How to Brave the Discomfort of Growth… and Make 2024 Your Year

 

Happy New Year!  It’s a time for new beginnings and new chapters – one that invites us to think bigger and grow larger.

Can you remember the last time you did something that was out of your comfort zone?

It’s something most of us don’t do all that often, because going beyond that which you’ve previously done is universally challenging.

All too often, we see something that beckons – perhaps something that we know will be good for us, and yet we resist.

Going beyond what is comfortable and familiar is a lot like stretching a muscle. 

You might move tentatively into it and then hit a wall of discomfort. And when you’re in it, a myriad of unsettling thoughts and fears may barrage you – “I’m no good at this…,” “this was a bad idea…” “I’m wasting my time…” and on and on.

The resistance itself seems to intensify the discomfort. It can lead you tighten up, literally and figuratively, and block yourself from moving into the experience.

But if you can remain patient and open – if you can allow yourself this initial period of discomfort and stay present with it, relaxing into it and breathing through it, you might be surprised at the results you experience.

Stretching allows us to expand beyond our previous constraints.

Think of the last time you tried something really different – something new and exciting and kind of terrifying all at the same time. If you stayed with it despite your initial resistance, chances are that over time the discomfort gave way to exhilaration and eventually, perhaps deep gratification.

And the longer you kept at it, the easier and more satisfying it became.

Now’s the time to step into the future you most want to create.

We’re all capable of so much more than we realize, and the time has come for us to stand taller, reach higher, and be willing to open ourselves up to allow our greatest work to emerge. Don’t be fooled into thinking that going outside your comfort zone is merely a self-serving exercise that can wait until you have more confidence or time.

In fact, there is no better way to increase your confidence than by taking this kind of action despite your fear and discomfort.

Your future self (and those you lead) will thank you.

That kind of courageous exploration enriches not only yourself but everyone who will benefit from the gifts you uncover and give form to. When you resist growth, you cheat more than just yourself. And when you expand, you allow yourself to truly lead – in whatever form that leadership will take.

Here’s to stretching yourself to achieve new heights in this brand new, shiny new year!  Wishing you and yours a bright, beautiful 2024!

Diane

The One Gift Everyone Needs Most (and No One Gets Enough Of)

 

Regardless of your holiday budget, there’s a gift you can share that transcends all others and won’t cost you a thing. One could argue it’s the one thing that no one gets enough of and everyone needs the most…

It’s the gift of presence, a state that allows us to truly bring out the best in ourselves so that we can do the same for others.

When you give presence, everyone benefits – including you.

You can experience it wherever you are — whether in a meeting, running an errand, sitting at your desk, or in a conversation. It has the power to transform the way you experience your daily life and what it allows you to create for yourself and others — without really DOING anything at all.

Can you recall the last time you felt totally and completely attended to?

Chances are it wasn’t when someone was giving you advice or telling you what to do. It may not have even been when someone was serving you or watching you tear open a gift. Yet when we think of giving something to others our minds often immediately jump to what we can do, say or buy for someone. Many times, the best gift we can give someone is that of our presence.

What exactly is presence?

The word present derives from the Latin past participle praesse meaning “to be before one”. It’s a state of being that’s achieved when you’re truly in the moment, allowing it to unfold without judging it, labeling it, or getting lost in your thoughts about what it means or what you believe should be happening next (or instead).

Presence allows us to cut through the clamor of our preoccupations, worries and fears so that our true selves can emerge. It’s a gateway through which our intuition and inner wisdom enters and expresses itself. A moment of presence is a state of grace that allows us to receive powerful insights that help us make the most of our opportunities and rise to our challenges in creative ways.

It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

 In these moments of presence, you’ll experience things on a different level – one that allows you to respond from a deeper, wiser part of yourself. And when you are with others, listening deeply and making them the center of your attention you will bring out that deeper, wiser part of them as well.

This is why the best leaders have learned to become comfortable with silence, to listen more than they talk, and to allow themselves to become instruments that help others to recognize their own greatness – not necessarily through anything that say or do, but rather through moments of presence that are created and shared with others.

In a world where everything moves so fast and people often feel overlooked and unheard, presence is one of the greatest gifts you can give.

It has the capacity to transform ordinary everyday life into precious moments that’ll become treasured memories. And since it’s a gift that’ll give as much to you as it will to others, it makes giving as wonderful as getting – no matter the time of year.

Here’s to your presence! Wishing you and yours a beautiful holiday.

 

It’s Not What You Do – It’s the Way that You Do It…

 

Ahh December.  Twinkle lights on trees and rooftops, the smell of wood burning in fireplaces, a refreshing chill in the air…  and of course, a whole slew of things to do that can tip the scales for people who were already feeling overwhelmed with work (and maybe even life itself).

How You Do Things is as Important as What You Do (…maybe even more so)

It’s tempting to approach all those things the way you do items on a checklist – just power through them in the most efficient way possible.  The risk of that, however, is that you’ll relegate yourself to a kind of “autopilot” state, where you’re going through the motions with your head and your hands but not really your heart.

And when that happens, the things you do can feel empty – for yourself and others too.

Never Underestimate the Power of Presence

I’m convinced that when people receive what we give them, they experience the energy we put into it.  You’ve probably had someone tell you to have a good day while looking at their phone or multi-tasking.  It just doesn’t have the same impact as it does when they look you in the eye and are truly with you, sharing a feeling and not just words that sound good.

The end of the year brings into focus what really matters in our lives.

November leads us to think about what we are grateful for.  December allows us to spend time with those we love, both giving and receiving in ways that create and perpetuate joy.  And as we move closer to January, we do well to reflect on what we most want to experience, accomplish, or become in the new year.

It’s a time that calls us to be present – and to pour our very selves into what matters most.

Honor What’s Most Important

You may not be able to DO everything on your list (most of us never really can).  Instead, take some time to identify what is really important to you.

What are the things you care so much about that it’s worth slowing down to pour enough of yourself into them that people are moved by the experience?  Those things you give yourself to wholeheartedly will be the game changers in both your personal and your professional life.

So be intentional.  Start now.  Today. 

What matters most to you?  And how can you be completely present and intentional in a way that allows others to truly experience the magnitude of what you have to offer?

Because when you do, what you give to others will enrich your own life as much as it does theirs.

 

How an Attitude of Gratitude Can Transform Your Work – and Your Life

 

Though Thanksgiving is behind us, taking an attitude of gratitude into our everyday lives pays great dividends – both personally and professionally.  Gratitude allows us to see beyond life’s little (and big) trials and tribulations to find openings where we previously only saw obstacles.  It allows us to move past annoyance and irritation to find something redeeming in people and situations.  And it has the power to transform frustration into appreciation.

It’s scientifically proven…

There is scientific evidence that our thoughts and focus can influence our perception, behavior, and outcomes.  When you consciously shift into a state of gratitude, your heightened level of focus will allow you to see solutions, opportunities, and possibilities you might otherwise miss – and act in ways that free you from constraints that previously held you back.

Notice what you’re focusing on.

Your brain allocates resources to process information more deeply about whatever you focus your attention on.  And it will prioritize that information over other stimuli.  The process is called selective perception.  While it is natural to focus on things that exasperate us, allowing attention to linger there will likely lead you to continue to take in information that just further upsets you.  And in that state, your ability to effectively respond is greatly diminished.

Focus on what you most want to see.

But you can turn that around with deliberate and conscious intention.  The same principle applies, so taking in information that allows you to find something to be grateful for will allow you to see and focus more deeply on constructive elements things in situations and people that you can build on.  It’ll lead you to place your attention on things you can positively impact.

Make an attitude of gratitude part of your neural network.

The more often you deliberately shift your attention from frustration to appreciation, the more your cognitive and behavioral patterns become hardwired in ways that increase your resourcefulness and ingenuity.  This process, which involves adaptive structural and functional changes to the brain is called neuroplasticity.

So next time you find yourself annoyed by someone or something, find something (anything) to be grateful for – and watch how the way it leads you to respond provides you and everyone around you even more to be grateful for.

 

 

What if You Could Transform Conflict Into Collaboration?

 

We’ve all been there – something happens that pushes your buttons, and frustration begins to seep in.  You might tell yourself a story about why the other person is acting in ways that seem intentionally insensitive or disrespectful.  And that story will likely put fuel on your fire.  Worse yet, believing your story could lead you to act in ways that create combustion.

And before you know it, you’re in a full-blown conflict.

This week’s article, A Matter of Style – How to Turn Conflict into Collaboration, just published in Brainz Magazine, will help you to prevent this kind of conflict from emerging.  You’ll learn five specific tips to transform situations wrought with frustration into opportunities for creating cooperation and synergy.

And if you’re interested in learning more about how to best connect, communicate and collaborate with others, go to LearnYourStyle.com to take a two-minute quiz that’ll determine what is likely your most dominant behavioral style.   Along with your results, I’ll send you information about your unique style and tips on how you can leverage it to maximize your effectiveness, influence, and impact.

Here’s to making the best of situations that may otherwise bring out the worst!

Diane

P.S. – Did you catch last week’s Doodly video on how to better understand and work with people’s differing styles?  If not, you can watch it here.

How to Connect, Communicate & Collaborate with Greater Influence & Impact

 

Are there people in your office (or your life) that drive you nuts because they insist on doing things so differently than you do?

We’re led to believe we should treat others the way we want to be treated.  But if one person’s preferences are another’s irritations, using that approach to connect, communicate and collaborate doesn’t always work very well…

When people don’t say and do things the way you’d like them to, you might believe they are intentionally trying to make you crazy – when in reality they are just operating with a style that is different than yours.

This week’s video will give you a leg up on understanding people’s differing styles in a way that’ll transform frustration into appreciation, collaboration and synergy.

And if you’d like to find out what is likely YOUR most dominant behavioral style, take this complimentary 14-question quiz.  Along with your results, I’ll provide you with tips to help you not only understand but also LEVERAGE your unique style to maximize your effectiveness, influence and impact – with others who are both similar to and different from you.

Here’s to your success!

Diane

P.S.  If you know of others who might like to learn about their style  – and how to best connect, communicate and collaborate with others too, you can direct them to www.LearnYourStyle.com to take the complimentary quiz as well.

Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs and Create Your Desired Future

 

It’s pretty indisputable… to create and experience your desired future, you must overcome your limiting beliefs.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The future depends on those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”.  And according to Mahatma Gandhi, “The future depends on what we do in the present.”

I think they are both right.

The thing is, most of us are so busy running around fighting fires that we don’t give a whole lot of thought to what we’d like to create.  And even when we do, those dreams and visions are sometimes accompanied by hesitation, doubt, and even resistance.

The good news is that when your most formidable obstacles are self-generated, you most certainly have the power to rise above them.

In this week’s video, I’ll share some tips on how you can overcome your limiting beliefs that might otherwise stop you in your tracks (or keep you from starting at all) – so that you can move confidently toward the future you most want to experience.

Here’s to the beauty of YOUR dream!

Diane

P.S. The content of this week’s video was drawn from a workshop for visionary and heart centered leaders I recently presented at a Board Retreat for a client.  If you’re interested in bringing a workshop or webinar into your organization, contact us at support@DianeBolden.com.

 FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, Diane Bolden, executive coach and author of The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead.

A couple weeks ago, I facilitated a workshop for heart-centered and visionary leaders at a retreat for one of my clients. Retreats are such a great way to get a bigger perspective and to begin to connect the dots of where you’re at, where it is you most want to go, what you’re learning along the way, what’s beckoning to you.

But you know what? You don’t have to get away or go someplace fancy in order to have a retreat. You can start by doing that right here, right now.

And it is something that you have to make a conscious decision to do because often, we’re so busy running around, fighting fires, dealing with the crisis of the day that we don’t stop to think about what is it we most want and what we might need to do in order to get it.

Sometimes when you think about what it is that you want, you might experience a feeling of resistance or dread or heaviness – and that’s to be expected because anytime you endeavor to do something that goes beyond your comfort zone and requires that you do something that you haven’t done before, you’re going to be met with resistance.

Oftentimes though, the resistance that we feel is something that we associate with the task and our chances of actually being able to accomplish it, when, in reality, those feelings are really just a product of what we’re thinking about the vision that we’re entertaining in our minds. And that thinking, when you’re not aware of it, tends to run the show…

Thinking that goes something like this, ” I don’t have the time to do that.” When you’re not aware of that limiting belief, you’ll end up acting in ways that make it true because you won’t take the time or make the time.

You might believe something like, ” I’m not really sure I’m cut out to do that,” or, “I don’t know what it is I would need to know” in order to pull that off,” or, “I would have to have everything all figured out, and I am nowhere near being able to do that.” When you believe those things, again, they stop you before you’ll ever even start because if you believe that you don’t have the ability to pull something off, why would you even bother trying?

You might believe something like, “I’m not really sure I can get people to support me.” And again, with that belief, you’re likely not to even ask because you feel like you already know what the answer will be.

The thing is, when you become conscious of what the limiting beliefs are that create that heaviness and tend to stop you in your tracks, you can begin to challenge them. Once you’re aware of limiting beliefs, they tend to lose their power over you.  Awareness opens the door that allows you to overcome your limiting beliefs.  Once you’re aware of a thought that isn’t serving you (and perhaps isn’t even true), you can replace it with something better.

If you think about a belief like, “I don’t really have the time to do that,” you might recognize, “You know what? I may not have the time to do all of it right away, but I do have the time to take a couple steps here and there – and I can make the time to do it regularly enough that I’ll actually make good progress.”

Something like, “I’m not sure I have what it takes in order to figure that out,” or even, “I need to have it all figured out before I can even start,” when you challenge it, can be shifted into a belief that actually supports you – a belief that says, “I don’t have to have everything all figured out. I just need to figure out the first few steps, and from that vantage point, I’ll know what I need to do next.”

A belief like, “I’m not really sure I could get people to support me” could become something more like, “I’m willing to approach a few people to see what it would take in order to get the support that I would need.”

In a few short months, we’ll be in a whole new year. It’s a great time to begin to take stock of what it is that’s beckoning to you and to create the space you need to incubate those kinds of visions, so that they are more likely to become reality. It’s also a great time to let go of anything that could get in the way of allowing you to achieve those visions and dreams.

The best time for you to recognize and overcome your limiting beliefs is now.

So, take some time to see if you can connect with what it is that you most want to create in the coming months and year, and what it is that you’re believing about that particular vision or dream that could potentially stop you. When you become aware of what those showstoppers are, they lose their power over you. And you can change them into something that actually can facilitate and increase the chances that you’ll meet with the success you desire.

If you’re interested in bringing a workshop or a webinar into your organization, contact us at support@dianebolden.com. Thanks for watching, and here’s to your success.

Four Questions to Supercharge Your Success This Season

 

Did you know that this is officially the first full week of fall? Every time of the year brings gifts that you can leverage to improve your work and your life.  Four simple questions covered below can help you supercharge your success this season…

Fall marks the transition between the bright and dark halves of the year – and it brings with it opportunities that are easy to overlook in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.

This week’s video will help you make the most of this auspicious time in a way that’ll help you get where you want to go in the coming months (and year ahead).

For more on how let go of the old to make room for the new, check out How to Soften the Pain of Growth.

Here’s to fall… and to leveraging its gifts to not only finish the year strong, but to setting yourself up for continued success in 2024 and beyond!

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, Diane Bolden, Executive Coach and Author of “The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead.”

Can you believe it’s fall?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t know where the summer went. It seems like time is such a blur.

That’s why I love the changing seasons because they kind of jar us awake and you can’t help but notice because you can see it and you can feel it. The days get shorter, and the nights are longer. The temperature drops. The leaves start to change colors and fall from the trees, and even the air smells different.

It’s a time of letting go and preparing for regeneration. Animals start to hibernate. The leaves fall from the trees – but also, did you know, that the energy of plants actually moves from creating and growing new leaves and flowers to developing a really strong root system that’ll help it make it through the winter?

Fall perennials that are planted grow really strong roots so that in the spring they can burst forward with vigorous growth and a profusion of flowers.

And we can take our cues from nature also… slowing down long enough to just catch up with ourselves and connect the dots.

I don’t necessarily think we need to hibernate, but just being able to kind of reflect on where you’ve been, where you’re going, what’s most important to you, and how you can take good care of yourself is so important.

Here are four questions that can help you supercharge your success this season.

1) What is it that you’ve already accomplished over the year so far that you’re proud of, that you can celebrate? And what is it that’s calling to you in the future? What’s most important to you? What is it that you really want to focus your time and energy on?

2) What are two or three things you’ve learned this year? Maybe it’s a skill that you’ve picked up, maybe it’s an insight as to what’s been getting in your way and how you might overcome that. Maybe it’s something that you’ve learned about yourself or even life.

3) How can you take care of your own root system? What is it that you need to do in order to strengthen yourself and prepare yourself to move forward with greater boldness, and ease, and momentum, and get where it is that you really want to go in the coming months – and perhaps, even the year ahead?

4) And finally, what is it that you can let go of? What is it that perhaps has run its course, and is no longer serving you? Maybe it’s a habit or a pattern, or something that you’ve done for a really long time that just really isn’t working for you.

Letting go of things can be hard, even when they no longer serve us because they’re comfortable and they’re familiar. I actually wrote an article about that a few years ago, which I’ll put a link to below. It’s called “How to Soften the Pain of Growth.”

But in the meantime, here’s to fall – to all the things that you’ve accomplished and have yet to accomplish; to taking the time to tend to your own root system; and to honoring the passage of seasons within your own work, and your life to supercharge your success this season!

Thanks for watching.

There’s still time…

 

A quick note to remind you that registration for The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed: The Real Leader’s Guide to Accessing the Freedom & Flow of Your Authentic Genius is open until tomorrow, 8/25 and there are a few spots remaining.  Will one of them be yours?

Curious about the impact Pinocchio Principle Unleashed can have in an organization? Here’s what one CEO had to say about that…

“The things Diane has taught us through her coaching and programs have taken on a life of their own in our organization and given rise to some business practices that are helping us to get to the next level of organizational success. Diane has helped us to increase our self-awareness, gain insight into how we could be more effective, take inspired action, and build on our successes as leaders. Now we are finding ways to do that across our entire organization.

 We have put several of our people through her Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program, starting with myself and our C level team and we’ve continued to downstream the program through various levels of the organization. It’s been extremely helpful, and the ROI is something I can’t even measure – it’s just exponential.

 Thank you so much Diane for assisting to make CACU a better place to work chalked full of balanced, healthy, and motivated people – we have needed you and your skill set and you exceeded expectations for me personally, and more importantly, for the team’s transformation for the better!”

 – Pete Pritts, President/CEO, Corporate America Credit Union

This transformational 13-week leadership development program is now in its seventh year running and is also available to bring in-house.  Read more about The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed (and what others have to say about it) here.

Need to get your organization to sponsor you? Download the business case for participating, which spells out seven powerful ways organizations experience a return on their investment. To maximize individualized support and group dynamics, enrollment will be capped at 10 people. Save your spot while it’s still available! Attend with a friend or colleague and you’ll both get $500 off the registration (respond directly to this email to take advantage of that.)

Here’s to your success!

Diane

 P.S. If you’d like a taste of what is covered in the program, check out the replay of last week’s Real Leadership & The Pinocchio Principle webinar.  Regardless of whether you decide to enroll, you’ll learn practical tips for how to stop running yourself ragged and unleash genius in yourself and those you lead.

Ease the transition from weekend to weekday…

Welcome to a whole new week, fresh with promise and possibilities!

Maybe that isn’t your first thought on a Monday? The weekends do always seem to fly by, and re-entering the work week can be tough.  (For some, it may feel as though you never left it.)

If that’s the case for you – or if you want to find a way to fix more of your attention on promise and possibilities (and less on obstacles and limitations), I encourage you to check out the replay of last week’s webinar, Real Leadership & The Pinocchio Principle: How to Stop Running Yourself Ragged and Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead! 

In the space of an hour, you’ll learn:

• Why many high-achieving executives tend to unwittingly hinder their own and others’ performance (and how to keep that from happening)
• Puppet vs. Genius: Which are you leading from (and at what cost)?
• How to progress smoothly through a five-phase approach that unlocks the very best performance in yourself and others – while minimizing stress, pressure, and overwhelm

You’ll also get some inside information about The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed, a 13-week leadership development program designed to help you overcome stress, pressure, and overwhelm so you can maximize your effectiveness, make a bigger impact, and enjoy your work and your life more.

Registration is open until Friday, 8/25 and there are still a few spots left.  To maximize individualized attention and create the very best group dynamics, enrollment is limited to ten people.  Save your seat now!

Here’s what a previous participant had to say about it:

My professional goals weren’t going the way I wanted them to, and I had a suspicion that I was pounding my head against the wall trying the same tools or switching the tools differently and just needed a fresh perspective on them. I enrolled in The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program after receiving encouragement from people who work with Diane who raved about their interactions with her and how impactful she’s been in their life.

The experience was just revolutionary for me and really changed the way that I look at personal things and professional things. It’s helped me better influence and connect to others, decrease my stress, and get much more done.  I’m more mindful and have replaced old, ineffective tools with new ones – it feels great, it’s really refreshing. The program is awesome, and I highly recommend it.

Dr. Anthony Sciscione, President of the Society of Maternal-Fetal Medicine and Director, Maternal & Fetal Medicine, Christiana Care Health System

If you’d like to talk to a real person to get your questions about the program answered, you can schedule a brief call directly with me.

Here’s to your success – and a wonderful week ahead!

Diane

P.S. Need to get your organization to sponsor you for the program?  Click here to download the business case for participating, which spells out seven powerful ways organizations experience a return on their investment (it also overviews the curriculum in a bit more detail).