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Riding the Wave of Chaos
My kitchen looks like a bomb went off in it. Papers strewn over the counters amidst puddles of green smoothie remnants from this morning’s attempt to consume a healthy breakfast. A bottle of maple syrup with sticky liquid oozing from the cap into small droplets down the front of the label and onto the counter. Half eaten waffles on a paper plate sitting on the kitchen table. Last night’s dinner dishes still in the sink waiting for a bath.
School is back in session. No more lazy mornings letting the kids sleep in until they feel good and ready to emerge from their soft, cool sheets. Alarm clocks blazing. Pillows shielding their eyes from the sun as the cruel window shades open to the blinding light of the morning. ” Ten more minutes!”, they shout.
“Nope. Time to get up.”
I stumble into my home office to be greeted with a foul stench. One of the animals has found a convenient place to relieve herself. I locate the offending pile of poop on the floor right next to my hard drive. It is a bit runny. Probably from our cat, wildly jealous of the new kitten that has just learned to use the litter box the two of them will share (well, hopefully will share) at some point in the near future. I scoop the mess from the floor and carefully wipe down the cords, trying really hard not to hurl.
Lunches need to be prepared. Homework journals must be signed. Three kids need to be shuttled to two different schools. We have been catapulted back into a very segmented time regimen that we are just not quite in sync with yet.
8:03am. Time to pile into the car for the first trip out. We get halfway to our destination when my son realizes the report he has worked like a dog all weekend to complete is sitting in its shiny report binder on the coffee table. Cranking my steering wheel to make a U turn in heavy morning traffic, I can feel panic rising in my sweet young son. He knows he’ll be late on the first full week of school. His breathing is shallow. His shoulders are tight. His jaw is clenched.
I know that look. I’ve embodied that look. My heart goes out to him.
Where’s my coffee? I forgot to make myself a cup of coffee. I take a deep breath and try to calm my son. He doesn’t feel like chatting.
We ride in silence to the house. He springs from the car and bursts through the door with me on his heels. We are on a mission. We find the report and leap back into the car. When we reach the school, he slinks out, hangs his head and makes his way to class.
I breathe in and out. Gotta get home and shuttle the second group in now.
My daughter is sitting on the kitchen floor cleaning her white tennis shoes with a toothbrush. My son is at the computer playing his favorite video game. I silently pray that their backpacks are somewhere in the near vicinity, with all the important papers and folders inside. Fate smiles on me and they are good to go. My car drives on familiar tracks to their school, around the turnaround and through the drop off area. Hugs and kisses. The door closes. And I am free.
Except for the kitchen. And the fact that I have a meeting in thirty five minutes that I am not quite ready for.
WRITE! The voice inside my head is talking to me. WRITE NOW.
I think of the dishes. My hair needs brushing. And I’m not so sure about my wardrobe selection. I sit at the computer and place my hands on the keyboard. I begin to type.
What I realize now is that I have just stepped through chaos into a different zone. The wave came at me. It was high. It was strong. Powerful. But this morning I didn’t fight it. I let it take me for a ride. I remembered to breathe. And I’m still in the chaos.
I’ve had mornings like this where I ended up bruised and beaten, hurled onto the shore with arms flailing, trying to fight the wave and make everything happen the way I thought it should. I’ve crawled sputtering to the beach exhausted and worn out, all my energy spent rebelling against the unforeseen forces that thrust me unwillingly into chaos. But not today. Today, I feel good.
My heart goes out to my son. But I know that this is only one of a number of experiences he will have that will teach him something he’ll find useful at some point in his future. He may never realize how important it was or how it shaped him. He will likely have a few more of those mornings. And so will I. Gradually, he will make different choices. He will learn to breathe. He will learn to relax and take whatever comes to him with grace and determination. If he has enough of these experiences, he may even become unflappable.
Ride the wave. Even if it takes you under. You’ll come out on top eventually. Remember to breathe when you have the opportunity to come up for air.
And seize the moment to do whatever your gut tells you to. Even if at the time it seems like the craziest thing you could possibly think of.
My hair still needs brushing. But I’m more ready now for that morning meeting that I ever would have been if I hadn’t stopped to reflect, ponder, and WRITE.
The dishes will get done when it is time. The cat will poop where it will. And what I’m wearing isn’t nearly as important as how I feel. Hello new day. I’m here.
Today, I’m REALLY here.
For more on riding the wave of chaos:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be 
Finding Your Answer In the Midst of Chaos
Wave picture by Kaz Sano from Dreamstime.com.
Finding Your Answer In the Midst of Chaos
The video above was born of a desire to capture not only the feeling of frustration and chaos, but also a way to rise above it . Below is a transcript of what I said (minus the demonstration). And at the end of the transcript are links to other resources on finding answers in the midst of chaos.
Do you ever get so frustrated that you can’t take it anymore? Find yourself in a situation where you have NO IDEA what to do? So mad. All you want to do is get away. You want to leave. You want to escape. But you can’t. You’re stuck. And the more you panic, the tighter everything gets. The more trapped you feel. The more angry you are. And it gets worse. And WORSE.
Maybe it’s a conflict — a difficult conversation. Maybe someone just dropped a bomb on you — gave you feedback that was kind of painful. Or maybe someone just told you to get your project done in a day instead of a week. Maybe the rug just got pulled out from under you. Who knows?
We have this every day. I have this. And the more I resist, the more I LOSE IT. I lose my head. I lose touch with anything that might help me get out of the situation.
But you know what? Maybe, instead of trying to GET AWAY and make things happen just the way WE want them to, we can just relax, take a deep breath, reconnect, take another look and realize… Hey, you know what? It’s not as bad as I thought. I was making a lot of stuff up when I was panicking. But when I look at it and relax — when I connect, I realize I have everything I need.
And then, I find my answer. And so will you.
For more information on finding answers in the midst of chaos:
Leading Through Uncertainty
How do I motivate and inspire my team in the midst of uncertainty that could lead to the whole department being eliminated? I mean, I’m not even sure I’ll have a job myself!
This is a question a client of mine recently asked. A tough one. I didn’t have an immediate answer for him. He didn’t want to blow smoke in their faces or hand them a bunch of rose colored glasses. Nor should he. It is a scary time for a lot of people right now. And there are no easy answers. But in times of uncertainty, it is more important than ever to rest in the certainty that each one of us has what it takes to rise above anything life may bring us.
This is what the greatest leaders have done throughout history. It’s easy to lead when things are stable and successful. It’s when all chaos breaks loose and the chances of survival are slim that the world’s heroes have risen up to help people remember who they are and to rise up to their most daunting challenges.
Here are three things to remember when you find yourself in a situation similar to the one my client was in:
(1) There is nothing that will come your way that you cannot handle. If you want proof, consider the fact that you are still here. Think back to the last struggle or setback you faced. What did you do? How did you get through it? What did you learn? In retrospect, what would you tell yourself in order to help you get through that? And what will you tell yourself now?
Sometimes it helps to think of the worst case scenario. What would you do? Really. What would you do? If you sit with that question and allow yourself to remain calm, you will find an answer. Because when you get quiet, you summon up that which is timeless within you – that which will not change with the uncertainty, but rather grow stronger in the face of it – your inner strength, resilience, creativity and ingenuity. Benjamin Franklin said it well many years ago: “To be thrown upon one’s own resources, is to be cast into the very lap of fortune; for our faculties then undergo a development and display an energy of which they were previously unsusceptible.”
Getting connected to your core strength is essential and must be done before you can provide any real inspiration and motivation to others. Your confidence will emanate at a level that people will feel – before you even say a word.
(2) Once you have reconnected with your own inner reserves, help others reconnect with theirs as well. Extraordinary leaders have the ability to connect with people at a deeper level. They see not only what each person they lead has done in the past, but also what they are capable of doing in the future. In times of chaos and uncertainty, people need to be reminded of their strengths because trying times tend to lead us to doubt ourselves and forget how very capable and strong we really are.
Speaking to people in terms of what they are capable of as a group can be helpful, but speaking to each person individually will have a far more powerful impact. Think about each person you lead. What has he or she done in the past that has impressed you? What natural talents have you noticed – what does each person do that seems to come easily? What does each tend to do that has a positive impact on themselves and everyone around them? Maybe it is a sense of humor. Perhaps it is an ability to foresee obstacles no one anticipated and create a plan for overcoming them. Maybe it is an ability to think outside the box, a dogged determination to make things work, or a natural tendency to partner with others. What is it that gives you faith that no matter what happens, this person will rise above it? Speak to it with sincere appreciation and encouragement. Help that person to embody those qualities once again.
(3) Keep people’s focus (including your own) on possibilities rather than frustrations. As with everything in life, whatever we focus on has a way of becoming amplified. When we allow ourselves to become consumed with fear and doubt, our brains have a way of finding things that feed those states and we find that there seems to be even more to be afraid of or frustrated by. This phenomenon often happens without our conscious awareness, and it is a vicious cycle that can keep us falling deeper and deeper into despair.
Reversing this cycle requires a conscious effort. When we notice we are feeling upset by a certain thought, the first step is to become aware of the thought that has caused the reaction and deliberately choose another one to focus on. There is always something positive or hopeful to focus on. Sometimes finding it takes a bit of work, but that effort will be met with rich rewards. A man named Ambrose Redmoon once said “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important.” We need to figure out what is more important – more worthy of our attention and energy and focus on that. As we do, our innate talents and strengths have a way of rising to the occasion.
With any change that brings uncertainty, there is a process of renewal involved. The old must fall way in order for the new to be revealed. This is true in nature as well as in our communities, organizations and in our very selves. We can focus on what we are losing and experience a great deal of sadness and grief, or we can focus on what is newly emerging around us – and within us. Sometimes the most difficult changes are the very things we need to experience to get closer to what we really want in life. We may not realize the gifts change and uncertainty bring for weeks, months, and even years. But we can recognize how it has served us in the past and trust in the process, in each other, and in ourselves.
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.”
~ Richard Bach
My new book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Being Real: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about reconnecting to your inner reserves and drawing upon them to give life to your greatest visions and dreams. It will be released on January 11, 2011 and will soon be available to pre-order. Stay tuned for more information and subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com to hear about free upcoming events, videos and teleseminars – and to receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.
Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts. Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about? Let me know. I’d love to hear from you!
