Getting What You Really Want
“What do you really want?” I often ask my clients. “What do you really want?” I often ask myself this too.
“I want things to go my way. I want to come out on top. I more wins and less losses. I want my problems to go away. I want to be profitable. I want to be successful. I want to be respected.”
These are some of the answers that come back to me when I ask that question of myself and/or others.
“OK. What would that give you?”
“What do you mean, what would that give me? It would give me what I want.”
If people aren’t actually saying that, there’s a good chance they are at least thinking it.
“So, if you got what you think you want, what would that give you?” I ask again.
“Oh. I don’t know. Peace of mind, I guess. Satisfaction. Happiness. A feeling that all is right in the world.”
“What if you could have that now?”
“Great. Sign me up.”
What if it really were that easy? Have you ever noticed that the quality of your day is a direct reflection of your thoughts? If we go into situations believing that we know exactly what must happen in order to achieve the state of satisfaction we want, we are placing conditions on a state of mind that is readily available to us anytime.
Say you are about to go into a high pressure meeting. You have your agenda. You know what you need to do to come out on top. You believe that things must go a certain way in order for that to happen. You want to win, and you want to be respected. Anything less is unsatisfactory. Your mind is creating a situation where in order to win, people must bend to your will. And potentially, someone might have to lose. If things don’t go exactly the way you envision them, you will be disappointed. And if they do, someone else is likely to feel disappointed, or at the very least disrespected. The satisfaction and happiness you were seeking with a “win” is likely to fade quickly, leading you to believe you must get another “win” to sustain it.
What if you go into that same situation with a different goal, or intention? What if, instead of having everything figured out and sealed up front, you go in with the desire to agree on a solution that will be in the best interest of all parties — even if that solution is something you haven’t already considered? Your mind will begin to entertain the thought that there could actually be a situation in which everyone wins, including you. You will ask different questions. You will listen more intently. You will be more genuinely interested in what others have to say, because they are an important part of your solution. You will show respect to others, and in so doing become worthy of their respect.
What if you could take it a step further? What if you could hold the intention of allowing everyone to win in your mind before you even stepped into that meeting? What if as you began to create the ideal solution you did so with the knowing that everyone will walk away from that meeting feeling better than they did before it started? Could you feel the satisfaction of a pleasing solution before it has even materialized? And if you did, imagine what you would bring to that meeting. A quiet confidence. Faith. Trust. Patience. Confidence in the wisdom of the group. You may help them to consider the potential of a solution as a group that they didn’t previously realize was possible.
We are conditioned to believe that we have to do something in order to get that final end state we all want — something like get our way, accumulate things, prove ourselves, make a lot of money, etc. But what if the success equation were flipped? What if we started out with the state of mind that we most desire? From that state of mind, what actions would we choose?
“What do you really want?”
Ask yourself that question now, with regard to whatever your mind is occupied with.
“What would that give you?”
See if you can take it to a higher level — one that allows everyone involved to benefit in some way.
Can you imagine what that would be like? Can you feel the ultimate end state you want as though it has already happened, even though you have no idea how it will come to pass? Can you rest in the certainty that things will happen in everyone’s best interest?
Let your actions flow from the state of mind you wish to achieve. Over time, you’ll realize that instead of having to see it to believe it, what you see will be a direct reflection of what you believe. Allow yourself to believe in the highest possible good, and you will work miracles in your life and those of everyone around you as well.
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Eye image by Ciprian Florin Dumitrescu from Dreamstime.com.
Thoughtful image by Anatoly TIplyashin from Dreamstime.com.