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How Your Mindset Can Help You Overcome a Setback
“Ryan, if you knew how this day was going to end, would you do it over again?” I asked him.
“Yeah.” He answered without missing a beat.
“Would you have any hesitation going snowboarding again after your wrist heals?” I inquired.
“Nah!” he replied. “Let’s come back for sure.”
This is an excerpt of a conversation I had with my son at age thirteen on the way to urgent care after his first attempt to snowboard. I was inspired by his lack of hesitation. And his courage. But most of all, with his mindset.
Mindset is the key to overcoming setbacks. Your mindset determines—to a large degree—whether you see the experience as a success or a failure. And the way you see the experience will have an enormous impact on whether or not you will try that experience again.
What’s the big deal if you don’t try an experience again?
Well, the problem isn’t so much the broken bone—in my son’s case—which will inevitably be accompanied by a certain amount of pain. The problem is letting the setback deprive you of a future that could bring you an immense amount of joy and satisfaction. And most people let seeming setbacks deprive them of joy and satisfaction more often than they realize.
It could be the proposals they poured their hearts into to that never really went anywhere. Or the promotions they were working toward for months that ended up going to someone else. Perhaps it was the first time they went out their comfort zones, only to feel as though they landed on their backside with nothing but broken bones to show for it.
Confusing Skill with Potential
You confuse skill with potential when you decide that you’ll never be good at something because you didn’t get it right the first time you tried it. Or the second time. Or the tenth time. Most people do not have a high degree of skill when they try something new. But doesn’t mean they don’t have an enormous amount of potential.
When you confuse skill with potential, you tell yourself a story that has you making an assessment of yourself based on a very limited amount of data. The story goes like this: “Boy, I was really bad at that. I’m just not cut out for it. I should leave it to other people who actually have talent.”
You allow it to keep you from trying something again. And trying something again is exactly what you need to do in order to gain the very skill you are having difficulty executing. So your story becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You miss out on the joy of ultimately mastering that skill. And so do all the people who would have benefited from what you could have accomplished if you did.
But that’ s not the only story that can get you into trouble.
Taking an Experience Personally
When you take an experience personally, you make it more about you than anything or anyone else. Your universe constricts and you become the center of it. You feel hurt and rejected, or angry and resentful. You replay events in your mind and question what you did to screw things up. You think, “if only I would have done this, or been more like that, things would have gone better.”
You become so fixated in feeling wronged or victimized that you render yourself powerless. In an effort to avoid being hurt again, you may hedge your bets, fly under the radar, try not to get your hopes up. And this act of withholding keeps you from doing the very thing that could allow you to succeed next time.
Often, setbacks have nothing to do with you as a person.
You lost a big client. Yet in retrospect, you realize the client was a huge pain in your rear end, sucking up time and energy that you could have dedicated to someone you really love to work with. And if you take it personally, you’ll keep your perfect client from seeing the very thing in you that could cinch the deal.
What If It Was Personal?
But what if it did have to do with you? What if you came on too strong? Or too meek? Or if there was something you could have done to get that promotion, keep that client, succeed with that proposal? Well, if you take it personally you may never have the courage, the confidence and the open mind it takes to solicit or receive the feedback you need and to act on it in a way that allows you to succeed next time.
There is a difference between taking things personally and learning what you could do differently next time. Taking things personally causes you to contract. And learning allows you to expand. Which will you choose?
Conclusion
My 13-year-old son reminded me of the importance of mindset in my own life.
Though it’s not likely that snowboarding will be in my future, there is a good chance that I will fall the next time I try something new. When I do, I will remember how his lack of regret and eagerness to try again kept him from an unproductive mindset.
And I will pick myself up, tend to my broken bones, and allow myself to enjoy the joy and satisfaction that comes from getting back on the slopes.
Aligning your mindset with your desired outcome is an essential and often overlooked practice – a major focus of The Real Leader’s Guide to Freedom & Flow Group Intensive. For more information, visit The Real Leader’s Guide to Freedom & Flow Group Intensive.
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
How to Accomplish More by Thinking Less
How much of your time is spent thinking about what really needs to get done versus doing it? If you are like most people, the more anxiety or resistance you have to a given task, the more your thoughts will throw you for a loop.
Sometimes those thought loops suck up a whole heap of time that could be much better spent. In many cases the thoughts we have about what’s in front of us lead us to procrastinate and block us from the very insight, creativity and resolve we need to do what’s most important.
What if it was possible to turn that dynamic on its head? Watch the video below to find out how.
And if you’d like more tips and insights on how to turn your grandest visions and dreams into reality, click here to download my special report, Why Real Leaders Don’t Set Goals (and what they do instead) and to receive additional tips and insights on an ongoing basis.
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
How to Leverage Untapped Talent, Energy and Potential Through Behavioral Styles
According to Gallup, employees who exercise their strengths on a daily basis are three times more likely to report having an excellent quality of life, six times more likely to be engaged at work, 8% more productive and 15% less likely to quit their jobs.
But sadly, in many organizations people are not given many opportunities to do what they are best at.
Worse, some people are routinely put into situations that are dissatisfying to them, leading them to shut down and leaving an untold amount of talent, energy and potential untapped in many organizations.
Identifying what people are skilled at and ensuring the roles, projects and initiatives they work on are a good fit requires discernment and dialogue. Having a better understanding of behavioral styles and what motivates people with each of those styles can really help.
In my last post, How to Create Synergy and Collaborate with People’s Differing Styles, I explained that there are two continuums that people fall on: task versus people orientation and introversion versus extraversion. If you overlay each of these continuums, you will create a matrix with four quadrants that make up each of the four behavioral styles of the DISC Behavioral Style Model.
D = Dominance (Task-oriented + Extraverted)
I = Influence (People-oriented + Extraverted)
S = Steadiness (People-oriented + Introverted)
C = Compliance (Task-oriented + Introverted)
Today, I’ll provide you with some tips for leveraging the strengths of people that operate with each of these four behavioral styles. Remember, sometimes people operate with more than one, so you may want to check out recommendations for all that could potentially apply. See my last post for an overview on how to determine which style others most likely operate from.
Matching Work to Task Oriented, Extraverted Individuals (Style = Dominance)
People who are extraverted toward task are energized by challenges – the more daunting the better. They thrive in turnaround situations where they can make sweeping changes to save a struggling enterprise, venture or initiative.
They like to be in charge and tend to be very directive and decisive. They come to life in situations that require them to get others to act on things quickly but will quickly get frustrated if they are not given authority along with responsibility.
Those whose primary style is Dominance are big picture people who get bogged down with too many details and frustrated with anything that keeps them from taking quick, intense action. Inefficiency will drive them crazy and they will feel hemmed in when surrounded by constraints that get in the way of progress.
They prefer to work autonomously and will feel stifled by managers who hover and appear to be overly controlling.
Matching Work to People Oriented, Extraverted Individuals (Style = Influence)
People who are extraverted toward people thrive on social interaction. They like (and want to be liked) by everyone they meet and often possess the kind of charm that can win others over in a relatively short period of time. The excitement and buzz they generate around things they believe in allows them to be highly persuasive, which lends itself well to situations where influencing others is paramount.
Natural cheerleaders, they excel in situations that require enthusiasm and optimism. They have the ability to infuse energy and lightness into the dreariest of environments and often rely on humor that allows others to loosen up and get unstuck and revitalized.
Those whose primary style is Influence are also big picture people who get bogged down in details. They are highly creative and visionary people who get excited about things even though they may not have data that suggests their optimism is merited.
Because they tend to take things personally, they can be deflated by people who are overly skeptical and negative. They work best with people who support them and provide them with the data they need in a way that doesn’t rein them in or dampen their spirits.
Matching Work to People Oriented, Introverted Individuals (Style = Steadiness)
People who are introverted toward people are extraordinary listeners who hear and notice things others do not. They also have a natural tendency to diffuse tension among people who are overly stressed, frustrated and worked up – sometimes without even saying a word.
People whose primary style is Steadiness love to contribute and be of service to others and are content to operate in the background rather than the spotlight. Their ability to understand and connect with others allows them to serve as a bridge between people who are having difficulty seeing eye to eye. They gain and sustain support and buy in from others because of the solid level of trust they cultivate.
They are also very insightful, but often are unlikely to share their observations and ideas with others because they are uncomfortable drawing attention to themselves and tend to underestimate the impact they could potentially have. They do best in settings that encourage them to provide input but allow them time necessary to organize their thoughts before having to present them to others.
These people are steady, thorough, easy going and warm hearted. They can be depended on to deliver and follow through consistently, though often at a slower, more methodical pace.
Matching Work to Task Oriented, Introverted Individuals (Style = Compliance)
People who are introverted toward task strive for perfection, order and consistency. They thrive in situations where processes and procedures are clearly spelled out and place a high value on data that allows them to achieve and maintain a high level of accuracy, precision and security.
People whose primary style is Compliance have a high attention to detail. They prefer to rely on the tried and true rather than reinventing the wheel and tend to be somewhat risk averse. Because of this, they excel at making sure work is up to or above standard and nothing significant gets overlooked.
They often enjoy doing research and analysis – a welcome complement to other styles who would rather work at higher levels and surrounded by people. They do best in an environment that allows them to spend the time necessary to ensure things are done right the first time, where processes and standard procedures are clearly spelled out and enforced and high quality is essential.
Because they tend to be driven by logic and data, they can get frustrated in situations where people are overly emotional for reasons that do not appear to be rational.
What You Can Do Right Now
Think about the people who report to you or serve on teams you oversee. Use the information above (and/or see my recent article on recognizing styles) to identify what is likely to be the predominant style of each person. Ask yourself whether the projects they are currently working on and/or the roles they are playing are well matched to those styles.
You don’t need to drastically reengineer people’s jobs to ensure the work they are doing is a good fit for them. Sometimes the smallest tweaks make the biggest differences. Use your insight to begin a conversation with them that will open the door to better understanding and utilization of their talent, energy and styles.
If you would like to utilize the DISC Behavioral Style assessment to see how you and others in your organization score in each of the four behavioral styles, contact me at Diane@DianeBolden.com or give me a call at (602) 840-3627. The assessment is completed online and will provide you with a comprehensive twenty plus page report that provides a tremendous amount of insight – including a full page on Keys to Motivating and another on Keys to Managing.
And if you are interested in learning more about behavioral styles and how you can leverage them to dramatically increase your individual and organizational effectiveness, consider enrolling in my new self-study version of Communicating With Style: DISC Behavioral Style Workshop or bringing this workshop in house.
Leadership Lit Up: 5 Distinctions That Separate the Best from the Rest (Part 5)
Today’s article is the fifth in a series of five highlighting key attributes of Real Leadership: a practice that allows you to inspire exceptional (and sustainable) performance in yourself and others to achieve record profitability, customer loyalty and growing market share – even in saturated and highly commoditized markets.
KEY POINT #5: Real leadership brings life to our greatest dreams and visions.
Leadership is about taking people to a higher place. But before you can go there, you must envision it and create it. You must pay attention to the ideas, thoughts and inspirations that land gently on you and beckon to be given a vehicle to enter the world.
To do that, you need to take steps in your own life to nurture them. These ideas will come when you are relaxed, thoughtful, and open. It won’t happen when you are rushing around putting out fires.
You must create the time in your daily life to honor and develop your dreams, and to take care of yourself in such a way that those dreams continue to come to you. You must pay at least as much attention to the possibilities for change and improvement that exist all around you as you do trying to keep things running the way you think they should.
Many of the things you’ve devoted your time to trying to control and improve have likely served their purpose and need to be replaced by something else. Real leaders are those who ask the tough questions about whether what we are doing and have been doing is still in everyone’s best interests.
When times change greatly, Real Leaders know we all must change with them.
Pay attention to the small still voice within you that dares us to be greater. Quiet yourself enough to truly hear what it has to say. Then have the courage to act in spite of your fears. Be willing to move out of your comfort zone and act boldly. As you do these things, you’ll model the way for others to do the same.
Together, we can create true and lasting transformation throughout Corporate America. The Real Leader Revolution is enabling people at all levels of businesses and organizations to make a bigger, more meaningful impact being who they truly are, access and sustain unprecedented levels of performance and live more fulfilling lives – both on and off the job.
To learn more, sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is available.
Leadership Lit Up: 5 Distinctions That Separate the Best from the Rest (Part 4)
Today’s article is the fourth in a series of five highlighting key attributes of Real Leadership: a practice that allows you to inspire exceptional (and sustainable) performance in yourself and others to achieve record profitability, customer loyalty and growing market share – even in saturated and highly commoditized markets.
KEY POINT #4: Real leadership unites. It does not divide.
Conflict is an inevitable part of life and relationships. It exists because we are different. We need to look at it in a way that allows us to come together and learn more about who we are and what we can do together.
In every conflict, each party truly believes they are right, and most of the time they have good reason (at least in their own minds) to think that way. But often our conclusions are based more in conjecture than fact.
We all tell ourselves stories of why people do the things they do. And if you believe a story that convinces you someone else has ill intent, chances are your reaction to that person will create problems that could have otherwise been prevented.
To rise above this pitfall, get in the habit of asking yourself questions such as “What am I believing about this situation (or person)? What do I really know? What am I not seeing?” When you ask questions like these, your brain expands its orientation to allow new information to come in.
Real leaders treat their stories more as hypothesis or possible explanations and are willing to entertain that there may be alternate explanations and view. Simply said, things are not always what they seem.
It is essential to be open to the views of others and go a step further to actively seek those alternative viewpoints out. Encourage people to challenge the way you are seeing things with the knowledge that you could be wrong.
When you are able to relax your filters in this way, true learning and innovation can take place. Solutions to problems that were right in front of you suddenly become visible. You’ll go beyond your limited views to see what is really possible – in yourself and others, your relationships, projects, positions, and organizations.
The trust and respect you’ll create in your working relationships will give rise to solid partnership and collaboration. The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for this kind of collaboration, and the need to handle conflict in ways that bring transformation and new vision into our organizations, businesses and lives.
To find out more about how you can be a forerunner in this new way of doing business and achieve higher profitability, greater market share and sustained levels of exceptional performance, sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Leadership Lit Up: 5 Distinctions That Separate the Best from the Rest (Part 3)
Today’s article is the third in a series of five highlighting key attributes of Real Leadership: a practice that allows you to inspire exceptional (and sustainable) performance in yourself and others to achieve record profitability, customer loyalty and growing market share – even in saturated and highly commoditized markets.
KEY POINT #3: Real Leadership is not a one man or woman show.
We are all familiar with the idea of a mighty hero, who is infallible, fearless, and all powerful. When you believe those should also be the characteristics of leaders, you’ll likely act in ways that can become more disempowering than anything. Leaders who believe they have all the answers seldom listen much to others, except to know how to better defend their own positions.
If leadership is truly about bringing out the best in people, leaders need to learn how to better listen to and connect with others, with a mind that is open and has room for ideas and thoughts that may oppose their own. Only then will we find the solutions that truly benefit a greater good.
No one person has all the answers themselves. As a leader, you are there to help others unearth and do something with their ideas so that they can become a part of a collective solution. To do this, you must place just as much importance on what others have to say as you do on their own thoughts and ideas.
When you can honestly admit you don’t have all the answers, you build trust and strengthen relationships while cultivating the ability of your people to find those answers together. In acknowledging your need for partnership with others and encouraging them to share their own vital pieces of the puzzle, you will create a strong, self-sustaining culture that works together to produce excellence.
You do not need to be the hero. In fact, some of the most effective leaders are those who are more concerned about elevating the status of others than raising their own. Lao Tzu, one of the greatest mystics of all time said “When the best leader’s work is done the people say, “We did it ourselves.”
The Real Leader Revolution is allowing executives to free up significant levels of energy by letting go of thinking they must have all the answers – and in so doing inspire and empower their people to get better results, make a bigger impact and contributions.
To find out more about how you can exercise Real Leadership to create the kind of vibrant, inspired workplace that unleashes unprecedented levels of performance and attracts key talent and loyal customers, sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Leadership Lit Up: 5 Distinctions That Separate the Best from the Rest (Part 2)
Today’s article is the second in a series of five highlighting key attributes of Real Leadership: a practice that allows you to inspire exceptional (and sustainable) performance in yourself and others to achieve record profitability, customer loyalty and growing market share – even in saturated and highly commoditized markets.
KEY POINT #2: Real Leadership is more than position, title, status or power – it starts within.
Leadership is not the private reserve of people who hold fancy titles, have others reporting to them, or are even in organizations at all. Real Leadership is about bringing out the best in everyone and helping them focus their unique talent, passion, energy and style into something that benefits a greater good.
But you have to start with yourself. You can’t wait for someone to come in and make everything right or rely on people in high positions to do that for you (whether than be in organizations, communities or governments).
The more we look “out there” for our solutions, the further we get away from the solutions each one of us holds within. We are all pieces of an intricate puzzle, and every single one of them is essential.
It is essential to take responsibility for what you have control over in your life and make whatever impact is yours to make, even if that is only in your thoughts – in what you are paying attention to, in what you say and do, and in the example you set for others.
To do this, you must become vigilantly aware of assumptions you may me making that lead you to believe there is nothing you can do – and ask yourself if they are really true. Sometimes, though you may not have the authority to bring about wide scale change, you can exercise the influence to begin a conversation that – approached constructively and respectfully – can get things moving in a better direction.
We are collectively creating a reality that mirrors our thoughts. We must do what we can to keep that positive and constructive, so that our actions are that way as well. Real leaders help others move from feeling like they are at the mercy of their circumstances to recognizing what is, in fact within their ability to influence and impact.
And they start by modeling that behavior themselves.
The Real Leader Revolution is already underway, providing ample opportunities for leaders at all levels to have a more significant impact on their organizations while accessing higher levels of performance, bringing more of who they really are to their work, and living more meaningful lives both on and off the job.
If you would like to read more about how you can exercise and nurture Real Leadership in yourself and others, sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Leadership Lit Up: 5 Distinctions That Separate the Best from the Rest (Part 1)
“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being.
Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.”
– Albert Schweitzer
Leaders are people who shine a light on their surroundings and everyone around them. The light they shine comes from within them, a product of the unique combination of their talent, energy and passion.
The very best, what I call “Real Leaders”, are those who help others ignite their own sparks so that they too may serve as a beacon of hope, inspiration and courage. Illuminated by this light, our paths become brighter and we can clearly see any obstacles that lie before us so that we may swiftly and effectively overcome them and grow stronger in the process.
This light also allows us to recognize and bring out the strengths in ourselves and others that enables us to persevere and emerge victorious in the face of our greatest challenges and setbacks.
Exercising Real Leadership does not require that you have a degree from Harvard, or anywhere for that matter. As you endeavor to practice leadership in every aspect of your life, no matter what your vocation or role, shining your light brightly requires that you remember a few key points.
This is the first in a five-part series highlighting key attributes of Real Leadership: a practice that allows you to inspire exceptional (and sustainable) performance in yourself and others to achieve record profitability, customer loyalty and growing market share – even in saturated and highly commoditized markets.
KEY POINT #1: Real Leadership focuses on possibility and potential.
In times of widespread change, there is great fear. It is easy to become immersed and overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness, frustration, anger, and sadness. These feelings can lead you and others to become engaged in defensive routines that seek to place blame, or to resign yourselves to victim status, waiting for rescue.
It is essential to reframe what you are seeing and make sure the lens is clear. Shakespeare once said, “It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.”
You can look at what is happening around you and instead of focusing on frustration and potential loss, pay attention to what you (and others) have within that allows you to rise to the challenge. We are stronger than we think we are. We are resourceful. Together we can create far more than we can individually.
Often our greatest attributes, talents and strengths lie dormant inside of us until something happens that requires we summon them up. Real Leaders effectively galvanize these forces and channel them in constructive ways.
As you shift your attention from obstacles to opportunities and put your energy on what is possible, you’ll see solutions that previously evaded you and recognize that you are capable of far more than you initially realized. And when you act from this frame of reference, you’ll inspire others to do the same.
When you focus on the positive attributes in others, you help them recognize they have greatness within as well and catalyze their potential. In this way, you can exercise leadership regardless of what your job or role is. This is what is needed most in times of change, challenge and uncertainty.
The rapid pace of change in business today brings with it a high level of challenge and uncertainty. The Real Leader Revolution is a movement that empowers people at all levels of businesses and organizations to rise to the occasion and navigate unchartered territory with courage and grace.
To find out more about how you can maximize your leadership to make a bigger impact, sign up below to receive a copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
Have You Leveraged the Gifts from 2017 That Will Make 2018 Extraordinary?
Well, the dust is finally settling, and the holiday decorations are (almost) packed up and put away for next year. For many, the holidays are a frenzied time – a rush to the finish line that has adrenaline spiking for days on end. Between running around trying to find the perfect gifts to sending out cards, preparing meals, entertaining family and friends and spending a lot of time around people we don’t often get to see, it can be exhausting.
Some of us were lucky enough to have a bit of down time before jumping back in to the excitement that the New Year brings. And others of us have simply been riding that wave that takes us from one activity to the next, with little time for transition. Though it is already mid-January, it is never too late to take advantage of the demarcation that the end of one year and the beginning of another brings.
The turning of each year lends itself well to waxing reflective, calling to mind both the experiences in the past that have led us to the present moment, as well as what the future might hold – what magnificent things are bubbling up within us, just waiting to take form.
It’s curious that we often associate moments of reflection with major milestones (like a New Year), rather than as a continual process in our lives. Yet it’s easy to let the frenetic pace of business, the holidays, and personal affairs prevent us from enjoying the clarity of being alone with our thoughts, and even going beyond them into the silence of our own experience.
We get swept up in a kind of auto pilot mode, where we just do what is in front of us and go from one thing to the next, without a lot of thought.
But it is in the evaluation and reflection of our experiences that we receive insight – a vital gift that can become meaningful and empowering force in our lives.
Pressing on from one thing to the next without pausing long enough to integrate what we have learned deprives us of the gifts these experiences bring. It’s like finding a few wrapped presents with your name on them that were left behind in the festivities – and absentmindedly throwing them into a box instead of opening them up to see what’s inside.
Our experiences are uniquely designed to allow us to learn – about ourselves, others, and life itself. We learn about what works, what feels good, what doesn’t, who we are, what we are capable of, what we want more of (and less of too).
But only if we pause long enough to entertain the questions that allow us to unpack these gifts that are waiting to be opened.
If you have not yet afforded yourself the indulgence of conscious and intentional reflection, I encourage you to carve out some time to do so. Because the best goals, the best visions to move toward in the coming year will be those that align with the whispers of your heart – those that tap the infinite potential and wisdom that is already inside you. And you’ll never really know what those are until you take the time to go within and ask.
Below are some questions that can help you in this process. Some of these questions might seem more powerful to you than others – let yourself go where you are drawn with them. You may even want to take a quick look at them and then put them away and see what comes to you when your mind is empty of thoughts.
Or, you may scrap these questions and come up with different ones of your own. The important thing is to allow yourself the time to go within and listen with curiosity and earnestness.
QUESTIONS FOR YEAR-END REFLECTION
- As you reflect on this past year, what were your three or four most significant accomplishments, breakthroughs, and/or achievements?
- Looking back over the year, what (if anything) blocked or held you back as you moved toward your goals/objectives? How will you overcome those obstacles in the future?
- What were your biggest insights or realizations over the past year that you gained through your experiences?
- How will you apply what you learned this past year to what you want to create in the upcoming year?
- What are the top two or three things about your job/practice that you most want to be different this year?
- What two or three changes do you most want to see in your personal life?
- What significant challenges will face you this year? Personally? Professionally?
- What strengths will you rely on most to face the challenges that lie ahead?
- What qualities, skills, etc. could you develop within yourself to better arm you for the upcoming year?
- Picture yourself a year from now, looking back over the past year. What three or four accomplishments would you like to have achieved?
- What actions are you prepared to take to achieve your desired results for the upcoming year?
I look forward to another year ahead of navigating a path of discovery – one that will lead us all closer to our most precious goals, and allow us to make the most out of every experience we have – leaving everything we touch a little better off for the interaction – our teams, our customers, our colleagues, friends, family, and of course, ourselves.
Wishing you a wonderful and prosperous New Year ahead!
Why Letting Go of the Old Helps You Succeed With the New (and How to Do It)
What is it that you are longing to create in the coming year?
And what do you need to let go of in order to allow it to fully take root?
Every year, we are encouraged to set New Year’s resolutions.
We are a goal driven society that is conditioned to seek more. Our egos desire more money, more fame and prestige, and more stuff. A deeper part of ourselves longs for more peace, more meaning, and more purpose in our lives.
We want to move beyond our previous realizations of what we’ve already accomplished to master newer, better ways of doing things –whether that be what we create in our lives or in our organizations – and as leaders what we can inspire others to do as well.
Though it is tempting to occupy ourselves with thoughts of how we can go about achieving all of this and what we need to do more of, perhaps what we really need to start with is what we need to do less of – what we need to let go of to create the space for something new to come in.
We are constantly evolving both individually and collectively.
It is so easy to look to the past to define who we are though the things we’ve already done – goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built. Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.
The fact of the matter is,
you are not your accomplishments,
your creations, or the sum of the various roles
you play in your life – manager, director, vice president,
mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc.
You are much, much more than that.
Your potential is limitless.
And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions.
They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take. In order to be happy, we reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target. So we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done – on a sort of auto pilot.
Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some may bring a growing source of discontentment. We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility that what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined for us.
In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to open up to the mystery that is unfolding in each of our lives.
Easier said than done, right?
How exactly do you go about letting go of the known when it’s all you know?
We can take our cues from nature. Snakes and other reptiles shed their skin, trees drop their leaves, and caterpillars create cocoons in which their forms entirely dissolve before recreating themselves in the form of butterflies.
Even a fish in a bowl cannot stay in water that contains its excrement – the waste must either be emptied and replaced with new water, or absorbed by something else that will remove it from the fish’s environment.
Without engaging in these renewing processes, these creatures will die. And so it is of us. Many of us are already walking around encased in layers of old, dead stuff that needs to be released.
What are you holding onto in your life that has run its course?
What are the old outmoded ways of doing things that no longer bring you energy? What are the things you’ve acquired that you no longer need? What beliefs are you holding onto that are no longer true for you?
Pay attention to the times that you feel constricted, anxious, or tired and in those moments ask what you can let go of. Don’t be afraid of the answer. Though it may frighten you because it introduces an element of the unknown, following these insights will always lead to freedom and liberation.
Your computer can only handle so much data.
If you do not delete old email and get rid of files that have been accumulating over the years, and if you continue to add new programs without deleting old ones, you will find that it becomes sluggish and unresponsive.
Just as freeing up space allows your computer to process things more quickly, so too will clearing your own personal space (whether of things or thoughts) allow you to access new levels of clarity and creativity.
Space invites opportunity.
You will breathe easier, be more present in every action and interaction you partake of, and bring more of who you really are to what you do. And you will open up the space of possibility that will allow something to come in that may surprise and delight you.
So here’s a thought for the New Year: Instead of trying so hard to do more with less, perhaps we can allow ourselves to explore the possibility that in doing less, we can have so much more.
For more on how to affect your own personal and professional transformation, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.
Implications for Real Leaders
The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.
To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.
