Something to Consider

OK.  This week’s video is definitely not me in my most attractive moments.  But I offer it to you in hopes that it will give you some levity in a season that can get quite stressful if we let it.

I have learned over the years to keep things in perspective – and the ones who have probably taught me the most on that are my kids.  I took my inspiration – and my lead – from them on this one.

Enjoy!

 

For more on Lightening Up and Keeping Things in Perspective:

A Story About Lightening Up

Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter

The Tyranny of Should: Chore vs. Choice

Beyond Boundaries

Give Presence

As we move through the holiday season and approach the end of the calendar year, people often find themselves in a bit of a frenzy racing from one activity to the next, their heads filled with chatter and a continually growing list of things to do. It is easy to lose ourselves in a flurry of activity and miss out on the purpose behind all the things we tend to do at this time of the year. If you have ever found yourself collapsing in a heap wondering where the time went and feeling depleted rather than filled by the holiday spirit, you know what I’m talking about.

When your pocketbook has reached the place where there just isn’t a lot more give, take comfort in the fact that there is a gift you can share that transcends all others and won’t cost you a thing. It is the gift of presence, a state that allows us to truly bring out the best in ourselves so that we can do the same for others. The gift of presence is one that allows everyone to receive its benefits, and you can experience it wherever you are — whether in a meeting, running an errand, sitting at your desk, or in a conversation with someone important to you. This practice has the power to transform the way you experience your daily life and what it allows you to create for yourself and others — without really doing anything at all.

Can you recall the last time you felt totally and completely attended to?

Chances are it wasn’t when someone was giving you advice or telling you what to do. It may not have even been when someone was engaging in an activity on your behalf or watching you tear open a gift. And yet when we think of giving something to others our minds often immediately jump to what we can do, say or buy for someone. Many times the best gift we can give someone is that of our presence.

But what exactly is presence?

The word present derives from the Latin past participle praesse meaning “to be before one”, from the roots pra – pre + esse – to be. I believe presence is a state of being that’s achieved when we are truly in the moment, allowing it to unfold without judging it, labeling it, or getting lost in our thoughts about what it means or what we believe should be happening next (or instead). Presence allows us to cut through the clamor of our preoccupations, worries and fears so that our true selves can emerge. It is a gateway through which our intuition and inner wisdom enters and expresses itself. A moment of presence is a state of grace that can produce great insights that help us to truly learn from our experiences, make the most of our opportunities and rise up to our challenges in creative ways. In these moments of presence, we know who we really are and what we are truly capable of.

Have you ever noticed that people tend to match each other’s intensity and tone when they are together? Comments about trivial matters are often matched with similar banter. Expressions of fear or dread often elicit responses that are equally charged, and expressions of anger have a way of provoking reactions that people later regret. In a similar manner, moments of presence when shared with others can evoke powerful responses that can be revealing and transformational. This is because when you are truly present with another human being you create a space that allows that person’s true self to come out as well. This is why the best leaders have learned to become comfortable with silence, to listen more than they talk, and to allow themselves to become instruments that help others to recognize their own greatness – not necessarily through anything that say or do, but rather through moments of presence that are created and shared with others.

So how does one cultivate a moment of presence?

It is really rather simple, though far easier said than done.

(1) The first step is to be still. That’s right. Sit still. I know it goes against everything you were probably taught about getting things done and being useful. But do it anyway. You can practice now, while you read this. Become aware of your breathing, of the space you are sitting in, of the weight of your body and how it feels in this moment. Feel the life inside you and trace it to each part of your body. Listen to the sounds around you. Take a deep breath. Let it out slowly.

(2) Become aware of your thoughts. Observe the activity of your mind as it continues to process whatever is there– thoughts like, “this is silly, really – I have way to much to do to be sitting here, doing this…” and “I have to remember to call so and so back today,” and “What did my [boss, colleague, friend, etc.] mean when he/she said…”. Recognize that you are not your thoughts, but rather the thinker of your thoughts. Simply watch them parade around, without getting sucked into them. Feel how much bigger you are than all of that. Continue to breathe it in.

(3) Step three…. There really is no step three. Simply continue to repeat steps one and two, immersing yourself more deeply into the experience with each breath. You don’t need to do this for an extended period of time, unless you want to. Often even a couple of minutes are sufficient to bring you to a more intense state of awareness and aliveness.

In these moments of presence, you will experience things on a different level – one that allows you to respond from a deeper, wiser part of yourself. And when you are with others, you will bring out that deeper, wiser part of them as well. Presence is incredibly powerful to practice with others. The process is the same, except that you expand your awareness to take in the other person as well. Look into their eyes, and listen to what they are saying. But listen to what they are not saying as well. Presence is more about being than doing. So allow yourself to truly BE with another, devoid of judgments, labels, and agendas. When you listen from this place, you are like water to a thirsty plant, allowing others to open up and soak in needed nutrients. And in this space, they may just find the answers they seek as well – not because you are giving them, but because you have created a space that is illuminating for everyone.

Picture by scottchan.

Rekindling Your Passion at Work

Last weekend, my family and I went to Disneyland, where we spent two days playing at what has become known as “The Happiest Place on Earth”. And there really is something about that place that allows all your troubles to melt away while the kid in you comes alive. It is easy to be in the moment while you’re there – totally present, completely immersed in the experience, and sharing joy with everyone around you – even people you’ve never met.

It got me to thinking. What is it about Disneyland that is so transformational, and how can we create a similar experience wherever we are?

Now, you might be saying, “Come on, it’s Disneyland!  And people are on vacation when they’re there.  How can you not be happy in a place where there is beauty everywhere you look and where the whole point is to let go and have fun?  And when you are on vacation you’re not pulled in a million different directions and under the same pressure and stress you are every other day – especially at work.”

Yeah, I get that.  But the experiences we have come down to what we allow ourselves to feel and what we are thinking about and believing when we are having them.  So, perhaps it is conceivable that we can learn to deliberately respond to situations in ways that would lead us to draw out the same emotion and energy – no matter where we are. 

I can’t help but think about the people who were (and still are) responsible for creating and running Disneyland.  Their workdays consist of being a part of and contributing to something that evokes the very best in all the millions of people that come into contact with it.  And it seems that they wouldn’t be able to do that if they weren’t bringing the very best of who they are to the experience as well – despite the pressure and tension they surely feel along the way.

I believe part of the wonder and magic we experience when we are at Disneyland is the same wonder and magic that the place was infused with from it’s very beginning — starting with the man called Walt Disney and equally shared by every human being he partnered with from the beginning to bring his incredible vision to life and keep making it better and better.  Walt Disney dared to dream and dream big.  He worked with people who shared his passion to build on this dream by adding their own unique talent, energy and imagination.  They were inspired by the possibility of being a part of something bigger than themselves.

When was the last time you felt inspired in your work?  When was the last time you had passion for your career?  What is it that allows you to feel a sense of wonder and contribution to something bigger? 

If you have lost touch with that, do yourself and everyone around you a favor and take some time to reconnect with it.  Each one of us has something deep inside that we are uniquely qualified and put on this earth to create or do.  When we are young, the energy of our dreams propels us along our path —sometimes blindly, but it gets us off our duffs and into action.  We experience hardships along the way, and will undoubtedly fail again and again.  Life will throw us curve balls and we may find ourselves feeling beaten down and doing what we can to just get by, running from one crisis to another and sometimes going in circles.  At some point, we may check out and take an easier path – one that allows us to go numb and somewhat unconscious.  It may work for awhile, but over time we begin to feel the misery that comes along with abandoning our dreams and letting our passion take the back seat.

 What would it take for you to get excited about what you are doing right now?  What is the bigger why of the work you do every day?  Who does it serve, and how?  If you can’t answer that question, do some digging.  When you can connect those dots to a bigger picture, you may find that what you thought was insignificant is really actually quite meaningful and a vital piece of a larger puzzle you are meant to help assemble.  As you recognize your part and the value you provide, perhaps you’ll be inspired to bring a little more of who you are to what you do by playing more fully, being more present, and connecting more deeply with those who rely on you.

Your passion is like a hidden well with unlimited reserves – in the act of tapping it, you will replenish it in such a way that it multiplies.  And as you unleash it in your work, you will draw out something extraordinary in every human being that comes into contact with it – just like Walt Disney did (and still does).

Sometimes when we are honest with ourselves, we recognize the ways in which we have boarded up that well and consciously or unconsciously do whatever we can to keep it locked.  Something may have happened that led us to doubt our chances of success, or fear the outcome of expressing our greatest ideas or challenging the status quo.  Perhaps we’ve experienced something that led us to harden ourselves out of resentment at a turn of events that was painful – maybe a reorganization, restructuring or layoff.  We may have come to the conclusion that the best way to stay safe was to lay low, going through the motions and getting through the day until we could go home and really live.

Such a reaction may yield dividends in the short term.  We may feel as though we have beaten a system that seemed to be beating us.  Or perhaps we can stay under the radar long enough to avoid what we believe will be more pain.  But in the end we are only cheating ourselves and others.

Walt Disney experienced his share of hardship.  After his failed attempt to be hired as an artist for his local paper, he took an apprenticeship at an Art Studio and ended up getting laid off.  He started two different companies, neither of which were profitable.  He lived in his office because he couldn’t afford rent and hardly had enough money to eat.  Before he was able to complete his “Alice’s Wonderland” film, he declared bankruptcy.  Imagine how many millions of people would have missed out on his unique genius if he gave into his frustration and fear and played small instead.

It seems that we are at a kind of crossroads where the tension is mounting.  The deviations and quick fixes that used to work for us are no longer satisfying.  The pain that comes from denying our greatest dreams and visions is beginning to intensify and more and more people are asking how they can create lives of meaning and significance.  Some of the people I talk to believe they need to leave their jobs to do what they really want to do.  Others see opportunities where they can make a bigger difference but just don’t know how to start and fear that taking action could be put themselves at risk somehow.

I strongly believe that we can all make a difference right where we are — no matter where we are or who we are — and that we have everything within ourselves that we need to succeed.

I have been so fascinated with the question of how people can tap their inner reserves to reconnect with their passion, wisdom, creativity and unique talent (and how I can do this for myself as well), that I wrote a book about it.  It is called The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be  and it is now available on Amazon.  For more information or to download an excerpt, go to http://www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.

* Source: www.disneydreamer.com.

Reconnecting and Renewing

Last week my kids and I watched The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, as we do every year.  It’s fun to villainize him – the insensitive jerk who figures if he can’t be happy, no one else should be.  He steals the Whos’ Christmas presents, their trees,  stockings and decorations – even their food.  And then he is baffled that even without all their “stuff” Christmas still comes.  As he watches them celebrate, singing hand in hand, his heart begins to grow and it busts right out of its shell.  The Grinch finally realizes that he cannot take their celebration away because it comes from within them.  And then he finds that he too has something within himself that is redeeming and worth celebrating.

No matter what holiday you celebrate this time of year, it is a time to celebrate something that transcends all the trappings of this world – the stuff we collect, the agendas we have, the races we are running, the things we fill our lives up with that keep us from truly enjoying each moment of them.  It is a time for us to honor something within each of us that is greater than all of that – timeless and boundless – something that no one can take away.  The holiday spirit is simply a reminder of a Spirit that is with us all the time.  Sometimes dormant, sometimes forgotten, sometimes forsaken.  Sometimes drowned out by all the noise and busyness in our lives.

But we can reconnect with it anytime.  And when one or more people do reconnect, it opens the hearts of others – even someone as foul and reproachable as The Grinch.  It is this Spirit that gives life to our most precious dreams and visions and guides us on a path that will allow us to find everything we need in order to realize them.  It helps us to navigate through our biggest challenges and to make the most of our opportunities.  It unites us in ways that allow us to partner with others who are strong where we are weak and share a passion for that which we most wish to create.  It is the lifeblood of our organizations, our communities, our world.  And at this time every year we have a beautiful reminder of its presence in ourselves and everyone around us.

We need not do anything, acquire anything, or prove anything to enjoy this extraordinary gift.  We only need to remember who we really are and what is most important.

All of the gifts that we give and receive are outward gestures that honor what is true within each other.  These gestures are expressions of our appreciation, our gratitude, our admiration and our love — which are far more important than the packages they come in.  So it’s okay if you don’t have all your Christmas shopping done, your presents wrapped, your table prepared to perfection.  And it’s okay if you haven’t even been able to clear the work off your desk long enough to even begin thinking about those things.  Right now, right here, you can stop and reconnect with this Spirit and allow it to give form to whatever you do and say from this moment forward.

When we act with the intent of tapping into this Spirit within and sharing it with others, anything we do will be heartfelt – whether we have the “perfect gift”, or no gift at all.  And we can give this gift to ourselves too – when we simply remember what is most real within us and what is most real within those around us.

The wonderful thing about this time of year is that it also marks the end of one thing and the beginning of another.  As January 1 draws closer, we realize we have a whole new year before us – a brand new clean slate upon which to create something that is a reflection of this beauty we are now rediscovering, reconnecting to, and celebrating within ourselves and everything around us.

I wish you and yours the happiest and most blessed of holidays.

 The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be will be released on 1/11/11 and is now available to preorder.  Like the Grinch, Pinocchio is a classic character who endeavors to find something real within himself that transforms his life and those around him as well.  This book is a roadmap to help you do that too.  To order, or get more information (including an excerpt), go to www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

The True Gift of Giving

“All which I abandon, all which I give, I enjoy in a higher manner through the fact that I give it away. To give is to enjoy possessively the object which one gives.”

~ Jean-Paul Sartre, philosopher

I had a roommate in college who was down in the dumps for a few weeks.  Her usually delightful demeanor had become heavy and a little dark.  She was going through one of those slumps we all encounter from time to time.  One day when I came home from class, there was a envelope taped onto our door.  As I looked around the building we lived in, I noticed similar envelopes hanging on other doors.  This one had my name on it, handwritten.  I tore it open and found a piece of notebook paper upon which was written one of the the most heartfelt notes I had ever read.

It was signed “from someone who appreciates you deeply” and as I read it, I found myself falling into the page while small tears began to collect at the corners of my eyes.  The author of the note had recounted things I had done over the last several weeks – many of of which I thought were insignificant  –  that made a difference in that person’s life.  There were kind, warm words of praise and gratitude as well as encouragement and inspiration.  Whoever wrote that note apparently thought I was special and took the time to tell me why in such a way that it profoundly touched me.  I looked up and saw someone across the hall reading her note and watched as her face began to light up.

When I opened the door, I found my roomate sitting contentedly writing in her journal and sipping a cup of tea.  She looked up and smiled for what seemed the first time in weeks.

“Did you get one of these notes?’ I asked her.

“No,” She responded with a grin.

And then it hit me.  She was the one who wrote the notes.  She didn’t admit it at first, but I finally got it out of her.

“What led you to do this?” I asked her.  “It must have taken you hours!”

“I was tired of feeling tired and sad and lonely,” she said.  I was sick of my gloomy little world.  And I decided that if I couldn’t make it better for myself, maybe I could make it better for someone else. “

She had started with one note.  And then she wrote another.  And then another.  And it felt so good, she said, that she decided she’d just write until she didn’t feel like writing anymore.

That was over twenty years ago.  And it still inspires me.    She taught me more through her actions that I would have learned by reading ten books that day.  I don’t think she intended it at the time, or even realized it until she started writing her notes, but the gift she gave to everyone in that building ended up being something that benefitted her just as much as everyone else.  And my guess is that it is still benefitting her and everyone else – because I know it’s still meaningful and significant to me.

Gandhi said “You must be the change you want to see in the world”.  Richard Bach wrote “We teach what we most need to learn.”  And Maya Angelou tells us, “I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.”  Perhaps this is one of the true gifts in giving – that when we get outside of ourselves to touch another human being, it has a way of bringing us gently back to ourselves so that we too receive the gift.  And it holds true even when we think we have nothing left to give.

When our egos get the best of us and we think nothing will ever go the way we want it to, we can transcend a state of wanting by moving into a state of giving.  Think of something you want right now, in this moment.  What is it that “something” will give you?  Most likely it is a feeling – perhaps a feeling of contentment, satisfaction, prosperity, abundance, or joy.  Now, see if there is something you can do for another person to help them experience those things.  Often when we give to others, we find we already had that which we were seeking.  We realize the thing we thought we needed is a means to an end that we have already arrived at.

I have written about this phenomenon (and why it is so vital to leadership) at length in my upcoming book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Meant to Be, which will be released on 1/11/11.  For more information, go to www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.   If you pre-order, I’ll send you an autographed copy!

A few spots still remain in my upcoming Adventures in Authentic Leadership small group coaching series.  You’ll have the opportunity to apply the concepts in The Pinocchio Principle to make ongoing progress toward your specific goals, aspirations, and challenges with support, feedback and accountability.  The series kicks off on 1/13/11 and will meet every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1pm at my office in central Phoenix.  Read more…

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Why I Wrote “The Pinocchio Principle”

This video is about what led me to write The Pinocchio Principle:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.  If you cannot see it on the page, click here to view it.  Below I have expanded on the key messages.  I hope you enjoy it!

What I really love about coaching is that it is not about telling people what to do or giving them answers.  The beauty and the magic that happens with coaching is that the client gets connected with something inside of them that has all the answers they need.  It is their inner wisdom – their creativity, ingenuity and resilience.  It is also the seed that contains within it their unique talent, style, energy and passion.  And it is amazing to see it come out.

I seek to do this for myself.  I want to instill it in my kids.  If I could give anything to the world, it would be to show people how to connect to the core of their true selves and to have the courage to bring that to whatever they are doing.  I spend a lot of time reflecting on what I can do to get clearer on the process – and what I might be able to write about that could tell the story.  One day when I was journaling, Pinocchio popped into my writing.

Pinocchio is a universal story – he is an archetype that mirrors so much of what is happening in our lives right now.  Most people think of him as the guy whose nose grew when he lied.  But Pinocchio is a story of a puppet that longed to be real.  He wanted to transcend that stiff, hollow wooden frame and do things in the world that he couldn’t do as a puppet.

So many of us are at a place where we are ready to go beyond the boundaries we have previously set for ourselves – to dig deeper, dream bigger, and fly higher.  We long to shed the strings that keep us tied to illusions that are simply not true – about what we need to do or be to enjoy success, and the limits that we think will keep us from achieving it.  Like Pinocchio, so many of us long to be REAL – who we really are beyond the constraints that keep us bound.

What I love about Pinocchio is that he messed up.  He told lies and then he recognized the consequences.  He landed himself in a cage.  He succumbed to temptation.  He had misstep after misstep.  And yet what the Blue Fairy told him was that to become REAL, he would need to prove himself brave, truthful and unselfish.  And I think the same thing is true for all of us.  Our journeys will be full of obstacles as well – and there will be times of frustration, anxiety and stress.  The experiences we have will activate the courage we have within to be true to ourselves and others and of service in the world, just as Pinocchio’s experiences did for him.

That’s why I wrote The Pinocchio Principle:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.  It’s really a road map to help each of us take whatever experience we are having right now and utilize it as a window into ourselves that allows us to tap into whatever we need to rise above any situation that we find ourselves in.  My hope is that it will help you navigate the perils and possibilities of your own personal odyssey so that you can unearth your greatness and bring it into the world in such a way that it blesses your own life as well as that of others.  As you do this for yourself, you will inspire others to do the same – which I believe is the mark of a true leader – regardless of your vocation, title or role.

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be will be released on 1/11/11 and is now available for preorder at www.PinocchioPrinciple.com.  I will also be working with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1:00pm from 1/13/11 through 6/16/11.  For more information or to register, go to www.DianeBolden.com/AIAL.html.   The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Motivation vs. Inspiration

“The key thing to remember is not that we need to be fast but that we are running a race that has no finish line. So the fuel that drives us needs to be made of something substantial — something for the heart that the head can also follow.” 

~ Vincent Kralyevich, American film producer, director, author, art director and composer

Have you ever had an idea that made the hair on your arms stand up?  Maybe it’s a dream that beckons to you – one that holds promise for your future and that of others as well.  When you think of the possibilities, you may find yourself feeling light, energized, and connected to something greater than yourself.

This is what inspiration feel like. It is buoyant and powerful.  Simple, yet strong.   And it is contagious.  Inspired action tends to touch others in a way that activates something inside of them as well .  It connects them not only to you, but also to themselves.  I like to think of inspiration as a pull – like a magnet that draws us toward something and gives us the power to bridge the gap – even if we aren’t sure exactly how to do it.  Inspiration is something we receive and it comes to us when we are receptive to it.   It requires trust, faith and patience.

What gets in the way of inspiration is our doubts, fears and faulty assumptions about what we can or cannot do, or what is even possible.  These doubts are like layers of stuff that dilute the magnetic force of inspiration.  Inspiration still beckons to us, but something stands in our way.  This is where motivation comes in.  It is something we summon up inside ourselves to get us to overcome the obstacles that are in front of us.  And as leaders (regardless of your vocation, title or role), it is something we often try to summon up in others to get them to do the same.

Motivation often takes the form of the carrot or the stick.  What gets us off the dime when we are balled up in our own fear is the willingness – and the will – to take action in spite of it – because of what we have to gain when we do – or what we have to lose if we do not.  Where inspiration is the pull, motivation is the push.   The word motive is derived from motivation.  Our motives can be in service to a higher good, or they can be in service to ourselves alone.

When motivation is aligned with inspiration, miracles can happen.  But when it is not, we will find ourselves feeling out of sync.  Inspiration (a higher calling) without motivation (the will to act on it) leaves us feeling stagnant, stuck, and/or unfulfilled.   When we refuse to answer our calls to greatness and play small instead, it is often because we have let our fear and doubt get the better of us.   Though we may be very busy, we will likely feel as though we are not accomplishing anything of great significance.  Motivation serves us best when it works through obstacles in our own thinking that get in the way of acting on our inspiration.

Motivation without inspiration feels a lot like driving a car without power steering or trying to run through mud.  It requires a lot of effort and strength and leaves us feeling exhausted.  When motivation serves a higher purpose (that provided by inspiration), the load is lightened and the way becomes clear.  But when the object of our desire is one that derives solely from our ego’s need for things like power, prestige, control, approval, or wealth, the push of motivation is not aligned with the pull of inspiration and we stray off course.  That’s when things get difficult – we may feel as though we are exerting a lot of effort but not really getting anywhere.

Sometimes our motivation and inspiration begin in alignment and then gradually become disconnected.  We start out feeling in sync, making great progress and experiencing a state of flow, and then we hit a bump in the road.  The bump may be a fear or some other kind of assumption that we need to examine and disempower before we can move on.  Or, it may be that we simply need to wait awhile.

Inspiration comes from a higher source – one that sees a bigger picture than we do.  Sometimes there will be delays that we do not understand.  Our egos can become impatient and steal the show – trying to push through these barriers with sheer force and exhausting us and everyone around us in the process.  And once our egos are in charge, things have a way of deteriorating.  Our motivation (or motive) mutates from being in service to a greater good to being in service to ourselves – or some ego need.

It can be tough to discern what kind of action (or inaction) is required when we encounter an impasse.   But if we get quiet, we can tap our source of inner wisdom to find the answers we need.   When we purify our motives (motivation) so that they are in service to a higher calling (inspiration) we get back on the path that leads to greatest fulfillment for ourselves and everyone around us.  And using motivation to remove the blocks that stand in our way will ensure that we actually make progress on that path and bring our greatness into the world in a way that inspires others to do the same.

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about getting back to the basics of who you really are, what you are here to accomplish, and how you can unearth your greatness in a way that inspires others to do the same.  It will be released on 1/11/11.      I will also be working with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1:00pm from 1/13/11 through 6/16/11.  For more information, go to www.DianeBolden.com/AIAL.html.  Contact me at Diane@DianeBolden.com if you are interested in participating.  The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

An Antidote to Life’s Frustrations

“An effort made for the happiness of others lifts us above ourselves.”

~ Lydia M. Child (1802-1880) Writer

Do you ever feel so mired in frustration and challenge that you cannot see a way to move beyond it?

When life gets you down, it’s easy to become overly focused on all the things that seem to be a source of discontent.  And it is all too easy to become completely absorbed in the feeling of dissatisfaction itself.  When we do, this fixation acts as a magnifying glass, expanding to several times their normal size every problem or challenge we have until it all feels too entirely daunting to move at all.  And this orientation has a way of somehow attracting all manner of setbacks and further complications our way.  As the old saying goes, “when it rains, it pours.”

Perhaps the way we tend to act when we are already feeling defeated contributes to the negative cycle.  Or it could be that when we are so intent on seeing all the things that we feel lousy about that even things that would normally not bear weight suddenly feel incredibly heavy.  In any case, we all have days where what is going wrong seems to capture more of our attention than what is going right and life just feels like one d@#n thing after another.

At times like these, I believe that the best thing we can do is anything that allows us to go beyond ourselves to be of service to another human being. It may seem somewhat naïve and Pollyannaish to suppose that forgetting all your troubles to go help someone else would do much of anything to change the situation.  How could something so simple and cliché have any impact when you feel so overwhelmed that you cannot do another thing?

Like many of us, I was given this advice when I was a child and have heard it repeatedly over the course of my life.  Yeah, yeah, I often thought.  But whenever I act on that counsel, I find myself surprised and delighted by what ends up happening.

The other day, I woke up to a list of things that needed to get done so long that I had to have a few more cups of coffee just to read through it.  Many of the things on my list I had been procrastinating for some time.  But they had to get done, and putting them off another day was just going to make things worse.   And then I remembered something that happened the previous evening.

Our air conditioner began to sound a lot like an old Volkswagen bug stuck in an idle.  The repairman arrived at the end of the day – after spending hours on other calls that ran long and had him laboring on rooftops in triple digit heat.  But he managed to patiently and thoroughly check our unit to find that a plastic grocery bag had somehow gotten sucked into the fan.  As soon as he removed it, the air conditioner sounded fine.

He could have ended the service call and went on his way.  But he didn’t.  He stayed and educated me on what I could do to keep the unit running efficiently – and even did some maintenance he wasn’t required to do – which led him to discover and fix potential problems that would have soon become costly repairs.  I recall how thankful I was for his service and told him I would put in a good word for him with his boss.

So I made the phone call.  I expressed my appreciation and gratitude to his manager and explained that because of his exceptional service, I would definitely be calling that company again.  The woman on the other end of the line was delighted to hear good news and eager to give some recognition to the serviceman.  I soon realized that making that call not only lifted my spirits, but hers as well.  It was this burst of positivity that gave me new energy and a sense of lightness that I brought to all my other activities.

So the next time you find yourself feeling defeated, see if there is something – anything – you can do for another human being.  It doesn’t have to be big – just unexpected and uncalled for.  I can almost guarantee that it will do just as much for you (and maybe even more) as it will for the other person.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

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Life’s Wake Up Calls

Several years ago I was rushing around trying to get somewhere quickly while worrying about what felt like a million things that were competing for attention inside my head.  And then suddenly I felt the impact of a collision and the somewhat distinctive scent of burnt powder being released by the air bags in my car as my body was thrown into one of them.  Just like that, everything stopped.  And hours later, I sat in the passenger seat of a tow truck staring back at the crushed metal of the sports car I had purchased two months prior as my gaze went from the bed of the tow truck to the vehicles on the road below, each filled with people hurrying and scurrying to their destinations.  It was as though I had been yanked from my own frenetically chaotic routine and made to sit still while I objectively observed that same mindless mania from a distance.

Earlier this week, I sat in a cardiovascular intensive care unit watching my husband recover from the seven plus hour surgery he had just endured.  I felt a strangely similar sense of having been removed from the somewhat banal yet seemingly urgent tasks that tend to occupy my days and directly inserted into something that led me to feel as though time had somehow come to a complete halt.  It was as though the volume on all the background noise in my life had been somehow silenced to allow the most integral parts to have their solo.  Knowing that he was unconscious, but hoping he could somehow hear my voice or feel my presence, I realized words were completely inadequate to capture how I felt about him at that moment anyway – even if he could hear them.

All the craziness of the previous weeks somehow went away and everything that only one day before seemed so pivotal no longer even shared the same scale.  Life’s momentous events have a way of trumping everything else in such a way that we question what it was we were so worked up about before anyway.  And in these critical moments it seems the most vital things take on a razor-sharp focus.  We remember what is really important.  It’s as though we have been granted some kind of highly sophisticated vision that allows us to instantly and almost unconsciously differentiate the significant from the trivial.  We feel that which we know in our hearts with such strength and magnitude that it almost bursts right out of us.

As I looked around others in the ICU – patients as well as their family members, I realized that in these places, people are at their rawest and most human.  There are no facades, no airs, no agendas.  And it isn’t just the gowns that leave people feeling exposed.  We are ripped wide open in such a way that we come face to face with our very essence.  In these moments, life takes on new meaning.  These gut wrenching experiences that cut us to our cores give us the gift of returning us to our cores – so that we can remember how strong we really are, and come back to that which gives us true strength.  We awaken to what is most real within us and find the ability to connect to what is most real in others.

I don’t think the only way to experience such a profound wake-up call is through tragedy, illness or trauma.  We have the ability – and the choice – every day to pay attention to what we are paying attention to, and determine whether it is really worthy of our time and precious energy.  We can open our eyes to the unfolding of each moment and allow the questions that haunt and beckon in the furthest corners of our minds to become magnified in such a way that we cannot help but hear and respond to them.

What gives your life meaning?

What are you really here to do?

…to be?

And are you doing it?

If not, when will you start?

How about now?

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

Embracing Your Vision

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”

~ Walt Disney

Recently, I had the enchanting experience of going to Disneyland with my husband and kids.  It was like stepping into a different world, one where the stresses and anxieties of the previous week simply melted away and the child in me emerged.  I was swept away by every intricate detail that was so carefully attended to by the myriad of people that make Disneyland what it is – from the towering castles and belly dropping rides to the placement of each flowering plant and the energy and appearance of every cast member.

And then I was struck by the thought that everything I was experiencing – all of the wonder and the delight and the fantasy of this place – as well as all that is associated with it – the movies, cartoons, storybooks and extended media – ALL OF THIS began with a single thought in the mind of a man who took action to make it real.  I don’t know much about Walt Disney, but I imagine he was gripped by an idea – a dream and inspiration that captured his heart and burst inside of him until he was compelled to find the people and resources to make it happen.

This guy had a vision that couldn’t help but be embraced by others.  It spoke to their hearts and their spirits and allowed them to be a part of something that did the same for everyone who came into contact with it.  Disneyland is the “happiest place on earth” because it brings out the best in everyone who experiences it.  It unlocks the magic each of us carry at some level in our being, and the most traditional of the fairy tales are about that very subject.  Even the performers in the various stages throughout the park sing refrains about looking within to find our heroes.  What an amazing creation!

Each of us gets these inspirations from time to time.  Ideas are a dime a dozen.  When was the last time you got one that made your hair stand on end?  And what did you do to take it to the next level of creation?  Did you dismiss it?  Think it was too big, or unrealistic to actually achieve?  Perhaps it is too big for just you.  But what if you were able to create a vision like Walt Disney did, that resonated in the very core of people who would gladly come to your aid to make it real?

You have something in you that is waiting for you to unleash it into the world.  The very act of doing it will rock your world, and that of others as well.  Maybe it isn’t a multimillion dollar theme park, or a screen play, or an organization.  But whatever it is will carry the uniqueness of you – who you are – and the compilation of everything each of your individual experiences has prepared you for.  And if you bring it forward with the intention of making the world a better place, you will.

Who are you to deny that you are meant for greatness?

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.