Most of us have people in our lives that for whatever reason lead us to temporarily lose access to our fully functioning brains. You may find that in their presence, words suddenly escape you. Or worse, they seem to pour out of you like diarrhea or projectile vomit, leaving you to feel even more uneasy. Perhaps you unexpectedly develop a stutter. Maybe you become unusually clumsy, or suddenly fixated on how large your nose (or some other part of your body) feels.
These are the kind of things that happen when we are intimidated by someone. People intimidate us for a number of reasons. Intimidation can be triggered by someone with an explosive temper, or a person who tends to be critical of you. It could come on when you are around someone you really want to be liked by. And sometimes it happens when you are in the presence of people who seem to have all the things in life that you do not, from stunning physical attributes to lavish material possessions to prestigious job titles. But there is one common denominator present when you find yourself intimidated by another person and believe it or not, it has very little to do with any of the previous factors I mentioned.
The root of all intimidation lies in what you are believing about yourself in any given moment.
It is easy to conclude that the problem exists somewhere out there – the way someone looks at you, or responds (or doesn’t respond) to you. And you might even think – if so and so wasn’t in my life, I would be so much more confident and self assured. But the problem isn’t other people – not even people who may intentionally be trying to tear you down a notch. You may think their hurtful messages are to blame. But the trouble isn’t hearing hurtful messages from others. That wouldn’t explain why people are intimidated by those they envy or really want to be liked by – who may never actually say anything at all.
The reason people intimidate us is that in their presence we are telling ourselves that we are simply not good enough, attractive enough, rich enough, powerful enough, articulate enough, smart enough, skinny enough, athletic enough – or ENOUGH altogether. And worse, we are believing it.
When you believe you are inadequate in any way, you will inadvertently cut yourself off from your brilliance. Sometimes it’s just a little kink in the hose that still allows a small portion of your competence or grace or talent to come through. And other times it’s just an all out blockage. It’s not that all those wonderful things about you have gone away. You just temporarily have trouble accessing them. And then you may panic and find that things get even worse.
So how do you remove the blockage?
What can you do to avoid becoming intimidated and losing confidence?
If these questions are on your mind, stay tuned for my next post, How to Stay Confident Around People Who Intimidate You, or check out my new video program, On the Road to Real.
Image courtesy of Marcus74id at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.