The Secret to Success No One Ever Talks About in Business

 

I filmed this week’s video 13 years ago but didn’t share it widely back then because I wasn’t sure it would be perceived as relevant to business executives. All these years later, after conversations and work with thousands of executives, I’ve realized that not only is it fitting, but that its relevance transcends time, industry, vocation, and position.

I can say that definitively because it is about one of the most fundamental forces leaders and organizations can harness and nurture within their organizations (and themselves): the undeniable, irrefutable and universal power of LOVE.

While it’s not likely something you’ll learn about in business school, or see on a job description, or even hear talked about all that much, you’ll feel it in the organizations that have sustained success over the longest periods.

It’s shared by their employees, their customers, and anyone who interacts with them or their people. It leads to repeat business, recruitment and retention of the best and brightest talent, and performance at the highest levels.

It is the one thing that grows the more that it is given (and received). It pulls people out of their slumps, gets them to believe in themselves and each other, and leads them to find the strength and resilience they need to overcome any obstacle.

This force draws people in and opens them to new possibilities. It transcends fear and allows them to feel safe, to unearth their greatest potential, and to connect more deeply to others.

Utilizing and perpetuating love doesn’t require an advanced degree, decades of experience or a formal title and yet, it is the one thing that has allowed the most influential leaders of all time create monumental leaps of progress – by inspiring the human spirt to go above and beyond what we previously thought possible.

It’s as powerful for communities as it is for companies and the individuals within them. And it is the one thing we all have the ability to generate regardless of our circumstances, experiences, limitations or doubts.

I would venture to say we need it now more than ever – and we must each take the opportunity not only to seek it, enjoy it, create it, and share it, but also to BECOME it.

It’s NOT business as usual…

 

Great organizations are not created accidentally. They are a product of conscious intention and deliberate action shared by leaders at all levels, regardless of formal title or level of responsibility.

So often people feel they’re at the mercy of their circumstances at work – the one arena they spend more of their time in than any other. It’s not uncommon for people to feel lost, misunderstood, overlooked or undervalued.

Work can feel like a never-ending series of boxes that need to be checked and a perpetual exercise in firefighting. Competition, office politics and inflated egos can shut people down, take the wind out of their sails, and lead them to feel powerless and unimportant.

But in great organizations these things are not the unavoidable byproduct of “business as usual”. Dynamics that keep people feeling trapped in auto-pilot, stunt their growth, and ultimately breed toxic cultures are carefully monitored and proactively addressed.

There is a spirit of solidarity and shared leadership that unites people in the face of challenges that would otherwise tear organizations apart.

A client I had the privilege to work onsite with a couple of weeks ago is a perfect example.

They are the kind of organization that makes you feel good the moment you come into their presence. The energy they share is dynamic and alive. People go out of their way to care for each other and are invested in each other’s and the organization’s success.  They have one of the lowest turnover rates in the industry and they attract the best and the brightest.

Their CEO came to me over seven years ago, expressing his desire to create a vibrant culture of inspired leadership.

It’s not uncommon for executives to bring programs in-house for their people to attend. But the most exemplary organizations begin those initiatives at the highest levels.

This wasn’t an initiative that would be arbitrarily rolled out. Instead, the C-level team insisted on experiencing the Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program starting with themselves – going through it together.

They knew that to create the kind of culture that would become infused into every level of the organization, they had to become living models of what they themselves were learning and hoped to see develop in their people.

In the years that followed, they’ve continued to enroll small groups of their people through the same program and taken deliberate steps to ensure the learning is reinforced and integrated into daily conversations and ways of doing business.

By practicing real leadership from the top down, they’ve nurtured it from the bottom up as well.

Working with clients like these to achieve unprecedented results by igniting the power of their people is one of the things I love most about my work. Message me if you are interested in creating a vibrant and inspired culture in your organization.

Why is this happening?!

 

I recently designed and delivered a workshop for one of my oldest clients to address something that will be as relevant in 5, 10, or 20 years as it is now and impacts us all personally and professionally every day… “How to Survive and THRIVE in Turbulence, Transition, and Transformation”.

We all have a wealth of experience working through each of those things because they come at us regularly. And the more we do, the better we get at handling them. If you look back on the most challenging times of your life, when you were pushed to your limit (or beyond), when the rug got pulled out from under you, when something came at you that you had no idea how to handle – despite whatever doubts or misgivings you may have had, you got through it.

And you learned a thing or two in the process. Though those times in your personal and professional life are often things you may rather forget, there is much to be gained in realizing just how much they have taught you – and perhaps to consider that they may be preparing you for something greater.

We all have our unique personal and career paths. And we have within us everything we need to reach our fullest potential, which exists within us as seeds that wait for the best conditions to sprout.

Some of our seeds will be like that of the lotus flower. They’ll remain dormant in the mud for years, until the time is right for them to grow roots and to shoot a stem upward toward the light, followed by exquisitely vibrant flowers and leaves.

If the lotus flower can bloom so beautifully from
the thickest and deepest mud, perhaps so too can we.

What’s interesting about creating a vision for something you want to achieve is that life has a way of delivering to you the exact combination of experiences that will prepare you to step into that vision and become the person who can make it real.

Some of those experiences we wouldn’t choose for ourselves.

Many of my executive coaching clients can’t help but ask, “Why is this happening to me?”. And they often tell me months later that without those experiences they initially bemoaned, they wouldn’t have had the strength, stamina, insight, or the ability to accomplish some of the very things they are most proud of.

Consider for a moment the stuff that is being thrown at you – difficulties that threaten to drag you down, turbulence that threatens your stability, and curve balls that keep you on your toes. And remember two things: (1) You have everything you need to rise to those challenges and work through them in ways that allow you to prevail, and (2) In the process of doing so, you’ll continue to develop the strength, resilience, and confidence to rise to the heights you most aspire to.

If you’re interested in one-on-one personalized leadership development or would like to bring a custom-designed workshop into your organization, message me for more information.

Never forget YOU are the hero of your own story

 

“Sometimes I just want my life to be more like a fairy tale.”

One of my workshop participants once told me that. And I could relate.

What she meant was, “I wish that I didn’t have to deal with problems… that things would always go my way… that life could be about riding into marmalade sunsets through rolling fields of daisies.”

I couldn’t help but remind her that even the best of fairy tales has conflict and peril and villains and crisis.  If they didn’t, no one would watch (or read) them.

Because they would be pretty boring.

In fact, the arc of most of those stories involves a character that sets off on some kind of journey or quest to find that things are not as easy as initially thought.  An unexpected setback puts the hero on her heels or knocks her down altogether.

She has to pick herself up, dust herself off and persevere.

It is only a matter of time before she faces another more difficult challenge. But she’s learned a thing or two from the last one.  And she relies upon that experience and that wisdom to get her through this one and the next… and the one after that.

Life is like that too.

The major difference between a fairy tale (or an action/adventure movie) and real life is that when you’re watching the character in a story, you are safe in your seat.  And when the peril is your own, you’re in the thick of the action – unsure of what will happen next and whether you’ll come out alright.

But this likely isn’t your first rodeo.

You’ve been through a challenge or two yourself.  And lived to tell about it.  Like the hero in those stories, you too have gained wisdom and insight and strength along the way.

Rainer Maria Wilke once wrote, “The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens.”

What if the very experiences you have had over the course of your life occurred in perfect order to prepare you for what you would experience in your future?

You’ve created a compelling vision. Now what?

 

You’ve created a compelling vision. Now what?

Vision provides the guiding principle around which actions organize themselves. It makes the act of planning much more organic and natural. You can start by asking yourself a few simple questions:

• What major milestones would I need to accomplish to make my vision a reality?
• What steps would I need to take to achieve each of these milestones?
• What actions or habits could I institute to enhance or speed my progress?
• What would I need to learn that I don’t already know, and how could I gain that knowledge?
• What, if anything, do I need to stop doing that could impede or derail my progress?

The answers to these questions may come like a downpour in a brainstorming session. They could also continue to drop in and reveal themselves slowly, over time. Your ability to receive and discern these answers will be greatly enhanced when you create space to receive ongoing insight.

Often, we’re so busy moving from one thing to the next and preoccupied by thought that we fail to notice critical pieces of information, creative ideas and solutions that land softly in the corners of our minds. The noise in our heads has a way of drowning them out and the multitude of things in our line of sight obstructs our view.

There will never be a shortage of things competing for your attention. Just as you need not answer the phone every time it rings, you also do not need to allow your attention to be hijacked by everything that demands it. Instead, you can be intentional about what you allow to occupy your mind and consume your vital energy.

Creating space happens on both the physical and mental realms. Physical space is created when you block time on your calendar to work toward your vision and treat it with the same regard you would time with a client. Mental space is created when you refuse to engage with thoughts that are bringing you down or clouding your optimism.

It’s easy to believe that to make progress, you must quell your anxiety, overcome your resistance and turn negativity into positivity. But as I teach in “The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed: The Real Leader’s Guide to Accessing the Freedom & Flow of Your Authentic Genius”, when your thinking is in a low state, no amount of additional thinking will help. It only adds to the problem and blocks your innate creativity, ingenuity and resilience.

You don’t have to feel well to perform well.

Thoughts come and go. When you resist the temptation to engage with thoughts that bring you down, they eventually pass in the same way water becomes clear when it settles. Sometimes the very act of doing things without thinking too much about them brings new insights and leads you to do the very thing you worried you couldn’t – much more proficiently than you ever imagined.

So, hold your vision close, ask yourself powerful questions, and create the space to receive your answers.

Here’s to making your vision a reality!

How Going Backwards Can Help You Move Forward

 

“I can’t believe I did that (again).”

I hear that often from clients who are intent on changing a behavior or habit they’ve realized is getting in their way.

And of course, I’ve said it myself.

But for anyone who has uttered those words, I have good news.

If you’ve caught yourself (even after the fact) falling into old, painful patterns, you are actually making great progress.

It’s likely that many of the things that get in your way operate beneath your level of conscious awareness. They may be knee jerk reactions that occur when you are triggered (i.e. firing off that email before you’ve calmed down or talking louder instead of listening or seeking to understand).

You may do them on autopilot – without even realizing it (i.e. checking your inbox every time a new email comes in or saying yes to something you don’t have time for).

And those are the things that can get you in trouble.

Because though you may not realize when you’re engaging in self-defeating behavior, you will experience the IMPACT of that behavior (stress, frustration, overwhelm, anxiety).

And rather than realizing that impact is something self-created (that you can prevent in the future), it’s all too easy to attribute it to external circumstances… the behavior of others, the stressful environments you’re in, the pressure you’re under.

BUT – when you not only realize you tend to fall into some kind of self-defeating pattern, but also CATCH yourself doing it, you have just interrupted a vicious cycle. The pattern begins to lose its power, because once you have become aware of it you have reclaimed that power for yourself.

EVEN if you don’t catch yourself until after the fact.

You can replay your own behavior in your mind’s eye and notice what the trigger was and how you reacted. You can ask yourself, “what could I do in a similar situation that would be better than what I just did?”

In your mind’s eye, you can watch yourself engaging in that alternative behavior over and over again (which is much more productive than repeatedly beating yourself up as you replay the actual event).

And that practice has been scientifically proven to change behavior. Brain scans show mental rehearsal builds the same neural connections that actual practice does. It creates a new path for your brain to travel on – one that will eventually allow your behavior to follow.

As you continue to hold the intention of catching yourself falling into an old pattern and choosing a different, more effective response, the time it’ll take for you respond in alignment with your intentions will get shorter and shorter.

You’ll go from catching yourself after the fact to catching yourself moments after it happened (and having the opportunity to redirect), to realizing you’ve been triggered and engaging in a more effective way altogether.

So, the next time you catch yourself falling into an old habit, pat yourself on the back and leverage your experience as a path for progress.

Lighthouses and Leaders: How to Live Better and Lead Brighter

 

I’ve always been drawn to lighthouses.  And this summer we traveled to visit one of my favorites…

But this trip was unlike previous visits – and it led me to some powerful insights about what lighthouses and leaders have in common.

We look to leaders to light the way.  But sometimes even the mightiest lights begin to dim.  What do you do when that happens?

This week’s video will give you some powerful tips on how you can live better and lead brighter.

You likely have a few of your own practices for refreshing and reviving yourself… I’d love to hear them!  Leave a comment here so others can benefit as well.

Here’s to reigniting your light!

Diane

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, Diane Bolden, executive coach and author of the “Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead.” And I just wanted to tell you a quick story of something that happened over our summer vacation.

We went up to Northern California and one of our favorite places to visit up there is the Point Reyes Lighthouse. It was built in 1870 and back in its heyday, its light was so bright that it could be seen all the way to the horizon for 24 miles. The path to get there is beautiful. It takes a little while to get to the viewing point but once you do, it’s well worth the trip… …except for the time we were there.

It was so foggy you could barely even make out the lighthouse. I almost didn’t even snap a picture of it. But when I got home, I was really glad I did. Because I was reflecting on the whole nature of lighthouses and I realized that the fog doesn’t really matter.

The whole purpose of a lighthouse is to cut through the fog, to show a path for other people. And the lighthouse doesn’t change the fog… doesn’t take it away. It just shines its light so that other people can find their way. And I think that’s exactly what a leader does.

Regardless of your title, your vocation or your role, you have the ability to show other people a way through the thickest of challenges and to help yourself find your way too. But every once in a while, our lights as leaders start to flicker and dim and it’s really important when that happens that we tend to the light so that we can continue to help other people.

In fact, if your light’s starting to dim, one of the most generous things you can do as a leader is reignite it and do whatever you can to lead brighter. And maybe that just means slowing down long enough to catch your breath or connect the dots or reflect a little on what life’s trying to teach you. Maybe it’s about getting connected with what’s most important to you, what it is that you want, and how you can create more of that.

Maybe it’s about making the decision to recognize and release habits that are no longer serving you or just doing some things that bring you joy. Spending time with people that make you smile and laugh or doing whatever it is that lights you up. Maybe it’s taking a walk in nature or gardening or writing or listening to some great music or playing music.

I don’t know what it is for you, but you probably do. And if your light’s starting to dim a little, chances are you probably haven’t let yourself do it for a while. Regardless of how bright your light is, regularly tending to it will allow you to cut through the deepest of fog so that you can help other people find their path too.

Do you know somebody whose light could use a little brightening? Share this video with them and a little of your own light. And don’t forget to take good care of yourself – so that you too can live and lead brighter.

Don’t Let a Gut Punch Keep You Down

 

If you’ve ever had a major disappointment, you know it can suck the wind right out of you, just like a gut punch. It can also steal your attention and energy and keep it fixated on something you likely have little or no control over. And that has far worse consequences.

Getting the wind knocked out of you is temporary. Eventually your breathing evens out and your bruises heal. But if you allow your attention and energy to be dominated by something that brings you down, you not only forfeit your ability to savor the positive things in your life – you also give away your power.

Why?

Because our brains are wired to take in information that confirms what we already believe, deem to be important, and/or are currently focused on. And they screen out any information that doesn’t match.

So, when you allow your focus to be consumed by something that’s bringing you down, your reticular activating system acts as a filter that allows more information in to match the dominant thought pattern. It’ll also screen out information that could otherwise pull you out of your funk. And that can keep you trapped in a downward spiral.

It’ll magnify your feelings of disappointment, but that’s not the worst of it. Since action follows thought, it’ll also keep you from recognizing what you could potentially do to rise above it.

But it doesn’t have to…

Here are five tips for turning that dynamic around – so you can bounce back from disappointment more quickly and get yourself back on a positive, productive, and promising trajectory.

1) Notice your state and acknowledge your feeling. Disappointment is real, as are the losses that often accompany them. Often denying those feelings just makes them stronger. Feeling them allows them to move through you more quickly.

2) Identify what you most want now. You can use the disappointment itself as a guiding force. If the thing you most wanted had come to be, what would it have given you? See if you can go deeper by identifying the feeling beneath them that was driving the desire. Perhaps it was a feeling of peace or joy. Maybe it was a sense of accomplishment or progress.

3) Shift your focus to whatever allows you to feel those feelings now. Maybe it’s something you are grateful for in your life. Or the memory of a previous success. The more you can identify with that feeling, the more likely you are to align your thoughts with what you most desire.

4) Shift your attention from what’s out of your control to what’s within your ability to impact. Even asking yourself the question of what you could do to bring your desire to fruition will begin to change your thought pattern and prompt your reticular activating system to search for ideas and solutions.

5) Never underestimate the power your thoughts and actions have on those around you. Use this opportunity to show others the way to rise above their own disappointment and frustration.

No one enjoys a gut punch. It may knock you down, but it doesn’t have to keep you there. With conscious intention, desire, and a willingness to stay in the game you can come back strong – with the mindset and mojo of a winner.

The thrill of the game – in work and life

 

If you’ve ever played video games, you know that the fun is advancing to the next level.

Overcoming the obstacles thrown at you unlocks new features, brings new adventures and leads you to get better at playing the game.

The same is true in life, especially at work.

You likely have ideas, dreams and visions that call to you – whether advancing your career, launching a new project, or making a bigger difference. Every day gives you a new opportunity to reach a little higher and get a little closer.

What if you could approach your personal and work challenges with the same enthusiasm and vigor you might bring to advancing to the next level in a video game?

In real life it’s far too easy to get lured into playing small and staying where you’re at. We don’t intend to do that, of course. Our intentions are often grand. But a myriad of reasons keep us from acting on them.

• We don’t give ourselves permission to dream big (and to pursue those dreams)
• We’re too busy doing things that could/should really be delegated to others
• We don’t know where (or how) to start
• We fear we don’t have what it takes (and stay in our comfort zones instead)
• We’re waiting for the right opportunity (instead of creating one)
• We worry there’s too much to lose if we “fail” (and forget what’s at stake if we don’t try)

Anytime you endeavor to do anything worthwhile, you will meet with resistance.

And while this resistance may take the form of actual obstacles, often it’s our own fear that is the most formidable of them. Because this fear makes the roadblocks appear much more imposing and immovable than they really are.

The good news is that any obstacle you impose upon yourself is within your power to overcome. You must simply decide what you want is more important than your fear. Acting on that courage unlocks something within yourself in much the same way that advancing to the next level of a video game gives you superpowers you didn’t have at the previous level.

It’s true that you have a lot more to lose in real life than you do in video games, but most of the things people are afraid of are far less likely and impactful than the consequences of holding out on the visions and dreams most precious to them.

That’ll kill you silently over time and suck the joy out of living.

A funny thing happens when you muster up the courage to act despite your fear, doubts and resistance. You gain the confidence and competence necessary to respond to challenges in ways you never thought you could, and the resilience to bounce back from any setback and start again.

And you learn and accomplish things that dramatically improve the quality of your own life as well as everyone around you.

Once you learn to work through your fear and other obstacles, you inspire others to do the same.

Every great accomplishment is a result of someone moving through their resistance to go beyond what they’ve done before and achieve what many never dreamed possible.

Let purpose reignite your progress

 

Have you ever had a really hard time getting something done? Something big?

When you’re up against a large task or project, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the details and magnitude of what is before you. And when the project you’re working on requires you to do something new and uncomfortable, it often elicits fear, frustration, and anxiety.

In what is often an unconscious attempt to regain control, we are easily lulled into doing things that we know will be easier and potentially more enjoyable.

Some tasks don’t really need to get done right now (or ever) or should really be delegated to others, but we often prefer those. And then there are the popular time-wasters: surfing the web, making idle conversation, cleaning out your inbox, or my personal favorite – making more lists of everything you think must get done and identifying all the steps you need to take.

That is actually a great thing to do when you’re focused, but in procrastination mode, it becomes planning to plan (and then plan some more) until you have a rock-solid strategy that you never actually execute.

It may feel like you are spinning your wheels – running faster than ever but not getting anywhere.

To break out of that crazy cycle, take some time to revisit your purpose or the larger mission or goal behind what you are doing.

• Get clear about what (or who) the work is for.
• Identify how it will improve the quality of life for yourself or those around you.
• Reflect on the degree to which it will contribute to something greater or allow you to achieve a meaningful goal.

Write it down.

Add to it as you think of additional bonuses. Then, sit for a moment and see if you can envision what it would feel like to satisfy that larger purpose, vision, or goal. See if you can feel it so clearly that you are actually grateful for it.

This simple act will help you reconnect with something inside you that will propel you beyond the minutia. It will give you the courage and strength to walk through your fear or resistance to do something you may not be so good at yet. And it will help you to get back to the joy that comes through the process as well as the attainment of the end goal.

When you approach things this way, all you do will be instilled with a new energy – one that uplifts, delights, and inspires.

Whatever you experience as you work on a project will be what people feel when they partake of the fruit of your efforts. The more you remember this, the more you’ll experience the satisfaction and gratification of having done something truly meaningful that lifts you out of the humdrum and into a place of brilliance.

And all who encounter your work will be better off because of it.