One of The Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make

 

Have you ever noticed that pressure, volatility, and uncertainty lead people to revert to primitive behavior? In the grip of it, they prioritize their own needs over those of others, let fear and anxiety call the shots, and short circuit their ability to think clearly (or at all).

It happens to all of us.

The more it holds your attention, the more likely you are to continue falling down that rabbit hole. Your focus shifts to…

…what you’re afraid of (or want to avoid)

…what’s out of your control

…what brings you down

…what you lack

…doubt and skepticism

…worry, anxiety, and preoccupations

…judgement and set stories about how things are

That mindset becomes a prevailing force that’ll keep you stuck because in that state you’ll cut yourself off from the stronger, wiser part of yourself – what I call your Genius.

But with conscious intention and commitment, you can interrupt that process and become the leader that helps others escape from and avoid that trap.

It all starts by shifting your focus…

…from what you want to minimize or move away from to what you want to move toward

…from getting something (for yourself) to giving something (to others)

…from doubt to confidence (in yourself, others, and life itself)

…from what’s beyond your control to what you can influence

…from worry, anxiety, and preoccupation to the present moment and trust in the process

…from what brings you down (irritation) to what amps you up (appreciation), and

…from judgement and stories about how things are to curiosity, learning, and growth

When you move from the concerns of your ego to access your Genius (higher nature), you’ll have a very different experience too.

You’ll enjoy:

• The energy and vitality to perform at your highest level without getting beaten down by stress, pressure, and overwhelm,
• A renewed passion and sense of meaning that gives you the strength to overcome obstacles and resilience to bounce back from setbacks,
• Heightened creativity and ingenuity to find answers to problems that previously stumped you – and to navigate change, challenge, and uncertainty with courage, confidence, and ease, and
• The ability to create strong connections with people that inspire trust and increase your ability to influence and truly lead.

It all begins with conscious awareness of where you are and where you want to be and a willingness to intentionally shift your focus in ways that allow you to bridge that gap.

We all have the ability to lead ourselves and others above circumstances that would otherwise keep us down, and there is never a better time to start than now.

A Simple Little Secret for Overcoming Inertia

Is there something you’ve wanted to do that you just can’t get yourself to act on?  You may dream and scheme, and even have a plan for moving forward.  But for whatever reason, you just haven’t been able to execute it.  Overcoming inertia is a common challenge, and it can keep you from your best work.  But it doesn’t have to.

You’re probably familiar with the law of inertia.  According to Merriam Webster, inertia is “…the inherent property of a body that makes it oppose a force that would cause a change in its motion. A body at rest and a body in motion both oppose forces that might cause acceleration.”

So, anytime you aspire to do something different, whether changing a habit or behavior, beginning a new endeavor, or creating anything – overcoming inertia is going to be a necessary and unavoidable part of the process.

It’s a powerful force.  Because it’ll lead you to believe that whatever you are about to do is going to be hard. And you may end up telling yourself stories that’ll keep you stuck.  You might convince yourself that whatever you are about to do is too complicated. Or that it’ll require too much work. Or that you don’t have the talent, energy, or wherewithal to endure it.

But what if the secret to overcoming inertia is to actually use the principle of inertia itself?

What if all you had to do to launch your new endeavor, habit, behavior, creation – or whatever you aspire to do – is just take some small action?

What if you don’t need to have it all figured out? …all your ducks in a row? …a multi-phase plan that maps every requirement, every step, and every contingency?

What if all you need to do is just START something?

Open a word doc and start writing.  Pick up the phone and make a call.  Go for a walk. Just get into action – and create new momentum – that is in alignment with whatever you ultimately want to accomplish.

If inertia is a force that leads us to continue doing what we’ve done before, by definition even the tiniest change in trajectory will begin to create a new force in a different direction.

Perhaps in this way, the smallest actions can ultimately lead to the biggest accomplishments.

I experienced the power of this a while ago, on a cold February day in Phoenix, Arizona.  And on a whim, I filmed a little video to capture my epiphany…

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hi, Diane Bolden, executive coach and author of “The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader.” And I just finished my morning ride. The thought hit me to shoot a video.

It’s cold here in Phoenix, which is crazy. I know. Wa, wa. But it was 35 degrees this morning, which is cold in Phoenix in February. And I did not want to get out of bed.  And I did not want to ride the exercise bike.  But I did it.

And I had an insight while I was riding that I wanted to share with you. What I realized is that it was hard to get on the bike because I was cold and I had to push through that resistance.

But now I’m warm. I’m actually kind of hot.

And I was thinking about how this is kind of like a metaphor for life… because whenever you start something new, you feel kind of cold.  And you don’t want to.  And there’s a lot of resistance.

[NOTE:  Starting something new requires overcoming inertia – the momentum of whatever you were doing before that may be keeping you from doing what you’d like to do next.  But… you can use the force of inertial to overcome inertia.]

And the more you give yourself to it – the more you allow yourself to kind of be in the game and push, (and I don’t mean push in a negative way, I just mean to get warm, to get your feet wet, to start something somewhere), what’s interesting is the environment doesn’t change…

It’s still very cold outside, and in here, but my body’s warmer and I have the ability to do things that I couldn’t do when I first woke up. And isn’t that just the same thing with life?

We start off and we’re cold. The environment doesn’t change, the circumstances don’t change. But if you allow yourself to get in the game and to get a little warm, and to move a little bit, you might find that you change.

And when you do, you’re capable of doing things you maybe didn’t think you could.

What if Time is On Your Side?

Do you ever find yourself in a place where, despite your best efforts, nothing seems to be working out the way you want it to? 

Maybe you have an amazing idea that you just can’t seem to get off the ground. Perhaps you’ve made progress toward a goal and suddenly feel stymied or unable to gain the resources or support you need to move forward. You might be navigating some kind of transition that has you wondering whether that next thing for you is ever going to materialize.

When obstacles seem to be coming from all directions and you keep running into walls, it’s easy to lose hope and become consumed with frustration.

Sometimes it seems the only options are to throw in the towel or buckle down and try harder. We are conditioned as a society to do the latter, and sometimes that is what it takes to bust through the barriers that confront us. But when you continue to run into setback after setback, it may serve you better to stop for a while and survey the territory before proceeding — as what you thought was a frustrating delay is actually integral to getting you where we want to go.

There is a part of you that knows exactly what you need to do to succeed in any given area – a part of you that has knowledge of a bigger picture and all the moving parts necessary to bring your grandest goals and visions to fruition.

This wiser part of you knows exactly what you need to do (or not do) to yield the best results. It communicates in nonlinear ways — through feelings and flashes of insight that leave your logical mind wanting more details. And it rises above the noise in your head when you are consciously present.

To tap your sager self, you must learn to become attuned to what’s going on in this moment, trusting that amid frustrating delays and setbacks something advantageous may be happening. Tuning into it could allow you to move beyond resistance and frustration and gain clarity on what needs to happen next.

When I was writing The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, I hit a wall and forced myself to write despite my lack of inspiration. Before long I realized that I simply couldn’t continue and took a break. I ended up throwing away everything I made myself write under my own duress, as it was flat, mechanical and uninspired. I replaced it with stories about the previous months’ experiences, which turned out to be quite relevant. As I wrote, the words seemed to fly onto the page, and I was back in my flow again.

You too may need to experience something that is integral to the next phase of your greatest vision, goal or project. So, when you feel frustration, look beyond what appears to be limitation to perceive the gifts it is bringing you. It could be the very springboard you need to get you back in your game.

Gripped by Fear, Anger or Frustration? Get Back into Your Right Mind

 

We’ve all been there… someone says or does something that triggers you – or things take an unexpected turn for the worse and you can’t help but react. Your heart begins to beat wildly, your breathing gets shallow and choppy, and your body tenses up.

It’s called an amygdala hijack. And it literally disables your rational mind – the part of you that makes decisions, controls your reactions, and allows you to problem solve.

Though the physiological symptoms may only last for seconds or minutes, your ability to think clearly may be reduced for hours. And the thoughts and actions you’re likely to take in its grip could prolong a state of fear, anger or frustration for hours, days and even weeks.

This is because the aperture of your lens becomes so narrow that you’ll only perceive a small fraction of the entire picture. In this state, you’re likely to…

…put your attention on what is wrong, rather than what is right.

…spend more time and energy on describing, complaining about, and magnifying the problem than finding the solution.

…be more concerned with what you can get rather than what you can give.

…focus more on what’s out of your control than on what you can influence.

…feel helpless rather than hopeful – and act in ways that lead others to feel that way too.

But each of us has the power to turn that around.  And doing so is an act of leadership – regardless of your job title, industry or profession. Here are three simple steps you can take:

1) Take some deep breaths.Get oxygen flowing back into your cells. Remember that inspiration is the act of drawing in not only air but also new and creative ideas.

2) Ask yourself a question that moves your neural activity back to your prefrontal cortex, the part that allows you to think deeply and make good decisions. A question like, “What do I really want?” or “What could I do to make things better?” will help you get back on the right track.

3) Choose curiosity over judgment. While judgment narrows your aperture and keeps you in a fixed position, curiosity opens it and allows you to get unstuck.  Your lens zooms OUT rather than IN, allowing you to see possibilities and solutions that can move you forward.

4) Notice anything you may be thinking that could be shutting you down or causing more stress – and challenge it.  Ask yourself, “Is it really true?”.  Rather than paying attention to what your eyes are showing you, get curious and ask, “What am I NOT seeing?”

As you take these steps, you’ll become more connected with the wiser, calmer part of yourself that can rise to your challenges with courage and grace. And you’ll hold space for others to do the same.

Could There be Clarity Hidden in Your Chaos?

Ever have a stretch where work (and life) is filled with unpredictable twists and turns, inexplicable delays, and random disorder?

It can be frustrating, unsettling and unnerving.

Our nature as humans is to seek meaning in the things that happen to us. But when there is no logical explanation, we are left scratching our heads wondering what to make of it.

If you’ve ever driven by a construction site and wondered what was being built, you may have noticed the same kind of disjointed activity… people working diligently, each focused on their own specific task… steel girders, half constructed walls, and unidentifiable objects at various stages of completion.

Upon first glance it likely appears chaotic and messy.

But amidst the sawdust and cement blocks, something pulls it all together. Though you may not know exactly what the larger plan is, over time the construction starts to take shape, and you begin to recognize a room here, and another there. Soon you can start to surmise the purpose and function of each room.

As the walls are plastered and paint is applied, the appearance becomes neater. And suddenly, it is completed in all its glory – a stunning compilation of raw materials, sweat, and focused action.

Perhaps we too build things in this way. It is nice to know in advance exactly what we are building. But at times things may feel chaotic, disconnected and random. We have some experiences that uplift us and others that disappoint. Often, we are without an explanation of why certain events and experiences are taking place.

But maybe underneath it all, there is a larger plan at work.

One that will reveal itself over time. As we undertake each new experience, another wall is constructed, and a new room is being built.

What if we were willing to experience our lives with the same wonder and curiosity with which we look upon that building undergoing construction? And what if we were able to engender that same enthusiasm and optimism in everyone around us?

Are you willing to entertain the thought that somewhere within you, there is a perfect blueprint of everything your life and your leadership will bring about?

And can you delight in the mystery of its gradual unfolding?

 

“A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

But what if you could?

 

Do you remember what it was like to be unconstrained by the world’s limitations?

Maybe you were a young child, wanting to fly to the moon or discover buried treasure. How long was it before the people around you compelled you to be more “practical and realistic”?

They didn’t mean any harm.  In fact, those people likely had your best interests in mind.  They wanted to help you learn the rules for engagement in a world of challenges and limitations – to keep you from experiencing pain and disappointment.

Chances are you do that for your own young children.  I know I did.

But over time, the rules for engagement can become more constraining than they are empowering.  Especially when those rules don’t really apply the way they used to.

Have you noticed that many of the old, ingrained ways of getting things done and achieving success are no longer effective, or even relevant?

We are all experiencing it – on both an individual and a collective level, in our homes, our communities and our organizations.  And we need to find a better way of dealing with these emerging challenges and opportunities.  To do that, we must transcend old, well-worn, even tried and true methods that just aren’t working anymore.

The time has come for us to access the creativity, ingenuity, curiosity, and wonder of that little kid that knew no limits and had the willingness and determination to blaze a new trail.

As trees and flowers all around us burst into bloom with the emergence of spring, we can allow creative energy and inspiration to move through us as well.

In nature and in our own lives, the old must give way to the new. Trees lose their leaves and flowers and plants that have been pruned proliferate with an energy and vitality that wouldn’t have otherwise been possible.

What old beliefs and assumptions in your life and leadership need to give way to what is blooming within you?

The next time your great idea or inspiration is met with inner skepticism or restraint, notice what you are believing and ask yourself if it’s really true. Stay with it and see if you can find a way around the things that would otherwise stop you in your tracks.

We are all the pioneers and architects of our own lives and now is the time to go beyond what we previously thought was possible and do the things we’ve been capable of all along.

“Nothing else in the world…not all the armies…is so powerful as an idea whose time has come.”- Victor Hugo,

Here’s to your success!

 

Can you slow down time?

 

What if you could slow down time? 

If you’ve ever had a great massage, a decadent vacation or a fantastic meal, you may have consciously savored each moment or morsel in such a way that allows you to enjoy every second of the experience.

While you may not have actually altered time, being intensely present does seem to allow you to expand your experience of each moment in a way that connects you with the sublime.

Contrast that to how you have felt at the end of a long day.

While stuck in traffic, sitting in meeting after meeting, or getting a cavity filled, perhaps you’ve found that you can disengage altogether and occupy your mind with other things. And when you do, time may seem to speed up. The whole experience can become distant and a bit blurred.

You can drive all the way home and not be able to recall a single landmark you passed along the way.

Knowing we can slow down or speed up time for ourselves may be interesting.

But what is even more intriguing – and somewhat unsettling – is the thought of how much of our lives have been spent somewhere between these two extremes, on a kind of auto pilot.

• How many times when talking with someone has your mind been somewhere else – reviewing your “to do” list, rehashing something that just happened, or even determining what you want to say next?
• How often have you foregone the moment unfolding before you because you were fretting about the past or worrying about the future?
• How many missed opportunities have we all had to be truly present with each other, listening intently and holding space that allows others to feel seen and heard and valued?

What if we lived more often with the intention of not wanting to miss a thing?

• How much more trust could we inspire and cultivate?
• How much more effectively could we create and innovate to meet emerging challenges and opportunities?
• How much more of our very selves could we bring to everything we do and everyone we are with?

Imagine how much better our world could be as a result.

Perhaps as we become more aware of the degree to which we are really showing up, we can begin to gauge how much of our lives we are truly living.  And then we can consciously create and enjoy lives worth living and organizations worth working for.

Fear or Love… What’ll it Be?

 

When it comes down to it, there are really only 2 places you can come from in an organization (or in life). One is fear and the other is love.

You’ve likely seen what fear looks like in organizations… competitiveness, silos, lack of trust, hidden agendas, showboating, cutting people down, insensitivity, judgment, conformity, negativity.

You’ve probably also seen what love looks like in organizations (though people don’t refer to it as love)… the passion of doing work as its own reward, pursuit of excellence, collaboration, lifting people up, trust, teamwork, compassion, respect, individuality, service to others.

Leaders are like transformers. When I worked in the utility industry several years ago, I learned that transformers are devices that change the voltage of energy – either increasing it (stepping it up) or decreasing it (stepping it down).

Leaders who come from a place of fear tend to perpetuate and amplify fear. In my experience, it’s rarely their intention to do so. They are usually more unconscious than anything – and acting from a place of self-preservation. Their focus is on limitation, doubt, threats that are coming at them, and things that bring them down.

And as the saying goes, where the focus goes, the energy flows.

Leaders who come from a place of love focus on something entirely different. It’s not that they don’t feel fear. They just intentionally, deliberately shift their attention to align with what they most want to move toward (versus away from).

• Instead of fixating on what they fear, they focus on what they want – and how to create it.
• Rather than getting frustrated by what they lack, they determine what they can give.
• When they get bogged down by limitation and doubt, they lift their sights to the capability of and confidence in themselves and others.

Leaders exist at all levels of organizations, regardless of title or position. Some of the most extraordinary leaders have no title at all. But they are powerhouses of possibility. They lift others out of fear and give them something meaningful to work toward. They can be in the presence of negativity and still radiate optimism and confidence.

They can literally transform the energy in an organization.

When a leader helps another person shift from fear to love, miracles happen. People are infused with energy they didn’t know they had. They see openings where they previously only saw obstacles and find solutions to problems that seem insurmountable.

They create brightness that illuminates the darkness and helps others find their way through the thickest of mires. And when the pockets of light begin to multiply, an entire culture can shift. What was once deemed impossible becomes entirely achievable – and even probable.

So what’ll it be… fear, or love?

Make the decision today to be a transformer that creates more of what you most want to be a part of.

Want some support infusing more love into your leadership or organizational culture? Email me. 

The Secret to Success No One Ever Talks About in Business

 

I filmed this week’s video 13 years ago but didn’t share it widely back then because I wasn’t sure it would be perceived as relevant to business executives. All these years later, after conversations and work with thousands of executives, I’ve realized that not only is it fitting, but that its relevance transcends time, industry, vocation, and position.

I can say that definitively because it is about one of the most fundamental forces leaders and organizations can harness and nurture within their organizations (and themselves): the undeniable, irrefutable and universal power of LOVE.

While it’s not likely something you’ll learn about in business school, or see on a job description, or even hear talked about all that much, you’ll feel it in the organizations that have sustained success over the longest periods.

It’s shared by their employees, their customers, and anyone who interacts with them or their people. It leads to repeat business, recruitment and retention of the best and brightest talent, and performance at the highest levels.

It is the one thing that grows the more that it is given (and received). It pulls people out of their slumps, gets them to believe in themselves and each other, and leads them to find the strength and resilience they need to overcome any obstacle.

This force draws people in and opens them to new possibilities. It transcends fear and allows them to feel safe, to unearth their greatest potential, and to connect more deeply to others.

Utilizing and perpetuating love doesn’t require an advanced degree, decades of experience or a formal title and yet, it is the one thing that has allowed the most influential leaders of all time create monumental leaps of progress – by inspiring the human spirt to go above and beyond what we previously thought possible.

It’s as powerful for communities as it is for companies and the individuals within them. And it is the one thing we all have the ability to generate regardless of our circumstances, experiences, limitations or doubts.

I would venture to say we need it now more than ever – and we must each take the opportunity not only to seek it, enjoy it, create it, and share it, but also to BECOME it.

It’s NOT business as usual…

 

Great organizations are not created accidentally. They are a product of conscious intention and deliberate action shared by leaders at all levels, regardless of formal title or level of responsibility.

So often people feel they’re at the mercy of their circumstances at work – the one arena they spend more of their time in than any other. It’s not uncommon for people to feel lost, misunderstood, overlooked or undervalued.

Work can feel like a never-ending series of boxes that need to be checked and a perpetual exercise in firefighting. Competition, office politics and inflated egos can shut people down, take the wind out of their sails, and lead them to feel powerless and unimportant.

But in great organizations these things are not the unavoidable byproduct of “business as usual”. Dynamics that keep people feeling trapped in auto-pilot, stunt their growth, and ultimately breed toxic cultures are carefully monitored and proactively addressed.

There is a spirit of solidarity and shared leadership that unites people in the face of challenges that would otherwise tear organizations apart.

A client I had the privilege to work onsite with a couple of weeks ago is a perfect example.

They are the kind of organization that makes you feel good the moment you come into their presence. The energy they share is dynamic and alive. People go out of their way to care for each other and are invested in each other’s and the organization’s success.  They have one of the lowest turnover rates in the industry and they attract the best and the brightest.

Their CEO came to me over seven years ago, expressing his desire to create a vibrant culture of inspired leadership.

It’s not uncommon for executives to bring programs in-house for their people to attend. But the most exemplary organizations begin those initiatives at the highest levels.

This wasn’t an initiative that would be arbitrarily rolled out. Instead, the C-level team insisted on experiencing the Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program starting with themselves – going through it together.

They knew that to create the kind of culture that would become infused into every level of the organization, they had to become living models of what they themselves were learning and hoped to see develop in their people.

In the years that followed, they’ve continued to enroll small groups of their people through the same program and taken deliberate steps to ensure the learning is reinforced and integrated into daily conversations and ways of doing business.

By practicing real leadership from the top down, they’ve nurtured it from the bottom up as well.

Working with clients like these to achieve unprecedented results by igniting the power of their people is one of the things I love most about my work. Message me if you are interested in creating a vibrant and inspired culture in your organization.