Can you slow down time?

 

What if you could slow down time? 

If you’ve ever had a great massage, a decadent vacation or a fantastic meal, you may have consciously savored each moment or morsel in such a way that allows you to enjoy every second of the experience.

While you may not have actually altered time, being intensely present does seem to allow you to expand your experience of each moment in a way that connects you with the sublime.

Contrast that to how you have felt at the end of a long day.

While stuck in traffic, sitting in meeting after meeting, or getting a cavity filled, perhaps you’ve found that you can disengage altogether and occupy your mind with other things. And when you do, time may seem to speed up. The whole experience can become distant and a bit blurred.

You can drive all the way home and not be able to recall a single landmark you passed along the way.

Knowing we can slow down or speed up time for ourselves may be interesting.

But what is even more intriguing – and somewhat unsettling – is the thought of how much of our lives have been spent somewhere between these two extremes, on a kind of auto pilot.

• How many times when talking with someone has your mind been somewhere else – reviewing your “to do” list, rehashing something that just happened, or even determining what you want to say next?
• How often have you foregone the moment unfolding before you because you were fretting about the past or worrying about the future?
• How many missed opportunities have we all had to be truly present with each other, listening intently and holding space that allows others to feel seen and heard and valued?

What if we lived more often with the intention of not wanting to miss a thing?

• How much more trust could we inspire and cultivate?
• How much more effectively could we create and innovate to meet emerging challenges and opportunities?
• How much more of our very selves could we bring to everything we do and everyone we are with?

Imagine how much better our world could be as a result.

Perhaps as we become more aware of the degree to which we are really showing up, we can begin to gauge how much of our lives we are truly living.  And then we can consciously create and enjoy lives worth living and organizations worth working for.

Why is this happening?!

 

I recently designed and delivered a workshop for one of my oldest clients to address something that will be as relevant in 5, 10, or 20 years as it is now and impacts us all personally and professionally every day… “How to Survive and THRIVE in Turbulence, Transition, and Transformation”.

We all have a wealth of experience working through each of those things because they come at us regularly. And the more we do, the better we get at handling them. If you look back on the most challenging times of your life, when you were pushed to your limit (or beyond), when the rug got pulled out from under you, when something came at you that you had no idea how to handle – despite whatever doubts or misgivings you may have had, you got through it.

And you learned a thing or two in the process. Though those times in your personal and professional life are often things you may rather forget, there is much to be gained in realizing just how much they have taught you – and perhaps to consider that they may be preparing you for something greater.

We all have our unique personal and career paths. And we have within us everything we need to reach our fullest potential, which exists within us as seeds that wait for the best conditions to sprout.

Some of our seeds will be like that of the lotus flower. They’ll remain dormant in the mud for years, until the time is right for them to grow roots and to shoot a stem upward toward the light, followed by exquisitely vibrant flowers and leaves.

If the lotus flower can bloom so beautifully from
the thickest and deepest mud, perhaps so too can we.

What’s interesting about creating a vision for something you want to achieve is that life has a way of delivering to you the exact combination of experiences that will prepare you to step into that vision and become the person who can make it real.

Some of those experiences we wouldn’t choose for ourselves.

Many of my executive coaching clients can’t help but ask, “Why is this happening to me?”. And they often tell me months later that without those experiences they initially bemoaned, they wouldn’t have had the strength, stamina, insight, or the ability to accomplish some of the very things they are most proud of.

Consider for a moment the stuff that is being thrown at you – difficulties that threaten to drag you down, turbulence that threatens your stability, and curve balls that keep you on your toes. And remember two things: (1) You have everything you need to rise to those challenges and work through them in ways that allow you to prevail, and (2) In the process of doing so, you’ll continue to develop the strength, resilience, and confidence to rise to the heights you most aspire to.

If you’re interested in one-on-one personalized leadership development or would like to bring a custom-designed workshop into your organization, message me for more information.

Why Letting Go of the Old Helps You Succeed With the New (and How to Do It)

 

What is it that you are longing to create in the coming year?

And what do you need to let go of to allow it to fully take root?

Every year, we are encouraged to set New Year’s resolutions.

We are a goal-driven society that is conditioned to seek more. Our egos desire more money, more fame and prestige, and more stuff. A deeper part of ourselves longs for more peace, more meaning, and more purpose in our lives.

We want to move beyond our previous realizations of what we’ve already accomplished to master newer, better ways of doing things (in our lives and our organizations) – and as leaders what we can inspire others to do.

Though it is tempting to think about how we can achieve all of this and what we need to do more of, perhaps what we really need to start with is what we need to do less of… what we need to let go of to create the space for something new to come in.

We are constantly evolving both individually and collectively. 

It is so easy to look to the past to define who we are through the things we’ve already done:  goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built. Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.

The fact of the matter is,

you are not your accomplishments,

your creations, or the sum of the various roles

you play in your life – manager, director, vice president,

mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc.

You are much, much more than that.

Your potential is limitless.

And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions.

They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take. To be happy, we reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target. So we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done – on a sort of autopilot.

Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some a growing source of discontentment. We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility that what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined.

In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to fully embrace the mystery unfolding in each of our lives.

Easier said than done, right?

How exactly do you go about letting go of the known when it’s all you know?

We can take our cues from nature. Snakes and other reptiles shed their skin, trees drop their leaves, and caterpillars create cocoons in which their forms entirely dissolve before recreating themselves as butterflies.

Even a fish in a bowl cannot stay in water that contains its excrement – the waste must either be emptied and replaced with new water, or absorbed by something else that will remove it from the fish’s environment.

Without engaging in these renewing processes, these creatures will die. And so it is of us. Many of us are already walking around encased in layers of old, dead stuff that needs to be released.

What are you holding onto in your life that has run its course?

What are the old outmoded ways of doing things that no longer bring you energy? What are the things you’ve acquired that you no longer need? What beliefs are you holding onto that are no longer true for you?

Pay attention to the times that you feel constricted, anxious, or tired and in those moments ask what you can let go of. Don’t be afraid of the answer. Though it may frighten you because it introduces an element of the unknown, following these insights will always lead to freedom and liberation.

Your computer can only handle so much data.

If you do not delete old email and get rid of files that have been accumulating over the years, and if you continue to add new programs without deleting old ones, you will find that it becomes sluggish and unresponsive.

Just as freeing up space allows your computer to process things more quickly, so too will clearing your own personal space (whether of things or thoughts) allow you to access new levels of clarity and creativity.

Space invites opportunity.

You will breathe easier, be more present in every action and interaction you partake of, and bring more of who you really are to what you do. And you will open up the space of possibility that will allow something to come in that may surprise and delight you.

So here’s a thought for the New Year: Instead of trying so hard to do more with less, perhaps we can allow ourselves to explore the possibility that in doing less, we can have so much more.

For more on how to affect your own personal and professional transformation, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.

Ringing in the New Year: Why Looking Back is as Vital as Looking Ahead

 

There is something magical about being at the threshold of a new year.

It’s like climbing to the top of a long staircase to find yourself on a landing, standing before a large glimmering door just waiting to be opened. As you look down, you realize how far you have climbed to get here. Yet, you cannot help but wonder what lies behind the door.

Often, we underestimate the amount of growth we have achieved.

It’s important to take some time to reflect on the unique combination of experiences that have led to both successes and disappointments and the learnings that have accompanied them. Doing so cultivates insight that helps you know what to do in the future.

I often work with people who feel ready for a change but aren’t sure what that change should be. They aren’t necessarily miserable in their jobs or other areas of their lives – they just long for something that will fill them up in ways they haven’t been fulfilled in the past.

When I coach people who feel this way, they sometimes want me to tell them what the next best step is – to give them the answer or a step-by-step process that will lead them to find what they seek. Of course, no person has these answers for another. Our greatest challenge and opportunity is to find them for ourselves.

Each of our lives has a story with perfect order and meaning.

As in a novel or screenplay, each character has a unique relationship to the main character, and every scene has some relevance to his growth and evolution. There will be victories and disappointments as well as twists and turns.

We will have occasion to laugh, cry, and experience a myriad of other emotions that are somewhere in between. And as a result of this perfect combination of events and mini-plots, we discover ourselves to be better people.

When reading a book or watching a movie, the perfect order is often easier to see than it is for the characters enmeshed in the stories we are watching. Yet, the mystery and intrigue, the humor over each misstep, and the courage we see the characters exude to find their way give substance to the story and allow us to leave the book or the theatre feeling moved or inspired in some way.

As you reflect on 2024, can you identify your story’s most pivotal turns? What did you learn from them? Think about your character sketch. What are the endearing qualities you have that make you unique and special? How can you leverage them to build on the previous events to create a story worth telling?

Think also about the people that surround you. In what ways are they helping you grow? What are they teaching you about yourself – whether in joyful or painful ways? And what qualities do they possess that are similar to and different from yours? How do you complement each other, and what might it be that you can create together?

You now sit at the threshold of another chapter in your story.

Contemplate what you have already experienced and ask yourself how you might build upon it to add a bit of intrigue and adventure. Identify the ways that you could add a little lightness and humor. Think about the interplay between the characters and how you could spice things up a little.

We have each been given the makings of a beautiful tale. Open your eyes and survey them the way you would the perfectly planned detail of your favorite movie or novel. Give yourself completely to the adventure, the possibilities, and the humor in your life.

Then find a way to revel in the joy of living it.

Here’s to a bright, beautiful New Year!

 

For more on reveling in the adventure that is your life, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.

How Going Backwards Can Help You Move Forward

 

“I can’t believe I did that (again).”

I hear that often from clients who are intent on changing a behavior or habit they’ve realized is getting in their way.

And of course, I’ve said it myself.

But for anyone who has uttered those words, I have good news.

If you’ve caught yourself (even after the fact) falling into old, painful patterns, you are actually making great progress.

It’s likely that many of the things that get in your way operate beneath your level of conscious awareness. They may be knee jerk reactions that occur when you are triggered (i.e. firing off that email before you’ve calmed down or talking louder instead of listening or seeking to understand).

You may do them on autopilot – without even realizing it (i.e. checking your inbox every time a new email comes in or saying yes to something you don’t have time for).

And those are the things that can get you in trouble.

Because though you may not realize when you’re engaging in self-defeating behavior, you will experience the IMPACT of that behavior (stress, frustration, overwhelm, anxiety).

And rather than realizing that impact is something self-created (that you can prevent in the future), it’s all too easy to attribute it to external circumstances… the behavior of others, the stressful environments you’re in, the pressure you’re under.

BUT – when you not only realize you tend to fall into some kind of self-defeating pattern, but also CATCH yourself doing it, you have just interrupted a vicious cycle. The pattern begins to lose its power, because once you have become aware of it you have reclaimed that power for yourself.

EVEN if you don’t catch yourself until after the fact.

You can replay your own behavior in your mind’s eye and notice what the trigger was and how you reacted. You can ask yourself, “what could I do in a similar situation that would be better than what I just did?”

In your mind’s eye, you can watch yourself engaging in that alternative behavior over and over again (which is much more productive than repeatedly beating yourself up as you replay the actual event).

And that practice has been scientifically proven to change behavior. Brain scans show mental rehearsal builds the same neural connections that actual practice does. It creates a new path for your brain to travel on – one that will eventually allow your behavior to follow.

As you continue to hold the intention of catching yourself falling into an old pattern and choosing a different, more effective response, the time it’ll take for you respond in alignment with your intentions will get shorter and shorter.

You’ll go from catching yourself after the fact to catching yourself moments after it happened (and having the opportunity to redirect), to realizing you’ve been triggered and engaging in a more effective way altogether.

So, the next time you catch yourself falling into an old habit, pat yourself on the back and leverage your experience as a path for progress.

How to Transform Overwhelm and Frustration into Enthusiasm and Engagement

 

Imagine finding yourself face down on the concrete being pummeled by some kind of hard object every thirty seconds or so.

You’re agitated and a little resentful – and you may feel like a bit of a victim.

And then suppose you lift your head and notice that the concrete you are lying on is green. Widening your view, you see that the objects being hurled at you are tennis balls. And they are coming from a machine that is firing them over a net. As you continue to look around, you notice there is a racket within arm’s reach.

And then you remember – ah yes, I signed up to learn how to play tennis.

Getting better at anything is a decision that you make to be in the game.

It’s easy to forget that the game you’re playing is one you chose for yourself when those balls are coming at you full speed, one after the other. But the simple shift of mind that comes from feeling like a victim of your circumstances to someone who has willingly stepped onto the court is one that makes all the difference in the world.

Think of anything in life you feel like you “have to” or “should” do. More than likely with that frame of mind, it will feel heavy and cumbersome. But find something about that same activity that you want or care deeply about, and suddenly everything gets a little lighter.

You find reserves you didn’t think we had. You rise to the occasion. You notice the racket that lies within your grasp and begin to use it to hit some of those balls.

The more you play, the better you get.

Granted, a few balls may slip here and there. And you may hit some in directions that don’t go anywhere near where you intended them to. But the less you care about needing to get it perfect, the more likely it is you’ll want to play the game.

And the more you play, the more of those balls you’ll be able to return.

The more of those balls you’re able to return, the higher your confidence.

And the higher your confidence, the easier and more fun the game gets.

Rest assured, there will be days when it feels like you are being pummeled. But perhaps the reason those balls come at you harder and faster is because you are ready to advance to a whole new level – one that allows you see what you’re really made of. And maybe, just maybe – the only thing you really need to focus on is showing up and being willing to play.

Game on!

Find your winning approach

 

When the game you’re playing is not designed to let you win, it’s time to play a different game. You can be in the most horrendous of circumstances and still rise above it if you have a winning approach.

This video will explain why.  It marks Day 11 in the count down to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on September 20.

If you want to find a winning approach that is unique and custom designed for you, consider joining me in this 7-week leadership development program, designed to help high-achieving and often overextended executives break out of limiting habits and patterns and lead from a Genius mindset.

It’s a compilation of approaches, techniques and tools that my most successful executive coaching clients have utilized over the years. You’ll learn to rise above stress and pressure and take your performance to the next level – while enjoying your life more both on and off the job.

Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. Enroll with a friend or colleague and you’ll both save $500. Email us at Support@DianeBolden.com for group or alumni registration.

What if You Could Transform Conflict Into Collaboration?

 

We’ve all been there – something happens that pushes your buttons, and frustration begins to seep in.  You might tell yourself a story about why the other person is acting in ways that seem intentionally insensitive or disrespectful.  And that story will likely put fuel on your fire.  Worse yet, believing your story could lead you to act in ways that create combustion.

And before you know it, you’re in a full-blown conflict.

This week’s article, A Matter of Style – How to Turn Conflict into Collaboration, just published in Brainz Magazine, will help you to prevent this kind of conflict from emerging.  You’ll learn five specific tips to transform situations wrought with frustration into opportunities for creating cooperation and synergy.

And if you’re interested in learning more about how to best connect, communicate and collaborate with others, go to LearnYourStyle.com to take a two-minute quiz that’ll determine what is likely your most dominant behavioral style.   Along with your results, I’ll send you information about your unique style and tips on how you can leverage it to maximize your effectiveness, influence, and impact.

Here’s to making the best of situations that may otherwise bring out the worst!

Diane

P.S. – Did you catch last week’s Doodly video on how to better understand and work with people’s differing styles?  If not, you can watch it here.

IT’S OFFICIAL…!

I’m excited to announce that I’ve recently been accepted as an Executive Contributor for  Brainz Magazine!  Over the coming months, I’ll be writing regular articles about leadership, business, and mindset for Brainz readers to enjoy – I’ll be sure to share them with you all here too.

WHAT IS BRAINZ MAGAZINE?

Brainz Magazine is a fast-growing global digital publication covering Business, Lifestyle, Mindset, Sustainability, and Leadership topics. The editorial teams have a strong understanding of what their readers are interested in, and the magazine reaches over 300,000 people every week, spanning over 65 countries!

Brainz Magazine is known for inviting top entrepreneurs, small and medium-sized companies, scientists, and influential leaders to contribute to the magazine, which they hand-pick for their expertise. I’m thrilled to have this opportunity to join them – and to connect you with their work as well.

MY FIRST ARTICLE FOR BRAINZ MAGAZINE – ARE YOU FEELING THE BURN?

If you’re struggling to balance the demands of your busy life and feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Burnout is a serious issue that can have a negative impact on your health, well-being, and productivity. And research indicates it is affecting more of us than ever before.

My first article for Brainz Magazine, Can’t Afford to Slow Down? How to Stop Overwhelm and Prevent Burnout Before It Stops You, explores effective strategies to prevent burnout and manage overwhelm, so you can stay focused and energized. Click the link to read the full article and learn how to take control of your work and life – and better lead others to do the same.

I’ll continue to share future Brainz articles that I publish, as well as ongoing videos and posts I’ll keep creating just for you.

HOW CAN I BETTER SERVE YOU?

On that note, I’m curious… what questions, challenges, opportunities, or issues can I help you with?  If there’s something you’d like to hear about, let me know and I’ll do my best to address it in an upcoming video, article, or post.

I look forward to hearing from you and am grateful for the chance to serve you.

Here’s to your success!

Diane

 

Does Your Work Life Need Resuscitating?

I have always been amazed by the number of people who think of work as a necessary evil — simply what must be done to earn a paycheck. For so many who toil through their workday, the primary goal is to make it to the weekend so they can really live.

Going through the motions, working day after day with others whose hearts and minds they seldom truly connect with, they withhold the very parts of themselves that make them come alive.

For some it wasn’t always this way. Many began their careers ignited with passion and optimism, only to find that their flames began to flicker as they encountered obstacle after obstacle that kept them from achieving what they believed would be success.

Succumbing to the unwritten rules of the organizations and other environments they found themselves in, which suggested they needed to act or think in a certain way to get ahead, they may have slowly sold out on their dreams and relegated themselves to quiet complacency.

Many of us were not brought up to expect that work would be fun or gratifying in any way – nor should it be. That’s why they call it work, you may have been told. As a result, you may have never really expected much from your career or professional life. And as the saying goes, life has a way of living up to your expectations.

Most of us have learned how to turn ourselves on and off at will, in an effort to spare ourselves the pain of disappointment or frustration — or to maintain what we have come to believe is a professional demeanor. It is not uncommon to hear people say that they are very different at work than they are at home.

Those golden parts of yourself that you think you are protecting suffer when you don’t let them breathe and interact in the very realms that allow you to learn who you are and what you are here to do in the world.

You miss the chance to become a part of something greater than yourself. And the organizations and communities you are a part of miss out on the unique contribution you have the potential to make.

You can no longer afford to fragment yourself in this way, denying the fulfillment of your secret dreams and talents and downplaying the insights you have about what you can do to make life better — for yourself, and everyone around you.

As more and more of us feel the pain that accompanies the denial of our spirits, we have begun to realize that the time has come for us to bring the totality of who we are to what we do, no matter our vocation, title or role.

There are people among us who have the ability to snap us out of our trances — our states of quiet desperation — and help us bring more of who we truly are to everything that we do.

They can do this for others because they have done it for themselves. They are called “real leaders”. And they exist at all levels of organizations, regardless of their titles or roles.

Real Leaders inspire others to perform at their very best,

because they themselves are inspired.

When was the last time you felt inspired in your work? When was the last time you had passion for your career? What is it that allows you to feel a sense of wonder and contribution to something bigger?

If you have lost touch with that, do yourself and everyone around you a favor and take some time to reconnect with it. You have something deep inside that you are uniquely qualified and put on this earth to create or do.

When you were young, the energy of your dreams likely propelled you along your path — sometimes blindly, but it gets you off your duff and into action.

You’ve likely experienced hardships along the way and it may have felt at times as though you were failing again and again. Life throws you curve balls and you can find yourself feeling beaten down and doing what you can to just get by, running from one crisis to another and sometimes going in circles.

At some point, you will be tempted to check out and take an easier path – one that allows you to go numb and somewhat unconscious. It may work for a while, but over time you’ll begin to feel the misery that comes along with abandoning your dreams and letting your passion take the back seat.

What would it take for you to get excited about what you are doing right now? What is the bigger why of the work you do every day?  Who does it serve, and how?

If you can’t answer that question, do some digging. When you can connect those dots to a bigger picture, you may find that what you thought was insignificant is quite meaningful – and a vital piece of a larger puzzle you are meant to help assemble.

As you recognize your part and the value you provide, perhaps you’ll be inspired to bring a little more of who you are to what you do by playing more fully, being more present, and connecting more deeply with those who rely on you.

Your passion is like a hidden well with unlimited reserves – tapping that well will allow it to grow exponentially. And as you unleash it in your work, you will draw out something extraordinary in every human being that comes into contact with it. That is the essence of real leadership.

We are beginning to awaken to our unique calls to service, creativity and innovation. As you find ways to unleash your distinctive talents and passions at work, you will significantly increase the quality of your own life, as well as the lives of everyone around you.

If you are interested in learning more about how to revitalize your life – both on and off the job, I encourage you to consider enrolling for the fall session of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed: The Real Leader’s Guide to Accessing the Freedom & Flow of Your Authentic Genius, kicking off the week of April 18th.

This 13-week leadership development program is designed to help high achieving professionals bring out their very best performance in such a way that fills them up rather than depleting them – and allows them to make a bigger impact doing meaningful, inspiring work while leading others to do the same.

Enrollment is now open and will be limited to 9 people. To ensure the very best group dynamics, participants are hand selected after talking with Diane in a brief chemistry call to determine if the program is the right fit.  If you are interested in enrolling, click here to schedule your chemistry call.