In the Shadow of a Daunting Task

 

Do  you ever get to a place where you’ve just run out of energy and feel like you simply can’t do another thing?  For many, this seems to happen around 3pm or so – or right after lunch.  I used to think it was just a biological phenomenon – perhaps the effect of having to digest food, or needing to eat some.  I’ve tried chocolate, but it never quite works as well as I’d like it to – and it just leaves me wanting more.

One afternoon, I felt like I hit a wall.  And I did.  It was physical as well as mental.  I actually felt the wall go up as I contemplated a list I recently made of all that I hope to accomplish in the coming weeks and months and tried to figure out where (and how) to start.  The sensation originated in my stomach and rose slowly up my chest, kind of like heartburn.  Then it sunk heavily like a boulder thrown into a pond, covering my mind with muddy residue.  My impulse was to escape.  So I left my computer and took a short break, slumping into an overstuffed chair and closing my eyes for a minute.

As I sat there, I began to think about my state and see if I could identify its cause.  It was not an unfamiliar feeling.  I had experienced it another time after our dog tore into a bag of garbage containing remnants of the previous evening’s dinner and spread it all over the yard – and again right after I opened the box containing my new wireless printer and sat staring with an aching head at instructions that may as well have been in a different language.  And then I realized that it wasn’t the work ahead of me that was causing me the angst as much as what I was believing about it.

At bedtime, when my kids were young, they would get scared by shapes in their room that they couldn’t make out.  In the absence of information, they created their own stories about what they were seeing, which usually involved some kind of monster or other unwelcome guest.  But once the lights were flipped on and they realized the shadows were simply the product of a jacket thrown over the back of a chair or a teddy bear with a large hat, they settled back into their beds and slept peacefully.

I think we do this all the time with the projects and tasks we face on a regular basis – and sadly, also with our grandest dreams and visions.  In the light of day, we see them glimmer with promise and possibility.  But in the dark, our doubts and fears creep in and have a way of distorting things.  This is the point where the skeptics welcome the optimists to reality.  But it isn’t reality at all.  It is an illusion that has been created by a frightened mind.

The stories we tell ourselves in the dark are those of peril and potential failure.  In the absence of knowing exactly what it will take to accomplish the task, project or dream and whether we will be able to execute it, we begin to identify with our doubt, which amplifies the enormity that lies before us.  The shadow of a task magnified becomes a feat that feels insurmountable.  But flip on the lights and challenge the assumptions that make a creation feel heavy, and it becomes a collection of smaller pieces that can be gradually assembled over time.  As Lao Tzu once said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Whenever I feel that heaviness that comes with completing a task, I know that I have entered my dark room.  In the absence of light, I am prone to question my ability and my nerve, compare myself to others, and amplify the work it will take to finish that task (especially the bigger tasks!).  The darkness has a way of casting shadows on everything else that needs to get done as well. But in the light, I realize all I need to do is one step at a time – and then another step – and then another step.  And each seemingly insurmountable task can be broken down into a simpler component that I can get through with even just a little effort.  I can breathe through my fear and move into each experience, letting go of the outcome and enjoying the process itself.

When I stop to think about it, cleaning up the garbage the dog scattered around the yard wasn’t nearly so miserable as I thought it would be.  And setting up the printer wasn’t either.  The other, higher aspirations can be approached in a lighter, simpler manner as well.  With this in mind, I will keep on accomplishing my tasks… one step at a time.

 

Implications for Real Leaders

The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.

To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.

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How to Create Your Ideal Job

 

“Whatever you do in this life, take time to sit quietly and let the world tell you what it needs from you. Take a moment to honestly understand what your gifts are – you all have them. The way you choose to live your life brings meaning to your life.” 

~ Ann Reed

I’m continually amazed by the number of people who stay in jobs they are miserable doing.

Many rationalize that they must make the best of it, but in refusing to consider the options that are often right in front of them, they may not even realize what the “best” is. When we allow ourselves to stagnate, ignoring the impulses and desires we may have to bust out of our self-created constraints, we also unintentionally block the energy that we could be freeing up in those who surround us, whether they be direct reports, peers, customers, family members, or others. We do not do the world any favors by playing small.

You possess an inborn talent that allows you to do something in a way that no one else can. 

When you find this talent and apply it to an area of opportunity or need within an organization, you can create a job for yourself that will reward you with immense satisfaction and fulfillment. You’ll find you can achieve extraordinary results with ease and accomplish things people previously thought were impossible. And you’ll serve a vital function for the organization or community of which you are a part, which will in turn give you a deep sense of meaning and purpose.

The key is to pay attention.

 Notice what you do that leads to extreme satisfaction and joy and seems to come naturally to you. It’s easy to downplay our strengths—to rationalize that they are no big deal or that everyone can do what you believe are silly little things as well as you can. The truth is that not only can everybody not do those things with the level of skill and finesse that you can, but also that not everybody would want to.

Creating your ideal job or opportunity is a lot like looking for the perfect candidate for a job.

Except in reverse. When companies look to hire someone, they do well to spend time identifying the specific qualifications the ideal candidate will possess. When creating the ideal opportunity, you are that ideal candidate spelling out the distinct responsibilities and kind of work that would be a perfect match for your talents.

The more specific and concrete the job description and ideal candidate description, the more likely a company will find their key player. And the more specific and concrete your picture of your ideal opportunity, the more likely it will come finding you. The clarity of your vision will compel you to act in ways that make you the ideal candidate and enable you to position yourself as a contender.

Even if all you can start doing right now is entertain the idea that perhaps there is something grander out there for you that is aligned with your talent, interests, and passion, you will begin to mobilize energy in ways you could not before.

The more you can internally make it real for yourself, the more it will outwardly come to be.

As you move toward unleashing your true talent and being open to the opportunities that begin to present themselves to you, you will see the way to lead others—inspiring them to bring out the best in themselves by showing them how it is done.

Interested in more strategies for getting clarity on your ideal work and taking steps to move toward it? Stay tuned for more information on my upcoming online course and group intensive, The Real Leader’s Guide to Freedom and Flow, or click here to get on the waiting list and get first priority (with no obligation) at the limited spots that will soon be available.

How to Survive (and Thrive) in Change and Chaos

 

Many of us are experiencing a great deal of pressure, anxiety and change.

The holidays are upon us. The leadership of our country is transitioning. And many are in the midst of personal or professional change as well. Frustration and turmoil are common responses to this kind of uncertainty and disorientation, leading to exhaustion and hopelessness. But consider this as you think about things that may feel as though they are spinning out of control…

What if the only thing truly standing in your way of peace, productivity, and purpose – was your thinking?

One of the key attributes embodied by extraordinary leaders in all walks of life is encapsulated in the word “responsibility” – not just in a moral or ethical sense of being accountable for our actions, but also remembering that there is wisdom in recognizing that we have the ability to choose our response. That response we choose will have a resounding impact on ourselves and everyone around us.

Here are four tips to help you move gracefully through change and chaos:

(1) Identify what is within your power to influence.

The greatest change agents start by recognizing what they have to work with before identifying change that can be sustained. They don’t waste their time worrying about things that are truly out of their control, like changing the weather. Instead, they focus their attention and energy on those things that they can influence. The greatest leaders know that the most powerful and sustainable change must start from within themselves.

(2) Recognize your stories.

 “We are not troubled by things, but by the opinion we have of things.” – Epictetus

 The thing that fascinates me about a seemingly chaotic state of affairs is not so much what is happening, but the stories we are telling ourselves about what it means and the impact those stories are having on the way we are responding to it. When we react to things with fear, we end up amplifying what we are afraid of and add to the anxiety. Our fears drive us to act in ways that keep us from acting on our intuition and finding the answers that will truly serve us. Sometimes, we end up behaving in ways that make our fictional stories become real.

As an example, when you are feeling so overwhelmed that you question whether you’ll get all the important things done, you are likely to approach things in a way that draws them out – perhaps by procrastinating, making things more complicated than they need to be, or using more energy to resist and worry than it would take to actually get things done.

(3) Think of the worst-case scenario.

Our rational minds want answers and security. They need to figure everything out and almost automatically occupy themselves with trying to sort through data to arrive at conclusions. The problem is that our minds are plugging imaginary variables into the equation that end up further exacerbating the anxiety we are already experiencing. When they are done with one variable, they plug in another and the churning continues, leaving us with an uneasiness that keeps us on edge.

In the grip of this madness, sometimes the best thing you can do is indulge your mind with a variable that will allow it to do its thing. Go ahead and plug in the worst-case scenario. If the worst possible thing happened, what would you do? Allow yourself to sit with that question for awhile. Let the fear move through you and keep asking the question, what would I do that would allow everything to be OK? If you sit long enough with your question, you will arrive at some workable alternatives and reconnect with that part of yourself that is strong, resourceful and resilient.

(4) Now, come back to the present.

Armed with the knowledge that you will be OK even if the worst possible thing happens, you can come back into the present and recognize your fearful thoughts for what they are – fearful thoughts. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got, which I pass along frequently, is don’t believe everything you think.

In the present moment, devoid of your stories about variables that are truly unknown, you are OK. And when new events begin to unfold, if you stay in the moment and access your inner wisdom, you will know exactly what you need to do – or not to do – to be OK then too. And as you go about your daily life in this way, your calm resolve will permeate your interactions with others and through your example, you will help others to rise to their challenges in ways that unearth the greatness in themselves as well.

Interested in additional strategies for navigating change, challenge, and uncertainty with effectiveness and grace? Stay tuned for more information on my upcoming online course and group intensive, The Real Leader’s Guide to Freedom and Flow or click here to get on the waiting list and get first priority (with no obligation) at the limited spots that will soon be available.

 

The above article contains excerpts from my book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.

 

 

How to Unlock the Power of Gratitude

 

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity… It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
– Melodie Beattie

Someone once sent me the above quote in a card.

I remember being very moved when I read it. It speaks to our ability to interrupt what seems like a perpetual condition of restless yearning. From such an early age, we become conditioned to always look for more – to achieve more, to have more, to become more. With such an orientation, even the fruits of our labor are not fully embraced before we feel compelled to run off and do something else.

Gratitude is a state of being rather than doing.

It is a matter of what we focus on. All of our striving and yearning keeps us fixated on what we do not yet have, but desperately want. It leaves us in a state of lack, feeling as though we must compensate for something. Gratitude reverses that and allows us to soak up and truly experience the fullness of what is already ours. In gratitude, we can fully appreciate the richness of life around us – no matter what it looks like. From that state, we can more fully connect with those we love and appreciate and truly enjoy each moment as it unfolds.

Soon the day we call Thanksgiving will be upon us.

It brings with it the opportunity to celebrate – if only for a day – the richness and bounty that is ours. But this state of appreciation and celebration does not need to stop after the day is done.

For all that we want, there is much that we already have.

When we shift our minds into states of gratitude, we are likely to act in ways that bring more to be thankful for. As I love and appreciate the important people in my life, I become more lovable. As I give my time and attention to others, I realize there is a place within me from which I have much more to give. Even with the things I really want in life, I can begin to realize the small (and big ways) in which those things are already here – and be fully present to the manner in which they are already unfolding, trusting in life’s beautiful mystery.

No matter who you are or what your life is like, you have something to be grateful for.

It has been said that whatever your place your attention, energy, and focus on will expand. Perhaps this is the true art and power of gratitude – our ability to be in a place of joy and abundance and magnify it in such a way that it truly enhances the quality of our own lives, and everyone around us as well.

If you find yourself in an environment that is difficult to appreciate or feel that what you really want is a change of some sort, gratitude might be a difficult place to start to begin crafting your desired future. In my upcoming online course and group intensive, The Real Leader’s Guide to Freedom & Flow, I teach high achieving professionals strategies for leveraging their experiences to move closer to their ideal vision so they can make a bigger impact doing meaningful, inspiring work and enjoy their lives more – both on and off the job. Stay tuned for more information or click here to get on the waiting list and get first priority (with no obligation) at the limited spots that will soon become available.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

A Question Worth Considering

We stepped out into the crisp January air, her small, sweet  hand wrapped in mine.  She smiled with her whole body as we began our walk to the park.  Each of my steps was two or three for her.  We paused often to smell flowers and watch bugs zig zag across the sidewalk.  The sun’s rays danced on the leaves of the elm trees above us and filtered softly onto our shoulders.  The birds showered us with song.

It was a brand new day.  A brand new year, for that matter.  And we were seizing it.

My morning with my three year old niece was a liberating one.  It took us twenty glorious minutes to make our way a few hundred yards from the house my husband grew up in to the old elementary school grounds down the street.  When we got there, Lucy stretched her arms out like wings and ran joyfully across the playground as the wind playfully tossed her wavy blond locks and almost seemed to lift her off the ground.  She was freedom personified.  Sheer joy.  Exuberance.

And I thought, this is what I want more of in my life.

Maybe it was the week of vacation that preceded our little walk that allowed me to forget about all the thoughts that had furiously competed for my attention before we left for our trip.  Perhaps it was being a few hundred miles away from home and all the things that needed to be done – tasks yet to be finished and those yet to come.  Or maybe it was the sheer inspiration of my beautiful little companion that allowed me to be fully and completely present, immersing myself in each moment and allowing it to unfold without any interference on my part.  I felt alive.  Vibrant.  Happy.

We tottered on balance beams, skipped across hopscotch squares, and visited a coop of chickens, watching them peck at the ground and contemplating what each bird’s name should be.  But the highlight of our little jaunt was the tall, spiraling slide that crowned the jungle gym.  Lucy had decided she wanted to ride down on my lap.  We got half way up and stopped.  She looked up to our destination, and then down from where we had started and said, “That’s high.”

“Yes, it is sweetie,” I replied.  “We don’t have to go up there if you don’t want to.”

She looked at me for a moment and then wrinkled her brow with determination and resolve.  “I want to slide!”

“OK then.  Here we go…”  We climbed the last couple of steps and squatted onto the platform. Lucy sat tall on my lap, brimming with courage and delight.  “One, two, three!”  As we let go and spiraled down the slide, the squeal of her laughter brought a wild and uninhibited smile to my face.

And I thought again, this is what I need more of in my life.  Maybe this is what we all need more of in our lives.

I know.  It’s easy for a three year old to experience sheer joy and bliss at the very prospect of being alive.  They have no responsibilities, no bills to pay, no people depending on them.  They have yet to experience heartbreak, disappointment, and disillusionment.  And let’s face it – our adult lives are a lot more complicated than a day at the park playing hopscotch and watching bugs and chickens.  I still can’t help but think about it.

Now, back at my desk, staring at my Outlook calendar, I can still feel  the childlike wonder and euphoria of that day.  It begs the question, how can I bring more of that to my life?  To my work?  To the world?

This question has begun to deepen and grow roots.  It has taken on a life of its own.  It peeks out from my computer screen and beckons to me.  It lands softly in my mind as I drive to and from appointments.  It jumps out of file folders and onto my desk.  It takes a seat at the table when I meet with my clients.  And it brings with it more questions…

What if we could somehow strip our daily activities of the assumptions and heaviness they have accumulated over the years and approach things with the same sense of curiosity and delight that little Lucy did on that beautiful January morning?

Could we rediscover and ignite our passion for living in all the many areas of our lives – including the countless hours we spend at work?

Could we find a way to mute the thoughts that keep us from being totally present with people in our lives so that we could really be with them?

Could we let go of our preconceived ideas of how things are supposed to be and allow them to unfold the way they need to, trusting that we will summon whatever resources are necessary to deal with things as they come?

Could we respond to situations that push us out of our comfort zones with the fortitude and tenacity that Lucy displayed on the towering spiral slide?

Imagine what life would be like if we did…  How much more joy we would experience.  How creative we could be.  How courageous and resilient.  How our relationships would deepen and grow.  How meaningful our work would become.

I, for one, think it’s a question worth considering.  And just maybe, the very attention we put on the question will begin to illuminate the answers we need most.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

For more on reconnecting with your childlike sense of wonder and joy, check out my book  The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader now available in both ebook and paperback formats on Amazon.

Photo courtesy of Jens Schott Knudsen.

Are Your Habits Hurting You?

We all aim to develop good routines.  But most of us have a few habits that cause problems too.  Maybe it’s the way your temper flares when people don’t do what you want them to.  Perhaps it’s a tendency to turn the other way when things get stressful – to go bury your head in the sand or find something to do that keeps you from having to address issues.  Maybe it’s your inclination to take so many things on that you are running yourself ragged, or a habit of staying in your comfort zone instead of taking the bold leaps you dream about in your quiet hours.

Sometimes even good habits reach a point where they no longer serve you all that well, like the habit of diving into the details after you’ve just been made a leader of leaders who really needs to rely on others to do that for you.   But we tend to hang onto those routine ways of doing things long after they have outlived their value.  Not because they are particularly gratifying, but because they are comfortable and familiar.

Habits act as defaults. We do them without having to think much at all.  They are ingrained behaviors that we revert to when things get stressful, and they have a way of taking over and putting us on autopilot.

There may come a time, though, when habits that never really used to be a problem start making some waves in your life.  They may hurt your effectiveness on the job, or your ability to really connect with others.  They could keep you playing small instead of really stepping into and realizing your potential and living your dreams.  And sometimes they become painful.

I am a runner.  I don’t train and sign up for marathons or anything.  I just do it to clear my head and release tension – and because it makes me feel good.  When I first started running, I just wanted to be able to go for awhile without getting too tired.  I was happy when I managed to get off my butt and just get outside.  Then I started to run a little longer.  And then gradually a little faster.

But the more intensely I did things the way I had always done them, the more I began to notice that I was having pain.  My hips hurt.  My shins were stiff.  There were periods where the discomfort became so intense that I had to lay off running for awhile until my body healed.  And then I noticed it wasn’t long before I was having some kind of pain again.  It was a little maddening.

Interestingly enough, one of my new clients, Nicole Armbrust, is a physical therapist who works with runners to improve efficiency and prevent injury.  She encouraged me to have an assessment.  I was a little hesitant.  Really?  Do I really want someone to tell me about all the things that I should be doing differently?  Do I really want to change something that for the most part was making me feel so good?  The next time I went running and began to feel that familiar stiffness that I knew would morph into  throbbing later, I realized it was time for a change – even though I knew it would not necessarily be a comfortable one.

Nicole examined how my muscles and ligaments worked.  She listened intently as I told her about my history and all my injuries.    She videotaped me walking.  And then running.  And then she had me try some stretches and other exercises.  Alas, many of the things I was afraid of were true.  The strides I was taking were too long.  I was landing on the wrong part of my foot.  One of my hips was tighter than the other, causing me to overcompensate – which of course was adding to my injuries.

She gave me a metronome, which she believes will help correct a large percentage of my problems.  Apparently, much of what I really need to do to correct 95% of my problems is run to a faster beat, which would lead me to take smaller strides and push off and land on the right parts of my feet.

The first time I tried it, I hated it.  It was unnatural.  And I couldn’t just slip into my zone and forget about what my body was doing.  It was an effort to keep my feet hitting the ground that fast.  And my faithful running buddy, a golden retriever named Bellissima, was thrown off too.  “What the heck?”  I could swear that was going through her head when she looked up at me with those big brown eyes of hers.  I was right there with her.

But the more I practiced with that new way of doing things, the less pain I have had, and the faster I can run.  I can run longer and more often.  And I am enjoying myself again.

I think life is a little like that.  Often we don’t seek help until things begin to hurt us.  And though it’s kind of sad that we wait until things become painful to try something different – it is often just the springboard we need to find better ways of doing and being.

Maybe your last temper explosion led people to no longer want to support you, and you are ready to figure out ways of better channeling your anger.  Perhaps the things you were avoiding came to a head in a less than optimal way that made things even more unpleasant and you want to keep that from happening again.  Maybe you have totally burned yourself out and are starting to realize that there has to be a better way of doing things.  Or perhaps the window of opportunity you have been carefully planning and preparing for closed before you dared to act on it and you’re tired of missing out.

When your habits begin to hurt you, you get to decide what you are going to do about them. It’s a crossroads that can be challenging – because though you might be experiencing pain and discomfort with your habit, it likely will seem as though anything you might need to do differently will be even worse.  And that is the root of resistance.

But what I have found through my own experience, as well as that of so many others – friends, clients, colleagues – is that the pain caused by resistance is far worse than anything it would have you avoid.

Maybe you don’t need to wait until it comes to a head.  We all have habits that no longer serve us.  And you already likely know what habit (or habits) are bringing you down.  So the question is, what are you going to do about it?

In my next post, I’ll write about how to change the habits that hurt you.  If you want some support changing bad habits, you might want to consider working with a coach.  For more information on executive and leadership coaching, visit https://dianebolden.com/coaching.html or or contact me to schedule a complimentary coaching call. And if you are more of a “do it yourselfer”, check out my new video program, On the Road to Real or pick up a copy of my book The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, available at Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com.

If you are interested in a running assessment, click here to find out more about Nicole Armbrust or contact her at n.armbrust@spoonerphysicaltherapy.com.

Image courtesy of Michelle Meiklejohn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Could Be the Biggest Obstacle to Doing Your Best Work

My last post, How to Not Be a Slave to Your To Do List, was written just as much for me as it was for you. So I’ve taken my own advice.  I cleared space on my calendar.  I eviscerated my to do list and calendared time to do the stuff I’ve been wanting to do for so long now.  I cleared space and scheduled time to work on my next book.  And I finally sat down to do it.

I opened a document and typed a few words.  And then I stared at the blinking cursor for awhile.  I took a deep breath, read what I had just written, then deleted it and typed something else in its place.  But I didn’t like that either.

I reviewed some notes I had scribbled down a few days prior to see if I could get any inspiration.  It didn’t help.  My gaze went from my screen to my keyboard, where my hands were perched, ready and agile.  Still nothing.

I saw an email notification in the corner of my screen.  Resisting the urge to check my inbox, I closed my Outlook program.

And I sat for several more minutes.  Stuck.  Maybe this isn’t the best time.  Maybe I should go do something else for awhile.  At that moment, anything sounded preferable.  I could trim my fingernails, reorganize my desk drawers, mow the lawn.  Or the neighbor’s lawn.

But no.  I am committed to this.  It is something I have been wanting to do for a really long time.  Why is it so flipping hard?

Have you ever felt that way?

It’s no wonder that we let so many other things get in the way of taking the time to do our real work.  Our real work requires us to face our deepest fears and make our way through our toughest resistance – in the presence of our worst critics.

As soon as you make the commitment to do something important – for yourself, for others, for the world – rest assured anything that has ever stopped you before will come back in your face with an exponential force.

I didn’t get a whole lot written in that particular block of time.  But I showed up.  I didn’t run away.  And I have to say that after awhile things did begin to flow.  I strung a few paragraphs together and once I let go and gave in to the experience, I was delighted with a couple of really great insights that came spilling onto the page.  It went in a direction I hadn’t anticipated and began to take on a life of its own.

Talking with a friend a few days later, I began to realize what it was that got me stuck.

I was fixated on results at the expense of the process. I had become too attached to the end product and what it was going to get me.  I had ideas in my mind of what it would – should – look like.  And I was judging every little thing I was (and wasn’t doing).  If you can envision a small child being led to a table and told to do something, while a rather large, imposing figure stood over her with a club at her head yelling in a booming voice – you have a pretty good idea of the dynamic I had created for myself.    My child was rebelling.  My critic was becoming more and more agitated.  And neither of us really wanted to be there at all.

Perhaps you’ve heard artists or musicians talk about how they could never quit their day job to earn a living doing their craft.  “It would just suck all the joy out of it,” they may tell you.  The problem isn’t so much that they would be paid for doing what they love as it is that they risk having their focus go from the joy of being in the process to becoming too dependent on the result.

The irony is that when you detach from the result altogether and become immersed in the experience, the results tend to take care of themselves.  Superior work is created when you are engaged in what you are doing rather than what it will lead to or where it will get you.

If you have ever played golf or tennis, think about what happens when you allow your attention to go prematurely to the target before you’ve hit the ball.  You will have a crappy shot.  (You may even miss the ball altogether.)  But when you devote yourself to the process – when you are present in your body through every part of your swing, when you follow through and trust that the ball will go right where you intend it to – you have the opposite experience.

The same is true with just about anything.  Companies that focus solely on profits often neglect their customers, their employees or both and spend more time worrying about how to increase their market share and their bottom line than on the quality of their product.  Conversely, those who make it a priority to listen to their customers and employees and create cultures where people do their best work are often rewarded with a loyal following.   Comedians who desperately need a laugh often aren’t all that funny or entertaining, while those who stop worrying about what people think and have a good time on stage end up captivating their audiences and leaving them wanting more.  Artists who sacrifice their passion to pander to the crowd risk producing shallow, uninspiring work, while those who pour their hearts into what they do engage the hearts of others.

When all your attention and energy goes toward the end result, you vacate the process – along with all the energy, passion and unique gifts that go into creating something really special and valuable. Your end product will feel somewhat empty or hollow.  And it is very likely that you will too.

The good news is that the wall created by a fixation on results at the expense of the process is self imposed.  Which means that you have the ability to dismantle it.   In my next post, I’ll share seven tips for breaking through that wall the next time you are stuck.

If you need help overcoming the obstacles that keep you from doing your best work, check out my new video program, On the Road to Real or pick up a copy of my book The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be,available at Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com. If you are interested in working one on one with me, visit https://dianebolden.com/coaching.html to learn more or contact me to schedule a complimentary coaching call.

Stay tuned – next week’s post is Seven Tips for Getting Out of Your Own Way and Doing Your Best Work.

Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

What Happened to Me When the Bottom Fell Out

A little over a year ago, the bottom dropped out of my business.  Many of my biggest contracts came to an end, and it seemed nothing I tried was getting anywhere.  The programs I designed weren’t filling, or would run into major snags just as they were about to get off the ground.  I had no desire to go out and drum up more business – couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do at all.  It seemed none of the things that used to fill me up were working anymore. None of my old strategies had any teeth or traction.  I was lost and discouraged.

The book I had published earlier in the year wasn’t selling the way I wanted it to, which made sense given that I had done very little if any promotion.  It just didn’t feel right.  Nothing really felt right.   I spent months worrying about what was happening to me, trying to find a foothold, and making myself crazy with a huge list of “shoulds” that I couldn’t get myself to do.  I beat myself up pretty bad.  And then I decided the heck with it.  I would accept whatever it was that was happening and just go with it.

One thing I began to enjoy was working with video.  After helping my long time coach and friend Vickie Champion with a video for one of her blogs, she turned the camera on me and pushed the record button before I even knew what I was going to say.  And it was fun – even though it wasn’t quite comfortable with (or very good at) it yet.  We filmed a lot of little video vignettes for my blog and then one day decided to work on something a little more substantive.  We had no idea what was about to unfold.

It started out as a video complement to my book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.  But it evolved into something neither one of us saw coming.  I was tapping creative reserves I didn’t even know I had.  And I was venturing out of my comfort zone – way out.  I threw mainstream to the wind and got a little goofy.

Pinocchio became Pistachio, and I went into character as Jiminea Cricketesia, Voice of Intuition. I dawned a black felt hat, clown vest and a crazy white shirt with ridiculously flared sleeves.  The story we were telling was my own.  And it is the story of so many people I have worked with and continue to work with over the years who have hit a wall trying to play a game that cannot be won – chasing after versions of so called “success” that left them feeling empty and wanting more out of life.  It is a story of the journey that ends the futile search and shines the way to true happiness and lasting fulfillment.

Today, I am thrilled to have the chance to share this series, On the Road to Real: The Adventures of Pistachio with you.  For years I have wanted to provide something that would allow people to get in touch with their own intuition and find their answers in an affordable, impactful way that doesn’t require a huge time commitment.  And that is exactly what this series is – in fact, we are so passionate about helping as many people as possible that we’ve decided to allow people to set their own price for it.

So, if anything I wrote about resonated with you – if you feel like you are running in circles, disenchanted with your work or personal life, or on the verge of a profound transformation that has left you wondering what’s next, I invite you to check this video series out at OnTheRoadtoReal.com/Adventures-of-Pistachio/.  Let me know what you think.  And if you know of anyone who might benefit, spread the word.

“Do not go where the path may lead;

go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thin rope image courtesy of Idea go at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

How to Get (and Stay) in Your ZONE

A few weeks ago, I posted an article about feeling your fear and doing it anyway.  I wrote that after going months without writing a single word for my blog.  I thought I wanted to write.  I loved the idea of writing.  But the truth is what I really loved was the idea of having written. There is a difference.  I wanted the satisfaction of having a finished, polished product that made me feel as though I had accomplished something worthwhile.  But I couldn’t get my heart and head into writing at all.

I told myself it was because I didn’t have the time.  There were too many other things I needed to do.  Too much going on.  And while it was true that there my plate was quite full, it was also true that I could have made the time to write if I really tried.

In a moment of complete honesty, I realized that I was simply experiencing plain old yellow bellied fear.  I was talking to a friend one day about my worry that I couldn’t write a decent article. She blinked in confusion.  “But – you’ve written and published a whole book!  You know how to write.”  I laughed in recognition that she was right.  But it didn’t matter.  I was still paralyzed by doubt.  And to make matters worse, I was also judging myself for being a pansy.

Have you ever done something like that?

Have you ever let your fear and doubt keep you from doing what you really need and want to do?

The longer I went without writing, the more monumental the task seemed.  I just wasn’t sure I could still pull it off.  And to save myself the agony of flailing and failing, I just didn’t try at all.  I manufactured a bunch of other things that justified putting it on the backburner.  But it continued to eat at me, haunting the edges of my mind – and so despite my attempts to avoid it, I experienced agony anyway.

One day when I just couldn’t stand sitting at my desk for another minute, I went for a run.  I didn’t really want to, but I needed to get away and clear my head.  It had been awhile since I went running.  My body was heavy and stiff.

“Do I really want to do this?” I asked myself.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.  But I’m gonna do it anyway.”

So I started moving my legs and ran down the street.  It was not fun.  I was not enjoying myself.  But I kept at it because I knew that feeling wouldn’t last long.  I just needed to warm up and find my zone, and then it would feel good.  Maybe even great.  And that’s exactly what happened.  I came back refreshed, renewed, and energized.

And then it hit me.  Perhaps the same approach that got me into my running zone could get me into my writing zone.  Maybe all I needed was to warm up – to give myself permission to not be in my zone, but to move anyway. Every athlete worth his salt knows the importance of warming up.  Broadcasters do tongue twisters before they get on the air.  Some of the best actors are in character long before they get in front of the camera.  Even cars and other machinery runs better when the engines are warm.

I remembered reading recommendations for writing warm-ups.  I had scoffed at them before, thinking they were a complete waste of time.  If I couldn’t find the time to write as way it was, why would I want to add another chunk of time onto writing something that I would end up throwing away?  It seemed silly.  But I tried it.

What I discovered is that a warm-up – whether for writing or anything else, doesn’t necessarily need to take a whole lot of time.  Five minutes is all that was recommended. Five minutes of sitting at my computer writing a stream of consciousness, letting my fingers dance across the keyboard without stopping, and without regard for spelling, punctuation or typos.  Five minutes of typing anything – even if it was “this is stupid, I don’t know why I am doing this.  I don’t even know what to write about.  I don’t think doing a warm-up is going to help anything.  I want ice cream.  Blah, blah, blah.”

The more that I typed, the more I began to express my fears and doubts.  I moved into my resistance and put it right out there on the paper in black and white.  I wrote about what was on my mind, what was weighing on me.  What I was afraid I would do.  And what I was afraid I wouldn’t do.  And I began to feel lighter, less encumbered, and more fluid as my doubts began to give way to something more interesting that was waiting to break through.

Five minutes.  The timer buzzed.  And then I proceeded to write an article.  I was amazed as what used to take hours came flying out in a matter of minutes.  I let it rip, deciding not to edit myself as I went along and giving myself permission to go back and polish things up later.  I put my judgment on hold and just did what I wanted and needed to do.  And it was wonderful.  I was enjoying the process again.  And when I did, the end result took care of itself.

Later I had lunch with another friend as I shared with him my latest discovery.  His kind brown eyes narrowed with intensity as he asked, “Why do we doubt ourselves?”

“Because we’re afraid we can’t do what we need to do.”  I answered.

“Do you doubt that you are sitting here in front of me?”  He replied.

“No,” I laughed.  “Of course not.”

“Why do you not doubt that?” he asked, unphased.

“Because I can see for myself that I am sitting in front of you.”  I shot back.

“Exactly!”  he said.  “You don’t doubt what you can see, hear  and feel with your own senses.”

And then I realized why a warm-up is so very powerful.  When we doubt ourselves, we begin to tell ourselves stories about how we can’t do anything all that well.  And then we believe those stories and become more firmly entrenched on our backsides.  We become stuck in inertia without indication that we can do anything but stay there.

But when we start moving in a direction – any direction – we begin to have even the smallest shred of evidence to contradict the doubt.  And once we start moving, we gain momentum that allows us to carry on. Even if we are moving in the wrong direction, that momentum gives us what we need to turn things around and go another way.

So I started doing writing warm ups in the morning before I begin doing anything, whether it is writing or anything else.   And I challenge you to do the same.  Think of it as a bit of stretching and some light calisthenics for the mind and the spirit.  Allow yourself a few minutes (even if it is just five) of not judging yourself – write whatever the hell you want.  You might be surprised at what comes out – and what letting it rip allows you to do that you may not have ever realized you had in you.

“As you start to walk out on the way, the way appears.”

– Rumi

 

Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Suddenly Simplified: Living Without Complication

After our kids finished school for the summer, we decided to take a last minute road trip to California.  It was late in the afternoon, and we needed to leave right away if we didn’t want to be driving into the wee hours of the morning.

I wasn’t packed and the house was a mess.  Previously, when we’ve taken road trips, I have meticulously prepared, spending an hour or two deciding what I would bring, and adding a few contingencies to allow for unpredictable weather or in case I didn’t like my outfit choices once I arrived.  Naturally almost every trip I’ve been on involved bringing way too many clothes, which ended up taking almost as much time to return to the closet when I came back as it did to put them in the suitcase in the first place.

In the past, I have also taken way too much time preparing for the drive itself — organizing bags of red licorice, dried fruit, nuts and chips; packing a cooler with water and sodas and sliced fruit; figuring out what music we might want to listen to, what movies the kids could watch, what devices would keep them occupied so they didn’t ask every five minutes if we were there yet.

I would think about all the things we’d need in the hotel to make our stay more enjoyable too – extra pillows, blankets, peanut butter and bread in case someone needed a snack between meals, and ground coffee for the coffee maker that is high on my list of favorite features in the kitchenette style suites we always stay at.  Oh, and of course coffee filters to brew it in.

I like to tidy up before we leave too, so that we come back to a nice, refreshingly clean house (which often takes hours in itself).

But this trip required spur of the moment action. It didn’t allow for any of my careful planning and deliberation over every little thing I could think of (which in the past has ended up pushing back our planned departure time by hours, much to my husband’s dismay.)

And this time, strangely I was up for it.  It was only a two day trip – how hard could it be?   I went into the closet with a little gym bag and picked a couple of t-shirts and a pair of shorts.  I grabbed something to sleep in and scooped my makeup and facial care products together.  It was the smallest bag I’ve ever packed.  Done!

I walked into the pantry with a plastic grocery bag and randomly threw things in it, not even sure exactly what landed, grabbed my coffee and some filters (because, really that’s an essential).  And we jumped in the car.

There were dishes in the sink and all over the counter, along with the contents of the backpacks of each of my children — who had dumped out everything they had accumulated over the entire school year as soon as soon as they came home.  The clothes we had washed the night before were in a pile on the rocking chair, waiting to be sorted and folded.  And each kid’s room looked like a bomb went off in it (as it often does).

“What about this mess?” I said to my husband as we headed toward the door, herding our three children toward the car.  “It’ll still be here when we come home,” he shot back.  I swallowed my resistance and slipped into the passenger seat as he turned the key in the ignition.

And before we knew it, we were backing out of the driveway and headed for the road.  It was so unlike me to be ready for anything on the spur of the moment, but it felt strangely exhilarating. I was free and unencumbered.  I had left my unnecessary baggage behind me.  And I was finally traveling light.

I wasn’t outfitted in the way I had tried so hard to be in the past, with stuff I thought would allow me to rise up to any occasion.  But my mind was ready. I felt nimble and quick, like I could think on my feet about what to do with anything that came my way.

And as we continued our six hour drive from Phoenix to San Diego, I mused over how often I had over thought and unnecessarily complicated so many other things in my life. How many times did I plan and prepare what I thought was a foolproof strategy and then wait until conditions seemed perfect to execute it, almost missing my window of opportunity altogether?  How much procrastinating have I done by convincing myself that I needed to prepare my workspace and get completely organized before I could concentrate and make headway on a task?  And how often did I find that the time I allocated to work on something ended up dwindling to nothing by the time I had finished preparing myself to start?

I suddenly recalled exercises I did in school that involved reading over a few paragraphs with way too much information and crossing out the sentences and words that were redundant.  And how beautifully those paragraphs read without all that unnecessary stuff.

Perhaps I am headed for a simplification of my very self, a lightening, and a back to basics way of living my life — one where I am unencumbered by my fear, my worries, my futile attempts to try to control every variable with a plan that takes way to long to figure out and even longer to execute (and often ends up missing the mark anyway).

So I applied this new way of approaching things to writing this article.  I sat myself down and noticed that familiar urge to get a snack, pour myself a glass of water, make sure I had replied to any pressing emails, go around in circles about what I want to write about.  Not this time, I decided.  Instead, I opened up a word document and started typing a stream of consciousness.  Random thoughts that made no sense whatsoever. I wrote about how I had no idea what to write about, how ridiculous it was to think I could sit down and just jump in.  And how I was kind of scared that once I finally figured it out, I wouldn’t do it justice.

I noticed my tendency to want to go back and read what I had already written, and perfect and edit it before I had even finished.  And I made myself just keep on writing.  Just get it done.  Just jump in the car.  Just grab what you need and figure the rest out along the way.

Eventually the article you are now reading spilled onto the page.  Pretty messy at first.  But I got it done.  I got out of my own freaking way, and I got it done.  And it felt good.  A whole new way of looking at things.  A whole new way of being.  Me, pared down, minus unnecessary fears, protests, layers of protection, feet dragging.  Me.  Right here, right now.

It felt a little strange – like writing with the wrong hand, or going outside with my clothes on backwards.  I’m aware of the fear that if I don’t spend hours preparing for something, I might forget an important detail or face a situation I’m not equipped for.  But I have a feeling that the more I do this, the more I’ll learn to trust something in myself that knows exactly what I need for any given task – without having to think about it all that much. And that would be worth more than anything my most careful, cautious planning and preparation has gotten me.

Maybe all I really need is my coffee.  (And perhaps one day, I’ll learn to function without that too.)

.

Stay tuned for the launch of a new video series, On the Road to Real: The Adventures of Pistachio (coming in July via OnTheRoadtoReal.com), designed to help each of us move beyond the old habits and patterns that keep us from the road that leads to true happiness and lasting fulfillment.

Image:  www.freedigitalphotos.net