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Bouncing Back: Perseverance Personified
Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final and failure is not fatal – it is the courage to continue that counts.” Thomas Edison said, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” These words of wisdom lead me to ponder even the definitions of the words “success” and “failure“. Perhaps they are nothing more than labels we use for experiences that could very well be integral stepping stones for the people having them. Both words are laden with judgment, leading us to want to move toward one and away from the other. But what if they are simply two sides of the same coin?
“The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur.”
~ Vince Lombardi
Consider the following events in each of these people’s lives:
- It has been said that Abraham Lincoln failed in business twice, had a nervous breakdown and was defeated in eight elections.
- Walt Disney was fired by the editor of a newspaper who felt he lacked creative ideas.
- As a boy, Thomas Edison was told by his teacher that he was too stupid to learn anything.
- Soichiro Honda, the founder of Honda, was turned down for an engineering job by Toyota.
- Before becoming a successful actor, John Wayne was rejected from the United States Naval Academy.
- Lucille Ball was dismissed by drama school with a note that read, “Wasting her time… she’s too shy to put her best foot forward.”
- Steven Spielberg unsuccessfully applied to film school three separate times.
- Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
- Baseball legend Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times.
- The first novel of best-selling novelist John Grisham was rejected by sixteen agents and twelve publishing houses.
- Robert M. Pirsig’s book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance was rejected by 121 publishers before it was published in 1974 and went on to sell millions of copies in 27 languages.
- The Beatles were turned down by the Deca recording company, who said, “We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on its way out.”
This list could go on and on. What each of these people have in common is that they didn’t let labels like “success” or “failure” define who they are. They didn’t allow the events in their lives (or their thoughts and judgments about them) to get in the way of their dreams or their beliefs in what they were capable of – and what was possible. And their courage, perseverance and determination benefitted not just themselves, but countless others – many of whom came generations later.
I came across another great quote by a woman named Susan Taylor who said, “Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” If this is true, perhaps what some call “failure” is actually a catalyst – or even a prerequisite – for what others call “success”.
What is going on in your life right now? What if it is exactly what you need to experience in order to get where you most want to go?
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Become a Leader – The One Factor that Can Make or Break You
In fall of 2010, I was interviewed by an Arizona Republic reporter for an article on how to best position yourself to move from being an individual contributor to becoming a manager. As I prepared for the interview, I began to reflect on the question of what differentiates successful leaders from struggling managers. Among the several factors I could identify, one loomed larger than any of the others – your MOTIVATION for wanting to become a leader will make all the difference in the level of success you will have.
Many people believe that becoming a manager is the next best step because of the increased pay, prestige and upward mobility it will bring. And while it is often true that such a promotion will allow you to enjoy these things – if that is your only reason for wanting it, you will do yourself, the organization you work for, and all the people with whom you will interact a huge service if think a little more about your options before you charge full speed ahead.
Moving into management requires people to shift their focus from achieving individual success to achieving collective success. And the determining factor of that success changes from what you are able to do on your own to what you are able to accomplish through others. If your main interest is your own career mobility, you will have difficulty gaining the trust and respect of others that is necessary to influence and enable them to succeed. And if they do not succeed, neither will you.
Wanting them to succeed is not enough. You must be committed enough to their success to take the time to coach, mentor and otherwise support them to reach their career goals. If this does not appeal to you, it will feel like drudgery –something you must do that takes you away from all the things you would rather be doing. But if this work does appeal to you, every day will offer new opportunities to find meaning and fulfillment in your work – by helping others discover themselves to be greater than they initially realized, and working toward something bigger than yourself.
Moving into management requires people to shift from the tactical and operational to the strategic. That means that all the things you were good at as an individual contributor will no longer be sufficient to enable you to succeed as a manager and a leader. You will need to enable and rely on others to do those things so that you are freed up to do more strategic, big picture things – things that will require you to go out of your comfort zone.
Your focus must shift from the workings of your individual job to how all the jobs in your department complement each other and what you can do to allow the work of your department to best mesh with other departments and contribute to the organization as a whole. The problems you’ll address will have a larger span and impact those you were previously accustomed to working on and you will need to collaborate with people you may not have otherwise had to interface with. Additionally, a large part of your job will be envisioning and helping to create a better future – one that will allow the organization as a whole to succeed. Identifying and addressing opportunities that are coming around the bend and matching them to people with the talent necessary to seize them will become a vital part of your work.
It is not uncommon for people in management positions to find that these jobs don’t feel like they’re all they were cracked up to be. If you are one of them, it is important to realize that this doesn’t mean you failed. It simply means that you have succeeded in getting that much closer to finding work that is aligned with your true self – work that will not only bring you satisfaction and fulfillment but also the opportunity to make a vital contribution.
Get busy identifying what you are truly motivated to do. Many organizations have technical tracks that offer the same (or more) upward mobility and financial reward that management tracks do. Pay attention to the opportunities that have beckoned to you in the past – even the ones you thought were too crazy to entertain. If you have a recurring dream of doing anything other than what you are doing now, give it more credence. It just may be the ticket that allows you to find the job of your dreams – and the chance to exercise your own distinct form of leadership, by doing what you were truly meant to do.
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Transcending Tradition – Becoming You
Several years ago, I started learning karate with my kids. It began with the desire to do something fun with my children that would help us all to learn new things and grow together. Like many people who begin martial arts, my thoughts were mostly around learning the physical application of a practice that would help me and my children defend ourselves and learn to do things we didn’t know how to do before. What I didn’t realize back then was how much I would learn about myself and life in general.
Karate students are typically taught the basic techniques when they begin – strikes, kicks, blocks, etc. In the beginning stage, the emphasis is on how to physically perform these techniques, rather than understanding the application – which comes later, once the performance of the technique is a bit more solid. Gradually, we learned to perform choreographed sequences of basic techniques called katas and one steps. The next level of difficulty we were introduced to, was to utilize these techniques in a non-choreographed way doing things like sparring or self-defense.
One day, we were asked to perform something called a Shuhari kata. This was rather unnerving, because unlike the choreographed katas we had been learning, a Shuhari kata is purely the creation of the person doing it. In other words, you begin the sequence standing in the middle of a floor with people expectantly watching you. After a command is issued, your task is to create your own sequence and flow using basic techniques that you have learned up to this point. It requires you to break free of tradition and anything that has been done before, to invent your own application and creative form – one that is completely unique to you. Shuhari, we were told, would never be the same from one person to another – or even one application to another, as they are performed in the moment in response to each person’s imaginative and inspired impulses, which constantly change and evolve.
So there we were, called up one by one to perform these Shuhari katas, while being carefully observed by karate masters who had taught us everything we had learned, and fellow students. My first Shuhari kata was rather stilted. I was self-conscious, consumed by the thoughts in my head of wanting to get “right” something that I was told there was no right way to do. I felt certain that I would do something completely inappropriate, something that would draw laughter or judgment. I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.
I still feel that way to some degree about doing a Shuhari kata. But over time, I learned that there is something freeing and exhilarating that happens when you give yourself completely to something – when you forget about the people watching you and your own need to do it any certain way, and you give yourself license to invent and to go with whatever you are feeling in the moment.
Upon reflection, I realize how similar Shuhari is to life itself. During the early parts of our lives we are taught how to survive in the world –what is appropriate and not, how to speak, act and otherwise behave in any given environment – at school, at work and within a variety of other social settings. The “Shu” in Shuhari is roughly translated as learned from tradition, which is where we all begin from an early age.
At some point, we realize that independent thought is necessary. The rules we were taught as children don’t always apply in every situation. We must use some discernment to determine what behavior will best meet the needs of both our environments and ourselves. We begin to recognize the individual styles and preferences we all have and how in some cases they may go against the “norm.” The “Ha” in Shuhari means to break free of traditional training. When we take a stand against a status quo we believe is no longer serving the greatest good, we have reached this new stage of development.
I believe that at some point in our lives, we will find ourselves in a place where we are called to transcend all that we have been taught and conditioned to do and to learn to recognize and flow with our own unique gifts and creative inclinations. The “Ri” in Shuhari represents that stage in martial arts, when the student is able to go beyond tradition because of their understanding and insight into the martial arts. All of the greatest artists and masters – in any discipline – have at some point gone beyond emulating the techniques and styles of others to find and applied their own.
It will not always be easy. Just as those who are asked to perform a Shuhari kata, we will be carefully observed by others who engage in and may have even taught us the traditional ways. We will feel exposed, vulnerable and we may lose our nerve. But the more we learn to give ourselves to the inner promptings of our own unique gifts, talent and intuitive insights and inclinations, the freer we will be, and the more beautiful the world around us will become – as a result of what we have given to it from the very core of our being.
“Insist on yourself; never imitate… Every great man is unique.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Beyond the Bulletproof Image – How Being Vulnerable Makes You Strong
I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve worked with over the course of my career who believe that to be a credible, strong leader, you must come across as infallible, having all the answers – being rock solid. Newer leaders often feel as though they do not have a lot to offer in meetings and other gatherings because they do not know much yet. Out of fear of being exposed as someone who is not on top of their game, many times they remain silent – when in actuality the questions they would otherwise ask out of sheer curiosity and desire to learn could become the very impetus the organization needs to see things with fresh eyes and recognize opportunities they previously missed.
On the other extreme, I occasionally meet with people who on the face of things have it all together. They are poised, polished, and seemingly the picture of perfection. And they are often stumped at why they have been unable to motivate and inspire their people to new levels of performance and success. Initially, I sometimes find it difficult to connect to people like this and often go on to learn while gathering feedback for them that others do too.
I think it’s because the rock solid persona they project is rarely a true representation of who they really are. And before you can engage the hearts and minds of others as visionary leaders do, you must be able to connect with them – and they must feel a connection to you.
The problem with needing to have a bulletproof image is that very few, if any, people in this world are really “bulletproof.” In fact, if ever there were a trait or characteristic that is shared by virtually the whole human race, it is that we all have fears, insecurities and misgivings. We all make mistakes. We all know far less than we would like to or even have the capacity for. These things that make us humble and vulnerable connect us to each other in profound ways that are often overlooked and/or unacknowledged.
Think of the people in your life who have inspired you over the years. Maybe it was someone close to you – like a parent, teacher, or coach. Or perhaps it was a public or historical figure. If you try to identify the qualities in that person that really made an impact on you, it is likely not so much what they achieved in life as what they had to overcome in order to do it – disappointment, failure, challenge, fear, perhaps even an illness or handicap of some kind.
So it seems there may be something to gain by allowing these little things we have been conditioned to hide from each other to be a bit more visible. First of all, it takes a lot of pressure off of you. When we learn to take ourselves a little less seriously and give ourselves permission to not know everything, we move beyond worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of us to be truly present with other people – to really listen to them, to be curious about their unique perspectives, ideas, and insights. The emphasis goes from having to showcase our knowledge, competence and stature to learning from others and helping them to feel valued and appreciated.
Secondly, when we are less guarded about our fears, misgivings and challenges, we realize that these things are nothing to be ashamed of. Because in spite of them, we have risen up to the challenges in our lives. And sometimes the most inspiring thing we can do for others is help them to realize that though they are in the thick of their own fear, they too can find something within them that will allow them to bounce back or rise up – to recognize a strength they didn’t realize they had – and to use it in a way that truly benefits not just themselves, but everyone around them.
“Wisdom begins in wonder.” ~ Socrates
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Just Let it Rip – The Problem with Polished
If you want a rush, forget about skydiving, bungee jumping, or walking over hot coals. Try speaking extemporaneously, from your heart to a group of people for at least ten minutes. They say public speaking ranks as people’s number one fear, even higher than fear of death.
I did that one weekend a while back. I chose that. I wanted to put myself in a situation that would push me smack up against my greatest resistance and fear and just see what would happen. I committed to doing it, even though it scared the hell out of me. I purposely didn’t prepare. I wasn’t exactly sure WHAT I was going to say or do. In the minutes before I would be called up to speak, I felt my heart beating in my mouth. My hands were sweaty. There was an electricity around me that I feared would paralyze every muscle in my body.
I never thought I was afraid of public speaking. I’ve facilitated workshops, taught classes, done lectures. I learned to enjoy being on stage or at the front of the room, though in the back of my mind horrible thoughts lurked – like, “What if I let these people down? What if I waste their time? What if the things that come out of my mouth don’t make any sense? What if my presentation is just ho, hum and people start to yawn, or check their phones, or tune out altogether?”
I’ve resisted these fears in my past – fought them with long, hard preparation and research and practice. I’ve poured over my subjects, outlining them, dissecting them, breaking the concepts down and then putting them back together. I’ve designed curriculum, carefully constructed to ensure that each learning point was supported, reinforced, tested. I’ve memorized it, dreamt it, ate it for dinner, and regurgitated it again and again and again for practice.
But the more polished and prepared I tried to be, the less I connected with my audience. The less fulfilled all of us came away from the presentation feeling. And my greatest fears became a reality. They were bored. They were restless. They left wanting something more. And so did I.
The truth is, for everything I know, there is far more that I don’t know and want to learn. The more I venture into that part of me that doesn’t know things, the more curious I am. And the more I indulge my curiosity, the less I care about managing my appearances, needing to come across as someone who’s got it all figured out. Instead of filling my mind with stuff that ends up feeling more like clutter than anything else, I find that my heart begins to open and beat with a new energy and vibrancy. It receives. It remembers. It guides. It connects.
I’m intrigued with people who are willing to courageously step on stage and talk about what scares the hell out of them. I enjoy watching the bloopers more than the polished, perfected performance. Let me see you at your most vulnerable. Not so that I can feel superior to you, but so that I can be inspired by you. Because what keeps us from truly connecting with each other is our need to cover up and mask the common denominator that truly unites us. We are human. We feel. We cry. We love. We yearn. We try. We leap. We fall. We get back up again.
In conversations with people, when I dare to forget about my mask, my facade, my persona — and just say what’s in my heart, I am liberated. I am connected. I am transformed. Sometimes when I do that, the people around me drop their facades too and things begin to get interesting. We dispense with small talk and go for the good stuff. We lose sense of time and space and are embraced by the electric buzz of possibility and wonder. And we leave each other’s presence feeling uplifted and inspired.
That’s what I want to bring to the stage in every area of my life. I’m beginning to realize that the powerful part of writing, speaking, creating a video, engaging in conversation — anything we do to connect with others — is not so much about finding the perfect combination of words, but rather about tapping into an energy — live, vibrant, pulsing, bright, beautiful.
Our greatest opportunity is to create a bridge through which this energy can somehow travel from one to another in such a way that it will liberate, soothe, uplift, energize, inspire, and fill us all up with boundless passion and light until we burst in a joyous explosion of blissful exhilaration, and brighten everything and everyone around us.
That was my intention that one weekend when I got up in front of people and spoke without any preparation, and it is still my intention. With this blog, in my meetings with clients, with my family, my friends, and my very self. Polished? Perfected? Heck no. Fun? Thrilling? Worth the risk? Ohhh, yes. And I’m just getting started…
What can you do today to forget about polished and just let it rip? Move into your fear. There is energy and electricity there. For you. For me. For all of us.
I dare you.
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Real Leader Revolution
Leading with Presence
Driving to an appointment the other day, I went to make a right turn and couldn’t help but notice the people in each of the cars lined up waiting to turn left. One woman had a forlorn expression, and her head drooped over her steering wheel. The woman in the car behind her revealed a smile and an upward glance that seemed full of joy and anticipation. The face of the man in the car behind her was twisted up and his shoulders appeared to be close to his ears. His eyes were locked onto his blackberry, which he held in his free hand.
I smiled as I realized that I could relate to each of these people. I could have been any of them at any given time. And then the thought occurred to me that I could be any one of them as the day progressed. Which would I choose? The answer to that question could very well determine the quality of my entire day, and could also quite likely impact the quality of the day of those around me as well.
Every once in a while when I go out running I see a little old man riding a beach cruiser. In the dawn hours, as the sun begins to rise above the horizon, the light on his handlebars shines brightly. He is kind of a round man with short, fuzzy white hair and bright blue eyes. He pedals his bicycle so slowly that it is a wonder they both don’t just fall over. But what is most striking about him is that he is always smiling.
Every time I see this man, rain or shine, it seems he has something to be happy about. And his smile isn’t just the polite grin that people often flash as they enter each other’s space. It is the kind that comes from a deep satisfaction and wonderment with life. The little light on his bicycle shines brightly at the crack of dawn, but the radiance around him is even more vibrant. I find myself hoping to see him on my morning runs and experiencing a wave of joy and delight every time I do – feeling lighter and happier just for the experience of having crossed his path. His presence alone is truly inspiring.
I think emanating a positive presence is one of the most crucial things leaders can do for people. And to have this kind of influence and effect on others, you don’t have to have a fancy title, a bunch of people reporting to you, or even be a part of an organization at all. People pick up, consciously and subconsciously on the energy we emanate – and for better or worse, those we spend a lot of time around will often align themselves with it. True leaders – in any setting or vocation – are consciously aware of the tone they set through their own presence. They use it to uplift and inspire others, seeing the brilliance of everyone and everything around them and always reflecting it back.
I wonder whether that little man on the beach cruiser has any idea of how profoundly he has affected me. And I wonder if you realize the effect you can have on the lives of everyone around you as well… maybe without even having to say a word.
“We can do more good by being good, than in any other way.”
~ Rowland Hill
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
How to Leverage Untapped Talent, Energy and Potential Through Behavioral Styles
According to Gallup, employees who exercise their strengths on a daily basis are three times more likely to report having an excellent quality of life, six times more likely to be engaged at work, 8% more productive and 15% less likely to quit their jobs.
But sadly, in many organizations people are not given many opportunities to do what they are best at.
Worse, some people are routinely put into situations that are dissatisfying to them, leading them to shut down and leaving an untold amount of talent, energy and potential untapped in many organizations.
Identifying what people are skilled at and ensuring the roles, projects and initiatives they work on are a good fit requires discernment and dialogue. Having a better understanding of behavioral styles and what motivates people with each of those styles can really help.
In my last post, How to Create Synergy and Collaborate with People’s Differing Styles, I explained that there are two continuums that people fall on: task versus people orientation and introversion versus extraversion. If you overlay each of these continuums, you will create a matrix with four quadrants that make up each of the four behavioral styles of the DISC Behavioral Style Model.
D = Dominance (Task-oriented + Extraverted)
I = Influence (People-oriented + Extraverted)
S = Steadiness (People-oriented + Introverted)
C = Compliance (Task-oriented + Introverted)
Today, I’ll provide you with some tips for leveraging the strengths of people that operate with each of these four behavioral styles. Remember, sometimes people operate with more than one, so you may want to check out recommendations for all that could potentially apply. See my last post for an overview on how to determine which style others most likely operate from.
Matching Work to Task Oriented, Extraverted Individuals (Style = Dominance)
People who are extraverted toward task are energized by challenges – the more daunting the better. They thrive in turnaround situations where they can make sweeping changes to save a struggling enterprise, venture or initiative.
They like to be in charge and tend to be very directive and decisive. They come to life in situations that require them to get others to act on things quickly but will quickly get frustrated if they are not given authority along with responsibility.
Those whose primary style is Dominance are big picture people who get bogged down with too many details and frustrated with anything that keeps them from taking quick, intense action. Inefficiency will drive them crazy and they will feel hemmed in when surrounded by constraints that get in the way of progress.
They prefer to work autonomously and will feel stifled by managers who hover and appear to be overly controlling.
Matching Work to People Oriented, Extraverted Individuals (Style = Influence)
People who are extraverted toward people thrive on social interaction. They like (and want to be liked) by everyone they meet and often possess the kind of charm that can win others over in a relatively short period of time. The excitement and buzz they generate around things they believe in allows them to be highly persuasive, which lends itself well to situations where influencing others is paramount.
Natural cheerleaders, they excel in situations that require enthusiasm and optimism. They have the ability to infuse energy and lightness into the dreariest of environments and often rely on humor that allows others to loosen up and get unstuck and revitalized.
Those whose primary style is Influence are also big picture people who get bogged down in details. They are highly creative and visionary people who get excited about things even though they may not have data that suggests their optimism is merited.
Because they tend to take things personally, they can be deflated by people who are overly skeptical and negative. They work best with people who support them and provide them with the data they need in a way that doesn’t rein them in or dampen their spirits.
Matching Work to People Oriented, Introverted Individuals (Style = Steadiness)
People who are introverted toward people are extraordinary listeners who hear and notice things others do not. They also have a natural tendency to diffuse tension among people who are overly stressed, frustrated and worked up – sometimes without even saying a word.
People whose primary style is Steadiness love to contribute and be of service to others and are content to operate in the background rather than the spotlight. Their ability to understand and connect with others allows them to serve as a bridge between people who are having difficulty seeing eye to eye. They gain and sustain support and buy in from others because of the solid level of trust they cultivate.
They are also very insightful, but often are unlikely to share their observations and ideas with others because they are uncomfortable drawing attention to themselves and tend to underestimate the impact they could potentially have. They do best in settings that encourage them to provide input but allow them time necessary to organize their thoughts before having to present them to others.
These people are steady, thorough, easy going and warm hearted. They can be depended on to deliver and follow through consistently, though often at a slower, more methodical pace.
Matching Work to Task Oriented, Introverted Individuals (Style = Compliance)
People who are introverted toward task strive for perfection, order and consistency. They thrive in situations where processes and procedures are clearly spelled out and place a high value on data that allows them to achieve and maintain a high level of accuracy, precision and security.
People whose primary style is Compliance have a high attention to detail. They prefer to rely on the tried and true rather than reinventing the wheel and tend to be somewhat risk averse. Because of this, they excel at making sure work is up to or above standard and nothing significant gets overlooked.
They often enjoy doing research and analysis – a welcome complement to other styles who would rather work at higher levels and surrounded by people. They do best in an environment that allows them to spend the time necessary to ensure things are done right the first time, where processes and standard procedures are clearly spelled out and enforced and high quality is essential.
Because they tend to be driven by logic and data, they can get frustrated in situations where people are overly emotional for reasons that do not appear to be rational.
What You Can Do Right Now
Think about the people who report to you or serve on teams you oversee. Use the information above (and/or see my recent article on recognizing styles) to identify what is likely to be the predominant style of each person. Ask yourself whether the projects they are currently working on and/or the roles they are playing are well matched to those styles.
You don’t need to drastically reengineer people’s jobs to ensure the work they are doing is a good fit for them. Sometimes the smallest tweaks make the biggest differences. Use your insight to begin a conversation with them that will open the door to better understanding and utilization of their talent, energy and styles.
If you would like to utilize the DISC Behavioral Style assessment to see how you and others in your organization score in each of the four behavioral styles, contact me at Diane@DianeBolden.com or give me a call at (602) 840-3627. The assessment is completed online and will provide you with a comprehensive twenty plus page report that provides a tremendous amount of insight – including a full page on Keys to Motivating and another on Keys to Managing.
And if you are interested in learning more about behavioral styles and how you can leverage them to dramatically increase your individual and organizational effectiveness, consider enrolling in my new self-study version of Communicating With Style: DISC Behavioral Style Workshop or bringing this workshop in house.
Three Common Mistakes Leaders Make When Trying to Influence Others — and What to Do Instead
When my daughter was eleven years old, she handed me a piece of paper one Friday afternoon. Across the top of the page written in hot pink were the words “Why You Should Let Me Have a Friend Over Tonight.”
Beneath the heading, in various bright colors adorned with hearts and smiley faces were five or six bullet points meticulously printed with the most perfect of penmanship. One of them said “I’ll share my super sour gummy worms with you,” and another promised “we will only make a little mess.”
While I was impressed with my daughter’s effort and artistic flair, I made a mental note that at some point I ought to help her with her negotiating skills. I winced as I recalled the last time I tried one of her super sour gummy worms, whose pungent flavor immediately led me to regret the decision as soon as I put it in my mouth — and then again hours later when most of it was still stuck to my teeth.
You wouldn’t expect a senior executive to have the same errors in judgment in an attempt at persuasion. And yet, often even the most professional of people make similar blunders. Today I’ll cover three of the most common mistakes people make in their attempts to influence others:
(1) Making invalid assumptions about what people value
(2) Overlooking the importance of objections
(3) Talking more than listening
Let’s talk about making invalid assumptions about what people value.
This was my lovely daughter’s critical error. While her offer to share super sour gummy worms may have been very compelling to her thirteen year old brother, it was actually rather repulsive to me. In her precious little mind, everyone loves those squishy sweet treats. It never occurred to her that wasn’t universally true.
And professional people often make this mistake as well. Not with gummy worms, but with questions of value.
One of my clients, Jan, learned the importance of checking her assumptions after pitching a proposal to senior executives with the argument that her program would allow employee satisfaction and morale to increase, leading to a happier workplace and less interdepartmental conflict.
While these were certainly attributes of a program she worked very hard to develop — and benefits that were quite meaningful to her — her audience was far more interested in financial gain than employee satisfaction.
Did she have to completely revamp her program to get their support? Absolutely not. She simply needed to amend her case to show the return on investment her program would generate after factoring in lower absenteeism and turnover rates, increased productivity, and reduced waste.
“Treat everyone the way you want to be treated,” we are taught from an early age. But unfortunately, not everyone values the same things. A better adage might be, “find out what is most important to the people around you and make an effort to respect their preferences.”
Unfortunately, understanding what people value isn’t always enough to cinch the deal — even when it appears that you have agreement. Let’s move on to the next most common mistake, overlooking the importance of objections.
Why is it important to surface objections?
Things are moving along well. You see heads nodding. It seems you are gaining the support of most the people sitting around the table. Wouldn’t surfacing objections at this point throw a monkey wrench in the works? Why allow people who are already with you to be swayed by people who have dissenting opinions?
The problem with those head nods is that you don’t really know exactly what people are agreeing with. They might be on the same page when it comes to the way you described the problem that needs to be solved. But not necessarily on board with your solution.
They may agree with part of your solution, but not all of it. They may be nodding their heads because their peers are doing that, and they feel compelled to follow suit.
The problem with partial agreement is that it usually only gets you part of the way there.
That may not be the case if all you are negotiating for is a onetime event — as in the case of my daughter. But more often than not, what executives really need is ongoing support and commitment. Sure, they want to get their program funded, their product launched, or their order filled.
But in order to have lasting success, they need champions within the organization, people who are committed to their projects, and customers that will continue to place more orders. And that takes more than a simple head nod or even a signed contract.
Partial agreement falls apart when things get difficult. People don’t follow through. Your calls stop being returned. Your funding gets pulled. And you are left scratching your head wondering what happened.
Those people who aren’t nodding their heads in agreement could be worth their weight in gold. But only if you get them to talk.
This leads us to the third mistake many executives make in their attempts to influence others: talking more than listening. Anytime people are being pitched with a proposal, a call to action, a request for support or funds or business, there will be concerns and skepticism.
Often these reservations don’t get voiced. Instead, people adopt a “wait and see attitude.” But the questions rattling around at the back of their minds may very well be valid — and if you knew what they were, you could take steps to address them and sidestep potential pitfalls you would otherwise unwittingly fall into.
So, the first step is to intentionally encourage people to voice their dissent. They could very well tell you something you really need to know. And if you acknowledge that they may see something important that you may not be aware of, you are sending a message that you value and respect them and care enough about them to address what they care about.
When your audience takes you up on your invitation to share their concerns and reservations, it is more important than ever to resist the temptation to talk and listen instead.
But many executives don’t do that. They figure a stronger argument is required. More data. Sexier examples. Better stories. Increased persuasion. So, they tell, and they sell while their audience feels less and less understood and slowly slips away.
When you feel the inclination to begin defending your case, hold your tongue and get curious instead. Ask for more details. Recap what they’ve said to be sure you heard them correctly. Paraphrase what you think is most important to them.
Continue asking clarifying questions until you begin to see things from their perspective. Because when you do, you will earn their trust.
You may have to rework your proposal. It may not be the reaction you were hoping for. But you have won for yourself the chance to truly gain the support you endeavored to secure — and when you take the steps to listen and respond to the concerns of your most important stakeholders, you increase the chances that the support you have just won will stand the test of time.
Let’s recap the most common mistakes executives make when attempting to influence — and what to do instead.
(1) Making invalid assumptions about what people value. Instead, recognize that not everyone likes the same thing you do. Find out what is most important to the people around you and make an effort to respect their preferences.
(2) Overlooking the importance of objections. Instead, realize that objections help you recognize what your audience cares most about and gives you an opportunity to deliver it. It earns you trust, respect and ultimately, their support.
(3) Talking more than listening. Resist the temptation to diffuse your audience’s objections and concerns with more information, telling and selling. Instead, probe to get a better understanding of what they really need and take steps to deliver it.
Influencing others is about more than crafting a polished presentation and a bulletproof case for action. You will get much further if you treat the art of influence more like a dance with your audience than a performance in front of them.
Invite them in and get them to participate. Listen to their needs, their desires, their concerns and their recommendations. Take action to address what they consider to be most important.
And whatever you do, please don’t offer anyone super sour gummy worms.
Leadership Lit Up: 5 Distinctions That Separate the Best from the Rest (Part 5)
Today’s article is the fifth in a series of five highlighting key attributes of Real Leadership: a practice that allows you to inspire exceptional (and sustainable) performance in yourself and others to achieve record profitability, customer loyalty and growing market share – even in saturated and highly commoditized markets.
KEY POINT #5: Real leadership brings life to our greatest dreams and visions.
Leadership is about taking people to a higher place. But before you can go there, you must envision it and create it. You must pay attention to the ideas, thoughts and inspirations that land gently on you and beckon to be given a vehicle to enter the world.
To do that, you need to take steps in your own life to nurture them. These ideas will come when you are relaxed, thoughtful, and open. It won’t happen when you are rushing around putting out fires.
You must create the time in your daily life to honor and develop your dreams, and to take care of yourself in such a way that those dreams continue to come to you. You must pay at least as much attention to the possibilities for change and improvement that exist all around you as you do trying to keep things running the way you think they should.
Many of the things you’ve devoted your time to trying to control and improve have likely served their purpose and need to be replaced by something else. Real leaders are those who ask the tough questions about whether what we are doing and have been doing is still in everyone’s best interests.
When times change greatly, Real Leaders know we all must change with them.
Pay attention to the small still voice within you that dares us to be greater. Quiet yourself enough to truly hear what it has to say. Then have the courage to act in spite of your fears. Be willing to move out of your comfort zone and act boldly. As you do these things, you’ll model the way for others to do the same.
Together, we can create true and lasting transformation throughout Corporate America. The Real Leader Revolution is enabling people at all levels of businesses and organizations to make a bigger, more meaningful impact being who they truly are, access and sustain unprecedented levels of performance and live more fulfilling lives – both on and off the job.
To learn more, sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is available.
Leadership Lit Up: 5 Distinctions That Separate the Best from the Rest (Part 4)
Today’s article is the fourth in a series of five highlighting key attributes of Real Leadership: a practice that allows you to inspire exceptional (and sustainable) performance in yourself and others to achieve record profitability, customer loyalty and growing market share – even in saturated and highly commoditized markets.
KEY POINT #4: Real leadership unites. It does not divide.
Conflict is an inevitable part of life and relationships. It exists because we are different. We need to look at it in a way that allows us to come together and learn more about who we are and what we can do together.
In every conflict, each party truly believes they are right, and most of the time they have good reason (at least in their own minds) to think that way. But often our conclusions are based more in conjecture than fact.
We all tell ourselves stories of why people do the things they do. And if you believe a story that convinces you someone else has ill intent, chances are your reaction to that person will create problems that could have otherwise been prevented.
To rise above this pitfall, get in the habit of asking yourself questions such as “What am I believing about this situation (or person)? What do I really know? What am I not seeing?” When you ask questions like these, your brain expands its orientation to allow new information to come in.
Real leaders treat their stories more as hypothesis or possible explanations and are willing to entertain that there may be alternate explanations and view. Simply said, things are not always what they seem.
It is essential to be open to the views of others and go a step further to actively seek those alternative viewpoints out. Encourage people to challenge the way you are seeing things with the knowledge that you could be wrong.
When you are able to relax your filters in this way, true learning and innovation can take place. Solutions to problems that were right in front of you suddenly become visible. You’ll go beyond your limited views to see what is really possible – in yourself and others, your relationships, projects, positions, and organizations.
The trust and respect you’ll create in your working relationships will give rise to solid partnership and collaboration. The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for this kind of collaboration, and the need to handle conflict in ways that bring transformation and new vision into our organizations, businesses and lives.
To find out more about how you can be a forerunner in this new way of doing business and achieve higher profitability, greater market share and sustained levels of exceptional performance, sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
