The Fallacy of Failure… and How to Rise Above It

“What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?”

~ Robert H. Schuller

It’s easy to think of shooting for the moon when the idea of crashing to the ground doesn’t enter the picture. We can dream and scheme all we want, but to make our dreams real, we must act. And when we do, the idea of failure has a way of creeping in despite our best attempts to move forward.

Failure means different things to different people. But what’s most debilitating about the idea of it is having to experience or endure some kind of pain – pain of rejection, embarrassment, loss, financial ruin – not to mention its actual physical variations.

The interesting thing about pain is that, thankfully, it is usually finite. It comes and it goes. And while we don’t always have control over whether we experience it, we do seem to play a part in how long it lasts and how uncomfortable it gets.

As a kid, getting immunizations was terrifying. I remember how worked up I would get before the needle even came close to my skin. And I watched my kids do the same thing –screaming or wailing before contact was ever actually made.  But a few seconds later, the injections were completed before they even realized it.

They got off the exam table and immediately went onto other things – except when one of them, in need of a little more sympathy deliberately focused on the blood on the bandage – making the experience into something far more painful than it needed to be.

I think we do the same thing when we contemplate the pain that accompanies what we believe would be “failure”. Our minds have a way of making it far more ominous than it ever is in reality. And if we happen to find ourselves experiencing it, we can also fall into the trap of unwittingly making it more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

But we can also exercise resilience and determination in our ability to bounce back and focus on something that will allow us to move forward despite an otherwise unpleasant experience.

Because what it really comes down to is what your experiences – regardless of the way they turn out – have given you, rather than cost you. People who have accomplished extraordinary things in the world are the first to tell you that what many refer to as “failure” has plagued them time after time.  And many will tell you those experiences were prerequisites for their success.

What differentiates them from those who allowed “failure” to defeat them is that they picked themselves up, figured out what they could learn, and moved forward armed with a new awareness, a new understanding, and a renewed commitment to their greatest dreams and visions.

What great thing can YOU achieve today, knowing that you simply cannot fail?

Can you slow down time?

 

What if you could slow down time? 

If you’ve ever had a great massage, a decadent vacation or a fantastic meal, you may have consciously savored each moment or morsel in such a way that allows you to enjoy every second of the experience.

While you may not have actually altered time, being intensely present does seem to allow you to expand your experience of each moment in a way that connects you with the sublime.

Contrast that to how you have felt at the end of a long day.

While stuck in traffic, sitting in meeting after meeting, or getting a cavity filled, perhaps you’ve found that you can disengage altogether and occupy your mind with other things. And when you do, time may seem to speed up. The whole experience can become distant and a bit blurred.

You can drive all the way home and not be able to recall a single landmark you passed along the way.

Knowing we can slow down or speed up time for ourselves may be interesting.

But what is even more intriguing – and somewhat unsettling – is the thought of how much of our lives have been spent somewhere between these two extremes, on a kind of auto pilot.

• How many times when talking with someone has your mind been somewhere else – reviewing your “to do” list, rehashing something that just happened, or even determining what you want to say next?
• How often have you foregone the moment unfolding before you because you were fretting about the past or worrying about the future?
• How many missed opportunities have we all had to be truly present with each other, listening intently and holding space that allows others to feel seen and heard and valued?

What if we lived more often with the intention of not wanting to miss a thing?

• How much more trust could we inspire and cultivate?
• How much more effectively could we create and innovate to meet emerging challenges and opportunities?
• How much more of our very selves could we bring to everything we do and everyone we are with?

Imagine how much better our world could be as a result.

Perhaps as we become more aware of the degree to which we are really showing up, we can begin to gauge how much of our lives we are truly living.  And then we can consciously create and enjoy lives worth living and organizations worth working for.

It’s NOT business as usual…

 

Great organizations are not created accidentally. They are a product of conscious intention and deliberate action shared by leaders at all levels, regardless of formal title or level of responsibility.

So often people feel they’re at the mercy of their circumstances at work – the one arena they spend more of their time in than any other. It’s not uncommon for people to feel lost, misunderstood, overlooked or undervalued.

Work can feel like a never-ending series of boxes that need to be checked and a perpetual exercise in firefighting. Competition, office politics and inflated egos can shut people down, take the wind out of their sails, and lead them to feel powerless and unimportant.

But in great organizations these things are not the unavoidable byproduct of “business as usual”. Dynamics that keep people feeling trapped in auto-pilot, stunt their growth, and ultimately breed toxic cultures are carefully monitored and proactively addressed.

There is a spirit of solidarity and shared leadership that unites people in the face of challenges that would otherwise tear organizations apart.

A client I had the privilege to work onsite with a couple of weeks ago is a perfect example.

They are the kind of organization that makes you feel good the moment you come into their presence. The energy they share is dynamic and alive. People go out of their way to care for each other and are invested in each other’s and the organization’s success.  They have one of the lowest turnover rates in the industry and they attract the best and the brightest.

Their CEO came to me over seven years ago, expressing his desire to create a vibrant culture of inspired leadership.

It’s not uncommon for executives to bring programs in-house for their people to attend. But the most exemplary organizations begin those initiatives at the highest levels.

This wasn’t an initiative that would be arbitrarily rolled out. Instead, the C-level team insisted on experiencing the Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program starting with themselves – going through it together.

They knew that to create the kind of culture that would become infused into every level of the organization, they had to become living models of what they themselves were learning and hoped to see develop in their people.

In the years that followed, they’ve continued to enroll small groups of their people through the same program and taken deliberate steps to ensure the learning is reinforced and integrated into daily conversations and ways of doing business.

By practicing real leadership from the top down, they’ve nurtured it from the bottom up as well.

Working with clients like these to achieve unprecedented results by igniting the power of their people is one of the things I love most about my work. Message me if you are interested in creating a vibrant and inspired culture in your organization.

Ringing in the New Year: Why Looking Back is as Vital as Looking Ahead

 

There is something magical about being at the threshold of a new year.

It’s like climbing to the top of a long staircase to find yourself on a landing, standing before a large glimmering door just waiting to be opened. As you look down, you realize how far you have climbed to get here. Yet, you cannot help but wonder what lies behind the door.

Often, we underestimate the amount of growth we have achieved.

It’s important to take some time to reflect on the unique combination of experiences that have led to both successes and disappointments and the learnings that have accompanied them. Doing so cultivates insight that helps you know what to do in the future.

I often work with people who feel ready for a change but aren’t sure what that change should be. They aren’t necessarily miserable in their jobs or other areas of their lives – they just long for something that will fill them up in ways they haven’t been fulfilled in the past.

When I coach people who feel this way, they sometimes want me to tell them what the next best step is – to give them the answer or a step-by-step process that will lead them to find what they seek. Of course, no person has these answers for another. Our greatest challenge and opportunity is to find them for ourselves.

Each of our lives has a story with perfect order and meaning.

As in a novel or screenplay, each character has a unique relationship to the main character, and every scene has some relevance to his growth and evolution. There will be victories and disappointments as well as twists and turns.

We will have occasion to laugh, cry, and experience a myriad of other emotions that are somewhere in between. And as a result of this perfect combination of events and mini-plots, we discover ourselves to be better people.

When reading a book or watching a movie, the perfect order is often easier to see than it is for the characters enmeshed in the stories we are watching. Yet, the mystery and intrigue, the humor over each misstep, and the courage we see the characters exude to find their way give substance to the story and allow us to leave the book or the theatre feeling moved or inspired in some way.

As you reflect on 2024, can you identify your story’s most pivotal turns? What did you learn from them? Think about your character sketch. What are the endearing qualities you have that make you unique and special? How can you leverage them to build on the previous events to create a story worth telling?

Think also about the people that surround you. In what ways are they helping you grow? What are they teaching you about yourself – whether in joyful or painful ways? And what qualities do they possess that are similar to and different from yours? How do you complement each other, and what might it be that you can create together?

You now sit at the threshold of another chapter in your story.

Contemplate what you have already experienced and ask yourself how you might build upon it to add a bit of intrigue and adventure. Identify the ways that you could add a little lightness and humor. Think about the interplay between the characters and how you could spice things up a little.

We have each been given the makings of a beautiful tale. Open your eyes and survey them the way you would the perfectly planned detail of your favorite movie or novel. Give yourself completely to the adventure, the possibilities, and the humor in your life.

Then find a way to revel in the joy of living it.

Here’s to a bright, beautiful New Year!

 

For more on reveling in the adventure that is your life, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.

How to Transform Overwhelm and Frustration into Enthusiasm and Engagement

 

Imagine finding yourself face down on the concrete being pummeled by some kind of hard object every thirty seconds or so.

You’re agitated and a little resentful – and you may feel like a bit of a victim.

And then suppose you lift your head and notice that the concrete you are lying on is green. Widening your view, you see that the objects being hurled at you are tennis balls. And they are coming from a machine that is firing them over a net. As you continue to look around, you notice there is a racket within arm’s reach.

And then you remember – ah yes, I signed up to learn how to play tennis.

Getting better at anything is a decision that you make to be in the game.

It’s easy to forget that the game you’re playing is one you chose for yourself when those balls are coming at you full speed, one after the other. But the simple shift of mind that comes from feeling like a victim of your circumstances to someone who has willingly stepped onto the court is one that makes all the difference in the world.

Think of anything in life you feel like you “have to” or “should” do. More than likely with that frame of mind, it will feel heavy and cumbersome. But find something about that same activity that you want or care deeply about, and suddenly everything gets a little lighter.

You find reserves you didn’t think we had. You rise to the occasion. You notice the racket that lies within your grasp and begin to use it to hit some of those balls.

The more you play, the better you get.

Granted, a few balls may slip here and there. And you may hit some in directions that don’t go anywhere near where you intended them to. But the less you care about needing to get it perfect, the more likely it is you’ll want to play the game.

And the more you play, the more of those balls you’ll be able to return.

The more of those balls you’re able to return, the higher your confidence.

And the higher your confidence, the easier and more fun the game gets.

Rest assured, there will be days when it feels like you are being pummeled. But perhaps the reason those balls come at you harder and faster is because you are ready to advance to a whole new level – one that allows you see what you’re really made of. And maybe, just maybe – the only thing you really need to focus on is showing up and being willing to play.

Game on!

The thrill of the game – in work and life

 

If you’ve ever played video games, you know that the fun is advancing to the next level.

Overcoming the obstacles thrown at you unlocks new features, brings new adventures and leads you to get better at playing the game.

The same is true in life, especially at work.

You likely have ideas, dreams and visions that call to you – whether advancing your career, launching a new project, or making a bigger difference. Every day gives you a new opportunity to reach a little higher and get a little closer.

What if you could approach your personal and work challenges with the same enthusiasm and vigor you might bring to advancing to the next level in a video game?

In real life it’s far too easy to get lured into playing small and staying where you’re at. We don’t intend to do that, of course. Our intentions are often grand. But a myriad of reasons keep us from acting on them.

• We don’t give ourselves permission to dream big (and to pursue those dreams)
• We’re too busy doing things that could/should really be delegated to others
• We don’t know where (or how) to start
• We fear we don’t have what it takes (and stay in our comfort zones instead)
• We’re waiting for the right opportunity (instead of creating one)
• We worry there’s too much to lose if we “fail” (and forget what’s at stake if we don’t try)

Anytime you endeavor to do anything worthwhile, you will meet with resistance.

And while this resistance may take the form of actual obstacles, often it’s our own fear that is the most formidable of them. Because this fear makes the roadblocks appear much more imposing and immovable than they really are.

The good news is that any obstacle you impose upon yourself is within your power to overcome. You must simply decide what you want is more important than your fear. Acting on that courage unlocks something within yourself in much the same way that advancing to the next level of a video game gives you superpowers you didn’t have at the previous level.

It’s true that you have a lot more to lose in real life than you do in video games, but most of the things people are afraid of are far less likely and impactful than the consequences of holding out on the visions and dreams most precious to them.

That’ll kill you silently over time and suck the joy out of living.

A funny thing happens when you muster up the courage to act despite your fear, doubts and resistance. You gain the confidence and competence necessary to respond to challenges in ways you never thought you could, and the resilience to bounce back from any setback and start again.

And you learn and accomplish things that dramatically improve the quality of your own life as well as everyone around you.

Once you learn to work through your fear and other obstacles, you inspire others to do the same.

Every great accomplishment is a result of someone moving through their resistance to go beyond what they’ve done before and achieve what many never dreamed possible.

Let purpose reignite your progress

 

Have you ever had a really hard time getting something done? Something big?

When you’re up against a large task or project, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the details and magnitude of what is before you. And when the project you’re working on requires you to do something new and uncomfortable, it often elicits fear, frustration, and anxiety.

In what is often an unconscious attempt to regain control, we are easily lulled into doing things that we know will be easier and potentially more enjoyable.

Some tasks don’t really need to get done right now (or ever) or should really be delegated to others, but we often prefer those. And then there are the popular time-wasters: surfing the web, making idle conversation, cleaning out your inbox, or my personal favorite – making more lists of everything you think must get done and identifying all the steps you need to take.

That is actually a great thing to do when you’re focused, but in procrastination mode, it becomes planning to plan (and then plan some more) until you have a rock-solid strategy that you never actually execute.

It may feel like you are spinning your wheels – running faster than ever but not getting anywhere.

To break out of that crazy cycle, take some time to revisit your purpose or the larger mission or goal behind what you are doing.

• Get clear about what (or who) the work is for.
• Identify how it will improve the quality of life for yourself or those around you.
• Reflect on the degree to which it will contribute to something greater or allow you to achieve a meaningful goal.

Write it down.

Add to it as you think of additional bonuses. Then, sit for a moment and see if you can envision what it would feel like to satisfy that larger purpose, vision, or goal. See if you can feel it so clearly that you are actually grateful for it.

This simple act will help you reconnect with something inside you that will propel you beyond the minutia. It will give you the courage and strength to walk through your fear or resistance to do something you may not be so good at yet. And it will help you to get back to the joy that comes through the process as well as the attainment of the end goal.

When you approach things this way, all you do will be instilled with a new energy – one that uplifts, delights, and inspires.

Whatever you experience as you work on a project will be what people feel when they partake of the fruit of your efforts. The more you remember this, the more you’ll experience the satisfaction and gratification of having done something truly meaningful that lifts you out of the humdrum and into a place of brilliance.

And all who encounter your work will be better off because of it.

 

Make the most of your mishaps

 

We all experience our share of mishaps. But with patience and ingenuity, you can turn those setbacks into springboards. This video provides 3 examples of how it’s done. It marks the last day in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20.It’s an excerpt from one of the video lessons in the program.

If you’re thinking about attending, it’s not too late to register. Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.

How to keep life’s obstacles from stopping you

Imagine that you’re cruising along in your car headed smoothly toward your destination. And then traffic slows to a stop.

Is there an accident ahead? Construction? Some other impediment?

No worries. Your GPS has an alternate route that’ll get you exactly where you need to go.

What if you could find your way around life’s roadblocks with the same ease and efficiency as your GPS system?

You can!

The video below will show you how. It marks Day 2 in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20…

It’s an excerpt from one of the video lessons in the program. If you’re thinking about attending, it’s not too late to register. Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.

Are you on autopilot?

 

The beauty of a habit is that it allows you to take automatic action without thinking all that much about it. Unfortunately, that is also the DOWNSIDE.

More about that in this video – which marks Day 4 in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20…

This week, pay attention to what automatic behaviors and patterns you are falling into, and notice to what degree they are helping or hindering you.

If you’d like some support unlearning old habits and patterns and swapping them out for something more aligned with your desired results, consider joining me the next seven Fridays from 1 to 2:30 pm EDT for The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track.

The program is a compilation of tools, techniques and approaches my most successful executive coaching clients have utilized over the years. It’s designed to help high achieving (and often overextended) executives rise above old habits and patterns and lead from a Genius mindset.

In addition to the group meetings, the program includes lifetime access to seven modules of video and audio content and bonus access to my Navigating Change, Challenge & Uncertainty self-study.

Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.