newer, better ways of doing things – whether that be what we create in our lives or in our organizations – and as leaders what we are able to inspire others to do as well.
Though it is tempting to occupy ourselves with thoughts of how we can go about achieving all of this and what we need to do more of, perhaps what we really need to start with is what we need to do less of – what we need to let go of in order to create the space for something new to come in. We are constantly evolving as human beings – and as communities of human beings. It is so easy to look to the past to define who we are though the things we’ve already done – goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built. Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.
The fact of the matter is, you are not your accomplishments, your creations, or the sum total of the various roles you play in your life – manager, director, vice president, mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc. You are much, much more than that. Your potential is limitless.
And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions. They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take. In order to be happy, we reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target. So we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done – on a sort of auto pilot. Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some may bring a growing source of discontentment.
We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility that what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined for us. In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to open up to the mystery that is unfolding in each of our lives.
Easier said than done, right? How exactly do you go about letting go of the known when it is all you know?
We can take our cues from nature. Snakes and other reptiles shed their skin, trees drop their leaves, and caterpillars create cocoons in which their forms entirely dissolve before recreating themselves in the form of butterflies. Even a fish in a bowl cannot stay in water that contains its excrement – the waste must either be emptied and replaced with new water, or absorbed by something else that will remove it from the fish’s environment. Without engaging in these renewing processes, these creatures will die. And so it is of us. Many of us are already walking around encased in layers of old, dead stuff that needs to be released.
What are you holding onto in your life that has run its course? What are the old outmoded ways of doing things that no longer bring you energy? What are the things you’ve acquired that you no longer need? What beliefs are you holding onto that are no longer true for you?
Pay attention to the times that you feel constricted, anxious, or tired and in those moments ask what you can let go of. Don’t be afraid of the answer. Though it may frighten you because it introduces an element of the unknown, following these insights will always lead to freedom and liberation.
Your computer can only handle so much data. If you do not delete old email and get rid of files that have been accumulating over the years, and if you continue to add new programs without deleting old ones, you will find that it becomes sluggish and unresponsive. Just as freeing up space allows your computer to process things more quickly, so too will clearing your own personal space (whether of things or thoughts) allow you to access new levels of clarity and creativity.
You will breathe easier, be more present in every action and interaction you partake of, and bring more of who you really are to what you do. And you will open up the space of possibility that will allow something to come in that may surprise and delight you. Rather than being something you slave away for, it will simply emerge and reveal itself to you.
And of course, any work you do on yourself will serve as a form of leadership for others who, like you, seek their own answers and could benefit from your example of unearthing what is possible and allowing it to take form in new and unexpected ways.
Wishing you a bright, beautiful New Year – and the realization of your most cherished dreams and visions!
The above article contains excerpts from my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.
2012 photo by Vlado.
Butterfly photo by wiangya.
Shifting From Sabotage To Success
It has been said that every thought you have has an impact on something. And I believe it. What about the thoughts that fly randomly through your brain – the ones you have little or no awareness of? And what about the thoughts that get stuck in your head, repeating themselves over and over and over…? That’s what this week’s video post is all about. I hope you enjoy it!
Here’s what I said (and sang) in the video:
A SONG OF SABOTAGE: “I cannot help but feeling that I have so much at stake. So I lock myself inside my head and I just run in place. So many directions, I don’t know which way to go. I’m so busy doing nothing, that I’ve nothing to show. I’ve got a new LOW…”
Lyrics from A New Low by Middle Class Rut
A SONG OF SUCCESS: “When a problem comes along, you must whip it. Before the cream sets out too long, you must whip it. Now whip it, into shape. Shape it up. Get straight. Go forward. Move ahead. Try to detect it. It’s not too late – to whip it. Whip it good.“
Lyrics from Whip It by Devo
“I can’t help feeling like I have so much at stake so I lock myself inside my head and I just run in place.” Do you have a song like this running through your head?
We get songs stuck in our heads and before we know it, they’re playing over and over. It’s really similar to the negative beliefs and doubts and negative things we say to ourselves all throughout the day. And we may not even have any idea what it is we’re telling ourselves until we recognize that we’re just feeling lousy.
When that happens, we can get conscious of what’s at the root of that. And often times, it’s something that we can easily adjust. The only way that I know of to get a song out of my head that won’t go away is to replace it with another song.
So, if you think of that in terms of what we’re saying to ourselves, what’s the song that you need to play inside your head right now? What’s the song that you can play that’s going to make you turn your view around and help you show up in a whole new way?
For more on Shifting From Sabotage To Success:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
A Strategy for Overcoming Fear
The Tyranny of Should: Chore vs. Choice
Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter
Image by digitalart.
A Simple Little Shift
What’s not working in your life right now? Does it have you spinning into a bit of a tizzy? This week’s video features a story that might provide insight and inspiration to finding the solution you seek – by simply looking at your challenge again, with new eyes. I hope you enjoy it!
Here’s what I said in the video:
This clock belongs to a dear friend of mine, and she told me a story the other day that was just so enlightening to me. She gave me permission to retell it.
She loves this clock, just loves it. It matches her office beautifully. She has a couple of brushed steel lamps [that match], and it’s the perfect size, and she loves to look at it. But one day it stopped working.
So she went to put in new batteries and to her incredible disappointment, after she put the batteries in it, the clock still didn’t work. She wanted to have something in her office that was as beautiful, if not more beautiful, than this clock. So she did what any of us would do when we really love something enough that we want to replace it or replicate it. She drove all over town looking for a clock that was like this one — store after store after store. And finally she found one that wasn’t quite the same, but it would do.
So she brought it home and put the batteries in, and guess what — that clock didn’t work either! So she opened it up to take the batteries out and she realized, wait a minute – a light bulb went on in her head.
She went she got her old clock that she loved so much and thought she would try this again. So she opened the clock and put the battery in the opposite way – lo and behold it worked again.
I love this story, because it is so representative of we tend to do when something isn’t working. We run all over the place, rack our brains, and sometimes go to great lengths and great expense trying to come up with a solution, when all we needed to do was make a simple little shift using what we already have right in front of us.
Sometimes all you really need is a simple little shift.
Broken glasses picture by Edward Phillips from Dreamstime.com.
Getting What You Really Want
“What do you really want?” I often ask my clients. “What do you really want?” I often ask myself this too.
“I want things to go my way. I want to come out on top. I more wins and less losses. I want my problems to go away. I want to be profitable. I want to be successful. I want to be respected.”
These are some of the answers that come back to me when I ask that question of myself and/or others.
“OK. What would that give you?”
“What do you mean, what would that give me? It would give me what I want.”
If people aren’t actually saying that, there’s a good chance they are at least thinking it.
“So, if you got what you think you want, what would that give you?” I ask again.
“Oh. I don’t know. Peace of mind, I guess. Satisfaction. Happiness. A feeling that all is right in the world.”
“What if you could have that now?”
“Great. Sign me up.”
What if it really were that easy? Have you ever noticed that the quality of your day is a direct reflection of your thoughts? If we go into situations believing that we know exactly what must happen in order to achieve the state of satisfaction we want, we are placing conditions on a state of mind that is readily available to us anytime.
“Huh?”
Say you are about to go into a high pressure meeting. You have your agenda. You know what you need to do to come out on top. You believe that things must go a certain way in order for that to happen. You want to win, and you want to be respected. Anything less is unsatisfactory. Your mind is creating a situation where in order to win, people must bend to your will. And potentially, someone might have to lose. If things don’t go exactly the way you envision them, you will be disappointed. And if they do, someone else is likely to feel disappointed, or at the very least disrespected. The satisfaction and happiness you were seeking with a “win” is likely to fade quickly, leading you to believe you must get another “win” to sustain it.
What if you go into that same situation with a different goal, or intention? What if, instead of having everything figured out and sealed up front, you go in with the desire to agree on a solution that will be in the best interest of all parties — even if that solution is something you haven’t already considered? Your mind will begin to entertain the thought that there could actually be a situation in which everyone wins, including you. You will ask different questions. You will listen more intently. You will be more genuinely interested in what others have to say, because they are an important part of your solution. You will show respect to others, and in so doing become worthy of their respect.
What if you could take it a step further? What if you could hold the intention of allowing everyone to win in your mind before you even stepped into that meeting? What if as you began to create the ideal solution you did so with the knowing that everyone will walk away from that meeting feeling better than they did before it started? Could you feel the satisfaction of a pleasing solution before it has even materialized? And if you did, imagine what you would bring to that meeting. A quiet confidence. Faith. Trust. Patience. Confidence in the wisdom of the group. You may help them to consider the potential of a solution as a group that they didn’t previously realize was possible.
We are conditioned to believe that we have to do something in order to get that final end state we all want — something like get our way, accumulate things, prove ourselves, make a lot of money, etc. But what if the success equation were flipped? What if we started out with the state of mind that we most desire? From that state of mind, what actions would we choose?
“What do you really want?”
Ask yourself that question now, with regard to whatever your mind is occupied with.
“What would that give you?”
See if you can take it to a higher level — one that allows everyone involved to benefit in some way.
Can you imagine what that would be like? Can you feel the ultimate end state you want as though it has already happened, even though you have no idea how it will come to pass? Can you rest in the certainty that things will happen in everyone’s best interest?
Let your actions flow from the state of mind you wish to achieve. Over time, you’ll realize that instead of having to see it to believe it, what you see will be a direct reflection of what you believe. Allow yourself to believe in the highest possible good, and you will work miracles in your life and those of everyone around you as well.
For more on Getting What You Really Want:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Seven Powerful Lessons for Living that I Learned by Writing a Book
Why Goals Will Only Get You Part Way There — and How to Bridge the Gap
Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter
Priorities, Productivity and Perspective
Getting Connected ~ What Intuition and the Internet Have in Common
Eye image by Ciprian Florin Dumitrescu from Dreamstime.com.
Thoughtful image by Anatoly TIplyashin from Dreamstime.com.
A Strategy for Overcoming Fear
This week’s post features a video that I initially didn’t equate with getting out of fear. In fact, I originally titled the video From Self Absorbed to Self Empowered. But after writing last week’s post, A New Way to Look at Fear, I realized that this video is actually a demonstration of one of the best ways I know to get out of fear. It’s simple, easy and powerful. I hope you enjoy it. And I encourage you try it for yourself. Let me know how it goes, will you?
Here’s what I said in the video:
One of the things I’ve found that helps me get out of my self – meaning out of my head – out of my self-absorbed preoccupation with worrying about how I look, how I come across, whether or not I can do something is to think about what I want to experience.
So one day I was playing with this affirmation or intention of what it was that I wanted. It started with “Let me see love.” Wouldn’t that be great to see love everywhere you look? That if even when the face of things don’t seem very lovely that I could see love.
Then I thought what would be even better is if I could feel love. So I could say “Let me feel love.” And how great is that? That I could relax in this comfort and feeling of just love everywhere.
And then I thought, “Well, how about if I give love? So let me give love.” How much better would that be because if I’m giving love, surely I’m feeling it! And if I’m feeling it, surely I’m seeing it.
And then it hit me that what I really want more than anything else is to be love. Let me BE love.
And I think with that intention, there’s probably nothing I can’t do.
For more on overcoming fear:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Just Let it Rip – The Problem with Polished
Photograph by Fritz Langmann from http://www.dreamstime.com/free-stock-image-young-woman-appalled-rimagefree1828966-resi3423159.
Can You Take a Compliment?
Do you remember the last time someone gave you praise? Did you let their compliment land? Or did you feel the need to deflect it? This week’s video post was motivated by an observation I had about my own behavior and a surprising insight that came when I stopped to really think about it.
If you like it, pass it on. Tweet
Here’s what I said in the video:
I don’t deserve that. What’s this? This is SO not true. Oh, this isn’t for me – this is for her. What are you giving me this for? I don’t want that! I don’t deserve that.
You think I’m good? I’ll give you ten reasons why I’m not.
Do you have trouble taking a compliment? A lot of us do. You know, we were brought up to thinking that it’s not good to toot your own horn and that you shouldn’t draw attention to yourself. But the thing we don’t realize is that when we don’t take people’s compliments, we’re basically telling them that their opinions don’t matter. Telling them that what they think has little, if any, impact on us and that we really don’t care what they think. Most of us would hate to tell anybody that.
So, the next time someone gives you a compliment, realize, it’s a gift.
Good things are always coming your way. Are you willing to receive them?
Thumb photo by Craig Hill from Dreamstime.com.
The Tyranny of Should: Chore vs. Choice
This morning as I reflected on the day ahead of me, I had an epiphany. I realized there is one word that has a way of sucking all the joy out of everything I do. And that word is SHOULD.
Let me explain. Over the last several weeks, I’ve been blessed with a number of ideas that landed gently at the edge of my awareness. They were accompanied by an electricity that made them glimmer and pique my curiosity. Some of those ideas were for articles, some for videos, and others for potential projects and other endeavors.
I couldn’t help but feel a surge of excitement as I pondered them. The feeling reminded me of dreams I had as a kid where I would find myself amidst piles of treasures, golden and shimmering. In those dreams, I often knew I would be waking soon and tried to scoop into my arms and shove into my pockets as much of those riches as I could, in an attempt to bring them back into my waking reality. Of course, I always awoke in my pajamas with no sign of the fortunes I was previously enjoying.
As an adult, I realize that we sometimes get glimpses of treasure in our waking hours too. These treasures are in the form of ideas that beckon to us. They get our hearts pumping and send a charge through our bodies. And if we don’t act on them, even in some small way, they evaporate into nothingness, just as the remnants of the dreams I had as a kid did upon waking.
So, I’ve learned to write these ideas down when I get them. And I know the importance of continuing to take action on them. Here’s the thing I discovered this morning:
That flame that was sparked when those ideas hit, and slowly stoked as I pondered and moved into them — that fire that was crackling with intensity and even beginning to blaze — was almost completely doused when I introduced the word “SHOULD” into its presence.
As soon as I felt the weight that came from believing I should write those articles, I no longer really wanted to. They were right up there with cleaning out my garage. When I’m shouldering the burden of should, all my procrastination mechanisms kick in. I’ll check my email, venture over to Twitter or Facebook, read some silly thing that has absolutely no value to me. And then I’ll really feel awful.
Just say the word “should” and feel your energy drop. “I should go to work today. I should eat healthier food. I should get moving on that project. I should return those calls. ” Even the things you want to do become tainted and heavy when the word “should” is involved.
I think the reason SHOULD kills our joy is that it turns what is really a CHOICE into a CHORE.
When something is a chore, you just want to get it over with. You’re checking the box and never really get into it. Maybe you’re thinking about all the things you’d rather be doing or how much you resent the fact that you “have to” do what you are doing in the moment. “Should” causes us to withhold that which gives us and everyone around us life. And that is really unfortunate for everyone involved.
Because if what you do touches the lives of other people (and pretty much everything we do does), they are cheated of having the full experience of you in the work. They get a mere shell of what would otherwise be filled with substance. And you miss out on the joy that comes with making the choice to fully participate in something that could very well transform you just by having done it.
What is it that you feel you should do today? Maybe it’s something you don’t think you really have a choice in, like showing up for work or paying your bills. OK. Let’s say you don’t really love your job right now. The more you tell yourself it’s something you have to do — the more you allow your should to make it a chore — the less of you you’ll bring to it, the more you will focus on all the things that bring you down, the less remarkable your work will be, the more out of touch you will be with what makes you happy, and the less likely you will be to position yourself for work that does bring you joy.
But let’s say instead of making it a chore, you make it a choice. You decide that whatever this day brings, you will find something to be happy about, something to be present for, something to light you up. Maybe it’s just giving someone a smile, or taking that extra minute to do something you’d like someone to do for you, or being grateful that you have a job. Maybe you take that onerous task you’ve been dreading and make a game of it. Try it and see what happens.
When you bring joy into your work, you’ll increasingly find that you have work that brings you joy. You’ll see things from new perspectives and make different connections and different choices. You’ll find ways to infuse more of what enriches you and those around you into whatever it is that you do.
As soon as I realized what my “should” was doing to that glimmering treasure trove of ideas, I took myself back to the delight I felt when I first pondered them — the energy that was in the air, the childlike wonder and curiosity. And I remembered how much I really want to do all those things. The chore went away and I reclaimed my choice. The heaviness dissipated and I began to feel free and inspired again. I sat at my computer and began to write the very article you are reading now, enjoying and savoring each moment of the experience.
And I made a pact with myself to be more aware of my “shoulds”. Because any chore can be transformed into choice when you trade the “should” for “want to”. And when you make the choice to bring who you really are into whatever it is you are doing, EVERYONE will benefit.
Join me, won’t you?
For more on moving from chore to choice:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter
Priorities, Productivity and Perspective
Falling Down
Do you find yourself frustrated when you keep trying something over and over again only to feel like you’re getting nowhere? I must confess, I’ve felt that way often. But I had an epiphany one day in yoga class that gave me a whole new perspective. I suddenly realized the one thing that was consistently missing in my many attempts. This week’s video post is about that one thing, which has proven to be valuable not only on my yoga mat, but in the rest of my life as well.
When you’re done watching the video, scroll down for more resources on “falling over”.
Here’s what I said in the video:
I’ve been working on trying to do a handstand for a really long time. And it took me a long time before I would even try. I would see people doing it and think “Wow that’s really cool, but I can’t imagine I would ever be able to do that”. And then gradually, I thought, “You know what? I want to do this. I’m going to try this.”
So, I started off by kicking one foot up and just didn’t get far enough. Kicked another foot up and just wasn’t getting anywhere. And I thought “How do people do this?”
The yoga instructor pulled me aside one day and said, “You know Diane, if you really want to get up there, you have to be not afraid of falling over.” And I thought “Falling over! I don’t want to fall over.” So I took that home and I thought about it and I kept watching people.
And I thought “You know what, so what if I fall over – I know how to fall into a backbend. I’m going to try it, what the heck!”.
So the next time, I kicked up further and higher than I’ve ever kicked up, and guess what – I fell over. Splat, right on my back. Just then, the man sitting next to me on his mat said, “Wow, you’re a risk taker.” And I replied [after thinking about it for a minute] “… yeah, I am.”
Real success is achieved when falling down simply becomes part of the process.
For more on “falling over”:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Let it Rip – Pushing Past Polished (published 8/1/11 on the Women Speakers Association blog)
Bouncing Back: Perseverance Personified
Strive image by Robert Balazik from Dreamstime.
The Downside of Comfort
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Unless you do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” This week’s video post recaps a brief conversation I had with my youngest son that gave me insight into why it is so hard to move beyond that which we already know — and what we have to lose if we don’t. It’s amazing what you can learn from your kids — and a pair of old, gnarly sneakers. Tweet
Here’s what I said in the video:
My son pulled these [sneakers] out of the trash the other day. He said, “Mom, why did you throw these away, I love these shoes!”
“Really? This is why I threw them away.”
“But Mom they’re so comfortable and I love them and they’re black and they’re great and they’re all worn in.”
“But sweetie, if it rains, your toes are going to get sopped. And you can’t run as fast as you want to in these. And you can’t play kickball without injuring yourself.”
He insisted on wearing them. He dug them out of the trash and put them on one day even after we bought him new shoes.
But you know, I get it — because we all have our habits that are comfortable and easy and familiar. And we want to keep doing them, even when they don’t serve us anymore.
Sometimes comfort keeps you bound. Dare to move beyond it.
For more on moving beyond your comfort zone:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Taking Your Leap, Part I & Part II
Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet
From Disaster to Master
Have you ever noticed that some people have a knack for making amazingly difficult feats look easy? Maybe it’s the dancer that seems to merge so completely with the music that it seems to actually come through her. Perhaps it’s the chef that chops and sautés and gently folds ingredients together in such a way that they become an impressive creation of mouth watering art. Maybe it’s the speaker that gets up in front of hundreds or even thousands of people and uses a combination of words and emotion that transcend language and reach right into the hearts of everyone present, leaving each person somehow transformed.
Wouldn’t you love to reach that level of mastery in your own life? I would. I once heard someone say, “Every master was once a disaster.” Over the four plus years that I’ve been learning karate with my kids, I have certainly had my share of embodying the disaster part of that expression. I can also tell you that those who truly pursue mastery — and seem to the rest of us as though they have already arrived — rarely (if ever) use the word “master” to describe themselves.
This week’s video post features a lesson I learned through my experience in the karate dojo that gave me insight into the pursuit of this thing called mastery – that can be applied to everything we do.
Here’s what I said in the video:
[The first part of the above video] was just a small part of a martial arts sequence called Kata. The first time I saw black belts doing that three or four years ago, I thought “there is no way I will ever be able to do anything like that”, but gradually I learned. And I wasn’t able to learn it all at once. I had to start out by learning what a U-block was and how you punch, and how do you do a center knife-hand (which I still need to work on). And then I was taught the sequence — what comes after what.
The first time I did the sequence it did not look like a dance. It did not look like a kata. It looked like a choppy series of techniques that I hadn’t quite mastered yet. I had to think about every single thing I was doing and what came next and whether or not I was doing it right. And I was completely in my head.
Only when I did it enough times, over and over and over again was I able to forget about thinking and trust that my body knew what to do, to lose myself in the drama — and really that’s what the Kata is — a simulated fight against attackers. That is when it really came together for me.
It is so similar to what happens with us whenever we learn something new. We always start off looking a little silly, a little foolish and feeling a little stiff and certainly not smooth or fluid or graceful — and maybe think we’re never going to master it. But over time, the more we practice, the more we build confidence, the more we’re able to trust that we really do know what to do.
Then we’re able to get out of our heads and come from our heart. And that is when our work becomes our art.
For more on mastery:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
In Search of Greatness: Finding Your Zone
Dancer photo by Alexander Yakovlev from BigstockPhoto.com.
