How Going Backwards Can Help You Move Forward

 

“I can’t believe I did that (again).”

I hear that often from clients who are intent on changing a behavior or habit they’ve realized is getting in their way.

And of course, I’ve said it myself.

But for anyone who has uttered those words, I have good news.

If you’ve caught yourself (even after the fact) falling into old, painful patterns, you are actually making great progress.

It’s likely that many of the things that get in your way operate beneath your level of conscious awareness. They may be knee jerk reactions that occur when you are triggered (i.e. firing off that email before you’ve calmed down or talking louder instead of listening or seeking to understand).

You may do them on autopilot – without even realizing it (i.e. checking your inbox every time a new email comes in or saying yes to something you don’t have time for).

And those are the things that can get you in trouble.

Because though you may not realize when you’re engaging in self-defeating behavior, you will experience the IMPACT of that behavior (stress, frustration, overwhelm, anxiety).

And rather than realizing that impact is something self-created (that you can prevent in the future), it’s all too easy to attribute it to external circumstances… the behavior of others, the stressful environments you’re in, the pressure you’re under.

BUT – when you not only realize you tend to fall into some kind of self-defeating pattern, but also CATCH yourself doing it, you have just interrupted a vicious cycle. The pattern begins to lose its power, because once you have become aware of it you have reclaimed that power for yourself.

EVEN if you don’t catch yourself until after the fact.

You can replay your own behavior in your mind’s eye and notice what the trigger was and how you reacted. You can ask yourself, “what could I do in a similar situation that would be better than what I just did?”

In your mind’s eye, you can watch yourself engaging in that alternative behavior over and over again (which is much more productive than repeatedly beating yourself up as you replay the actual event).

And that practice has been scientifically proven to change behavior. Brain scans show mental rehearsal builds the same neural connections that actual practice does. It creates a new path for your brain to travel on – one that will eventually allow your behavior to follow.

As you continue to hold the intention of catching yourself falling into an old pattern and choosing a different, more effective response, the time it’ll take for you respond in alignment with your intentions will get shorter and shorter.

You’ll go from catching yourself after the fact to catching yourself moments after it happened (and having the opportunity to redirect), to realizing you’ve been triggered and engaging in a more effective way altogether.

So, the next time you catch yourself falling into an old habit, pat yourself on the back and leverage your experience as a path for progress.

Lighthouses and Leaders: How to Live Better and Lead Brighter

 

I’ve always been drawn to lighthouses.  And this summer we traveled to visit one of my favorites…

But this trip was unlike previous visits – and it led me to some powerful insights about what lighthouses and leaders have in common.

We look to leaders to light the way.  But sometimes even the mightiest lights begin to dim.  What do you do when that happens?

This week’s video will give you some powerful tips on how you can live better and lead brighter.

You likely have a few of your own practices for refreshing and reviving yourself… I’d love to hear them!  Leave a comment here so others can benefit as well.

Here’s to reigniting your light!

Diane

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, Diane Bolden, executive coach and author of the “Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead.” And I just wanted to tell you a quick story of something that happened over our summer vacation.

We went up to Northern California and one of our favorite places to visit up there is the Point Reyes Lighthouse. It was built in 1870 and back in its heyday, its light was so bright that it could be seen all the way to the horizon for 24 miles. The path to get there is beautiful. It takes a little while to get to the viewing point but once you do, it’s well worth the trip… …except for the time we were there.

It was so foggy you could barely even make out the lighthouse. I almost didn’t even snap a picture of it. But when I got home, I was really glad I did. Because I was reflecting on the whole nature of lighthouses and I realized that the fog doesn’t really matter.

The whole purpose of a lighthouse is to cut through the fog, to show a path for other people. And the lighthouse doesn’t change the fog… doesn’t take it away. It just shines its light so that other people can find their way. And I think that’s exactly what a leader does.

Regardless of your title, your vocation or your role, you have the ability to show other people a way through the thickest of challenges and to help yourself find your way too. But every once in a while, our lights as leaders start to flicker and dim and it’s really important when that happens that we tend to the light so that we can continue to help other people.

In fact, if your light’s starting to dim, one of the most generous things you can do as a leader is reignite it and do whatever you can to lead brighter. And maybe that just means slowing down long enough to catch your breath or connect the dots or reflect a little on what life’s trying to teach you. Maybe it’s about getting connected with what’s most important to you, what it is that you want, and how you can create more of that.

Maybe it’s about making the decision to recognize and release habits that are no longer serving you or just doing some things that bring you joy. Spending time with people that make you smile and laugh or doing whatever it is that lights you up. Maybe it’s taking a walk in nature or gardening or writing or listening to some great music or playing music.

I don’t know what it is for you, but you probably do. And if your light’s starting to dim a little, chances are you probably haven’t let yourself do it for a while. Regardless of how bright your light is, regularly tending to it will allow you to cut through the deepest of fog so that you can help other people find their path too.

Do you know somebody whose light could use a little brightening? Share this video with them and a little of your own light. And don’t forget to take good care of yourself – so that you too can live and lead brighter.

Don’t Let a Gut Punch Keep You Down

 

If you’ve ever had a major disappointment, you know it can suck the wind right out of you, just like a gut punch. It can also steal your attention and energy and keep it fixated on something you likely have little or no control over. And that has far worse consequences.

Getting the wind knocked out of you is temporary. Eventually your breathing evens out and your bruises heal. But if you allow your attention and energy to be dominated by something that brings you down, you not only forfeit your ability to savor the positive things in your life – you also give away your power.

Why?

Because our brains are wired to take in information that confirms what we already believe, deem to be important, and/or are currently focused on. And they screen out any information that doesn’t match.

So, when you allow your focus to be consumed by something that’s bringing you down, your reticular activating system acts as a filter that allows more information in to match the dominant thought pattern. It’ll also screen out information that could otherwise pull you out of your funk. And that can keep you trapped in a downward spiral.

It’ll magnify your feelings of disappointment, but that’s not the worst of it. Since action follows thought, it’ll also keep you from recognizing what you could potentially do to rise above it.

But it doesn’t have to…

Here are five tips for turning that dynamic around – so you can bounce back from disappointment more quickly and get yourself back on a positive, productive, and promising trajectory.

1) Notice your state and acknowledge your feeling. Disappointment is real, as are the losses that often accompany them. Often denying those feelings just makes them stronger. Feeling them allows them to move through you more quickly.

2) Identify what you most want now. You can use the disappointment itself as a guiding force. If the thing you most wanted had come to be, what would it have given you? See if you can go deeper by identifying the feeling beneath them that was driving the desire. Perhaps it was a feeling of peace or joy. Maybe it was a sense of accomplishment or progress.

3) Shift your focus to whatever allows you to feel those feelings now. Maybe it’s something you are grateful for in your life. Or the memory of a previous success. The more you can identify with that feeling, the more likely you are to align your thoughts with what you most desire.

4) Shift your attention from what’s out of your control to what’s within your ability to impact. Even asking yourself the question of what you could do to bring your desire to fruition will begin to change your thought pattern and prompt your reticular activating system to search for ideas and solutions.

5) Never underestimate the power your thoughts and actions have on those around you. Use this opportunity to show others the way to rise above their own disappointment and frustration.

No one enjoys a gut punch. It may knock you down, but it doesn’t have to keep you there. With conscious intention, desire, and a willingness to stay in the game you can come back strong – with the mindset and mojo of a winner.

The thrill of the game – in work and life

 

If you’ve ever played video games, you know that the fun is advancing to the next level.

Overcoming the obstacles thrown at you unlocks new features, brings new adventures and leads you to get better at playing the game.

The same is true in life, especially at work.

You likely have ideas, dreams and visions that call to you – whether advancing your career, launching a new project, or making a bigger difference. Every day gives you a new opportunity to reach a little higher and get a little closer.

What if you could approach your personal and work challenges with the same enthusiasm and vigor you might bring to advancing to the next level in a video game?

In real life it’s far too easy to get lured into playing small and staying where you’re at. We don’t intend to do that, of course. Our intentions are often grand. But a myriad of reasons keep us from acting on them.

• We don’t give ourselves permission to dream big (and to pursue those dreams)
• We’re too busy doing things that could/should really be delegated to others
• We don’t know where (or how) to start
• We fear we don’t have what it takes (and stay in our comfort zones instead)
• We’re waiting for the right opportunity (instead of creating one)
• We worry there’s too much to lose if we “fail” (and forget what’s at stake if we don’t try)

Anytime you endeavor to do anything worthwhile, you will meet with resistance.

And while this resistance may take the form of actual obstacles, often it’s our own fear that is the most formidable of them. Because this fear makes the roadblocks appear much more imposing and immovable than they really are.

The good news is that any obstacle you impose upon yourself is within your power to overcome. You must simply decide what you want is more important than your fear. Acting on that courage unlocks something within yourself in much the same way that advancing to the next level of a video game gives you superpowers you didn’t have at the previous level.

It’s true that you have a lot more to lose in real life than you do in video games, but most of the things people are afraid of are far less likely and impactful than the consequences of holding out on the visions and dreams most precious to them.

That’ll kill you silently over time and suck the joy out of living.

A funny thing happens when you muster up the courage to act despite your fear, doubts and resistance. You gain the confidence and competence necessary to respond to challenges in ways you never thought you could, and the resilience to bounce back from any setback and start again.

And you learn and accomplish things that dramatically improve the quality of your own life as well as everyone around you.

Once you learn to work through your fear and other obstacles, you inspire others to do the same.

Every great accomplishment is a result of someone moving through their resistance to go beyond what they’ve done before and achieve what many never dreamed possible.

Let purpose reignite your progress

 

Have you ever had a really hard time getting something done? Something big?

When you’re up against a large task or project, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the details and magnitude of what is before you. And when the project you’re working on requires you to do something new and uncomfortable, it often elicits fear, frustration, and anxiety.

In what is often an unconscious attempt to regain control, we are easily lulled into doing things that we know will be easier and potentially more enjoyable.

Some tasks don’t really need to get done right now (or ever) or should really be delegated to others, but we often prefer those. And then there are the popular time-wasters: surfing the web, making idle conversation, cleaning out your inbox, or my personal favorite – making more lists of everything you think must get done and identifying all the steps you need to take.

That is actually a great thing to do when you’re focused, but in procrastination mode, it becomes planning to plan (and then plan some more) until you have a rock-solid strategy that you never actually execute.

It may feel like you are spinning your wheels – running faster than ever but not getting anywhere.

To break out of that crazy cycle, take some time to revisit your purpose or the larger mission or goal behind what you are doing.

• Get clear about what (or who) the work is for.
• Identify how it will improve the quality of life for yourself or those around you.
• Reflect on the degree to which it will contribute to something greater or allow you to achieve a meaningful goal.

Write it down.

Add to it as you think of additional bonuses. Then, sit for a moment and see if you can envision what it would feel like to satisfy that larger purpose, vision, or goal. See if you can feel it so clearly that you are actually grateful for it.

This simple act will help you reconnect with something inside you that will propel you beyond the minutia. It will give you the courage and strength to walk through your fear or resistance to do something you may not be so good at yet. And it will help you to get back to the joy that comes through the process as well as the attainment of the end goal.

When you approach things this way, all you do will be instilled with a new energy – one that uplifts, delights, and inspires.

Whatever you experience as you work on a project will be what people feel when they partake of the fruit of your efforts. The more you remember this, the more you’ll experience the satisfaction and gratification of having done something truly meaningful that lifts you out of the humdrum and into a place of brilliance.

And all who encounter your work will be better off because of it.

 

How to Have More Good Days at Work – and at Home

 

Work.  Some days are good, and others not so much…  Just like life, right?

Since we spend so many of our waking hours working, it’s likely that a good day at work will spill over into your life after work.  Unfortunately, a not-so-good day will do that too.

You can’t always change what comes at you in your professional life, but there are some things you can do to have a better experience of it. 

What’s interesting is that improving your experience of work won’t just allow you to enjoy your life more. It can also boost your performance, leading not only to greater satisfaction and fulfillment – but also increased effectiveness and better results.

This week’s video expands on that idea and gives you a simple example of how to have more good days at work – and at home.  The audio is a snippet of some opening comments from a previous Pinocchio Principle Unleashed group session.

Though enrollment for the fall program has now closed, the Executive Track (an individualized version that blends the curriculum with 1:1 coaching) is available anytime.

You can also bring the group program into your organization and customize it to meet your unique needs. Get more information or join the waiting list to be notified of the next group session at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com.

We all have plenty of work in our lives.  Here’s to putting more life into our work – and watching both grow infinitely richer!

 

FULL VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

One day when my son was 8 years old, he came home from camp with a riddle. He said, “Pretend you’re in a box with four walls all around you and it’s airtight. There’s no handles and no latches.  How do you get out?”

“Hmm, I responded.  “I don’t know. I think I would punch my way out.”

He said “No.”

“Okay, then I’d use my legs. I’d kick my way out.”

“No.” He was emphatic.

I thought for a moment. “Hmm. Maybe I’d try to chew my way out.”

He was getting more and more irritated with me. “No.”

I was out of ideas, “I don’t know. I give up. How do you get out?”

“Mom,” he said.  “If you’re pretending you’re in a box with airtight walls, the way you get out is you STOP PRETENDING.”

Wow, this from an eight year old.

It’s crept into my thinking several times over the years because I think it’s such a great analogy for what we do.

How Beliefs Can Become Boxes

We have these beliefs…

Have you ever thought about how your belief about work shapes your experience of work? To a large degree, we’re pretty much conditioned to believe that work is not supposed to be fun – that work is something that you do in order to earn a living, pay your bills, feed your family, and be a responsible human being. Work is something that you do and you just get through it.

And living… well, living is what you do after work, right?

It’s part of our societal conditioning. Have you ever noticed that?

You Can Break Out of Your Box

The people who enjoy their work are people who have realized that doesn’t have to be true.

“What if I didn’t think that? What if I approached it differently? What if I thought of work as an opportunity for me to do something cool, to contribute to something bigger than me? What if I thought of work as an opportunity to be around people or to partner with people that I really enjoy, or that are really interesting to me, or that I can learn from? What if I think of work as a way that I can somehow grow?”

What a novel idea.

Work is What You Make It

What’s interesting is that people who believe work is a chore, experience it that way. And they get bogged down, and they have so much to do, and they feel like they’re never going to be able to finish it. And it’s one more thing and everything’s going wrong. And then there’s this and there’s that and they can’t wait to go home.

And that person could be working side by side with somebody who believes – even just for that day, even just for that moment, that work is something different. And they will have a whole different experience. They will tell you something entirely different.

It’s not that they won’t have a whole boatload of work to do. It’s not that they won’t have pressure or deadlines and people relying on them and more to do than there’s time to do.

But there’s something about people who believe different things about work that changes the way they interact with everybody. EVERYBODY.

Learning How to Have More Good Days at Work is About Making a Choice

If you think about the last time you went even just to get a cup of coffee… the difference between somebody taking your order that never makes eye contact with you, that’s having kind of a crappy day, that is kind of wearing it on their body and the way that you feel when they serve you…

…the difference between that and somebody who when you walk in, looks you in the eye and asks you how you’re doing and maybe shares something funny or is genuinely interested in you. And really you can tell that when they ask you how you are, it’s not just part of their script. There’s something about their presence that is with you.

I guarantee you they are having a better day than the other person… not because anything different is going on, but because they made a choice to see work differently.

Make YOUR choice.

For more, visit www.UnleashtheExtraordinary.com

How to leverage the fall season to supercharge your success.

Did you know this is officially the first full week of fall? We can take our cues from nature and use this season to supercharge our success. The fall equinox marks the transition between the bright and dark halves of the year – and it brings with it opportunities that are easy to overlook in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.

It’s a time of letting go and preparing for regeneration. Animals start to hibernate. The leaves fall from the trees – but also, did you know that the energy of plants actually moves from creating and growing new leaves and flowers to developing a really strong root system that’ll help it survive through the winter?

That process also allows perennials to burst forth in spring with vigorous growth and a profusion of flowers. And we can do the same… slowing down long enough to just catch up with ourselves and connect the dots.

I don’t necessarily think we need to hibernate. But taking the time to reflect on where you’ve been, where you’re going, what’s most important to you, and how you can take good care of yourself can be incredibly regenerative.

Here are four questions that can help you supercharge your success this season.

1) What is it that you’ve already accomplished over the year so far that you’re proud of, that you can celebrate? And what is it that’s calling to you in the future? What’s most important to you? What is it that you really want to focus your time and energy on?

2) What are two or three things you’ve learned this year? Maybe it’s a skill you’ve picked up or  an insight as to what’s been getting in your way and how you might overcome that. Perhaps it’s something you’ve learned about yourself or even life.

3) How can you take care of your own root system? What can you do to strengthen and prepare yourself to move forward with greater boldness, ease, and momentum and get where you really want to go in the coming months – and perhaps, even the year ahead?

4) And finally, what is it that you can let go of? What has run its course and is no longer serving you? Maybe it’s a habit or a pattern, or something that you’ve done for a long time that just really isn’t working for you.

Here’s to fall – to all the things that you’ve accomplished and have yet to accomplish; to taking the time to tend to your own root system; and to honoring the passage of seasons within your own work and your life to supercharge your success this season!

Diane

Make the most of your mishaps

 

We all experience our share of mishaps. But with patience and ingenuity, you can turn those setbacks into springboards. This video provides 3 examples of how it’s done. It marks the last day in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20.It’s an excerpt from one of the video lessons in the program.

If you’re thinking about attending, it’s not too late to register. Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.

How to keep life’s obstacles from stopping you

Imagine that you’re cruising along in your car headed smoothly toward your destination. And then traffic slows to a stop.

Is there an accident ahead? Construction? Some other impediment?

No worries. Your GPS has an alternate route that’ll get you exactly where you need to go.

What if you could find your way around life’s roadblocks with the same ease and efficiency as your GPS system?

You can!

The video below will show you how. It marks Day 2 in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20…

It’s an excerpt from one of the video lessons in the program. If you’re thinking about attending, it’s not too late to register. Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.

See how easily you can get unstuck

 

Do you ever feel like you’re at the mercy of your environment?

Imagine a racehorse getting ready for the starting gun, blood pumping, adrenaline rushing, eager to stretch itself beyond the confines of its compartment…

But the gun never goes off. The gate never opens. And the horse is trapped.

Imagine the animal bucking and kicking and expending a tremendous amount of energy railing at its constraints, until finally it foregoes its desire to run and resigns itself to the small, constricted space.

Many executives I’ve worked with over the years have felt like that racehorse in their organizations and their careers.

Maybe you can relate?

Perhaps, like so many…

 …you’re frustrated about how things are going in your organization or feel like work is becoming a grind, but question whether there’s really anything you can do about it and even wonder if you should look for another job.

…you long for more in your career but aren’t sure what it is you really want or how to find it.

…you have a vision or dream of doing something amazing but wonder if you can really pull it off or whether your ideas will be well received.

…you want to play a bigger game but are hesitant because of a recent setback, challenge or disappointment.

…you’d like to infuse new energy in your organization but are discouraged because previous efforts to create an engaged, inspired workplace have fallen flat.

If you can relate to any of the above statements, I have good news for you.

Unlike the racehorse confined to its compartment, you can open your own gate and free yourself from the constraints that keep you feeling trapped.

 And best of all, it doesn’t require anything radical.

You may not have to quit your job, transfer departments, move to Canada, or fire your whole team.

In fact, many executives who do things like that find it’s only a matter of time before they are right back in the scenarios they’ve left — only surrounded by different faces with different names.

The truth is, freeing yourself starts from the inside out, not the outside in. Because even though it seems our biggest constraints are “out there”, most of our biggest obstacles are self-imposed.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying organizational constraints aren’t limiting. It’s just that until you address your own impediments, you’ll likely never see the way to rise above all the other ones.

Over the last 25 years I’ve worked with hundreds of executives to recognize and open the gates that have kept them from the freedom, fulfillment and success they crave. Today marks Day 3 in the countdown to the launch of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track kicking off on Friday 9/20, a 7-week leadership development program that can help you do the same.

 The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed will help you…

 …move beyond the frustrations and irritations that bring you down and breathe new life into your work, allowing you to see and act on possibilities you never realized were there.

…gain clarity into what you most want in your career and what you can do from where you are to make a bigger impact doing meaningful work you are passionate about.

…access a new level of confidence in yourself and your abilities that will help you navigate a course and unleash the level of performance necessary to bring your most precious dreams and visions to life.

…learn to leverage your experiences (including those you’d rather forget) to gain valuable insight on the best way to get where you most want to go.

And having experienced a resurgence of your own engagement, you’ll naturally lead others to reignite their enthusiasm and effectiveness in ways that previous organizational initiatives couldn’t.

Find out more and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. Respond directly to this email with with questions – or for group or alumni enrollment.

I’d love to help you move beyond your perceived limitations to reach a whole new level of success that is truly meaningful to you. Don’t wait another minute to free yourself from the illusion of being trapped by your circumstances. Save your seat today!

Here’s to your success!

Diane