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On the Brink of Change
Are you at your wits end in your job, career, relationship, life in general? Experiencing delays, frustration, confusion, and even a little fear? Well, you might be closer to achieving something amazing than you think.
My last post, On the Verge of Transformation, featured an interview with a caterpillar. The above video continues the play by play in the life of a caterpillar, only this time from the inside of the cocoon (or chrysalis, if you want to be technically correct). I hope you enjoy it!
Here’s what I said in the video:
My daughter has this butterfly pavilion that we’ve been raising butterflies in. It’s been days since all the other chrysalises hatched. In fact, we let nine butterflies go out in the garden the other day. But there’s one that’s still in there, in its cocoon. We look at it every day hoping that we’ll catch it as its just emerging and it’s still in there.
I know it’s not dead because when I push on the side of the habitat, the chrysalis shakes gently, which is something that I learned they do to ward off predators. And, I can’t help but think how often we feel this way: we’re in this cocoon, there’s all kinds of change that’s happening, we’re not really sure which direction is up, and we’re the last one. For some of us, it takes longer than others.
If you’re feeling like you’re stuck in the cocoon, I think it’s probably very uncommon. And uncomfortable.
I read a story about a man who actually saw a butterfly trying to get out of the cocoon and used scissors to try to gently help the butterfly out. The butterfly fell out of the cocoon and it’s body was small and shriveled. It just kind of stumbled around on the ground and was finally just still.
What this man learned later was that to get out of the cocoon, the butterfly has to encounter the resistance. In the act of bumping up and busting out of the cocoon, the butterfly’s body fills up with fluid that it needs in order to spread its wings and be free and to turn into the beautiful creature that it is.
It’s such a great reminder to us that just when we feel things are at their darkest, and everything’s closing in and you just can’t take another minute of it — maybe that’s when we’re the closest to actually being ready to bust out. And maybe instead of thinking of all the resistance as overwhelming and exhausting, we can think of it as that final push we need to give in order to just break through into something wonderful that’s just been waiting for us.
For more on change and transformation:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be (book)
Busting Out of the Box (workshop)
On the Verge of Transformation
Taking Your Leap, Part I & Part II
Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet
Crazy businessman picture by Stephane Durocher from Dreamstime.
On the Verge of Transformation
Do you ever feel like you are in the middle of some kind of transformation, but not yet clear on exactly where you are going and what form things are going to take? Speaking from my own experience, it can be a bit unnerving when you are in the thick of it. You may feel as though you’ll never find your way through.
They say it helps to find inspiration from those who have gone before you. On that note, the above video, On the Verge of Transformation, features an interview with a caterpillar. I hope you enjoy it.
Here is what I said in the video:
These live caterpillars came in the mail the other day. My daughter is going to start a butterfly habitat. And when they arrived they were really little — teeny, tiny things. Just a couple of days ago, they started climbing up to the top. You might be able to see, they are starting to hang from the lid.
And I found myself staring at these guys the other day as they were still caterpillars crawling around, wondering if they had any idea what is going to happen to them — that their whole life as they know it is going to end — and if they felt fear. And I wonder, if I could interview a little caterpillar, what would it tell me if I said,
“Hey, do you have any fear about what’s going to happen to you?”
He’d probably look at me and say “Why would I have fear?”
“Because everything you know is about to end.”
And he’d probably say, “Says who?”
And if I said, “But you have no idea what’s going to happen!”
And he could say, “Neither do you.”
And look, they are totally surrendered. If ever there was a position of surrender, it would be hanging upside down while your entire body dissolves into mucus and nothingness and is completely reconstituted — and then to have to find your way out of the chrysalis all on your own. And yet, they do it all the time. It’s part of nature. And they have no fear.
The thought occurred to me that we are always going through our process all the time too. And we get scared, because we have stories about all the things we are going to lose and all the stuff we are going to suffer at. Yet, maybe we can take a cue from the caterpillar. Maybe I can have a little bit of comfort and faith in knowing that just totally surrendering to the process could result in something fantastic and beyond anything I ever could have imagined.
For more on change and transformation:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be (book)
Busting Out of the Box (workshop)
Taking Your Leap, Part I & Part II
Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet
Photo by Colin Stitt from Dreamstime.
The Downside of Going it Alone
Have you ever come smack up against an old assumption that was just plain wrong? The above video features a story about a painful lesson I learned years ago when I thought I could (and should) do everything on my own. It was probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done that didn’t involve falling down or tripping over something.
Here’s what I said in the video:
Years ago I worked at a hospital and I was teaching classes to help clinical professionals work through all the changes they had to make when managed care hit. These people had a lot of change to make. There was a lot emotion involved. They had to completely reinvent the way they saw patients and did all the things that they had done for years. There was a lot of resistance.
And I remember I got this idea that perhaps it would be helpful for them to see how others have worked through this. So I decided I wanted to make a video and I got approval to make a trip to one of the sister hospitals whose staff had already begun making the transition. I managed to find one of the oldest cameras around at the time. It was so huge, that the VCR tape actually fit in it. You can imagine the contraption and all the gear I had to carry.
I finally got to the hospital. We had a conference room arranged. I managed to coordinate and have all these people show up in this one room. I asked them questions that got on tape their reaction and their coping mechanisms and their pain – and the way in which they were able to take something that turned everything they knew on their head and work through it. It was heart rendering. It was moving. It was beautiful.
I singlehandedly worked the camera, I asked the questions, I tried to zoom in on people’s faces when they talked, and I spent a whole day doing this videoing. I came back and I edited it myself. Granted – I knew nothing about filming and editing videos. I had to use the camera in order to do editing, cutting and pasting with my VCR.
When I got back and had my finished product, everybody crowded around and we put the tape in the VCR and hit play. I was just devastated. It was horrible. And I remember watching it and just feeling my heart sink. Because all those stories that almost brought tears to my eyes as I was filming them – the sound quality was so poor, you couldn’t even hear people talking. The camera was shaky. The editing was horrible. And I was just so embarrassed.
That happened years and years ago when I thought I needed to do everything myself and had a lot of fire in my belly, but for whatever reason, I was very resistant to asking for help. And I learned such a valuable lesson from that. What I learned and how I have benefitted from that experience is that I have allowed myself to let go of the things that I thought I needed to do myself and enjoy working with people that have skills that I don’t, who can get almost even more excited about my ideas than I am — and see things that I didn’t see — to make it richer and allow something to be created that is far better than anything my little mind could ever have imagined.
So here’s my question for you, “What great idea are you sitting on, and who do you need on your team to make it happen?”
Picture by Diomedes66 from Dreamstime
Busting Out
The above video is a simulation of a life that many (including myself) have led at one time or another. Trapped. Inhibited. Frustrated. Suffocating. But there is a way out. And each one of us will find it eventually — when we’re ready, willing and have had enough self-imposed anguish.
I believe it will make all the difference in the world.
Here’s what I said in the video…
Wow – I see some amazing possibilities. So many ideas! Oh my gosh. That problem they were talking about – I know how it can be solved. But, what if people laugh at me? Hmmm, and who am I? Who am I to say that and come up with that idea. How can I pull it off?
I’ve seen people go out on a limb before and never come back. I don’t want to be one of them. I can be safe in here though.
But there’s just so much that can be done. If we could just have a meeting and talk about the real issue. If I could just say what I need to say instead of rehashing stuff that we keep meeting about that has no relevance at all!
But what if I make somebody mad? What if I upset my boss? That wouldn’t be good. I think I’ll just stay in here.
It’s getting kind of cramped in this box though. All these ideas – I just keep them in here. I’m running out of room. I’m having trouble breathing. In fact, it’s getting pretty tight in here.
I’ve got to bust out. It couldn’t possibly be worse out there than it is in here. It couldn’t possibly be worse out there than it is in here.
I don’t need this box anymore.
For more on busting out:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Taking Your Leap, Part I & Part II
In Search of Greatness: Finding Your Zone
Man in a box image from Dreamstime by Christopher Hall.
A Story About Lightening Up
Ever get to a place where everything feels way too heavy and burdensome? Well I’ve been there too. The above video features a story about a conversation I had with one of my children years ago that never fails to help me get things back into perspective. Scroll down for more resources on lightening up.
Here is what I said in the video:
There was a time in my life a few years ago where I was just CRAZY busy. I’ve always had a unique talent for over-complicating everything — making things WAY harder than they needed to be, and I was doing that a lot. I remember racing to get my kid at daycare and having him be the very last kid to be picked up right around 6:00pm. And he would look up at me like, “Mom, you’re finally here – I didn’t think you were actually going to make it.”
During this particular week, I had a lot of things falling through the cracks. I was behind on some major deadlines, I was not really feeding my family or myself very healthy food. I was just feeling like a lousy mother, a lousy wife, a lousy person in general — like I just couldn’t get things the way I wanted to, which back then was PERFECT. If it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t good enough.
I remember sitting on the couch with my toddler and he looked up at me and he said, “Mommy can I count on you?” And I thought “Oh my God, my two year old is questioning whether he can count on me! I must really be awful.”
And I looked at him and said, “What did you just say?” He said it again, “Can I count on you?” I replied, “OF COURSE you can count on me!”
And he looked up at me with his sweet little twinkly blue eyes as he raised his fingers to my shoulder to count with them, saying “One, two, three, four…”. I just remember looking down at him thinking “Oh my God!” and couldn’t help laughing. Suddenly everything felt lighter and better.
Now whenever I get in that place where I’m out of my mind overwhelmed – and taking myself WAY too seriously, I remember my sweet little boy at two years old — “one, two, three, four….”
For more on Lightening Up:
Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter
Illustration from Dreamstime by Nlizer.
Beyond Boundaries
The above video is about a riddle my young son told me a long time ago that I think about whenever I find myself longing to venture beyond my limitations to explore fresh, new opportunities and unchartered territory. I wonder if he realizes just how much that little story has inspired me. I hope it does the same for you.
Here’s what I said in the video:
One day my son came home with a riddle. He said “Mom, pretend like you’re in a box.” So, I said “okay”, and proceeded to envision walls all around me. Then he challenged, “How do you get out?”
I said, “Well, I punch through it.”
He rolled his eyes and said “No.”
So I guessed again. “I know! I get a box cutter and I slice through the box.”
He took a deep sigh and repeated, “NO.”
And I said “Well, how about if I chew through it?”
He could no longer contain his frustration with me. “Ugh. MOM!”
So I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Okay, how do I do it?” To which he simply replied,
“You just stop pretending!”
We all have our pretend boxes, don’t we.
For more on moving beyond boundaries:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter
Priorities, Productivity and Perspective
Image by Dusan Zidar from Dreamstime.com.
Busting Out of the Box
Are you on the verge of something big? Contemplating a change? Or in the midst of one? Ready to light it up and blow the lid off what you’ve previously been able to do — and lead others to do the same?
If so, chances are good that you have encountered RESISTANCE. It might feel like you keep hitting walls or even like the walls are closing in on you. Those walls are part of a box surrounding you that keeps you from your greatest work.
But with a lot of willingness and a little help, YOU CAN BUST THROUGH IT!
If you are a business professional in a formal or informal leadership position that is ready to bust through your box and lead others do the same, check out my new program, Busting Out of the Box. It combines three of the most powerful learning formats that I know of and that my clients have told me they’ve benefitted most from, and it will be custom tailored to fit the unique needs of each small group of five to eight people who participate…
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Personalized One on One Coaching Kickoff
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Interactive Five Hour Small Group Workshop (to be held in the Phoenix area)
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Four Ongoing 90 Minute Group Mastermind Sessions
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Follow up Individualized, Personalized Coaching
WHAT WILL YOU GAIN BY PARTICIPATING?
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Breakthrough results
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Issue resolution
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Individualized attention
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Group synergy
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Focus, accountability and support
For more information, go to www.BustingOutoftheBox.com. For dates, times and locations, call (602) 889-2329.
Taking Your Leap, Part II
This post is the second in a two part article on listening to and answering your call to greatness. (Click here for Part I.) It is also an excerpt from my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.
If you are ready to take your leap, I invite you to call me at (602) 889-2329 for a complimentary coaching session to see how I can support you through your transformation. Next week, I’ll post information about a new program I am rolling out specifically designed to help you bust through the barriers that keep you from your greatest work.
Taking Your Leap, Part II
Anytime you make a decision to go out of your comfort zone, to do something that is new or unusual for you, you will most likely experience a tinge of fear, hesitation, or anxiety. This fear may lead you to question your ability, your likelihood of succeeding, and the possibility of your demise – whatever that may mean for you. It is essential to realize that this fear is a part of your journey as a leader.
It is not necessary to overcome this fear. The key is to use it in ways that serve you, rather than hold you back. Remember the last time you stood on a high dive? You may have felt flip flops in your stomach or a strange surge of energy through your core. Perhaps you turned around and climbed back down. Or maybe you stepped forward, entered the unknown, and bravely leaped off the board.
After having done it once, depending on your experience, it may have been a bit easier for you to repeat the experience. As leaders, we are repeatedly called to dive into the unknown, in spite of our fears about it. We must use the fear to inform us of the dangers, and to provide us with data that will help us make good decisions. But we must not allow this fear to make our decisions for us.
Having faced our fear and moved forward in spite of it, the experience may be positive or negative. Regardless of the outcome, we must acknowledge the progress we have made. If our experience is less than desirable, we can evaluate it and learn from it. Having had the experience, we are wiser for it – far more than we would be if we simply continued to contemplate taking that leap or safely learn from the experience of others instead. And if we are successful, we can build on this experience and use it as a platform for further growth.
There will always be an abundance of people who will tell you why things cannot be done, what there is to fear, and why it is just not worth the risk. Let them speak, but do not be swayed by their doubt. It is based on their own experience of the world, not yours. If you are to lead, you must set the example for others so that they can see that even when you take a risk and fail, you have moved forward and began progress in a direction that would have otherwise been stunted. If you believe you cannot succeed, you may be right. But if you believe you can, you are halfway there.
When was the last time you took a risk to experience something that has been calling to you – something that you know in your heart is for your highest good (and that of others as well)? What happened when you did? What did you learn? And how have you grown as a result?
What is calling to you now? And what small, sweet step can you take to bring you closer to experiencing the exhilaration of moving bravely in a direction that might just take you and others around you to a new level of mastery?
For more on taking your leap:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet
Jumping Man image by Kashak from Bigstock.com, 2011. Diving Board Image by Carrie Owens from Bigstock.com, 2007.
Taking Your Leap, Part I
This week’s post is the first of a two part article on listening to and answering your call to greatness. It is also an excerpt from my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be. If you are ready to take your leap, I invite you to call me at (602) 889-2329 for a complimentary coaching session to see how I can support you through your transformation. Stay tuned to hear more about a new program I am getting ready to roll out specifically designed to help you bust through the barriers that keep you from your greatest work.
Taking Your Leap, Part I
The call to something bigger is often ushered in by a period of discomfort, where one slowly begins to realize that the outer world does not match the inner one. We may begin to feel a sort of incongruence accompanied by increasing awareness of our current course of events and what it is all for. A greater purpose looms in the background, but the way things are set up doesn’t quite allow that vision to live. And so it is time for a change.
Some call this an awakening. Others call it a crisis. It is a doorway to greater meaning and contribution, and the beginning of a transformation that happens from the inside out.
Many of us have spent a great deal of our lives trying to live up to what we believe others expect of us. When what others want for us is consistent with what we want for ourselves, this approach is satisfying. Often though, we begin to become aware of the ways in which this approach may no longer serve us.
People, events, or behaviors that used to give us pleasure no longer seem to be enough. Sometimes they become downright anxiety producing. We may begin to question what it is all for. In these times of despair and doubt, if we pay attention to our anxiety and move into it (rather than away from it), we can begin to ascertain the messages it brings to us. When we are destined for something bigger than what we are currently experiencing, the old must lose its appeal before we will make the bold move into something new.
If this is happening to you, do not be disheartened. Simply cultivate awareness and begin to ask yourself the kinds of questions that will empower you to know what you must do next. Questions such as, “What can I do right now to make the most of this situation?” or “How can I reframe what I am seeing so that I get the bigger picture?” can be very illuminating, as they allow us to focus on answers that are often right in front of us.
Don’t be afraid of the answers. You don’t necessarily have to quit your job, change your career or reinvent your whole life to usher in what you are on the brink of. But you will need to begin to see it all a little differently and begin to give heed to inklings, urges and what you may think are just crazy ideas that keep coming to you again and again.
Pay attention to the recurrent dreams and visions you find yourself engaging in. What is it that you have always wanted to do, but for one reason or another have never acted on? Perhaps now is the time to take some small steps to give those ideas life.
For more on taking your leap:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet
Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet
The above video is about a recent meeting I had with a client who is at his own crossroads and an answer that came through the meeting that I believe has relevance to anyone who finds themselves in a similar place. Over the last few weeks it has become increasingly clear that I want to support more people who are ready to answer the call to take things up a notch and choose something bigger for themselves, their teams and organizations.
I have decided to take on seven additional leadership coaching clients. If you are ready to get serious about moving forward, I invite you to call me at (602) 889-2329 for a complimentary thirty minute coaching session that will allow both of us to determine whether working together would be a good fit. I have been told that I should charge for these sessions and at some point I may. But for now, they are available at no cost.
Stay tuned for info on an intensive program I’m getting ready to launch that will integrate a small group workshop experience with private coaching and a group mastermind. Or, give me a call and I’ll tell you about it myself.
Here’s what I said in the video:
I had a meeting with a client the other day that made a really big impact on me because he is in a place I find myself in. And I think a lot of us are in it. It’s what I call Limbo Land. Limbo Land is the place you get to where everything you’ve done up until now worked beautifully. You could think yourself through any situation. You’ve mastered your craft. Maybe you’ve had a lot of education or training, and several promotions and by all appearances seem to have arrived. And yet nothing is working. Things are falling apart.
And the more you do what you’ve always done, not only the less effective you are, but the less happy and satisfied you are. It is a point of pain that causes you to want more. And what causes even more pain — I saw it in my client and I see it in myself — is wanting to move forward using everything that got you where you are and realizing that it is not working anymore.
So, the question is, how do you get from here to wherever it is you are supposed to go next? And the frustrating thing about that is that when you are in Limbo Land is that you have NO IDEA where you are supposed to go next. You just know that it is somewhere different than where you are now. And it is beckoning.
Now, that’s the exciting part about it: there’s something that is beckoning. And when you get out of the fear, you can start to feel the exhilaration of it, which is where my client started to go yesterday. I found myself getting really excited for him – and really excited for myself. Because what’s just around the corner, I think, is going to blow our minds. We just can’t figure out how to get there.
SO, in the absence of the answers, what I’m beginning to understand and rely on is that we can go do desire. The desire is about what we want. What do we want to move toward?
I’m finding that what excites me about moving forward is not doing things for myself anymore. Because everything I did up to a certain point was about getting ME successful, to get ME well known, to propel MYSELF. And it’s not enough anymore. I want to do something that is going to help other people in some way. I have no idea what that’s going to be. And that’s exactly where my client is too. It’s scary as hell. But you know, if I can just stay in the place of what would it feel like to get there, that might be enough to help me overcome my fear, and to power on and to do something I never realized I could do.
How about you?
