How to Survive and Thrive in Change and Chaos

 

We have all experienced times of pressure, anxiety and sudden change.
When jobs are tenuous or organizations are restructuring, it might feel as though life itself is turning upside down. Frustration and turmoil is a common response to this kind of uncertainty and disorientation. It can lead to exhaustion and hopelessness. But consider this as you think about the things in your life and career that may feel as though they are spinning out of control…

What if the only thing standing in your way of perfect peace, true productivity and the satisfaction of living a life of purpose – was your thinking?

I know it may feel as though you are at the mercy of your circumstances. However, even in the worst of situations you have more control than you might realize. One of the key attributes embodied by extraordinary leaders in all walks of life is encapsulated in the word “responsibility” – not just in a moral or ethical sense of being accountable for our actions, but also – and perhaps just as essential in times of change and chaos – remembering that there is wisdom in recognizing that we have the ability to choose our response. And that the response we choose will have a resounding impact on ourselves and everyone around us.

Start with awareness.
The greatest change agents start by recognizing what they have to work with before they can create change that will be sustained. They assess their environment to determine what the best entry point for that change is before they make their move. They don’t waste their time worrying about things that are truly out of their control, like changing the weather. Instead, they focus their attention and energy on those things that they do have the ability to influence and start there.

Extraordinary leaders know that the most powerful and sustainable change must start from within themselves.

Watch your stories.

The thing that fascinates me about a seemingly chaotic state of affairs is not so much what is happening, but the stories we are telling ourselves about what it means — and the impact those stories are having on the way we are responding to it. When we react to things with fear, we end up amplifying that which we are afraid of and adding to the anxiety. Our fears drive us to act in ways that keep us from acting on our intuition and finding the answers that will truly serve us. Sometimes, we end up behaving in ways that make our fictional stories become real.

As an example, when you tell yourself a story about what is happening that leaves you feeling threatened, you may find yourself closing up and treating others with suspicion and mistrust. The way you are behaving toward people may well provoke a response in them that appears to validate your fearful story. However, in this scenario, it is very likely that their behavior is more of a reaction to the actions your story led you to take than anything else.

Our fearful stories are like the viruses we protect our computers from.
These nasty viruses are often embedded in emails that pique our curiosity or rouse our fear. When we unwittingly activate them, they spread often uncontrollably and we risk passing them to the computer of our friends, associates and countless others. The viruses corrupt our systems until they no longer function effectively. Like computer viruses, our stories have a way of spinning us out of control and interfering with our ability to rise up to our challenges to find the opportunity that is always there waiting for us to discover and leverage it.

Our rational minds want answers and security.
They need to figure everything out and almost automatically occupy themselves with trying to sort through data to arrive at conclusions. The problem is that our minds are plugging imaginary variables into the equation that end up further exacerbating the anxiety we are already experiencing. When they are done with one variable, they plug in another and the churning continues, leaving us with an uneasiness that keeps us on edge.

What’s the worst that can happen?
In the grip of this madness, sometimes the best thing you can do is indulge your mind with a variable that will allow it to do its thing. Go ahead and plug in the worst case scenario. If the worst possible thing happened, what would you do? Alloy yourself to sit with that question for awhile. Let the fear move through you and keep asking the question, what would I do that would allow everything to be OK? If you sit long enough with your question, you will arrive at some workable alternatives and reconnect with that part of yourself that is strong, resourceful and resilient.

Armed with the knowledge that you will be OK in the worst of scenarios, you can come back into the present and recognize your fearful thoughts for what they are – fearful thoughts. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got, which I pass along frequently is don’t believe everything you think.

You have everything you need.
In the present moment, devoid of your stories about variables that are truly unknown, you are OK. And when new events begin to unfold, if you stay in the moment and access your inner wisdom, you will know exactly what you need to do – or not to do – to be OK then too. And as you go about your daily life in this way, your calm resolve will permeate your interactions with others and through your example, you will help others to rise up to their challenges in ways that unearth the greatness in themselves as well.

For more tips on navigating through change and uncertainty, check out my book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Becoming a Real Leader, available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.

Want to step up your game? Watch my latest video to learn the single most important prerequisite for busting through your limits.

How to double (or triple) your productivity in just ten minutes a day

Do you ever start your day feeling like you are already behind?  Even though its morning, you wake up feeling stressed out, overwhelmed and itching to get a jump on things so you can bust through them. 

Did you know that when you start your day in that state, the chances that you’ll accomplish much are slim at best?

There is a better way to access your best work that will allow you to not only get more done, but enjoy yourself in the process.  And it can take as little as ten minutes a day.  Watch this video to find out how.

Want more?

Check out the The Integrated Leader’s Guide to Freedom and Flow, a four week pilot program I am kicking off on May 2.   

The program is designed to help high achieving leaders break out of feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and feeling at the mercy of their environments so they can access an optimal state where they can think more clearly, get more done in less time, access their best performance, and feel a greater sense of satisfaction and fulfillment with their work and lives overall.

Spaces are limited to 15 participants, and registration is closing on Friday, April 29.  So be sure to act quickly!

How Your Mindset Can Keep You From Recovering From a Setback

It was spring break and my thirteen year old son was snowboarding for the first time

After his first day of lessons, he could make it down the bunny hill without falling. Well, without falling repeatedly.

But day two did not end well. I found my young son lying in the snow with one arm holding the other. With a tear in his eye, he presented his wrist to me. It was swollen, limp and badly bruised. “Mom, I think I broke it,” he said slowly.

An hour later, we emerged from ski patrol with a makeshift splint, a bag of ice and a recommendation to get immediate medical attention. As we drove down the hill, my young son lamented his fall. “I was doing so well. And then I tried something different. But I didn’t know how to turn and then I lost my balance and then I heard something snap.”

As we drove closer to urgent care, I was overcome with curiosity

“Ryan, if you knew how this day was going to end, would you do it over again?” I asked him.

“Yeah.” He answered without missing a beat.

“Would you have any hesitation going snowboarding again after your wrist heals?” I inquired.

“Nah!” he replied. “Let’s come back for sure.”

Ah, the resilience of a thirteen year old. I was inspired by his lack of hesitation. And his courage. But most of all, with his mindset.

Because mindset is the key to overcoming setbacks

A setback is when something doesn’t go the way you envisioned it. And mindset is the story you tell yourself about the experience you’ve just had and what it means, both now and in the future. It determines, to a large degree, whether you see the experience as a success or a failure. And the way you see the experience will have an enormous impact on whether or not you will try that experience again.

What’s the big deal if you don’t try an experience again?

Especially if it ended with a broken bone.

Well, the problem isn’t so much the broken bone -– which will inevitably be accompanied by a certain amount of pain. The problem is letting it deprive you of a future that could bring you an immense amount of joy and satisfaction.

And most people let seeming setbacks deprive them of joy and satisfaction more often than they realize

It could be the jobs they applied for that they didn’t get. Or the proposals they poured their hearts into to never really went anywhere. Or the promotions they were working toward for months that ended up going to someone else. Perhaps it was the first time they went out their comfort zones to do anything only to feel as though they landed on their backside with nothing but broken bones to show for it.

In this article, we’ll explore two mindsets that keep professionals turning their setbacks into springboards

(1) Confusing skill with potential.

(2) Taking an experience personally.

Let’s start with confusing skill with potential

You confuse skill with potential when you decide that you’ll never be good at something because you didn’t get it right the first time you tried it. Or the second time. Or the tenth time. Most people do not have a high degree of skill when they try something new. But doesn’t mean they don’t have an enormous amount of potential.

When you confuse skill with potential, you tell yourself a story that has you making an assessment of yourself based on a very limited amount of data. The story goes like this: “Boy, I was really bad at that. I’m just not cut out for it. I should leave it to other people who actually have talent.”

And the problem with a story like that is that you end up believing it

You allow it to keep you from trying something again. And trying something again — and again, and again and again is exactly what you need to do in order to gain the very skill you are having difficulty executing. So your story becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You miss out on the joy of ultimately mastering that skill. And so do all the people who would have benefited from what you could have accomplished if you did.

But that’ s not the only story that can get you into trouble.

Let’s move to the second destructive mindset: taking experiences personally

When you take an experience personally, you make it more about you than anything or anyone else. Your universe constricts and you become the center of it. You feel hurt and rejected, or angry and resentful. You replay events in your mind and question what you did to screw things up. You think, “if only I would have done this, or been more like that, things would have gone better.”

And that kind of thinking, when accompanied by hurt or anger doesn’t do you any favors

Because it keeps you from learning. You become so fixated in feeling wronged or victimized that you render yourself powerless. In an effort to avoid being hurt again, you may hedge your bets, fly under the radar, try not to get your hopes up. And this act of withholding keeps you from doing the very thing that could allow you to succeed next time.

Because often setbacks have nothing to do with you as a person

You got passed over for a promotion. It could be the promotion you were angling for wasn’t quite the right fit. Getting it would have taken you out of the running for something that was perfect for you. And taking it personally will keep you from doing what you need to do to even be considered.

You lost a big client. Yet in retrospect, you realize the client was a huge pain in your rear end, sucking up time and energy that you could have dedicated to someone you really love to work with. And if you take it personally, you’ll keep your perfect client from seeing the very thing in you that could cinch the deal.

Your proposal didn’t go anywhere. It may have been before its time. Or it wasn’t the right audience. Or there was something you needed to learn before it was ready to fly. But if you take it personally, you could convince yourself there’s no use in proceeding. And no one will ever know what you could have achieved if you persevered. Including you.

But what if it did have to do with you?

What if you came on too strong? Or too meek? Or if there was something you could have done to get that promotion, keep that client, succeed with that proposal? Well, if you take it personally you may never have the courage, the confidence and the open mind it takes to solicit or receive the feedback you need and to act on it in a way that allows you to succeed next time.

There is a difference between taking things personally and learning what you could do differently next time. Taking things personally causes you to contract. And learning allows you to expand. Which will you choose?

Let’s recap the importance of mindset and the two examples we reviewed that keep people from recovering from their setbacks.

• A setback is when something doesn’t go the way you envisioned it. And mindset is the story you tell yourself about the experience you’ve just had and what it means, both now and in the future.
• The story you tell yourself becomes a problem when it leads you to believe something that keeps you from doing whatever you need to do to ultimately achieve your desired outcome.
• One story that keeps you from recovering from setbacks leads you to confuse ability with potential. When you allow less than desirable results to convince you that you’ll never succeed in the future, you let your lack of ability keep you from fulfilling your potential. And everyone loses.
• Another story that keeps you from bouncing back leads you to take things personally. When you take things personally, you fail to realize that there may have been other factors at play, such as timing, and the right fit. Even if something you did got in the way of your success, taking things personally prevents you from learning and growing from the experience.

My thirteen year old son reminded me of the importance of mindset in my own life.

Though it’s not likely that snowboarding will be in my future, there is a good chance that I will fall the next time I try something new. When I do, I will remember how his lack of regret and eagerness to try again kept him from an unproductive mindset.

And I will pick myself up, tend to my broken bones, and allow myself to enjoy the joy and satisfaction that comes from getting back on the slopes.

“Ryan, if you knew how this day was going to end, would you do it over again?” I asked him.
“Yeah.” He answered without missing a beat.

“Would you have any hesitation going snowboarding again after your wrist heals?” I inquired.
“Nah!” he replied. “Let’s come back for sure.”

You see, my 13 year old had done the inevitable. As you figured, he’d gone snowboarding, broken his wrist and maddeningly, was keen to go right back into the thick of the action. His mindset was such that he wasn’t focused on the pain—but instead of the experience of re-experiencing the action yet again.

Yet most of us lose this kind of mindset when we “grow up”.
It could be the jobs they applied for that they didn’t get. Or the proposals they poured their hearts into to never really went anywhere. Or the promotions they were working toward for months that ended up going to someone else. Perhaps it was the first time they went out their comfort zones to do anything only to feel as though they landed on their backside with nothing but broken bones to show for it.

How You Can Use Frustration To Improve Your Effectiveness

In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray plays a weatherman named Phil who travels to a small town in Pennsylvania to cover local festivities. It is an assignment he isn’t happy about and despite his eagerness to leave it behind, he gets snowed in and wakes the next day to find he is in some kind of time warp, doomed to relive the day over and over again until he gets it right.

Most of us have experienced the frustration of having to repeatedly relive a situation we would rather not have to experience at all. Often frustration appears to be imposed on us from an unfriendly universe, something we have been unfairly doomed to live through. But more often than we would like to admit, frustration is self imposed. And when frustration is self imposed, it can be even more painful.

But as unpleasant as frustration can be, it comes bearing gifts — gifts that are often overlooked. And today, we will cover three of those gifts — gifts than when embraced can transform your frustration into freedom.

The three gifts of frustration are:
• Fuel
• Insight
• Possibility

Let’s talk about how you can use frustration as fuel.

“I’m so tired of feeling unorganized and scattered all the time,” Bob told me in our last meeting. “I come into the office and there are papers flung all over my desk, half started projects buried in piles with new requests heaped on top of them. But I never seem to have time to go through them because by the time I get there, a line of people waiting to talk to me has already formed outside my door and I have no choice but to spring into action. And my days are full of requests that add new papers, projects and action items to a pile that grows faster than it shrinks.”

Bob was understandably frustrated. He felt like he was pushing a big rock up a hill only to have it roll back down as soon as he got near the top.

“What do you think I should do about it?” he asked me. I knew he wouldn’t like my answer.

“Move into it,” I told him. “Tell me more about how starting your day like that affects the quality of your life.”

He was perplexed. “Why would I want to move into something so awful? Shouldn’t I be figuring out how I can move away from it? Rise above it?”

That is the reaction most of us (including yours truly) have when faced with an unpleasant predicament. But rising above an unpleasant predicament often requires us to change habits or patterns that are ingrained and comfortable. And initiating and sustaining a change like that requires fuel — fuel that will allow us to break through our obstacles and limitations at the very moment when it seems most difficult.

Change occurs when the pain of the current state is greater than the perceived pain of making a change, and the pleasure of making a change is greater than the pleasure (or payoff) of staying the same.

Often we aren’t ready to make a significant change until things are at their worst. Many of us can tolerate an enormous amount of displeasure until things are at their breaking point. And even when the pain has really come to a head, we often make small little adjustments that take the edge off, but don’t really solve the problem.

When you truly move into your frustration, you begin to open your eyes widely to recognize the impact a problem is having on your life. You allow yourself to accept that this pain will continue until you do something about it. And until you are truly ready to do something about it, you will continue to do what you’ve always done and suffer as a result.

The flip side of pain is pleasure. And once you have moved into your pain, you can begin to envision what the pleasure that a lasting solution would bring.

This can be done long before you know what that solution is. And just as you can move into your pain, so too can you move into the pleasure of what life would be like without your problem. This too, serves as fuel that will ultimately allow you to do what it takes to create and implement a lasting solution.

Let’s move onto the second gift of frustration: insight.

Insight is an understanding of the true nature of something. It begins to be cultivated when you move into your frustration and recognize the myriad of ways that it is not serving you. But that is only the beginning. Moving into your frustration illuminates not only the problem, but also the underlying factors that contribute to and exacerbate that problem.

Most of us instinctively move away from pain, firing shots over our shoulder at what we believe to be the antagonist without really recognizing or locking onto a target.

In an attempt to alleviate Bob’s problem, he could have hired an assistant to come into his office and go through the piles on his desk, organize and create file folders for his papers, and straighten everything up. But until Bob identified and addressed the factors that led those piles to accumulate and grow, it would only be a matter of time before he was right back where he started.

To really know what needs to be done to slay the beast, he needed to take a closer look and recognize what it eats, how it grows stronger, and how he might unwittingly be feeding and nurturing it. That’s exactly what moving into the frustration with a spirit of curiosity does.

When Bob got curious about his predicament, he began to notice that he had a tendency to book his appointments back to back starting first thing in the morning and say yes to more things than he could realistically accomplish. He realized that he didn’t have a clear sense of what was truly a priority and that in the absence of that clarity, he was making everything number one — except his own sanity.

The more awareness he cultivated in the presence of his frustration, the more he began to identify and understand what was really causing it — and to recognize that while he may have initially felt like its victim, he was far from powerless in overcoming it. This led Bob to discover and embrace the third gift of frustration.

The third gift of frustration is possibility.

Insight opens the door to possibility. Once you have an understanding of the factors that cause or contribute to a problem, you begin to recognize a multitude of options that can lead to lasting resolution. These possibilities reveal themselves in the presence of curiosity.

“What could I do to regain control of my schedule?” Bob asked himself. In the days and weeks that followed, Bob identified a number of strategies that could potentially work for him. Among them were designating a day to sort through the pile of issues, projects, tasks and commitments that were tugging at the edges of his mind to determine what was of most importance, and what could be delegated, deferred or dropped.

Bob also recognized that he could better deploy his time, energy and resources into projects that were aligned with his priorities if he got into the habit of saying, “That sounds interesting — let me think about it and get back to you,” instead of committing to requests on the spot. And he realized that he needed to carve out time in his schedule on an ongoing basis to plan, prioritize, strategize and execute — and honor that time with the same fervor that he would honor meetings with his most important clients.

Let’s review…

(1) Despite its unpleasant nature, frustration is actually a gift — and something we need to move into rather than away from.

(2) Moving into frustration generates the fuel necessary to initiate and sustain lasting change. It allows us to get to the point where the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of making a change, and also where the pleasure of making a change is greater than the pleasure (or payoff) of staying the same.

(3) Moving into frustration with awareness and curiosity yields insight. It illuminates not only the problem, but also the underlying factors that contribute to and exacerbate the problem.

(4) Insight opens the door to possibility, which yields a multitude of options that can lead to lasting resolution.

So the next time you feel like you are living the life of Bill Murray’s character in the movie Groundhog Day, remind yourself that frustration comes bearing gifts. Reliving the same experience over and over again isn’t so bad if it ultimately yields fuel, insight and possibility. Move into your discomfort, pay attention, get curious, and connect the dots. And you too will find a way to transform your frustration into freedom.