The Sign You’re on the Verge of Something

 

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the cost of trying to look bulletproof. What happens next is what this post is about: what happens once you stop protecting the image and actually let yourself feel what’s been building underneath?

If things have been feeling like they’re coming to a head lately – if there’s an emotion sitting just under the surface that you’ve been managing rather than facing – I don’t think that’s a warning sign. I think it might be the opposite. You may be on the verge of the kind of transformation that can take your leadership to an entirely new level. But only if you stop pushing it down long enough to actually feel it.

I hear a version of this constantly from the executives I coach, and I’ve felt it myself. Many of them come to coaching wanting to improve performance, often because they want to inspire more engagement in the people they lead. But what they’ll admit, quietly, is that they’re not really feeling engaged themselves. What used to work for them doesn’t anymore. They’re hitting wall after wall, feeling stuck, beaten down, exhausted.

And still, they keep pushing through – sucking it up in the name of forward momentum, shutting their hearts down along the way. Frustration, disappointment, discouragement – all of it gets stuffed down, right alongside whatever else is weighing on them personally.

Here’s the part that surprised me most when I first noticed it in myself: the pain of stuffing an emotion down is usually greater than the pain of just feeling it in the first place. And it’s not only the hard feelings that get buried. Joy gets buried too. Connection. Creativity. The ability to see past an obstacle instead of just staring at it.

Worse, shutting your heart down at work doesn’t stay at work. It doesn’t toggle back on the moment you walk in your front door. You end up moving through your whole life – home included – only partially present, with the most vital part of you stuffed down and denied.

That’s no way to live. And it’s no way to lead, either.

When you show up but you’re not really there, you can’t offer the best of what you have. And when you’re not bringing yourself, you can’t inspire anyone else to bring themselves either. Real leadership doesn’t start by changing your environment. It starts by giving yourself back what you’ve been denying.

A simple practice

This doesn’t require an overhaul of your life. It starts with something much smaller: spending a little time in stillness, and letting whatever wants to come up, come up. Not to relive it. Not to dwell in it. Just to notice it, sit with it, and let it move.

Because here’s what I’ve found: when you actually feel an emotion instead of resisting it, it changes shape. Anger, fully felt, often reveals itself as passion – the same energy, redirected into something constructive instead of destructive. Sadness can turn into compassion. Frustration can become the very energy that helps you push past the obstacle in front of you. Loneliness, felt all the way through, often turns into a genuine desire for connection.

None of this takes an enormous amount of time. It takes a willingness to slow down long enough to be with yourself the way you’d be with someone you love. 

If you’d like some help getting started

I know this can feel unfamiliar if you’re not used to sitting with your own emotions – I remember what that was like when I first started. So, I recorded a short, guided audio to walk you through the process. You’re welcome to use it as often as you’d like, until you’ve found your own way of doing this.

You can download it here:  VergePractice.com

If something in you has been feeling like it’s about to come to a head, don’t rush to shut it back down. That discomfort might be the clearest sign you’re on the verge of something – not a warning, but an invitation. The only way through it is to actually feel it.

Give that part of you a little time and attention, and you’ll find it has more to offer than you expected. Once you do that for yourself, you model the way for everyone around you to do the same. Real leadership inspires real leadership. And it all starts from the inside out.