Tag Archives: Goals

From Frustration to Fruition

 

Do you ever find yourself in a place where, despite your best efforts, nothing seems to be working out the way you want it to?  an outline of a key for success that indicates frustration to fruition

Maybe you have an amazing idea that you just can’t seem to get off the ground.  Perhaps you have made progress toward a goal and suddenly feel stymied and blocked or unable to gain the resources or support you need to move forward.  You might be navigating some kind of transition that has left you wondering whether that next thing for you is ever going to materialize.

When obstacles seem to be coming from all directions and you just keep running into walls, it’s easy to lose hope and become consumed with frustration. 

Sometimes it seems that the only options are to throw in the towel or buckle down and try harder.  We are conditioned as a society to do the latter, and sometimes that is what it takes to bust through the barriers that confront us.  But when we continue to run into setback after setback, it may serve us better to stop for awhile and survey the territory before we take action again — as we may find that what we thought was a frustrating delay is actually integral to getting us where we want to go.

Have you ever had a customer that wanted something that required a great deal of preparation but didn’t want to take the time to build the necessary foundation?  If you proceeded as directed,  in time the solution could go up in smoke leaving that customer worse off than they were before — or in the very best case, less than satisfied.   But the customer wasn’t interested in hearing about why the delays were necessary and instead kept pushing and pushing for results.

Sometimes when we force things to happen, we are like that customer who doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and insists on powering up the engines before they are finished being built.   He creates so much noise and distraction that it makes it difficult to focus on what truly needs to happen in order to get back on course.  That’s what our frustration and anxiety does to us when we get caught up in it.

There is a part of you that knows exactly what you need to do to succeed in any given area – a part of you that has knowledge of a bigger picture and all the moving parts necessary to bring your grandest goals and visions to fruition.   

While the part of you that is like the impatient customer that wants what he wants, this bigger part of you knows intuitively that things are happening in just the right way to yield the best results.  The bigger part of you can only communicate to you in nonlinear ways — through feelings and flashes of insight that leave your logical mind wanting more details.  And it only communicates in the present moment.

To tap this bigger part of yourself, you must learn to become attuned to what is going on in this moment, trusting that in the midst of frustrating delays and setbacks there may be something right in front of you that needs your attention.  If you do not give it your attention you may continue to experience even more resistance and frustration.  But if you move into it, you will find exactly what you need in order to move forward.

When I was writing my book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, I hit a wall and experienced the dreaded writer’s block.  I powered through it, forcing myself to write in spite of my lack of inspiration.  Before long I realized that I simply couldn’t continue and put the manuscript away for awhile.  In the months that followed, I had a number of experiences that were critical to writing the book.  When my inspiration was renewed and it was time to return to my writing, I ended up throwing away everything I made myself write under my own duress, as it was flat, mechanical and uninspired.  I replaced it with stories about the previous months’ experiences.  As I wrote, the words seemed to fly onto the page and I was back in my flow again.

You too may be in a state where before you are ready to move onto the next phase of your greatest vision, goal or initiative, you must experience something that will give you just what you need to succeed.  So when you feel that frustration, see if you can look at your situation with eyes that see beyond what appears to be limitation and perceive the gifts it is bringing you.  It could be the very springboard you need to get you back in your game.

 

Implications for Real Leaders

The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.

To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.


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3 Tips for Stepping Bravely into Your Next Opportunity

DianeBolden_FB_11.14.17

 

Do you ever feel like you are on the verge of something you’re not sure you are ready for?

Perhaps you’ve been given a chance to do something you’ve always wanted to do, or you recognize a need that you have the unique ability to meet – but it requires that you step out of your comfort zone in order to do it.

Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve explored the mindset you’ll need to become what you most admire, and discussed the importance of allowing your vision to guide you. As you do those things, you’ll inevitably be presented with opportunities to make your vision real by moving from thought to action. And sometimes those opportunities will unnerve you.

This week’s video will give you three vital insights to help you move through your resistance and rise to those occasions in ways that bring satisfaction, fulfillment and growth.

 

And if you want more on how to take the kind of action necessary to make your vision a reality, download my special report Why Real Leaders Don’t Set Goals (and what they do instead) and stay tuned for more tools, techniques and tips to come.

Implications for Real Leaders

The Real Leader Revolution is bringing to a head the need for businesses to better tap the power and potential that exists within the people who are the lifeblood of their organizations. This energy, when properly catalyzed and harnessed, will create the kind of value that earns loyal customers, increased market share and strong, sustainable profitability.

To find out more about how you can unleash this talent, energy and potential in your own organization (starting with yourself), sign up below to receive your copy of The Real Leader Revolution Manifesto as soon as it is released.


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Last name:

Email:








The Often Overlooked Danger of Being Too Results Oriented

DianeBolden_FB_09.11.17

 

We hear the benefits of being results oriented all the time. It is important to have goals, to aim high, and to focus on outcomes. But as we have been told since we were kids, too much of a good thing can hurt you.

There are three critical areas that suffer if you are too results oriented:

(1) Your experience

(2) Your performance

(3) Your sustainability

Let’s start with your experience.

When my kids were young, they loved writing stories. As a family, we’d go on long road trips and by the time we reached our destination, they had woven delightful tales with colorful characters and loads of drama.

But at school, when they were given the assignment to write a story, they were not all that happy. Suddenly someone was making them do it and grading their performance. The writing was no longer an activity they had chosen for themselves. Their attention had shifted from doing the writing for the sheer joy of it to doing it for the benefit of a grade.

What does a child’s writing assignment have to do with your experience?

Most of us chose our professions as a matter of preference, because they were aligned with something we had interest in or a passion for. But when we become more fixated on the paycheck than on the work itself, the work can become a bit of a drudge.

Even smaller activities like projects can become laborious when you put more weight on achieving a desired outcome than on the process of doing the work itself.

But if you stop caring about results, how will you ever achieve anything?

The problem isn’t your desire to achieve results. The difficulty arises when you attach those results to your state of well being. Suddenly whatever you are doing becomes a means to an end. An end you feel you simply must achieve to avoid pain and achieve pleasure.

When the stakes become too high, the joy of doing the work itself gets sucked out of the process. And so do you. Your focus is no longer on immersing yourself into the work and enjoying each step, but rather on making sure you can achieve the outcome you believe your happiness depends on.

When you place your happiness on achieving some future state instead of enjoying where you are and what you are doing right now, you will never be truly happy. And your work will not only be less than fulfilling, the results of it will also be less than optimal.

This leads us to the second problem with being too results oriented.

The irony of being too focused on results is that you are less likely to get good results.

When you go from pouring your attention and energy into the process to simply achieving an outcome, whatever you are working on is missing one very key ingredient: YOU.

If all you care about is achieving the goal, your mind is on some future state. This means you yourself are not fully present and engaged. And when you are not fully present and engaged, the quality of care and love that you would otherwise pour into your work is simply not there.

The result is crappy products/services and poor performance.

You will not tap into the same level of creativity. You will not make the same connections. You will forget about whoever is the end user or beneficiary of the work you are doing when your focus is more on what you have to gain than anything else.

This is like trying to play tennis by focusing your gaze on where you want the ball to go instead of looking at the ball itself. You will likely miss the shot every time.

And when you don’t get the results you so desperately desire, you will begin to have trouble in the third area that suffers when you are too results oriented: sustainability.

What does sustainability have to do with performance and results?

Sustainability is simply your ability to stay with something long enough to experience a return on your investment of time, energy and effort.   It’s what allows you to stick with the plan you have outlined that will ultimately allow you to achieve your goals.

Sustainability is important because without it, you never gain momentum

Momentum is what allows you to go from starting something, to making progress, to achieving a desired result, to excelling at achieving a desired result. When you are too results oriented, you risk falling into the trap of judging your performance based on what you are able to achieve right out of the chute. And most people don’t perform very well when they first start something.

Expecting results without momentum is the curse of the perfectionist.

The perfectionist wants to begin everything at the same level of proficiency that a master would achieve. They compare their results to those attained by people who have spent years of their lives practicing. And they fail to recognize that people who are masterful began their crafts making mistakes, looking foolish, and getting less than desirable results.

So they quit. They never allow themselves that crucial period of trying something, getting it wrong, making small adjustments and trying again. And again. And again.

They reason they were never cut out for that kind of work. And they cheat themselves of the sweetness of achieving results they could have enjoyed if they would have just stuck with it.

But you don’t get rewarded for effort — only results, right?

It’s true that most companies don’t reward people a whole lot for the effort they put into something unless they reach their goals. But you will never achieve your goals if you do not apply sustained effort. The effort ends up rewarding you. And the reward is results that are not only high quality and long lasting, but also deeply gratifying.

Let’s summarize.

It is possible to be too results oriented. And when that happens, three primary areas will suffer

(1) Your experience. Being too results oriented sucks the joy out of your work and leads to increased levels of stress and anxiety. When you equate a desired outcome with your state of well being, the stakes become too high and you will fail to enjoy the journey that leads to your ultimate destination. Work becomes a grind and the quality of your life will suffer.

(2) Your performance. The irony of being too focused on results is that you are less likely to get good results. When your energy and attention goes to some future state, you will vacate yourself from the present. This negatively impacts your creativity and the special touch only you can bring to your work, resulting in crappy products/services and poor performance.

(3) Your sustainability. When you judge your success based on getting stellar results out of the chute, you will experience frustration and a feeling of inadequacy that may lead you to abandon your efforts altogether. Great results require great sustained effort and momentum. This can only be achieved with repeated practice, and the willingness to make mistakes, learn from them and try again and again.

Should you stop caring about results?

Of course not. It’s true that you need to aim high, get clear on the goals you want to achieve and envision what it will be like when you do. But then you need to shift your primary focus from achieving the result to pouring your heart and mind into the process. Your reward will be not only achieving your desired destination, but also enjoying every step along the way.

Clearing the Way for Success

What is it that you are longing to create in the coming year? 

And what do you need to let go of in order to allow it to fully take root?

Are you willing to entertain the thought that it may come in a form that is unfamiliar to you? 

Resolutions - paper and pencilEvery year, we are encouraged to set New Year’s resolutions.  We are a goal driven society that is conditioned to seek more.  Our egos desire more money, more fame and prestige, and more stuff.  A deeper part of ourselves longs for more peace, more meaning, and more purpose in our lives.  We want to move beyond our previous realizations of what we’ve already accomplished to master newer, better ways of doing things – whether that be what we create in our lives or in our organizations – and as leaders what we are able to inspire others to do as well.

Though it is tempting to occupy ourselves with thoughts of how we can go about achieving all of this and what we need to do more of, perhaps what we really need to start with is what we need to do less of – what we need to let go of in order to create the space for something new to come in.  We are constantly evolving as human beings – and as communities of human beings.  It is so easy to look to the past to define who we are though the things we’ve already done – goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built.  Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.

 The fact of the matter is, you are not your accomplishments, your creations, or the sum total of the various roles you play in your life – manager, director, vice president, mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc.   You are much, much more than that.  Your potential is limitless.

And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions.  They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take.  In order to be happy, we reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target.  So we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done – on a sort of auto pilot.  Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some may bring a growing source of discontentment.  We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility that what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined for us.  In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to open up to the mystery that is unfolding in each of our lives.

Easier said than done, right?  How exactly do you go about letting go of the known when it is all you know? 

Richard BachWe can take our cues from nature.  Snakes and other reptiles shed their skin, trees drop their leaves, and caterpillars create cocoons in which their forms entirely dissolve before recreating themselves in the form of butterflies.  Even a fish in a bowl cannot stay in water that contains its excrement – the waste must either be emptied and replaced with new water, or absorbed by something else that will remove it from the fish’s environment.  Without engaging in these renewing processes, these creatures will die.  And so it is of us.  Many of us are already walking around encased in layers of old, dead stuff that needs to be released.

What are you holding onto in your life that has run its course?  What are the old outmoded ways of doing things that no longer bring you energy?  What are the things you’ve acquired that you no longer need?  What beliefs are you holding onto that are no longer true for you? 

 Pay attention to the times that you feel constricted, anxious, or tired and in those moments ask what you can let go of.  Don’t be afraid of the answer.  Though it may frighten you because it introduces an element of the unknown, following these insights will always lead to freedom and liberation. 

C.S. LewisYour computer can only handle so much data.  If you do not delete old email and get rid of files that have been accumulating over the years, and if you continue to add new programs without deleting old ones, you will find that it becomes sluggish and unresponsive.  Just as freeing up space allows your computer to process things more quickly, so too will clearing your own personal space (whether of things or thoughts) allow you to access new levels of clarity and creativity.  You will breathe easier, be more present in every action and interaction you partake of, and bring more of who you really are to what you do.  And you will open up the space of possibility that will allow something to come in that may surprise and delight you.  Rather than being something you slave away for, it will simply emerge and reveal itself to you.

And of course, any work you do on yourself will serve as a form of leadership for others who, like you, seek their own answers and could benefit from your example of unearthing what is possible and allowing it to take form in new and unexpected ways.

The article above is an exerpt of my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, which will be released on 1/11/11.  The Pinocchio Principle  is a roadmap to help you integrate your head with your heart, utilize your intuition, challenge your limits and move out of your comfort zone to unearth your greatest work while inspiring others to do the same.  It is available to pre-order at www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.  If you order before 1/11, I’ll send you an autographed copy!

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!