How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You, Part 2

 

You’ve made a commitment to yourself, and you are determined to change that self-defeating habit once and for all. What do you do next?

STEP TWO: Surround yourself with reminders of what you are moving toward.

Though you may not have already experienced the pleasure you will gain by moving beyond your old habit and engaging in something new, your mind can help you to imagine it and make it real for you. It does this in much the same way that it can also magnify your fears and come up with all kinds of scenarios that could have you shaking in your boots.

Take control of your mind in advance. Envision the change you are making and what you imagine it will bring you.

If you are trying to get control of your temper, imagine what it will feel like to be able to calmly engage in discussion with someone without losing your head. Envision yourself shaking hands with people and leaving meetings feeling as though you have strengthened relationships rather than damaged them.

See if you can find a symbol or image that helps you to move into that feeling whenever you look at it. And put that visual reminder somewhere where you will see it often.

Maybe you are wanting to break the habit of staying in your comfort zone rather than taking the bold actions you dream about – like expanding your business, going after a new market, creating a new program or product, or creating and empowering a solid team that can do more together than you ever could alone.

Envision what acting on your dream will give you and see if you can experience it in your mind as though it has already happened.

Find pictures that evoke those feelings for you and get you excited and motivated to take steps to make it happen. Look at them every day, several times a day and feel those feelings when you do.

The key to transformation comes when you move from seeing the future you want to create to embodying it.

When you feel as though you are getting sucked back into old behaviors you are trying to leave behind, or when you are discouraged about your progress use your reminders to bring you back to your intention and recommit to yourself. Then take action in the new direction you want to move in.

The steps I’ve been sharing with you over these last few days are a small part of what I teach and coach executives to implement in The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed, a thirteen-week, a seven-module virtual leadership development program designed to help business professionals like you maximize your performance, minimize stress and pressure and enjoy a more fulfilling life both on and off the job (and lead others to do the same).

There is a whole lesson dedicated to visioning and embodying your future that participants have told me has been instrumental in helping them create and achieve what they most want to achieve and experience. Message me if you’d like more information.

Next week, I’ll share step three of How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You.

Here’s to your success!

How to Change a Habit That is Hurting You, Part 1

 

The first step to changing a habit may be working against you is to make a decision, a declaration and a commitment to yourself.

There is power in willingness. I’m talking about more than good intentions here, though that is where it all starts. People are at the threshold of change when the pain of one behavior becomes greater than its payoff. But for that momentum to take hold, the perceived payoff of the change must be greater than the seeming pain of giving something up.

The trouble is you may not really know what that payoff will be. And though you also may not know what that change will entail, your mind will be off and running creating scenarios that have you believing it’ll be far harder than anything you can imagine.

And that can become a real showstopper if you aren’t ready for it.

It’ll keep you from getting out of bed in the morning. It’ll have you playing small when you are on the verge of bold, courageous action. It’ll make the old beaten path you’ve been traveling seem preferable to heading into the uncertainty of whether you will be able to do whatever you are learning to do in place of your old behavior.

So, you have to make a commitment to yourself.

You must get really clear in your mind that you will no longer tolerate your old way of doing things and decide that you will do whatever it takes to move beyond it.

It helps if you write it down. And it also helps if you tell someone else about it – someone who can remind you of all the reasons you are doing it, of what you have to gain, and of what you are rising above and why.

Think about a habit you would like to move beyond.

• How has it been hurting your effectiveness? Your credibility? Your peace of mind?
• What would you gain by rising above it?
• What could you do if you no longer fell into that pattern of behavior?
• How would you feel?

Are you ready to make a change?

If so, make a commitment right now to yourself. Write it down and then share it with someone who will support you as you endeavor to carry that commitment out.

As promised, in coming weeks I’ll continue to deliver to you a five-step process for changing habits that are getting in the way of your success – the impact you can make and the satisfaction and fulfillment you can enjoy both on and off the job.

These steps are a small part of what I teach and coach executives to implement in The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed, a thirteen-week, seven-module virtual leadership development program designed to help business professionals like you maximize your performance, minimize stress and pressure, and enjoy a more fulfilling life both on and off the job (and lead others to do the same).

Next week I’ll share with you the second step to breaking a habit that is hurting you.

Here’s to your success!

Are Your Habits Hurting You?

 

 

Often, we don’t seek help until things begin to hurt us.  And though it’s unfortunate that we wait until things become painful to try something different – it is often just the springboard we need to find better ways of doing and being.

• Maybe your last temper explosion led people to no longer want to support you, and you are ready to figure out ways of better channeling your anger.
• Maybe you have totally burned yourself out and are starting to realize that there has to be a better way of doing things.
• Or perhaps you’ve finally realized you’re never going to be able to sustain your success and take your game to a new level as a leader of others if you insist on doing everything yourself.

When your habits begin to hurt you, you get to decide what you are going to do about them. It’s a crossroads that can be challenging – because though you might be experiencing pain and discomfort with your habit, it likely will seem as though anything you might need to do differently will be even worse.  And that is the root of resistance.

But what I have found through my own experience, as well as that of so many others – friends, clients, colleagues – is that the pain caused by resistance is far worse than anything it would have you avoid.

Maybe you don’t need to wait until it comes to a head.

We all have habits that no longer serve us.  And you already likely know what habit (or habits) are bringing you down.  So, the question is, what are you going to do about it?

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be walking you through a five-step process for changing the habits that hurt you.  It’s a small part of what I teach in the Pinocchio Principle Unleashed, a seven-module virtual leadership development program designed to help business professionals like you maximize your performance, minimize stress and pressure and enjoy a more fulfilling life both on and off the job (and lead others to do the same).

For now, take stock of the things you do on autopilot that may not necessarily be in your best interest – and begin to notice any negative impact those behaviors may be having on your work or in your life. Making needed change in those areas could yield rich dividends. And it all starts with conscious awareness and a willingness to consider doing things differently.

“When we are attentive to our actions, we are not prisoners of our habits.” – T. K. V. Desikachar

But what if you could?

 

Do you remember what it was like to be unconstrained by the world’s limitations?

Maybe you were a young child, wanting to fly to the moon or discover buried treasure. How long was it before the people around you compelled you to be more “practical and realistic”?

They didn’t mean any harm.  In fact, those people likely had your best interests in mind.  They wanted to help you learn the rules for engagement in a world of challenges and limitations – to keep you from experiencing pain and disappointment.

Chances are you do that for your own young children.  I know I did.

But over time, the rules for engagement can become more constraining than they are empowering.  Especially when those rules don’t really apply the way they used to.

Have you noticed that many of the old, ingrained ways of getting things done and achieving success are no longer effective, or even relevant?

We are all experiencing it – on both an individual and a collective level, in our homes, our communities and our organizations.  And we need to find a better way of dealing with these emerging challenges and opportunities.  To do that, we must transcend old, well-worn, even tried and true methods that just aren’t working anymore.

The time has come for us to access the creativity, ingenuity, curiosity, and wonder of that little kid that knew no limits and had the willingness and determination to blaze a new trail.

As trees and flowers all around us burst into bloom with the emergence of spring, we can allow creative energy and inspiration to move through us as well.

In nature and in our own lives, the old must give way to the new. Trees lose their leaves and flowers and plants that have been pruned proliferate with an energy and vitality that wouldn’t have otherwise been possible.

What old beliefs and assumptions in your life and leadership need to give way to what is blooming within you?

The next time your great idea or inspiration is met with inner skepticism or restraint, notice what you are believing and ask yourself if it’s really true. Stay with it and see if you can find a way around the things that would otherwise stop you in your tracks.

We are all the pioneers and architects of our own lives and now is the time to go beyond what we previously thought was possible and do the things we’ve been capable of all along.

“Nothing else in the world…not all the armies…is so powerful as an idea whose time has come.”- Victor Hugo,

Here’s to your success!

 

How to Have More Good Days at Work – and at Home

 

Work.  Some days are good, and others not so much…  Just like life, right?

Since we spend so many of our waking hours working, it’s likely that a good day at work will spill over into your life after work.  Unfortunately, a not-so-good day will do that too.

You can’t always change what comes at you in your professional life, but there are some things you can do to have a better experience of it. 

What’s interesting is that improving your experience of work won’t just allow you to enjoy your life more. It can also boost your performance, leading not only to greater satisfaction and fulfillment – but also increased effectiveness and better results.

This week’s video expands on that idea and gives you a simple example of how to have more good days at work – and at home.  The audio is a snippet of some opening comments from a previous Pinocchio Principle Unleashed group session.

Though enrollment for the fall program has now closed, the Executive Track (an individualized version that blends the curriculum with 1:1 coaching) is available anytime.

You can also bring the group program into your organization and customize it to meet your unique needs. Get more information or join the waiting list to be notified of the next group session at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com.

We all have plenty of work in our lives.  Here’s to putting more life into our work – and watching both grow infinitely richer!

 

FULL VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

One day when my son was 8 years old, he came home from camp with a riddle. He said, “Pretend you’re in a box with four walls all around you and it’s airtight. There’s no handles and no latches.  How do you get out?”

“Hmm, I responded.  “I don’t know. I think I would punch my way out.”

He said “No.”

“Okay, then I’d use my legs. I’d kick my way out.”

“No.” He was emphatic.

I thought for a moment. “Hmm. Maybe I’d try to chew my way out.”

He was getting more and more irritated with me. “No.”

I was out of ideas, “I don’t know. I give up. How do you get out?”

“Mom,” he said.  “If you’re pretending you’re in a box with airtight walls, the way you get out is you STOP PRETENDING.”

Wow, this from an eight year old.

It’s crept into my thinking several times over the years because I think it’s such a great analogy for what we do.

How Beliefs Can Become Boxes

We have these beliefs…

Have you ever thought about how your belief about work shapes your experience of work? To a large degree, we’re pretty much conditioned to believe that work is not supposed to be fun – that work is something that you do in order to earn a living, pay your bills, feed your family, and be a responsible human being. Work is something that you do and you just get through it.

And living… well, living is what you do after work, right?

It’s part of our societal conditioning. Have you ever noticed that?

You Can Break Out of Your Box

The people who enjoy their work are people who have realized that doesn’t have to be true.

“What if I didn’t think that? What if I approached it differently? What if I thought of work as an opportunity for me to do something cool, to contribute to something bigger than me? What if I thought of work as an opportunity to be around people or to partner with people that I really enjoy, or that are really interesting to me, or that I can learn from? What if I think of work as a way that I can somehow grow?”

What a novel idea.

Work is What You Make It

What’s interesting is that people who believe work is a chore, experience it that way. And they get bogged down, and they have so much to do, and they feel like they’re never going to be able to finish it. And it’s one more thing and everything’s going wrong. And then there’s this and there’s that and they can’t wait to go home.

And that person could be working side by side with somebody who believes – even just for that day, even just for that moment, that work is something different. And they will have a whole different experience. They will tell you something entirely different.

It’s not that they won’t have a whole boatload of work to do. It’s not that they won’t have pressure or deadlines and people relying on them and more to do than there’s time to do.

But there’s something about people who believe different things about work that changes the way they interact with everybody. EVERYBODY.

Learning How to Have More Good Days at Work is About Making a Choice

If you think about the last time you went even just to get a cup of coffee… the difference between somebody taking your order that never makes eye contact with you, that’s having kind of a crappy day, that is kind of wearing it on their body and the way that you feel when they serve you…

…the difference between that and somebody who when you walk in, looks you in the eye and asks you how you’re doing and maybe shares something funny or is genuinely interested in you. And really you can tell that when they ask you how you are, it’s not just part of their script. There’s something about their presence that is with you.

I guarantee you they are having a better day than the other person… not because anything different is going on, but because they made a choice to see work differently.

Make YOUR choice.

For more, visit www.UnleashtheExtraordinary.com

Make the most of your mishaps

 

We all experience our share of mishaps. But with patience and ingenuity, you can turn those setbacks into springboards. This video provides 3 examples of how it’s done. It marks the last day in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20.It’s an excerpt from one of the video lessons in the program.

If you’re thinking about attending, it’s not too late to register. Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.

How to keep life’s obstacles from stopping you

Imagine that you’re cruising along in your car headed smoothly toward your destination. And then traffic slows to a stop.

Is there an accident ahead? Construction? Some other impediment?

No worries. Your GPS has an alternate route that’ll get you exactly where you need to go.

What if you could find your way around life’s roadblocks with the same ease and efficiency as your GPS system?

You can!

The video below will show you how. It marks Day 2 in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20…

It’s an excerpt from one of the video lessons in the program. If you’re thinking about attending, it’s not too late to register. Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.

See how easily you can get unstuck

 

Do you ever feel like you’re at the mercy of your environment?

Imagine a racehorse getting ready for the starting gun, blood pumping, adrenaline rushing, eager to stretch itself beyond the confines of its compartment…

But the gun never goes off. The gate never opens. And the horse is trapped.

Imagine the animal bucking and kicking and expending a tremendous amount of energy railing at its constraints, until finally it foregoes its desire to run and resigns itself to the small, constricted space.

Many executives I’ve worked with over the years have felt like that racehorse in their organizations and their careers.

Maybe you can relate?

Perhaps, like so many…

 …you’re frustrated about how things are going in your organization or feel like work is becoming a grind, but question whether there’s really anything you can do about it and even wonder if you should look for another job.

…you long for more in your career but aren’t sure what it is you really want or how to find it.

…you have a vision or dream of doing something amazing but wonder if you can really pull it off or whether your ideas will be well received.

…you want to play a bigger game but are hesitant because of a recent setback, challenge or disappointment.

…you’d like to infuse new energy in your organization but are discouraged because previous efforts to create an engaged, inspired workplace have fallen flat.

If you can relate to any of the above statements, I have good news for you.

Unlike the racehorse confined to its compartment, you can open your own gate and free yourself from the constraints that keep you feeling trapped.

 And best of all, it doesn’t require anything radical.

You may not have to quit your job, transfer departments, move to Canada, or fire your whole team.

In fact, many executives who do things like that find it’s only a matter of time before they are right back in the scenarios they’ve left — only surrounded by different faces with different names.

The truth is, freeing yourself starts from the inside out, not the outside in. Because even though it seems our biggest constraints are “out there”, most of our biggest obstacles are self-imposed.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying organizational constraints aren’t limiting. It’s just that until you address your own impediments, you’ll likely never see the way to rise above all the other ones.

Over the last 25 years I’ve worked with hundreds of executives to recognize and open the gates that have kept them from the freedom, fulfillment and success they crave. Today marks Day 3 in the countdown to the launch of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track kicking off on Friday 9/20, a 7-week leadership development program that can help you do the same.

 The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed will help you…

 …move beyond the frustrations and irritations that bring you down and breathe new life into your work, allowing you to see and act on possibilities you never realized were there.

…gain clarity into what you most want in your career and what you can do from where you are to make a bigger impact doing meaningful work you are passionate about.

…access a new level of confidence in yourself and your abilities that will help you navigate a course and unleash the level of performance necessary to bring your most precious dreams and visions to life.

…learn to leverage your experiences (including those you’d rather forget) to gain valuable insight on the best way to get where you most want to go.

And having experienced a resurgence of your own engagement, you’ll naturally lead others to reignite their enthusiasm and effectiveness in ways that previous organizational initiatives couldn’t.

Find out more and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. Respond directly to this email with with questions – or for group or alumni enrollment.

I’d love to help you move beyond your perceived limitations to reach a whole new level of success that is truly meaningful to you. Don’t wait another minute to free yourself from the illusion of being trapped by your circumstances. Save your seat today!

Here’s to your success!

Diane

Are you on autopilot?

 

The beauty of a habit is that it allows you to take automatic action without thinking all that much about it. Unfortunately, that is also the DOWNSIDE.

More about that in this video – which marks Day 4 in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20…

This week, pay attention to what automatic behaviors and patterns you are falling into, and notice to what degree they are helping or hindering you.

If you’d like some support unlearning old habits and patterns and swapping them out for something more aligned with your desired results, consider joining me the next seven Fridays from 1 to 2:30 pm EDT for The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track.

The program is a compilation of tools, techniques and approaches my most successful executive coaching clients have utilized over the years. It’s designed to help high achieving (and often overextended) executives rise above old habits and patterns and lead from a Genius mindset.

In addition to the group meetings, the program includes lifetime access to seven modules of video and audio content and bonus access to my Navigating Change, Challenge & Uncertainty self-study.

Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.

Is this you?

 

High achieving executives, particularly those with a heart for service and contribution, are prone to a very common pitfall…

And it keeps them from doing some of the very things they most pride themselves on.

Take a look at this short video and see if you can relate.

If it strikes a chord and you’d like some assistance avoiding (or recovering from) a similar fate, consider joining me next Friday, September 20 for the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track. You’ll have lifetime access to seven modules of practical tips, tools and approaches to help you overcome stress, pressure and overwhelm and lead from a Genius mindset.

And each Friday for the next seven weeks we’ll meet via Zoom for additional training, support and live coaching.

Here’s what one participant had to say about her experience in the Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program:

Diane helped me uncover the thoughts I didn’t realize Iwas having and the things I was holding onto that were getting in the way – answering the question for me about why I couldn’t execute. I was able to let go of a lot of self-blame and really be in the present moment, deliberate about how I want to show up. I feel more intentional and more empowered in my work and my life. And I’m committed to being more thoughtful about creating my schedule and not allowing things to overwhelm me.

 Your greatest gift that you‘ll get if you’ll invest this time is that you’ll reconnect with yourself and find the answers you need – open up your mind and your heart, which is something you can’t do when you’re going a 100 miles an hour. The whole experience was very authentic. Diane is truly invested and engaged in creating something better for the people she works with.

       – Connie Phillips- President and CEO, Lutheran Social Services of the Southwest

Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com.