Are Your Habits Hurting You?

 

 

Often, we don’t seek help until things begin to hurt us.  And though it’s unfortunate that we wait until things become painful to try something different – it is often just the springboard we need to find better ways of doing and being.

• Maybe your last temper explosion led people to no longer want to support you, and you are ready to figure out ways of better channeling your anger.
• Maybe you have totally burned yourself out and are starting to realize that there has to be a better way of doing things.
• Or perhaps you’ve finally realized you’re never going to be able to sustain your success and take your game to a new level as a leader of others if you insist on doing everything yourself.

When your habits begin to hurt you, you get to decide what you are going to do about them. It’s a crossroads that can be challenging – because though you might be experiencing pain and discomfort with your habit, it likely will seem as though anything you might need to do differently will be even worse.  And that is the root of resistance.

But what I have found through my own experience, as well as that of so many others – friends, clients, colleagues – is that the pain caused by resistance is far worse than anything it would have you avoid.

Maybe you don’t need to wait until it comes to a head.

We all have habits that no longer serve us.  And you already likely know what habit (or habits) are bringing you down.  So, the question is, what are you going to do about it?

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be walking you through a five-step process for changing the habits that hurt you.  It’s a small part of what I teach in the Pinocchio Principle Unleashed, a seven-module virtual leadership development program designed to help business professionals like you maximize your performance, minimize stress and pressure and enjoy a more fulfilling life both on and off the job (and lead others to do the same).

For now, take stock of the things you do on autopilot that may not necessarily be in your best interest – and begin to notice any negative impact those behaviors may be having on your work or in your life. Making needed change in those areas could yield rich dividends. And it all starts with conscious awareness and a willingness to consider doing things differently.

“When we are attentive to our actions, we are not prisoners of our habits.” – T. K. V. Desikachar

How to Get Those Engines Running Again

 

Over the last several weeks I’ve been posting tips for leaving and returning from vacation. I took my own advice and prepared those articles to go out while I was enjoying some out of office time of my own.

But now I’m back. And I had a few more insights about how to get back in the swing of things as I navigated my own re-entry. This week’s video features four tips that helped me get back into my groove – and I’m confident they will help you too.

While these suggestions are timely after you’ve returned from being away from the office, they are also entirely fitting for anytime you are having trouble getting something done, approaching a project you’ve been putting off, or stuck in the middle of something that has you feeling stalled.

Here’s to coming back better and brighter!

Diane

How Your Vacation Can Keep on Giving (long after you return)

 

If you worry that taking vacation might lead you to lose focus or traction with your work, you’re not alone. But…. What if you could actually improve your focus, ingenuity and performance BECAUSE you spent time away?

Last week I posted about the first step for coming back strong after your vacation: (1) Take a moment to get clear on what you most want.

Today, we’ll explore the second strategy…

(2) Take advantage of the opportunity to see things with a fresh perspective.

Being creatures of habit, we tend to jump back into the same ways of doing things that led us to feel like we desperately needed a vacation in the first place. Going on vacation creates a pattern interrupt that you can leverage in your work.

In much the same way a new employee sees problems and solutions from a different angle than the more seasoned team members, your time away allows you to view your work with new eyes.

Notice what’s going through your head without allowing it to disturb your peace of mind. 

• Are you frustrated that things didn’t run as smoothly as you wanted them to while you were away?
• Is there a voice screaming at you to jump in and start answering emails, returning calls and/or wading through piles of paper before you lose another minute?
• Are you feeling burdened by the weight of what seems to be more than you can humanly process in the span of a day/week/month?

These thoughts are to be expected. We all have them. But they don’t have to push you into a panic-filled, adrenaline-provoked response that keeps you from being effective. A lot of our stress is a result of comparing what is happening to what we think should happen, which takes us out of the moment and puts us in a battle in our heads, adding unnecessary stress and pressure.

Instead, come back to the moment and see if you can simply assess it without judging. 

Be mindful of telling yourself stories about what it means, or what is going to happen next. Before you jump into action, do an assessment of all the things that are competing for your attention. Don’t think of this as a “to do” list, just an inventory of potential items to be addressed. Add to it anything else that you feel compelled to act on.

Getting things out of your head frees your mind to utilize discernment, so that you can sort through what would otherwise overwhelm you and identify what your true priorities are. In my next post, I’ll talk you through a way to do just that.

And if you want to learn to infuse your work year-round with the same freshness and inspiration you feel after a good vacation, message me to learn about a new program I’ll soon be making available to a limited number of executives.

How To Set Yourself (and Others) Up for Success on Your Next Vacation

 

Want to get away? Of course you do. And you SHOULD!  Letting your vacation time go unused doesn’t benefit you OR your organization because you’ll miss out on ways to supercharge your success by replenishing your vital reserves of energy, creativity and resilience.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve shared strategies for disconnecting from work while you are on vacation so that you can not only enjoy your time away but also maximize your ability to return refreshed and ready to roll.

(3) Set and communicate boundaries and expectations in advance.

Most of us are accustomed to setting up automated “out of office” messages in our mailboxes. But we often fail to communicate and manage expectations in advance. As a result, people can feel caught off guard and demanding of your time while you are away. Or you can feel inclined to respond to something that really isn’t all that urgent out of fear of damaging a relationship or letting a ball drop.

Take the time to talk with others about your intention to completely disconnect from work on vacation.

Make it clear that you do not intend to check email or handle phone calls. Remind them of the guidelines you’ve set on what to do in your absence. And clarify your intention to use this time to replenish your reserves so that upon your return you can more effectively serve them.

When clients believe they will be well cared for and know who in your organization to contact for what, they are much less inclined to interrupt you. If you discuss in advance what things can be done before and while you are gone and what is better delayed until your return, you’ll be able to leave with the peace of mind that everyone is on the same page.

Don’t underestimate the power of your example.

Leaders set the tone in organizations more by what they do than what they say. If you interrupt your vacations to get involved in work, others are likely to feel compelled to follow suit. As a result, the energy of your team wanes, tempers flare, and performance begins to decline. People work harder than ever but don’t seem to get a lot done, or they burn out altogether.

When you apply solid strategies for how to disconnect from work on vacation, you’ll exercise true leadership – showing others how to truly revitalize themselves and their performance by modeling it yourself.

If you want to learn to infuse your work year-round with the same freshness and inspiration you feel after a good vacation, message me to learn about a new program I’ll soon be making available to a limited number of executives.

In coming weeks, I’ll share strategies for post vacation re-entry… 3 steps for coming back strong.

One of The Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make

 

Have you ever noticed that pressure, volatility, and uncertainty lead people to revert to primitive behavior? In the grip of it, they prioritize their own needs over those of others, let fear and anxiety call the shots, and short circuit their ability to think clearly (or at all).

It happens to all of us.

The more it holds your attention, the more likely you are to continue falling down that rabbit hole. Your focus shifts to…

…what you’re afraid of (or want to avoid)

…what’s out of your control

…what brings you down

…what you lack

…doubt and skepticism

…worry, anxiety, and preoccupations

…judgement and set stories about how things are

That mindset becomes a prevailing force that’ll keep you stuck because in that state you’ll cut yourself off from the stronger, wiser part of yourself – what I call your Genius.

But with conscious intention and commitment, you can interrupt that process and become the leader that helps others escape from and avoid that trap.

It all starts by shifting your focus…

…from what you want to minimize or move away from to what you want to move toward

…from getting something (for yourself) to giving something (to others)

…from doubt to confidence (in yourself, others, and life itself)

…from what’s beyond your control to what you can influence

…from worry, anxiety, and preoccupation to the present moment and trust in the process

…from what brings you down (irritation) to what amps you up (appreciation), and

…from judgement and stories about how things are to curiosity, learning, and growth

When you move from the concerns of your ego to access your Genius (higher nature), you’ll have a very different experience too.

You’ll enjoy:

• The energy and vitality to perform at your highest level without getting beaten down by stress, pressure, and overwhelm,
• A renewed passion and sense of meaning that gives you the strength to overcome obstacles and resilience to bounce back from setbacks,
• Heightened creativity and ingenuity to find answers to problems that previously stumped you – and to navigate change, challenge, and uncertainty with courage, confidence, and ease, and
• The ability to create strong connections with people that inspire trust and increase your ability to influence and truly lead.

It all begins with conscious awareness of where you are and where you want to be and a willingness to intentionally shift your focus in ways that allow you to bridge that gap.

We all have the ability to lead ourselves and others above circumstances that would otherwise keep us down, and there is never a better time to start than now.

3 Steps for Escaping the Hamster Wheel

Do you find yourself running from one thing to the next with little time to think about what you’re doing and why?

If you said yes, you’re not alone.

Many high achieving professionals feel they have way more to do than time to do it. Their ambition, drive, and passion have served them well, but they know they’re capable of more. More opportunity, more impact, and dare I say – more freedom to enjoy their careers and their lives.

The daily grind keeps us tethered to the ground, thinking our best is just around the corner if only we can get through what’s in front of us – often an accumulation of projects and commitments that grows far faster than it shrinks. Occasionally, it becomes apparent that something’s got to give.

But who has time to slow down when there’s so much more to get done?

The fantasy many of us have bought into is that if we just work longer and harder, we will get there. And despite our longing to find balance and the sweet spot that will finally allow us to relax and be more effective, we often act in ways that bring greater levels of anxiety and toil.

As leaders, we also unwittingly create entire cultures of people who emulate our frenetic behavior in the name of getting ahead.

The hamster in the wheel doesn’t know he isn’t getting anywhere.

And before he can, he must realize that he is, in fact, in a wheel. Our wheels are much more sophisticated and deceiving than those of the hamster. Because initially, our wheels do get us somewhere. It’s just that over time, they lose traction and become stuck in comfortable ruts.

And we don’t realize when we’re stuck, because it doesn’t seem possible to be standing still when you’re running like hell.

How willing are you to recognize that perhaps there is a better way?

All change begins with awareness coupled with desire. To move beyond your madness, try the following:

• Pay attention when you’re feeling anxious, stressed, or tense. Recognize the thought or behavior pattern that may be causing this discomfort. This may be a prime area for a shift.
• Ask yourself some discerning questions such as, “What small, but powerful change could I make today that would allow me to be more effective?” Open your mind to different approaches, processes and greater discernment about what really must be done, when, and by whom.
• Notice what catches your attention in the coming days. The answers to your questions will reveal themselves to you, but you must hold the intention to receive them and be willing to listen.

Once you recognize the patterns and triggers that perpetuate your anxiety, stress, and pressure – and the impact they’re having in your life, they begin to lose their hold on you. As they fall away, you can escape the hamster wheel and take the kind of inspired action that’ll get you where you REALLY want to go.

Here’s to your success!

Gripped by Fear, Anger or Frustration? Get Back into Your Right Mind

 

We’ve all been there… someone says or does something that triggers you – or things take an unexpected turn for the worse and you can’t help but react. Your heart begins to beat wildly, your breathing gets shallow and choppy, and your body tenses up.

It’s called an amygdala hijack. And it literally disables your rational mind – the part of you that makes decisions, controls your reactions, and allows you to problem solve.

Though the physiological symptoms may only last for seconds or minutes, your ability to think clearly may be reduced for hours. And the thoughts and actions you’re likely to take in its grip could prolong a state of fear, anger or frustration for hours, days and even weeks.

This is because the aperture of your lens becomes so narrow that you’ll only perceive a small fraction of the entire picture. In this state, you’re likely to…

…put your attention on what is wrong, rather than what is right.

…spend more time and energy on describing, complaining about, and magnifying the problem than finding the solution.

…be more concerned with what you can get rather than what you can give.

…focus more on what’s out of your control than on what you can influence.

…feel helpless rather than hopeful – and act in ways that lead others to feel that way too.

But each of us has the power to turn that around.  And doing so is an act of leadership – regardless of your job title, industry or profession. Here are three simple steps you can take:

1) Take some deep breaths.Get oxygen flowing back into your cells. Remember that inspiration is the act of drawing in not only air but also new and creative ideas.

2) Ask yourself a question that moves your neural activity back to your prefrontal cortex, the part that allows you to think deeply and make good decisions. A question like, “What do I really want?” or “What could I do to make things better?” will help you get back on the right track.

3) Choose curiosity over judgment. While judgment narrows your aperture and keeps you in a fixed position, curiosity opens it and allows you to get unstuck.  Your lens zooms OUT rather than IN, allowing you to see possibilities and solutions that can move you forward.

4) Notice anything you may be thinking that could be shutting you down or causing more stress – and challenge it.  Ask yourself, “Is it really true?”.  Rather than paying attention to what your eyes are showing you, get curious and ask, “What am I NOT seeing?”

As you take these steps, you’ll become more connected with the wiser, calmer part of yourself that can rise to your challenges with courage and grace. And you’ll hold space for others to do the same.

The Fallacy of Failure… and How to Rise Above It

“What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?”

~ Robert H. Schuller

It’s easy to think of shooting for the moon when the idea of crashing to the ground doesn’t enter the picture. We can dream and scheme all we want, but to make our dreams real, we must act. And when we do, the idea of failure has a way of creeping in despite our best attempts to move forward.

Failure means different things to different people. But what’s most debilitating about the idea of it is having to experience or endure some kind of pain – pain of rejection, embarrassment, loss, financial ruin – not to mention its actual physical variations.

The interesting thing about pain is that, thankfully, it is usually finite. It comes and it goes. And while we don’t always have control over whether we experience it, we do seem to play a part in how long it lasts and how uncomfortable it gets.

As a kid, getting immunizations was terrifying. I remember how worked up I would get before the needle even came close to my skin. And I watched my kids do the same thing –screaming or wailing before contact was ever actually made.  But a few seconds later, the injections were completed before they even realized it.

They got off the exam table and immediately went onto other things – except when one of them, in need of a little more sympathy deliberately focused on the blood on the bandage – making the experience into something far more painful than it needed to be.

I think we do the same thing when we contemplate the pain that accompanies what we believe would be “failure”. Our minds have a way of making it far more ominous than it ever is in reality. And if we happen to find ourselves experiencing it, we can also fall into the trap of unwittingly making it more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

But we can also exercise resilience and determination in our ability to bounce back and focus on something that will allow us to move forward despite an otherwise unpleasant experience.

Because what it really comes down to is what your experiences – regardless of the way they turn out – have given you, rather than cost you. People who have accomplished extraordinary things in the world are the first to tell you that what many refer to as “failure” has plagued them time after time.  And many will tell you those experiences were prerequisites for their success.

What differentiates them from those who allowed “failure” to defeat them is that they picked themselves up, figured out what they could learn, and moved forward armed with a new awareness, a new understanding, and a renewed commitment to their greatest dreams and visions.

What great thing can YOU achieve today, knowing that you simply cannot fail?

Can you slow down time?

 

What if you could slow down time? 

If you’ve ever had a great massage, a decadent vacation or a fantastic meal, you may have consciously savored each moment or morsel in such a way that allows you to enjoy every second of the experience.

While you may not have actually altered time, being intensely present does seem to allow you to expand your experience of each moment in a way that connects you with the sublime.

Contrast that to how you have felt at the end of a long day.

While stuck in traffic, sitting in meeting after meeting, or getting a cavity filled, perhaps you’ve found that you can disengage altogether and occupy your mind with other things. And when you do, time may seem to speed up. The whole experience can become distant and a bit blurred.

You can drive all the way home and not be able to recall a single landmark you passed along the way.

Knowing we can slow down or speed up time for ourselves may be interesting.

But what is even more intriguing – and somewhat unsettling – is the thought of how much of our lives have been spent somewhere between these two extremes, on a kind of auto pilot.

• How many times when talking with someone has your mind been somewhere else – reviewing your “to do” list, rehashing something that just happened, or even determining what you want to say next?
• How often have you foregone the moment unfolding before you because you were fretting about the past or worrying about the future?
• How many missed opportunities have we all had to be truly present with each other, listening intently and holding space that allows others to feel seen and heard and valued?

What if we lived more often with the intention of not wanting to miss a thing?

• How much more trust could we inspire and cultivate?
• How much more effectively could we create and innovate to meet emerging challenges and opportunities?
• How much more of our very selves could we bring to everything we do and everyone we are with?

Imagine how much better our world could be as a result.

Perhaps as we become more aware of the degree to which we are really showing up, we can begin to gauge how much of our lives we are truly living.  And then we can consciously create and enjoy lives worth living and organizations worth working for.

It’s NOT business as usual…

 

Great organizations are not created accidentally. They are a product of conscious intention and deliberate action shared by leaders at all levels, regardless of formal title or level of responsibility.

So often people feel they’re at the mercy of their circumstances at work – the one arena they spend more of their time in than any other. It’s not uncommon for people to feel lost, misunderstood, overlooked or undervalued.

Work can feel like a never-ending series of boxes that need to be checked and a perpetual exercise in firefighting. Competition, office politics and inflated egos can shut people down, take the wind out of their sails, and lead them to feel powerless and unimportant.

But in great organizations these things are not the unavoidable byproduct of “business as usual”. Dynamics that keep people feeling trapped in auto-pilot, stunt their growth, and ultimately breed toxic cultures are carefully monitored and proactively addressed.

There is a spirit of solidarity and shared leadership that unites people in the face of challenges that would otherwise tear organizations apart.

A client I had the privilege to work onsite with a couple of weeks ago is a perfect example.

They are the kind of organization that makes you feel good the moment you come into their presence. The energy they share is dynamic and alive. People go out of their way to care for each other and are invested in each other’s and the organization’s success.  They have one of the lowest turnover rates in the industry and they attract the best and the brightest.

Their CEO came to me over seven years ago, expressing his desire to create a vibrant culture of inspired leadership.

It’s not uncommon for executives to bring programs in-house for their people to attend. But the most exemplary organizations begin those initiatives at the highest levels.

This wasn’t an initiative that would be arbitrarily rolled out. Instead, the C-level team insisted on experiencing the Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program starting with themselves – going through it together.

They knew that to create the kind of culture that would become infused into every level of the organization, they had to become living models of what they themselves were learning and hoped to see develop in their people.

In the years that followed, they’ve continued to enroll small groups of their people through the same program and taken deliberate steps to ensure the learning is reinforced and integrated into daily conversations and ways of doing business.

By practicing real leadership from the top down, they’ve nurtured it from the bottom up as well.

Working with clients like these to achieve unprecedented results by igniting the power of their people is one of the things I love most about my work. Message me if you are interested in creating a vibrant and inspired culture in your organization.