How Going Backwards Can Help You Move Forward

 

“I can’t believe I did that (again).”

I hear that often from clients who are intent on changing a behavior or habit they’ve realized is getting in their way.

And of course, I’ve said it myself.

But for anyone who has uttered those words, I have good news.

If you’ve caught yourself (even after the fact) falling into old, painful patterns, you are actually making great progress.

It’s likely that many of the things that get in your way operate beneath your level of conscious awareness. They may be knee jerk reactions that occur when you are triggered (i.e. firing off that email before you’ve calmed down or talking louder instead of listening or seeking to understand).

You may do them on autopilot – without even realizing it (i.e. checking your inbox every time a new email comes in or saying yes to something you don’t have time for).

And those are the things that can get you in trouble.

Because though you may not realize when you’re engaging in self-defeating behavior, you will experience the IMPACT of that behavior (stress, frustration, overwhelm, anxiety).

And rather than realizing that impact is something self-created (that you can prevent in the future), it’s all too easy to attribute it to external circumstances… the behavior of others, the stressful environments you’re in, the pressure you’re under.

BUT – when you not only realize you tend to fall into some kind of self-defeating pattern, but also CATCH yourself doing it, you have just interrupted a vicious cycle. The pattern begins to lose its power, because once you have become aware of it you have reclaimed that power for yourself.

EVEN if you don’t catch yourself until after the fact.

You can replay your own behavior in your mind’s eye and notice what the trigger was and how you reacted. You can ask yourself, “what could I do in a similar situation that would be better than what I just did?”

In your mind’s eye, you can watch yourself engaging in that alternative behavior over and over again (which is much more productive than repeatedly beating yourself up as you replay the actual event).

And that practice has been scientifically proven to change behavior. Brain scans show mental rehearsal builds the same neural connections that actual practice does. It creates a new path for your brain to travel on – one that will eventually allow your behavior to follow.

As you continue to hold the intention of catching yourself falling into an old pattern and choosing a different, more effective response, the time it’ll take for you respond in alignment with your intentions will get shorter and shorter.

You’ll go from catching yourself after the fact to catching yourself moments after it happened (and having the opportunity to redirect), to realizing you’ve been triggered and engaging in a more effective way altogether.

So, the next time you catch yourself falling into an old habit, pat yourself on the back and leverage your experience as a path for progress.