How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You, Part 3

My last two posts, How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You, Part I and Part II were about the first two steps for changing a habit that is hurting you:

(1)    Make a decision, a declaration and a commitment to yourself.

(2)    Surround yourself with reminders of what you are moving toward.

Maybe you are making some progress.  Or perhaps you have fallen back into the old behavior.  If so, don’t worry about it – it is virtually inevitable and actually a vital part of the process of moving beyond an old habit.  Step three allows you to use what you would otherwise see as a step backwards to further enhance your forward progress.

STEP THREE: Notice how often you engage in the behavior you want to change and what the impact is when you do.

This is a rather painful thing to do, because it tends to lead people to beat themselves up.  You already know what the habit is you want to change.  You already know how it is hurting you.  And yet chances are that you are still doing it more often than you’d like – almost as though you cannot help yourself.    You might just feel trapped and powerless.  You aren’t.

You are simply observing the effect of being on autopilot.  As I said in Are Your Habits Hurting You?, your habits become defaults that allow to you do things without a whole lot of thought or effort.  And this is a good thing when it is a behavior that is serving you, like driving your car to work in the morning without having to pay all that much attention to all the steps involved in executing the task.  But when those engrained habits lead you to knee jerk reactions that have you regretting your actions later, you have to slow things down so that you are more conscious of what it is you are doing and where it is getting you.

The good news is that initially, you don’t have to be totally aware of those knee jerk reactions in the moment.  You can replay the events in your mind later and recognize the moments that you were in the grip of an automatic response. You can notice what your triggers were and begin to become more aware of what sets those behaviors off.  And you can begin to envision strategies for interrupting those patterns, like taking a breath, stepping away for a moment, and getting realigned with your true intention and desire.

It is also important to become aware of the impact of those behaviors. So in addition to reviewing the sequence of events in your head that led you to engage in a problematic habit, pay attention to how you felt afterward.  Recognize how it might have impacted the rest of your day, or week.  Become aware of how your action may have affected the people you care about, and also how it made you feel about yourself.  Move into the pain associated with the behavior you seek to rise above.  Because the more pain you associate with it, the stronger your commitment will be to rise above it.

The more often you take a moment to mentally review your actions – maybe at the end of the day when you are driving home from work, the faster you will begin to catch yourself engaging in old behaviors that aren’t serving you.  You will find that over time, you’ll go from realizing it hours or days later to recognizing it moments after it happened, to catching yourself in the act, and eventually to keeping yourself from doing it at all.

Click here for step four of How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You.

Image courtesy of farconville at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How to Change a Habit That Is Hurting You, Part 2

My last post, How to Change a Habit That Is Hurting You, Part 1 was about the first step for changing a habit that is hurting you:  make a decision, a declaration and a commitment to yourself. Today, we’ll tackle step two.

STEP TWO:  Surround yourself with reminders of what you are moving toward.

Though you may not have already experienced the pleasure you will gain by moving beyond your old habit and engaging in something new, your mind can help you to imagine it and make it real for you.  It does this in much the same way that it can also magnify your fears and come up with all kinds of scenarios that have you shaking in your boots.  Take control of your mind in advance. Envision the change you are making and what you imagine it will bring you.

If you are trying to get control of your temper, imagine what it will feel like to be able to calmly engage in discussion with someone without losing your head.  Envision yourself shaking hands with people and leaving meetings feeling as though you have strengthened relationships rather than damaged them.  See if you can find a symbol or image that helps you to move into that feeling whenever you look at it. And put that visual reminder somewhere where you will see it often.

Maybe you are wanting to break the habit of staying in your comfort zone rather than taking the bold actions you dream about – like writing a book, creating a new program or product, or looking for a new job.  Envision what acting on your dream will give you and see if you can experience it in your mind as though it has already happened. Find pictures that evoke those feelings for you and get you excited and motivated to take steps to make it happen.  Look at them every day, several times a day and feel those feelings when you do.

When you feel as though you are getting sucked back into old behaviors you are trying to leave behind, or when you are discouraged about your progress use your reminders to bring you back to your intention and recommit to yourself.

Click here for step three of How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You, Part 1

How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You

In my last post, Are Your Habits Hurting You?, I wrote about the things we tend to do that have been on autopilot, but reached a point where they no longer serve us.  If you have identified a hurtful habit that you are ready to move beyond, read on.   Over the next few weeks, I’ll give you five steps for changing a habit that is hurting you.  Here is step one…

STEP ONE:  Make a decision, a declaration and a commitment to yourself.

There is power in willingness.  I’m talking about more than good intentions here, though that is where it all starts.  People are at the threshold of change when the pain of one behavior becomes greater than its payoff.  But in order for that momentum to take hold, the perceived payoff of making a change needs to be greater than the seeming pain of giving something up as well.

The trouble is, you may not really know what that payoff will be, and though you also may not know just what will be involved with making a change, your mind will be off and running creating scenarios that have you believing it will be far harder than anything you can possibly imagine.   And that can become a real show stopper if you aren’t ready for it.  It’ll keep you from getting out of bed in the morning.  It’ll lead you to head for the hills when you are on the verge of bold, courageous action.  It’ll make the old beaten path you’ve been traveling seem so much more preferable than heading into the uncertainty of whether you will be able to do whatever it is you are learning to do in place of your old behavior.

So you have to make a commitment to yourself.  You have to get really clear in your mind that you will no longer tolerate your old way of doing things and decide that you will do whatever it takes to move beyond it. It helps if you write it down.  And it also helps if you tell someone else about it – someone who can remind you of all the reasons you are doing it, of what you have to gain, and of what you are rising above and why.

Think about a habit you would like to move beyond.  How has it been hurting your effectiveness?  Your credibility?  Your peace of mind?   What would you gain by rising above it?  What could you do if you no longer fell into that pattern of behavior?  How would you feel?

Are you ready to make a change?  If so, make a commitment right now to yourself.  Write it down and then share it with someone who will support you as you endeavor to carry that commitment out.  If you would like to make a public declaration as well, feel free to share your commitment in the comments section below.

Click here for the next step of How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net