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Bouncing Back: Hope for the Hopeless
Have you experienced a disappointment or setback in your recent past that left you reeling? Have you found it difficult to get excited about things and maybe even felt like you needed to make a drastic change in order to bounce back? If so, this week’s video post is just for you. Below is a written version of what is in the video.
If you live in Phoenix, you may have noticed that a lot of shrubbery and trees froze over the winter. They look like they are dead — all dried up and prickly – ugly. I have a bougainvillea in my back yard that froze — not a pretty sight. It’s tempting to pull the whole thing out. Because it looks like it is dead. But I know that it is not, because this has happened in the past. And I know that once we trim all the dead stuff off, in the coming weeks, it will come back fuller and even more beautiful than it was last year.
That bougainvillea is a lot like us. I think a lot of us have experienced what we would call a freeze in our lives at some point – maybe a layoff, a reorganization, or just having the rug pulled out from under you, where you think that nothing is the way you want it to be and you wonder how you will ever recover. And I think some of us have been in a freeze for a really long time. We’ve lost the passion in what we do. We’ve lost the lightness in our step and maybe things have become a bit of a drudge.
You may think you have to change everything to bounce back, just like you might think you have to pull this tree out. But really, there is wisdom in realizing that sometimes we have the opportunity to trim the dead stuff away and to recognize that there is something underneath it just waiting to break through. And the freeze is neither good, nor bad. It just is. Whatever it is that may have happened to you or me in our past — it’s not good, it’s not bad — it just is. What we need to realize that there is something within needing to break though and we have an opportunity to trim away the stuff that isn’t working anymore and have faith that in the spring we will bloom fuller, brighter and bigger than we did before.
For more on bouncing back:
Bouncing Back: Perserverance Personified
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
How Do You Know If It’s Really a Sign?
My last couple of posts (A Story about Signs, Synchronicity & Meaningful Coincidences and Another Story about Signs, Synchronicity & Meaningful Coincidences) featured videos about experiences I had that gave me the courage I needed to take action toward something that I was excited about and a little scared of. The signs were clear and empowering. But sometimes we get signs or have experiences that are not so supportive or uplifting. And other times the signs we get are conflicting. What do you make of THAT?
Well, on that note, I have another story to tell you. Shortly after I gave my notice six years ago to leave my cushy job and start my own business, I met some friends/colleagues for dinner and was excited to tell them the news of my recent decision. I was still reeling from the sudden turn of events and though I was thrilled about the leap I had just taken, I was also feeling a bit nervous and vulnerable (as most people do when they move out of their comfort zones). I was hoping that they would give me added encouragement and support.
Unfortunately, they did not. In fact, they were quite adamant with their cautionary tales about several people they knew who had left their stable jobs only to find themselves barely scraping by and lamenting their decisions. GREAT. This is NOT what I wanted to hear. And it bothered me that two people I respected and admired — who were in fact successful independent consultants in their own right — were chastising me for my decision instead of congratulating me. (Yes, there was a little ego in there too.)
I left the restaurant feeling beaten and discouraged. I began to question myself and doubt my abilities. I worried that I had made a costly mistake. Was this a sign?
The next day I went running on a canal bank near my house, which I frequently do to clear my head and tune in to something bigger than myself. I reflected on the previous evening’s conversation. I felt the worry well up inside of me and ran harder and faster as though I could possibly outrun it. Did I make the right decision?
In the next moment, a sign caught my eye. It was a mile marker placed on the side of the canal by a running club for people who were training for an upcoming 10K. Beneath the number on the sign, there was a quote. It said “Those who believe it cannot be done should get out of the way of those who are doing it.”
I felt the hair on my arms stand up. The worry gave way to relief and then laughter. I knew this little sign was for me.
Here’s what I learned from that. When it is really a sign that has significance, it will resonate with your inner wisdom – not your inner critic. It will make you feel strong, at peace, and calm. The sign or experience itself isn’t as important as the feeling it evokes and the messages we intuit.
There have been times when I was considering a course of action that wasn’t right for me. As I reflect on what might have been signs that confirmed an inner knowing that I should not proceed, those signs were never shameful or disparaging. Rather, they simply heightened my awareness of an incongruence I was already experiencing on some level – kind of like the way I’ve felt after trying something on that I really wanted to wear, but just didn’t fit right, or playing the piano and landing on a note that was in the wrong key.
Sometimes I paid attention to those little signs, and sometimes I didn’t — perhaps a story for another post. Suffice it to say that when I paused long enough to ask, listen, and really discern what was going on, it made all the difference in the world.
For more information on Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences:
A Story About Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences
Deciphering Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences
Another Story About Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Another Story About Signs, Synchronicity & Meaningful Coincidences
This week’s post features a video of an even more unbelievable story than the last one I shared with you — about a series of seemingly random and recurring events that had a profound impact on me. These experiences provided the courage and the nudge I needed to take action on something that simultaneously excited and terrified me — leaving my stable, well paid job to launch my dream of having my own business. Below is a written version of the story (as it appears in my new book The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be), minus a few details I added in the above video version.
For years I worked as an internal consultant and executive coach for a large corporation in a job I loved. Gradually, I began to recognize my longing to break out to start my own business and have more flexibility and time to spend with my family. Initially, I dismissed these yearnings as something everyone encounters. Then I began looking into what it would take to actually start a corporation. Though I daydreamed of the possibilities, the thought of leaving my job altogether seemed impractical since I was enjoying my work and had wonderful working conditions. I reasoned that I would stay there unless things changed to the point that I didn’t enjoy it anymore.
I kept waiting for things to take a turn for the worse — for someone to tell me I couldn’t do the work I was passionate about anymore, or for the organization to be restructured in such a way that was no longer optimal for me. None of that happened. In fact, things just seemed to get better and better there. Still, these visions and dreams continued to beckon. They became more and more pronounced, until finally I began to seriously entertain the notion of taking action on them.
I began to find screws everywhere I went. I walked across the kitchen floor and stepped on one. An elevator opened up and I saw another one on the floor in front of me. They were turning up when I cleaned my kids’ rooms, and in other odd places. In a meeting, a co-worker and I were pouring over some documents when a tiny screw popped out of her reading glasses and landed on the papers in front of us. Initially, I didn’t think anything of finding these screws. But after several occurrences, I became curious as to whether there could be significance.
One day while on the phone with a very good friend, I related my experiences. “Maybe you’re screwed,” she joked. “Or I have a few screws loose?” I retorted. She suggested we look up the definition of a screw in the dictionary. As she went to get her dictionary, I wandered around the house, phone in hand, straightening things up. When she came back to the phone, among the many definitions she read was one that said “something that must be turned or acted upon in some manner.” As she said the words, I reached into the small drawer of a sewing table in our living room and felt my hand wrap around a zip-lock bag. I lifted the bag out of the drawer to find — you guessed it — a bag of screws in assorted sizes.
This act held profound meaning for me, as it seemed to be the crowning event of a series of seemingly coincidental incidents that became more and more pronounced until they finally got my attention. Whether it was my subconscious mind, the screws, or both, I felt sure there was a message for me. The following week, I gave my notice at work (and didn’t encounter any more screws after that).
For more information on Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences:
A Story About Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences (the first one)
Deciphering Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Deciphering Signs, Synchronicities and Meaningful Coincidences
My last post, A Story About Signs, Synchronicities and Meaningful Coincidences, featured a video about a series of seemingly random events that gave me needed encouragement while I was writing my book, The Pinocchio Principle. If you didn’t catch the video, you can watch it below or click here for the last post. I know it seems somewhat unlikely that these things actually happened, but they did. And after talking with many others about their own experiences of this sort, I have come to believe that signs and synchronicities such as these are not all that uncommon.
Many of us simply dismiss them as random and insignificant coincidences, which is completely understandable. It’s not all that different than having bought a car only to finally notice other cars on the road just like yours. They were always there, but you didn’t really notice them before. Is that a meaningful coincidence? Well, it depends on how you look at it. Those cars hold meaning for you after you’ve bought yours because now you identify with them. They are no longer just other cars on the road; they are cars that are identical to the one that you most likely went through a very long process to procure for yourself. And after buying that same model, you now have an affinity for it. It jumps out at you because it feels good.
So when other things repeatedly catch our attention, they probably hold some kind of meaning for us as well. We just may not realize what that meaning is. Like my experience with finding Pinocchio memorabilia, what repeatedly catches your attention could be an object. But it could also be a person, or a phrase. It might be an image, or a song or even a movie that recurs. What is most important is not so much the objects or experiences but rather what we associate with them and how these things make us feel.
Often we are so busy or preoccupied that we don’t slow down long enough to realize what these things are trying to tell us. But when we do, we are often surprised and delighted to discover that they give credence to our deepest longings, most inspiring visions and grandest dreams — you know, the ones that beckon to us and attempt to break through all our doubt and mental chatter to show us a whole new field of possibility. Every time I see a sign like that, I like to think of it as something or someone gently encouraging me to go stop questioning my ability and instead begin to question and move beyond my doubts.
In the next few days, pay attention to what jumps out at you. See if there are recurring themes. Slow down long enough to inquire into what these experiences are trying to tell you. Move into it. Feel it. Even if you don’t immediately know the answer, the act of paying attention and asking the question will get you closer to finding it. And it could be the beginning of something really big and wonderful.
Here’s that video, in case you missed it: (if you don’t see it below, click here)
In my next post, I’ll share another series of signs, synchronicities and meaningful coincidences I had that gave me the courage to finally take action toward my lifelong dream of having my own business. If you’d like to read more on deciphering signs, synchronicities and meaningful coincidences, I’ve written a whole chapter called Navigational Tools in my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, now available on Amazon. You can find out more at http://www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.
A Story About Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences
Have you ever had a seemingly random experience that seemed like a coincidence, but held so much meaning for you that you had to wonder whether there was more to it? This week’s blog post, A Story About Signs, Synchronicity and Meaningful Coincidences features a video about one of the experiences I had while writing The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be that helped me to know when it was time to rest and time to run with it. Below is a written version of what I said in the video.
When I started writing The Pinocchio Principle, before I told anyone that I was writing it – or what it was called, I started getting Pinocchio gifts from various places. My mother-in-law went to Italy and brought back wooden Pinocchio figurines. My mother ended up going a few months later and brought back more puppets. I ended up getting all kinds of Pin stuff – pencils, banks, ornaments, t-shirts. My kids started wanting to a Pinocchio movie that had sat on the shelf for years, and an old tattered Pinocchio book was suddenly something my young daughter wanted to read over and over again. It was the weirdest thing.
And then I began to wonder whether there was more the to Pinocchio thing than I originally thought. I started to enjoy it and remember telling the kids that those Pinocchio pencils Grandma brought back were special and not to be sharpened.
But there was a time when I was really busy and couldn’t find the time to write. I didn’t even have the urge, so I shelved it for awhile — a long while. And over time I started noticing that I wanted to write again. I had more things to say. By this time, my good friends knew that I was writing The Pinocchio Principle, and one of them called to tell me that she saw a billboard saying Pinocchio was out on Blue Ray and there was all kinds of hype about it. I thought, “This is interesting…”.
The next day, I wandered into the kitchen and saw one of the Pinocchio pencils on the counter — sharpened. And I knew it was time for me to write again.
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is now available on Amazon. For more information or to download an excerpt, go to http://www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.
A Story About a Bad Day
Ever had “one of those days?” This week’s blog post, A Story About a Bad Day, is about one that I had recently and the valuable lesson I gained through the experience. Below is a written version of what I said in the video.
I was driving to a client appointment while drinking a cup of coffee. Stopping at a light, I wedged the coffee cup into my lap and proceeded to fix my lipstick. The light turned, I stepped on the gas, and suddenly felt the sting of hot coffee, which had spilled everywhere. As I was getting onto the freeway I realized that I was about to go into a meeting looking like I had just peed my pants. So I rolled all the windows down and turned the heat on full blast. When I got to my destination, I slowly and carefully slinked to my seat carrying one bag in front of me and another behind me.
I tried to console myself with the thought that things could only improve from here. Unfortunately, they did not. I came home to meet a refrigerator repair man to find that it would cost more to fix my fridge than buy a new one. Shortly after that I went to lower some blinds which came crashing down when I touched them. I then realized that I had to get my daughter to a group photo where she was supposed to be wearing a t-shirt with a horse shoe transfer ironed onto it. Not knowing which direction the transfer was supposed to go, I quickly pulled it out of the package, and slapped it on the t-shirt to find later that she was the only little girl with the horse shoe pointing down instead of up. AND I had made a permanent horseshoe indentation on the built-in cabinet I just had painted because I was in too much of a hurry to put something underneath it. On my way back, I cut the corner coming into my driveway too short and scraped my car against the retaining wall.
I decided I’d call to see if I could get the blinds fixed. The repair woman asked me to carefully and gently un-wedge them from the wall. At that point I told her I didn’t think I should be doing anything like that today and proceeded to tell her about my day. She started laughing and quickly apologized, commenting that it was good to know other people had days like that. Then I started laughing. And it felt good. We joked that maybe I shouldn’t leave the house — just order pizza and call it a day.
But after I got off the phone I realized that I didn’t need to be afraid to leave the house. In one way or another I had gotten myself into a frame of mind that was affecting my whole day. Whether I was conscious of it or not, I believe I was drawing more experiences to myself that confirmed my belief that it was going to be a crappy day, which is exactly what I was having. Once I lightened up, I was able to let go of that and things got a lot better. And I learned something valuable.
My experience demonstrates the power our thoughts have over the way we see and experience things in the world, which directly influences the actions we take as well as the results that come of them. I’ve written more about this dynamic in my new book The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be. It is now available on Amazon. For more information or to download an excerpt, go to http://www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.
Seven Powerful Lessons for Living that I Learned by Writing a Book
Well, my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader finally went to print on Tuesday, 1/11/11. The process of writing has been a truly rewarding experience full of highs and lows and as intensely humbling as it has been exhilarating. As I’ve reflected back on some of the things I’ve learned along the way, I was struck by how applicable these lessons are to life in general. And, being a writer and a coach, I feel compelled to share them in the hopes that they will be of value to you — if only in some small way.
Lesson #1: When you commit yourself to something that you want with all of your heart, a series of events is set into motion that allows you to get what you most need. However, some of these events may not necessarily be what you originally wanted.
The idea for writing The Pinocchio Principle floated into my head and onto a page in my journal almost six years ago. I dabbled at it – wrote a little here and there, sometimes in long spurts and other times in trickles. It went back and forth from my desk to my shelf again and again. In the latter part of 2009 I began to feel increasing frustration as I never seemed to have the uninterrupted blocks of time I needed to really concentrate and bring the book to life. Lo and behold, in the coming months I saw some of my largest coaching and consulting contracts come to an end. By January of 2010 my practice had become sizably reduced. I initially experienced frustration, disappointment and sadness. And then I realized that I had been given the gift of time and space. Three months later the first draft of manuscript was finished.
Lesson #2: Everything always takes longer than you think it will (note that it took another nine months for me to get from a first draft to a finished book).
This is actually a fairly well known adage called Hofstadter’s Law. Hofstadtler adds that his law holds even when you take into account Hofstadtler’s law. This is especially true when you are doing something you have never done before. You will not know what you don’t know. And mistakes will be made. If you beat yourself up for them, you will only prolong your suffering — and your delays. However, if you acknowledge and embrace these difficult lessons, you will move forward with far more confidence and lightness. You will also have a lot more fun. And so will everyone else who comes into contact with you and your work.
Lesson #3: Everything you do will be infused with whatever you are feeling when you do it.
Before I fully embraced lesson number two, I would try to power forward in spite of the fact that what I really needed to do was slow down. Anything I wrote in that state felt awkward, forced and completely devoid of the energy and passion I wanted to invoke. And I ultimately ended up having to rewrite those passages anyway. When I learned to reconnect with my intention of wanting my readers to feel uplifted and inspired, the words that fell onto the page came far more easily — and often in ways that uplifted and inspired me as well.
Pay attention to the energy you pour into the projects you work on. If you feel resentful or irritated as you go about your tasks, chances are the project will invoke those same feelings in everyone who comes into contact with it. Choose to infuse your work with love and positive intentions and see if people respond in a different way.
Lesson #4: The paradox of success is that only when you forget about yourself and your ego needs and focus on what you can give to others will you actually find what you seek.
As soon as I began to worry about what others might think of what I was writing (or of me), my writing fell apart. It was as though my left hand was writing while my right hand was grabbing hold of my wrist and keeping it from moving the pen across the page. I became too wrapped up in my own self image and needing to look good, which completely disconnected me from my true purpose. And as a result, the inspiration came to a complete halt. However, as soon as I became conscious of these egocentric thoughts and deliberately refocused myself on wanting to deliver something that would truly help my readers, I was able to get back into the flow.
I believe the same is true with anything we do. As soon as we worry about what others will think of us, we fall flat on our faces and end up experiencing the very things we most fear. When we shift our focus from what we can get to what we can give, we have a far more fulfilling experience — and so does everyone else.
Lesson #5: There is power in partnership.
I couldn’t have written this book without the aid of an unbelievable number of people who may not realize how invaluable their assistance really was. My coach helped me recognize the pitfalls I was stumbling into and guided me gently back onto my path. My editor reworded sentences to make the ideas to become crisper, clearer and more engaging. My husband and a number of clients and friends were kind enough to read passages of my manuscript and give me feedback, and the more eyes I had viewing the pages, the better the work became. Friends who had written their own books shared sage advice that guided me along my path. My designer showed amazing patience as I continue to revise cover after cover. Just as, if not more powerful than help in the mechanics of putting the book together was the support, love and encouragement I constantly felt from everyone along the way. Sometimes just talking through a concept helped me realize what I really needed to say and allowed me to more clearly articulate myself.
If you don’t have people around you who can be a sounding board, a coach, a mentor, a cheerleader – even a shoulder to cry on at times, I highly encourage you to seek people out who can support you in this way and rely on them often.
Lesson #6: Whenever you ask a question, you gain access to the answers you seek.
I actually wrote about this process in The Pinocchio Principle. Whatever you focus your attention on becomes illuminated. If you focus your mind on a question, you will find that the answers you seek begin to appear in various ways, often repetitively. They may come in the form of signs, information that you happen to come across, conversations you find yourself in, and even images that enter your mind. But you must pay attention in order to discern these answers, or you may miss them.
Some of the questions I held in my mind as I wrote The Pinocchio Principle included the following:
- How do you breathe life back into work and truly tap your highest potential? And how can you help others to do the same?
- How can you be who you really are (and succeed) in a world that seems to want you to be someone else?
- How can you successfully navigate through uncertainty (and help others to do the same) when everything around you seems to be falling apart?
- How do you tap into your creativity and inner wisdom in such a way that you are able to find the answers you most need at any moment?
The act of writing The Pinocchio Principle allowed me to find the answers I was seeking in such a way that I realized in the end my truest reward was simply having written it —regardless of whether anyone actually purchased a copy or not.
Lesson #7: Every dream worth pursuing will require you to go beyond what you believe to be your limits and push you out of your comfort zone.
There will be times when you question whether you really have what it takes to succeed. You will have days where you feel as though the work you do comes easily and carries you away in a flow of its own. And you will also have days where you will (literally or figuratively) sit and stare catatonically, immersed in the feeling of being completely, utterly stuck.
I have always believed that we are never given more than we are able to handle. The discovery I made in this process is that sometimes you have to be pushed to your edge to realize just how much you are actually capable of. The frustration, anxiety and doubt eventually do pass, but you may have to sit with them for awhile before they leave. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun and cast shadows everywhere you look, only to help you better appreciate the bright beautiful light of day that was really there all along.
Click here if you’d like to order a copy of The Pinocchio Principle, or go to www.PinocchioPrinciple.com for more information.
Become a subscriber at www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report: Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.
Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts. Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about? Let me know. I’d love to hear from you!
Why I Wrote “The Pinocchio Principle”
This video is about what led me to write The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be. If you cannot see it on the page, click here to view it. Below I have expanded on the key messages. I hope you enjoy it!
What I really love about coaching is that it is not about telling people what to do or giving them answers. The beauty and the magic that happens with coaching is that the client gets connected with something inside of them that has all the answers they need. It is their inner wisdom – their creativity, ingenuity and resilience. It is also the seed that contains within it their unique talent, style, energy and passion. And it is amazing to see it come out.
I seek to do this for myself. I want to instill it in my kids. If I could give anything to the world, it would be to show people how to connect to the core of their true selves and to have the courage to bring that to whatever they are doing. I spend a lot of time reflecting on what I can do to get clearer on the process – and what I might be able to write about that could tell the story. One day when I was journaling, Pinocchio popped into my writing.
Pinocchio is a universal story – he is an archetype that mirrors so much of what is happening in our lives right now. Most people think of him as the guy whose nose grew when he lied. But Pinocchio is a story of a puppet that longed to be real. He wanted to transcend that stiff, hollow wooden frame and do things in the world that he couldn’t do as a puppet.
So many of us are at a place where we are ready to go beyond the boundaries we have previously set for ourselves – to dig deeper, dream bigger, and fly higher. We long to shed the strings that keep us tied to illusions that are simply not true – about what we need to do or be to enjoy success, and the limits that we think will keep us from achieving it. Like Pinocchio, so many of us long to be REAL – who we really are beyond the constraints that keep us bound.
What I love about Pinocchio is that he messed up. He told lies and then he recognized the consequences. He landed himself in a cage. He succumbed to temptation. He had misstep after misstep. And yet what the Blue Fairy told him was that to become REAL, he would need to prove himself brave, truthful and unselfish. And I think the same thing is true for all of us. Our journeys will be full of obstacles as well – and there will be times of frustration, anxiety and stress. The experiences we have will activate the courage we have within to be true to ourselves and others and of service in the world, just as Pinocchio’s experiences did for him.
That’s why I wrote The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be. It’s really a road map to help each of us take whatever experience we are having right now and utilize it as a window into ourselves that allows us to tap into whatever we need to rise above any situation that we find ourselves in. My hope is that it will help you navigate the perils and possibilities of your own personal odyssey so that you can unearth your greatness and bring it into the world in such a way that it blesses your own life as well as that of others. As you do this for yourself, you will inspire others to do the same – which I believe is the mark of a true leader – regardless of your vocation, title or role.
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be will be released on 1/11/11 and is now available for preorder at www.PinocchioPrinciple.com. I will also be working with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well. A few spots still remain. We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1:00pm from 1/13/11 through 6/16/11. For more information or to register, go to www.DianeBolden.com/AIAL.html. The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.
Become a subscriber at www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report: Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.
Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts. Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about? Let me know. I’d love to hear from you!
Bringing Leadership to Life
The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book, The Pinocchio Principle — Being Real: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, which will be released on 1/11/11 and will soon be available to pre-order. I hope you enjoy it!
Our foundations are shaking. Corporations are going under. People are losing their jobs and having difficulty finding new ones. Frustration is finding its way into every crevice of our daily lives. The ground that so many stand upon is crumbling. It can be a scary time. But these changes can also be an exciting time of adventure and reinvention.
For years, many of us have been living in ways that are inauthentic — doing jobs that are not a match for our true talents, striving to achieve pinnacles of power, prestige or wealth. And each step has increased the chance of us falling further away from our true selves and from what truly satisfies and nourishes us. As our foundation collapses, we are forced to ponder what is left, what truly has value, and what is actually genuine and meaningful in our lives. This dissolving façade, while painful, enables something more powerful to emerge and bring with it gifts that will benefit all of humanity. We are becoming real again.
With the dramatic changes the world is experiencing, perhaps now more than ever, it is time for each of us to recognize that we no longer need to rely on others to show us the way to genuine “success” — however it is to be defined. We are wired for it. It is in our blood, in our DNA, in our spirits. We have everything we need to get there. And to find ourselves, we must become engaged in the greatest adventure of our lives. In fact, we have already begun this adventure, and through it we are reaching a place of creative tension, where the plot thickens and we are sitting on the edge of our seats to see what will happen next. We are the stars of our own shows, the heroes of our own stories.
The changes for greater peace and true prosperity and the happiness we have been praying for are coming about. Lasting change must come from the inside out. Our world is made up of many nations, many communities, and at its core, many people. The truest change must start from within each of us. We can no longer wait for something or someone to rescue us, to solve all our problems, or to make right what is not working.
The greatest thing a leader can do is help us unearth our own authentic leadership so that we, in turn, can do the same for others. True leadership is about bringing out the best in people. We can all be leaders. And we all must be. There is something greater ready to emerge. And it is within each of us. It is the treasure we have been dancing around in our own backyards.
The old structures are crumbling to make way for the new. And as uncomfortable and challenging as it is, this falling away is an essential part of our own renewal and liberation from whatever no longer serves us, to everything that allows us to bring to fruition our greatest visions and dreams. Seeds cannot sprout from hardened ground. The ground must first become soft and fertile. And that is what is happening now. The old protection mechanisms we relied upon may have kept away the things we feared, but they also kept us from our greatest selves. In the end, we will realize we never really needed that protection anyway. We are much stronger than we thought we were. And now is the time to truly experience that strength, that fortitude, that determination, and that grace.
My new book, The Pinocchio Principle — Being Real: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is a road map to help you navigate the perils and possibilities of your personal odyssey. Using Pinocchio as a metaphor, it blends wisdom, inspiration and humor and includes numerous stories and examples of personal and professional transformation as well as practical tips and tools that will help you become a true leader to others in the only way possible: by starting with yourself. To hear about free upcoming promotional events such as teleseminars, videos and speaking engagements, subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com – you’ll also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.
Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts. Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about? Let me know. I’d love to hear from you!
Leading Through Uncertainty
How do I motivate and inspire my team in the midst of uncertainty that could lead to the whole department being eliminated? I mean, I’m not even sure I’ll have a job myself!
This is a question a client of mine recently asked. A tough one. I didn’t have an immediate answer for him. He didn’t want to blow smoke in their faces or hand them a bunch of rose colored glasses. Nor should he. It is a scary time for a lot of people right now. And there are no easy answers. But in times of uncertainty, it is more important than ever to rest in the certainty that each one of us has what it takes to rise above anything life may bring us.
This is what the greatest leaders have done throughout history. It’s easy to lead when things are stable and successful. It’s when all chaos breaks loose and the chances of survival are slim that the world’s heroes have risen up to help people remember who they are and to rise up to their most daunting challenges.
Here are three things to remember when you find yourself in a situation similar to the one my client was in:
(1) There is nothing that will come your way that you cannot handle. If you want proof, consider the fact that you are still here. Think back to the last struggle or setback you faced. What did you do? How did you get through it? What did you learn? In retrospect, what would you tell yourself in order to help you get through that? And what will you tell yourself now?
Sometimes it helps to think of the worst case scenario. What would you do? Really. What would you do? If you sit with that question and allow yourself to remain calm, you will find an answer. Because when you get quiet, you summon up that which is timeless within you – that which will not change with the uncertainty, but rather grow stronger in the face of it – your inner strength, resilience, creativity and ingenuity. Benjamin Franklin said it well many years ago: “To be thrown upon one’s own resources, is to be cast into the very lap of fortune; for our faculties then undergo a development and display an energy of which they were previously unsusceptible.”
Getting connected to your core strength is essential and must be done before you can provide any real inspiration and motivation to others. Your confidence will emanate at a level that people will feel – before you even say a word.
(2) Once you have reconnected with your own inner reserves, help others reconnect with theirs as well. Extraordinary leaders have the ability to connect with people at a deeper level. They see not only what each person they lead has done in the past, but also what they are capable of doing in the future. In times of chaos and uncertainty, people need to be reminded of their strengths because trying times tend to lead us to doubt ourselves and forget how very capable and strong we really are.
Speaking to people in terms of what they are capable of as a group can be helpful, but speaking to each person individually will have a far more powerful impact. Think about each person you lead. What has he or she done in the past that has impressed you? What natural talents have you noticed – what does each person do that seems to come easily? What does each tend to do that has a positive impact on themselves and everyone around them? Maybe it is a sense of humor. Perhaps it is an ability to foresee obstacles no one anticipated and create a plan for overcoming them. Maybe it is an ability to think outside the box, a dogged determination to make things work, or a natural tendency to partner with others. What is it that gives you faith that no matter what happens, this person will rise above it? Speak to it with sincere appreciation and encouragement. Help that person to embody those qualities once again.
(3) Keep people’s focus (including your own) on possibilities rather than frustrations. As with everything in life, whatever we focus on has a way of becoming amplified. When we allow ourselves to become consumed with fear and doubt, our brains have a way of finding things that feed those states and we find that there seems to be even more to be afraid of or frustrated by. This phenomenon often happens without our conscious awareness, and it is a vicious cycle that can keep us falling deeper and deeper into despair.
Reversing this cycle requires a conscious effort. When we notice we are feeling upset by a certain thought, the first step is to become aware of the thought that has caused the reaction and deliberately choose another one to focus on. There is always something positive or hopeful to focus on. Sometimes finding it takes a bit of work, but that effort will be met with rich rewards. A man named Ambrose Redmoon once said “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important.” We need to figure out what is more important – more worthy of our attention and energy and focus on that. As we do, our innate talents and strengths have a way of rising to the occasion.
With any change that brings uncertainty, there is a process of renewal involved. The old must fall way in order for the new to be revealed. This is true in nature as well as in our communities, organizations and in our very selves. We can focus on what we are losing and experience a great deal of sadness and grief, or we can focus on what is newly emerging around us – and within us. Sometimes the most difficult changes are the very things we need to experience to get closer to what we really want in life. We may not realize the gifts change and uncertainty bring for weeks, months, and even years. But we can recognize how it has served us in the past and trust in the process, in each other, and in ourselves.
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.”
~ Richard Bach
My new book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Being Real: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about reconnecting to your inner reserves and drawing upon them to give life to your greatest visions and dreams. It will be released on January 11, 2011 and will soon be available to pre-order. Stay tuned for more information and subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com to hear about free upcoming events, videos and teleseminars – and to receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.
Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts. Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about? Let me know. I’d love to hear from you!
