Why I Wrote “The Pinocchio Principle”

This video is about what led me to write The Pinocchio Principle:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.  If you cannot see it on the page, click here to view it.  Below I have expanded on the key messages.  I hope you enjoy it!

What I really love about coaching is that it is not about telling people what to do or giving them answers.  The beauty and the magic that happens with coaching is that the client gets connected with something inside of them that has all the answers they need.  It is their inner wisdom – their creativity, ingenuity and resilience.  It is also the seed that contains within it their unique talent, style, energy and passion.  And it is amazing to see it come out.

I seek to do this for myself.  I want to instill it in my kids.  If I could give anything to the world, it would be to show people how to connect to the core of their true selves and to have the courage to bring that to whatever they are doing.  I spend a lot of time reflecting on what I can do to get clearer on the process – and what I might be able to write about that could tell the story.  One day when I was journaling, Pinocchio popped into my writing.

Pinocchio is a universal story – he is an archetype that mirrors so much of what is happening in our lives right now.  Most people think of him as the guy whose nose grew when he lied.  But Pinocchio is a story of a puppet that longed to be real.  He wanted to transcend that stiff, hollow wooden frame and do things in the world that he couldn’t do as a puppet.

So many of us are at a place where we are ready to go beyond the boundaries we have previously set for ourselves – to dig deeper, dream bigger, and fly higher.  We long to shed the strings that keep us tied to illusions that are simply not true – about what we need to do or be to enjoy success, and the limits that we think will keep us from achieving it.  Like Pinocchio, so many of us long to be REAL – who we really are beyond the constraints that keep us bound.

What I love about Pinocchio is that he messed up.  He told lies and then he recognized the consequences.  He landed himself in a cage.  He succumbed to temptation.  He had misstep after misstep.  And yet what the Blue Fairy told him was that to become REAL, he would need to prove himself brave, truthful and unselfish.  And I think the same thing is true for all of us.  Our journeys will be full of obstacles as well – and there will be times of frustration, anxiety and stress.  The experiences we have will activate the courage we have within to be true to ourselves and others and of service in the world, just as Pinocchio’s experiences did for him.

That’s why I wrote The Pinocchio Principle:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.  It’s really a road map to help each of us take whatever experience we are having right now and utilize it as a window into ourselves that allows us to tap into whatever we need to rise above any situation that we find ourselves in.  My hope is that it will help you navigate the perils and possibilities of your own personal odyssey so that you can unearth your greatness and bring it into the world in such a way that it blesses your own life as well as that of others.  As you do this for yourself, you will inspire others to do the same – which I believe is the mark of a true leader – regardless of your vocation, title or role.

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be will be released on 1/11/11 and is now available for preorder at www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.  I will also be working with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1:00pm from 1/13/11 through 6/16/11.  For more information or to register, go to www.DianeBolden.com/AIAL.html.   The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Bringing Leadership to Life

The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book, The Pinocchio Principle — Being Real:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, which will be released on 1/11/11 and will soon be available to pre-order.  I hope you enjoy it!

 Our foundations are shaking.  Corporations are going under.  People are losing their jobs and having difficulty finding new ones.  Frustration is finding its way into every crevice of our daily lives.  The ground that so many stand upon is crumbling.  It can be a scary time.  But these changes can also be an exciting time of adventure and reinvention.

For years, many of us have been living in ways that are inauthentic — doing jobs that are not a match for our true talents, striving to achieve pinnacles of power, prestige or wealth.  And each step has increased the chance of us falling further away from our true selves and from what truly satisfies and nourishes us.  As our foundation collapses, we are forced to ponder what is left, what truly has value, and what is actually genuine and meaningful in our lives.  This dissolving façade, while painful, enables something more powerful to emerge and bring with it gifts that will benefit all of humanity.  We are becoming real again.

With the dramatic changes the world is experiencing, perhaps now more than ever, it is time for each of us to recognize that we no longer need to rely on others to show us the way to genuine “success” — however it is to be defined.  We are wired for it.  It is in our blood, in our DNA, in our spirits.  We have everything we need to get there.  And to find ourselves, we must become engaged in the greatest adventure of our lives.  In fact, we have already begun this adventure, and through it we are reaching a place of creative tension, where the plot thickens and we are sitting on the edge of our seats to see what will happen next.  We are the stars of our own shows, the heroes of our own stories.

The changes for greater peace and true prosperity and the happiness we have been praying for are coming about.  Lasting change must come from the inside out.  Our world is made up of many nations, many communities, and at its core, many people.  The truest change must start from within each of us.  We can no longer wait for something or someone to rescue us, to solve all our problems, or to make right what is not working.

The greatest thing a leader can do is help us unearth our own authentic leadership so that we, in turn, can do the same for others.  True leadership is about bringing out the best in people.  We can all be leaders.  And we all must be.  There is something greater ready to emerge.  And it is within each of us.  It is the treasure we have been dancing around in our own backyards.

The old structures are crumbling to make way for the new.  And as uncomfortable and challenging as it is, this falling away is an essential part of our own renewal and liberation from whatever no longer serves us, to everything that allows us to bring to fruition our greatest visions and dreams.  Seeds cannot sprout from hardened ground.  The ground must first become soft and fertile.  And that is what is happening now.  The old protection mechanisms we relied upon may have kept away the things we feared, but they also kept us from our greatest selves.  In the end, we will realize we never really needed that protection anyway.  We are much stronger than we thought we were.  And now is the time to truly experience that strength, that fortitude, that determination, and that grace.

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle — Being Real:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is a road map to help you navigate the perils and possibilities of your personal odyssey.  Using Pinocchio as a metaphor, it blends wisdom, inspiration and humor and includes numerous stories and examples of personal and professional transformation as well as practical tips and tools that will help you become a true leader to others in the only way possible:  by starting with yourself.  To hear about free upcoming promotional events such as teleseminars, videos and speaking engagements, subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com – you’ll also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Leading Through Uncertainty

How do I motivate and inspire my team in the midst of uncertainty that could lead to the whole department being eliminated?  I mean, I’m not even sure I’ll have a job myself!

This is a question a client of mine recently asked.  A tough one.  I didn’t have an immediate answer for him.  He didn’t want to blow smoke in their faces or hand them a bunch of rose colored glasses.  Nor should he.  It is a scary time for a lot of people right now.  And there are no easy answers.  But in times of uncertainty, it is more important than ever to rest in the certainty that each one of us has what it takes to rise above anything life may bring us.

This is what the greatest leaders have done throughout history.  It’s easy to lead when things are stable and successful.  It’s when all chaos breaks loose and the chances of survival are slim that the world’s heroes have risen up to help people remember who they are and to rise up to their most daunting challenges.

Here are three things to remember when you find yourself in a situation similar to the one my client was in:

(1) There is nothing that will come your way that you cannot handle.  If you want proof, consider the fact that you are still here.  Think back to the last struggle or setback you faced.  What did you do?  How did you get through it?  What did you learn?  In retrospect, what would you tell yourself in order to help you get through that?  And what will you tell yourself now?

Sometimes it helps to think of the worst case scenario.  What would you do?  Really.  What would you do?  If you sit with that question and allow yourself to remain calm, you will find an answer.  Because when you get quiet, you summon up that which is timeless within you – that which will not change with the uncertainty, but rather grow stronger in the face of it – your inner strength, resilience, creativity and ingenuity.  Benjamin Franklin said it well many years ago:  “To be thrown upon one’s own resources, is to be cast into the very lap of fortune; for our faculties then undergo a development and display an energy of which they were previously unsusceptible.”

Getting connected to your core strength is essential and must be done before you can provide any real inspiration and motivation to others.  Your confidence will emanate at a level that people will feel – before you even say a word.

(2)  Once you have reconnected with your own inner reserves, help others reconnect with theirs as well.  Extraordinary leaders have the ability to connect with people at a deeper level.  They see not only what each person they lead has done in the past, but also what they are capable of doing in the future.  In times of chaos and uncertainty, people need to be reminded of their strengths because trying times tend to lead us to doubt ourselves and forget how very capable and strong we really are.

Speaking to people in terms of what they are capable of as a group can be helpful, but speaking to each person individually will have a far more powerful impact.  Think about each person you lead.  What has he or she done in the past that has impressed you?  What natural talents have you noticed – what does each person do that seems to come easily?  What does each tend to do that has a positive impact on themselves and everyone around them?  Maybe it is a sense of humor.  Perhaps it is an ability to foresee obstacles no one anticipated and create a plan for overcoming them.  Maybe it is an ability to think outside the box, a dogged determination to make things work, or a natural tendency to partner with others.  What is it that gives you faith that no matter what happens, this person will rise above it?  Speak to it with sincere appreciation and encouragement.  Help that person to embody those qualities once again.

(3)  Keep people’s focus (including your own) on possibilities rather than frustrations.  As with everything in life, whatever we focus on has a way of becoming amplified.  When we allow ourselves to become consumed with fear and doubt, our brains have a way of finding things that feed those states and we find that there seems to be even more to be afraid of or frustrated by.  This phenomenon often happens without our conscious awareness, and it is a vicious cycle that can keep us falling deeper and deeper into despair.

Reversing this cycle requires a conscious effort.  When we notice we are feeling upset by a certain thought, the first step is to become aware of the thought that has caused the reaction and deliberately choose another one to focus on.  There is always something positive or hopeful to focus on.  Sometimes finding it takes a bit of work, but that effort will be met with rich rewards.  A man named Ambrose Redmoon once said “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important.”  We need to figure out what is more important – more worthy of our attention and energy and focus on that.  As we do, our innate talents and strengths have a way of rising to the occasion.

With any change that brings uncertainty, there is a process of renewal involved.  The old must fall way in order for the new to be revealed.  This is true in nature as well as in our communities, organizations and in our very selves.  We can focus on what we are losing and experience a great deal of sadness and grief, or we can focus on what is newly emerging around us – and within us.  Sometimes the most difficult changes are the very things we need to experience to get closer to what we really want in life.  We may not realize the gifts change and uncertainty bring for weeks, months, and even years.  But we can recognize how it has served us in the past and trust in the process, in each other, and in ourselves.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.” 

~  Richard Bach

 My new book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Being Real: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be  is about reconnecting to your inner reserves and drawing upon them to give life to your greatest visions and dreams.  It will be released on January 11, 2011 and will soon be available to pre-order.  Stay tuned for more information and subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com to hear about free upcoming events, videos and teleseminars – and to receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

The Power of a Story

The other day I was working from my home office when I noticed a man in my back yard.   I figured perhaps he was a meter reader from the utility company and went over to the window to get a better look.  He was wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and a large straw hat whose wide brim angled toward the ground.  In his hand was what looked like a window washer with a squeegee on the end.  He looked all around our back yard, glanced over to the back fence, and then proceeded out our front gate.  An unsettling feeling came over me as I began to realize there was a very good possibility this man had no business on our property.

I watched as he walked over to a maroon minivan and slouched into the driver’s seat with the door open, waiting, his foot kicked up and resting on the open window.  Peering out my living room window, I strained to see if I could make out the license plate.  The letters were fuzzy and I couldn’t quite discern them.  So I grabbed an envelope to take to the mailbox thinking that from there I could get a better look and scribble down the letters and numbers on the paper.  As I walked toward the end of the driveway, the man quickly closed the car door, started up the engine and drove away.  I began to run – trying one more time to get a look at the license plate, but the car just went faster.

My heart was beating wildly. I sent emails to my neighbors  encouraging them to make sure their gates, doors and windows were locked and to be on the lookout for the red van that I saw.  A few minutes later, I settled back into my study only to glance out the window and see the red van again – this time across the street, with the door propped open, and the same man I saw in my back yard sitting in the driver’s seat waiting.

Still looking out the window, I picked up the phone and dialed 911. I did my best to describe the man to the dispatcher and relay the details of my experience and felt a wave of relief when I saw two squad cars roll up behind the van.  A policeman walked over to the man and the two of them talked.  A few minutes later the officer called to inform me that the man in my back yard was from the irrigation service that comes twice a month to open and close the valve that brings water into our yard.

And then I felt the sting of embarrassment and humiliation followed by feelings of regret and sympathy for this poor man who was just interrogated by the police while doing his job in triple digit heat in Phoenix, Arizona.  Compounding my  foolishness was the fact that my husband and I have actually met this man and had a conversation with him.  He was warm and kind and gave us advice on how to properly irrigate our back yard after having some work done there.  I even remembered that his name was Tom.

As the police got back into their cars I walked across the street to thank them and apologize to Tom.  “I am so sorry,” I told him sheepishly.  “I didn’t recognize you and I was scared.”  Tom’s mouth widened into a smile that revealed a few teeth missing.  He laughed as he told me, “You wouldn’t believe how many times people have called the police on me.  Don’t worry about it.”  It was then that I realized that  the window washer I thought he was holding in his hand was actually an irrigation tool.  I explained to him that what really alarmed me was that he drove away as I was running after him.  Turns out he never even saw me – just realized that he was starved and had exactly five minutes to run and get something to eat before the next valve had to be closed.

We had a very nice conversation in the minutes that followed.   His eyes sparkled as we talked about his work, his three sons – one of which was having a birthday that day, and his relaxed, let life happen as it comes philosophy.   As I walked back toward my house, I realized the power our fearful stories have over our behavior and the way things play themselves out in our lives.  I had experienced firsthand the distortion of reality caused by faulty information my mind filled the blanks in with as a result of my fear and panic.  I took very few data points and wove them together to create a worst case scenario that had me acting as though it was true.  And none of it had to do with Tom himself – only the story I created based on what I was believing about my limited observations.

I can’t help thinking about how that dynamic plays itself out every day of our lives.  We all take in limited information and we all create stories about what it means. Most of us tend to operate as though those stories are true.    And other people do the same thing when it comes to their observations of us.  It was a wonderful reminder to always entertain the thought that perhaps I don’t always have all the pieces of the picture or every detail relevant to the story.

It also made me realize the importance of not taking personally the sometimes perplexing or inexplicable reactions others may have to me – to keep an open mind, and an open heart, like Tom did. To remember that things aren’t always what they seem – and people are not always who we think they are.  And to entertain the possibility that at any moment circumstances can change from being frightful to delightful – if I am willing to look beyond what my eyes and my mind are telling me to see what is really there.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Navigating Through Change, Challenge & Uncertainty. Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Embracing Life’s Uncertainty

“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” ~ Margaret Drabble

I came across the above quote some time ago and it has become one of my favorites.  In fact, I was just sharing it recently with a client who is in the midst of uncertainty.  And he is not alone.  So many of us are finding that things that used to be fairly stable have suddenly become chaotic and unpredictable.  Whether it is an organizational restructuring, relocation, ending one job and looking for or starting another, or just plain everyday hiccups that throw our daily routines for a loop – just about every one of us can identify with having our worlds shaken or even turned upside down.

When things like that happen, it can be quite disorienting and unsettling.  Change seems to be easier for some people than others.  It is easiest when we are the ones doing the changing.  The tough stuff catches us by surprise.  And when it does, we often become fixated on the discomfort it creates.  It can be like someone pulled the rug out from under you and you have to shuffle to regain your footing on a surface that you are unfamiliar with.

SO WHAT.  NOW WHAT?

Years ago, a friend of mine gave me a refrigerator magnet upon which the words “So what.  Now what?” are written.  These simple words have such great wisdom.  They point the way that allows us to rise above our self pity and access the wisdom to intuitively make the choices necessary to rise above whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.  So what.  So what if things didn’t go the way we planned?  So what if we were beset with unfortunate occurrences? Rather than spending our time and energy trying to find out why, why not focus it into what we will do next?

Rather than looking at what we have lost, we can look at what we still have – and at what, if anything the current experience has to teach us.  Rather than becoming resentful and preoccupied with remorse, regret or anger and frustration at the way things have happened and the way we or others have handled them, we can start anew – right now, shifting our focus from what should be happening to what could be.  What will we choose right now, in this moment?  If we pause long enough, allowing our minds to become still, we will find that we have all the answers we need.  And if even one of us can find the courage to do this, others, seeing the peace that comes from acts of faith this introspection tends to inspire, will follow.

When people we care about experience hardships, we do them very little good by lavishing them with sympathy, conspiring in their rebellion against a course of events that have already taken place.  This insurgence does little to help them unless at the core of their rage they find the impetus to rise above their anger rather than react from within it.  Our pity reduces them to helpless victims who believe they have cause to lament and despise what they have come to believe is a cruel universe.  No good will ever come from actions taken with such a mindset.

Instead, we can help them to shift their focus on what has taken place (the past) to what they can do about it (the present).  Rather than commiserating in woeful stories, we can help them to recognize the opportunities present in every challenge and to seize them with vitality and courage.  Setbacks can then become platforms from which we and our loved ones can dive into our true natures – discovering ourselves to be far greater than we thought we were.  This is what the great leaders throughout the history of the world have done that enabled people, countries, even nations to prosper under great adversity.  We have the opportunity to do this every day, both for ourselves and others.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

This post includes an excerpt from my upcoming book, The Pinocchio Principle – Becoming Real: Authentic Leadership for the 21st Century, which will be released later this year. 

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Navigating Through Change, Challenge & Uncertainty.  Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Leaping Into the Unknown

“Come to the edge” he said. “No,” they said.

“Come to the edge” he said.

“No,” they replied.  “Come to the edge” he said.

They came.  He pushed them and they flew.

~ Guillaume Apollinaire

I know a man who is tirelessly dedicated to excellence and does what he can to create and evoke it everywhere he goes.  He is a strong leader, who believes in making a difference in the lives of those around him.  His most powerful tool is the example he tirelessly sets for others, who admire his leadership, integrity and heart and would walk through fire for him.  This man treats people with respect, kindness and honor.  He is dedicated to his own growth, and even more so  to the growth of those around him.  And he knows he is ready for something bigger than anything he has previously been a part of.  He’s known that for a long time.

This man’s commitment, dedication and loyalty is solid and unwavering – though some might question whether all the people he gives it to are deserving or have truly earned it.  He puts the welfare of others before his own, and as a result people trust him.  They know he has their back.  Over the years, he has been tried and tested.  He has achieved great successes and endured great disappointment.  But he never gave up.

“Come to the edge.”

This man heard the call.  He rose up to answer it.  But he hit a wall.

“Come to the edge.”

He heard it again, so he took a different route, gathered more strength, got a little more traction and powered forward with greater intensity.  And he hit the wall again, only this time, harder.  Bloody, bruised, but not beaten, he thoughtfully retreated, waiting for another opportunity to rise.

“Come to the edge.”

He heard it again.  He came.  He lost his job.

Why?  Unfathomable.  Shocking.  He did not know.  He did not understand.  He gave it his best.  Why was this happening to him?

He charged at the wall.  And he broke through it.  And beyond the wall lies a whole new world, waiting to be discovered by him.  Waiting for his talent, his wisdom, his compassion, his energy and determination – his leadership.  It has been waiting for awhile now, quietly beckoning to him.

I know a man who probably feels like he is in a free fall right now. But soon, he will remember how to fly.  And the world will become a brighter place because of it.

 Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Navigating Through Change, Challenge & Uncertainty .  Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Busting Out of the Box

The other day, my youngest son came home from summer camp with a riddle he wanted me to hear:

“Mom, pretend you are in a box that is sealed shut – air tight – with no doors and no windows.”  OK,” I replied, picturing walls on all sides of me.

“How do you get out?” he asked.

I offered some lame solutions, each of which compelled him to roll his eyes and shake his head.  When I saw that he could no longer take it I said, “I give up.  How do you get out?”

“You stop pretending!”  he said with a wide grin spreading across his face.

This little riddle has profound implications for all of us.  Because we have a way of creating our own boxes every day of our lives.  Sometimes we do it when we wake up with preconceived ideas of how our day is going to be.  We do it when we make a judgment of whether or not we believe people will come through for us, or whether we will be able to come through for ourselves or others.  We create boxes that keep us walled off from our greatest potential and the myriad of possibilities that exist all around us when we believe that the chances of achieving something are less than optimal.

We are often told that being truly creative requires that we “think outside of the box.”  And I believe this is true.  Perhaps we can also increase our creativity and effectiveness  by recognizing the ways in which we create our own boxes to begin with so that we can prevent them from reigning us in altogether.

Anytime we believe an assumption, we tend to act in ways that validate it.  If we believe we are not capable of doing something – speaking in public, taking a stand, initiating a conversation with someone, pursuing some kind of opportunity –  we behave in ways that make that assumption true.  As the saying goes, “you can’t win if you don’t play.”  We may believe we cannot succeed in some area because there is no evidence that suggests we can.  But the lack of evidence is often a direct result of believing something about ourselves that is largely based in conjecture; our self limiting beliefs can keep us from trying at all.  Many times the only real evidence we have is actually a lack of evidence.

When we believe an assumption about others that suggests they are not capable of achieving something, we act in ways that can bring out their insecurities and doubts, thus inhibiting their performance.  It is not uncommon for people to accomplish amazing feats in front of some audiences and become all thumbs in front of others.

When we find ourselves being intimidated by others who may have doubts about our abilities, we need to be aware of the fact that their doubts are not what is inhibiting us at all.  Their doubts are only triggering the stories of inadequacy we have about ourselves – and that is what gets in the way of our ability to do any given task.

When we begin to pay attention to what it is we are believing, we can question the validity of our assumptions and take steps to disengage ourselves from beliefs that keep us reigned in.   The key is not to try to get rid of our assumptions, but rather to replace our limiting beliefs with empowering truths.  Rather than focusing on what’s going wrong, we can focus on what’s going right and build on that.  Instead of beating ourselves and others up for our seeming shortcomings, we can appreciate our strengths and the progress we have made and go from there.   We can move from the improbable to the possible and look to the talent we and others possess that will help us to achieve it.

Action follows thought – and our doubts are like the walls of a box that keep us from seeing and acting on the array of possibilities all around us.   The truth about who we are and what we are capable of dissolves those walls and allows us to bust out of our boxes so that we can experience life as it is truly meant to be lived – unencumbered, limitless, and free.

So, if you find yourself in a box, take my eight year old son’s advice – and  STOP PRETENDING.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Navigating Through Change, Challenge & Uncertainty .  Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Enduring a Stormy State of Mind

When I used to get hiccups as a kid, my father would tell me the best way to get rid of them was to wait for the next one.  Surprisingly, more often than not, it actually worked – almost as though inviting in the very thing I wanted to avoid had a way of ushering it out.  As I reflected on the previous week, I realized that I used a similar tactic a few days ago to help me shift out of a very negative state into a more positive one.

It was a tough morning.  My body didn’t want to get out of bed, and even after I managed to get up it felt heavy and encumbered.  My mind matched that state, and everything I turned my attention on seemed to be darkened by a black fog that followed me everywhere I went.  In contrast, it was a gorgeous day outside.  No clouds, a cool bright morning, birds singing, etc., etc.  I decided to go out there and see if it might lift my spirits a bit.

I made myself go running, though I would rather have sat staring zombie like into a cup of coffee.  It was harder than usual and the first several minutes of stiffness that usually give way to a state of flow felt more like an eternity.  I run because I enjoy it, I reminded myself.  But really I just wanted the whole excursion to be over.

I recalled my brother and me on boating outings with our grandparents when we were kids.  Every once in a while, we would anchor the boat near a shore where long, wild reeds would grow and the ground beneath the water would release stinky bubbles of putrid gas when our toes sunk deeply into the soft, squishy mud.  The more we stirred our feet the more rank the odor became.  I laughed as I realized that this foul stench was the closest thing I could think of to compare the state of my mind to at that very moment.

And then I began to become amused.  I was able to distance myself from the state itself and simply observe it, in much the same way that I observe and muse over my children when they wake up grouchy – these precious, sweet little souls who can behave like little %*#*’s at times.  I can be amused with them because I know eventually it will pass.  And in that moment I knew the same thing was true of my own condition.

So I just gave myself to it.  Rather than resisting, I let the negativity bubble up inside of me and just take everything over.  But as I did, try as I might, there was a bigger, stronger part of me that was completely unaffected.  It was the part of me that was observing the whole thing.  The more entertained I became, the less of a foothold those foul emotions and thoughts had.  By the end of my run, I felt calmer, freer, and experiencing a far more productive and constructive state of mind.

We will all have moments when the skies of our minds seem to darken, when the very thing someone did yesterday that didn’t affect us at all will annoy the hell out of us, when even blue skies and babies fail to bring smiles to our faces.  But these moments will eventually  pass.  We need to realize that these states of mind are just that – states.  They pass just like the weather.  And sometimes the best thing we can do is simply allow ourselves to sit in the heart of the storm and watch.  If we can do this for ourselves, we can do this for others too.  Perhaps in this way, we can identify with the part of them that is stronger than the turbulences they are experiencing so that they can do the same for themselves.

Having weathered the storms of our minds, we can appreciate even more deeply the beauty of the clear, clean freshness that follows – and use it as a backdrop on which to create our own rainbows.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

A Change in Perspective

As I write this post, it is about 5:30 pm on a Wednesday afternoon and I’m sitting on my patio gazing over my back fence at a brand new twenty foot high three car garage that recently took the place of what used to be a spectacular mountain view.  I write about this incident because it set into motion some interesting and curious events that led me through an array of emotions.  My perspective initially produced sadness, irritation, anger and disgust, which gradually gave way to complacency and ultimately – though I never would have believed it – transformed not only into acceptance, but gratitude.

Now, believe me, if this post had been written the day after we met the man – a developer – who moved into the house across the alley from us – my tone and words would have been quite different.  We were shocked and outraged.  Wanting to be neighborly, my husband and I introduced ourselves.  With a very matter of fact manner , the man led us to his back yard and explained his plans.  Our efforts to become better acquainted were met with the words “You all are being very gracious, but it is not like I’m asking your permission.”  I remember watching his lips move but not quite receiving the impact of his words until we got back home and almost simultaneously uttered to each other – “Did he really say that?!”

To be fair, the man is a competitive water skier, and a large structure to house his equipment is apparently a necessity for him.  It is his property after all, and he has every right to build what he wants there – though it seems a bit peculiar that the new construction was reserved for his various vehicles while he apparently has elected to use the existing garage as his living quarters.  The other strange thing is that this monstrously high structure actually eviscerated his own view of the mountain – a detail that I didn’t actually notice until the initial anger subsided and my mind became curiously reflective.

But the event spun a whole series of reactions into play.  Over the initial few weeks after we met the man, we were consumed with bitterness which cast a long, dark shadow over our usually very happy household.  We couldn’t look out the window without feeling irritation and decided that we didn’t want to live in a continual state of anger.  So we began looking for a new house.  Our initial efforts were somewhat non eventful, but we did actually end up finding something not far from our old home that we really liked.  It was a short sale.  We made an offer that got accepted after what seemed like an excruciatingly long period of waiting during which we put our current home on the market for sale or lease.

When the sign went up in our front yard, I felt an intense sadness that grew more and more pronounced when people came into the house to view it.  My husband and I both were struck with how much we loved our home, the memories we shared in it (including watching all three of our children grow from babies to toddlers and beyond), and the things we did over the years to make it our own – not the least of which was a fairly substantial remodel.

The realization that we were actually moving was bittersweet.  There were many things the new house offered that the old one didn’t, and we were excited about the possibilities.  But we began to notice that the longer things played out, the less enamored we were and the more we became focused on what we would be losing.   Well, as luck would have it, the sellers defaulted on their contract and we ended up canceling the sale.

And now, I couldn’t be happier!  The monstrosity across the alley that once produced feelings of bitterness and resentment is a constant reminder for me to count my blessings and remember what is truly important in my life.  I am grateful to have a home at all – which I realize is more than many people have right now.  But I am most grateful  for the new appreciation and insight this change in perspective have given me on my power to frame and reframe the experiences that determine how I feel on any given day.  And to recognize that the old adage – home is where the heart is – is really true.  The degree to which my heart is open is exclusively dependent on me and everything I see really is a matter of perspective.  Makes me wonder what else I might be seeing that has an entirely new and empowering interpretation I have not yet landed on…

A Leader’s Blueprint

“A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.”

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 Have you ever walked by a building under construction and been curious about what was being built?  Perhaps there were people working diligently, each focusing on their own specific task.  Maybe there were steel girders, half constructed walls, and unidentifiable objects at some stage of completion.

At first glance, it may appear chaotic and messy.  But amidst the sawdust and cement blocks there is something that pulls it all together.  Though we may not know exactly what is being built, over time the construction begins to take shape and we start to recognize a room here, and another there.  And then we may begin to surmise the purpose and function of each room.

As the walls are plastered and the paint is applied, the appearance becomes neater.  And suddenly, it is completed in all its glory – a stunning compilation of raw materials, sweat, and focused action.

Perhaps we too build things in this way.  It is nice to know in advance exactly what we are building.  But at times things may feel chaotic, disconnected and random.  We have some experiences that uplift us and others that disappoint.  We may find ourselves without an explanation of why certain events and experiences are taking place.

But maybe underneath it all, there is a larger plan at work – one that will reveal itself over time.  As we undertake each new experience, another wall is constructed and a new room is being built.  What if we were willing to experience our lives with the same wonder and curiosity with which we look upon that building that is under construction?  And what if we were able to engender that same enthusiasm and optimism in everyone around us?

Are you willing to entertain the thought that somewhere within you there is a perfect blueprint of everything your life and your leadership will bring about?  And can you delight in the mystery of its gradual unfolding?

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy In the Flow and Life’s Perfect Classroom.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.