Why Preconceived Goals and Plans May Not Get You Where You Really Want to Go – and What to Do Instead.

 

Have you ever noticed that even your best laid plans can fail to get you where you really want to go?

The reason SMART goals and the plans we create to achieve them often don’t match our desired future is that they are constructed based on an understanding of the present and the past.

Goal setting is a linear way of operating in a nonlinear world.

When you sit down and determine what you want to accomplish, how you’ll measure it and when you will have achieved it, you’re operating on a very simplistic and theoretical understanding of the way things work. You’re likely to assume the road you are traveling will be straight and smooth and that all you need to do is drive a certain speed and a certain course and you will get where you want to go.

But real life isn’t like that.

There are twists and turns. Roads dead end and turn into overgrown brush with no defined trails. What you thought would get you where you wanted to go may turn out to be incredibly inadequate.

If you stick to your preconceived idea of how everything will be when you embark on your journey, you may well end up stuck at a dead end. If you lean on the gas when you’re going around a sharp curve so you can meet your desired timeframe, you may end up flying off a precipice and landing in a ditch.

To succeed, you must abandon the past and immerse yourself in the present.

Navigating complexity requires that you transcend your preconceived idea of how you thought things would be when you started and adjust to the environment you find yourself in. Where you thought there would be one road, there may be five or ten. And a SMART goal won’t give you the insight you need to know which of them to take.

On the contrary, letting go of a misaligned goal or plan allows you to find new paths and blaze trails where none existed. It not only allows you to adjust to your environment, but it also allows you to adjust to your own growth.

Perpetual planning (and trail blazing) is more important than a plan of action because you cannot anticipate the future based on what you know from the past.

By definition, a plan is designed in advance of carrying it out. While you can take your best guess at how things will unfold and what the most fitting course of action is, you will not really know whether it is adequate until you have begun to act.

To harness the power of perpetual planning, get moving and build some momentum. As you begin taking action, you’ll get insight into what needs to happen next. Build regular time into your calendar to assess your progress and your plan, identify next steps and make necessary course corrections.

And when your map isn’t getting you where you most want to go, you’ll be much better off blazing a new trail.

The above contains excerpts from my special report, “Why Real Leaders Don’t Set Goals (and what they do instead)”

 

An Easier Way to Find Your Way

Have you ever set a goal for yourself that left you feeling less than fulfilled when you actually achieved it?

Maybe it was a target you wanted to meet, a possession you longed to acquire, or a promotion you were hoping to receive.  You kept your eye on the ball and hunkered down to do whatever it took to get there.

When obstacles presented themselves, you busted through them and may have felt as though you were repeatedly banging your head against a wall.  “The reward for your exhaustion would be the sweet taste of victory in the end,” you may have told yourself.

I did.  And when I got to the top of that hill I was climbing many years ago, I realized the mountain I was scaling was not mine but someone else’s.

What if it didn’t have to be that hard?

Contrary to what we’ve been conditioned to believe, success doesn’t have to involve suffering or sacrifice.  It is not only possible, but also advantageous to enjoy the journey along the way.   And if we didn’t insist on having to blaze the trail in front of us, we might find that off in the distance a lovely path is being revealed – if only we would stop long enough to pay attention.

When I take on new clients, they are often in the same state I have often found myself in.  They have worked hard to get somewhere, but they know in their hearts there is something greater available to them.  Perhaps they haven’t been getting the results they wanted, have been experiencing a great deal of stress or even burnout, or are just ready for a change.  During times like these often the best thing we can do is not to speed up, but to slow down – way down.

If the path you’re traveling isn’t getting you where you want to go, moving faster won’t do you any favors.

For more on bridging the gap between where you are and where you want to be, download my special report, “Why Real Leaders Don’t Set Goals (and what they do instead)”.

 

Miracles in Disguise: How the worst things that happen to you can become some of the best

 

 

I’ve worked with a handful of clients who unexpectedly lost their jobs after working for over twenty years with the same company. The funny thing is these people knew they were ready for something greater before it happened. In coaching meetings, they’d often talk about wanting to strike out in new directions, take on bigger challenges, live and lead in a deeper and bolder ways than before. And few of them would have likely sought out new opportunities if things hadn’t worked out the way they did.

In the midst of the changes, it’s likely that they felt as though their universes were falling apart. Much of what was familiar was ending as they were thrust into a world where nothing was certain and forced to begin again. They were brought face to face with the question, “what do I most want for myself now?” and challenged to take action that would lead them in new directions.

It seems more of us are asking the question, “What do I most want for myself?” Some feel ready for new adventures. Others long for deeper connections with people. Many just want to experience the same passion for their work and their lives that they did when they were younger – to feel a part of something bigger than themselves, to work at something worth working for, and to bring more of their true talent and gifts into the world.

And the world needs those talents and gifts more now than ever.

When we come to a place where we’re willing to open ourselves to the question of what we most want, we set into motion a series of events that bring the answers we seek. And sometimes they come in packages we don’t immediately appreciate.

But as we look back on our lives, we can begin to see that the very things that frustrated and pushed us to our limits were exactly what we needed to know more about who we are and what we are here to do.

As Thanksgiving nears, I’m grateful not only for my many blessings but also for my unanswered prayers – those that would have led me in a direction that wouldn’t have served me or others in quite the same way.

I am grateful for the difficult people in my life, who have challenged me to look at things (including myself) differently and find new ways of relating. I am thankful for the trials I didn’t think I could endure and the resilience and courage I was able to tap into because of them. And I am grateful that over time I have been able to laugh at the things that happen to me as well – and for the people who have been there (or somewhere similar before) who have laughed (and sometimes cried) right along with me.

I am grateful for every client I have ever worked with who has given me the opportunity to learn from their experiences and to see one more example of the strange and wonderful ways that miracles manifest themselves in everyday life.

I wish for you (and myself) the ability to always appreciate the blessings that always surround us – the ones that lift us up as well as the ones that seem to strike us down. And to open ourselves to the ways every one of them has the transformational power to bring us closer to our most precious dreams and visions.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

3 Steps for Escaping the Hamster Wheel

Do you find yourself running from one thing to the next with little time to think about what you’re doing and why?

If you said yes, you’re not alone.

Many high achieving professionals feel they have way more to do than time to do it. Their ambition, drive, and passion have served them well, but they know they’re capable of more. More opportunity, more impact, and dare I say – more freedom to enjoy their careers and their lives.

The daily grind keeps us tethered to the ground, thinking our best is just around the corner if only we can get through what’s in front of us – often an accumulation of projects and commitments that grows far faster than it shrinks. Occasionally, it becomes apparent that something’s got to give.

But who has time to slow down when there’s so much more to get done?

The fantasy many of us have bought into is that if we just work longer and harder, we will get there. And despite our longing to find balance and the sweet spot that will finally allow us to relax and be more effective, we often act in ways that bring greater levels of anxiety and toil.

As leaders, we also unwittingly create entire cultures of people who emulate our frenetic behavior in the name of getting ahead.

The hamster in the wheel doesn’t know he isn’t getting anywhere.

And before he can, he must realize that he is, in fact, in a wheel. Our wheels are much more sophisticated and deceiving than those of the hamster. Because initially, our wheels do get us somewhere. It’s just that over time, they lose traction and become stuck in comfortable ruts.

And we don’t realize when we’re stuck, because it doesn’t seem possible to be standing still when you’re running like hell.

How willing are you to recognize that perhaps there is a better way?

All change begins with awareness coupled with desire. To move beyond your madness, try the following:

• Pay attention when you’re feeling anxious, stressed, or tense. Recognize the thought or behavior pattern that may be causing this discomfort. This may be a prime area for a shift.
• Ask yourself some discerning questions such as, “What small, but powerful change could I make today that would allow me to be more effective?” Open your mind to different approaches, processes and greater discernment about what really must be done, when, and by whom.
• Notice what catches your attention in the coming days. The answers to your questions will reveal themselves to you, but you must hold the intention to receive them and be willing to listen.

Once you recognize the patterns and triggers that perpetuate your anxiety, stress, and pressure – and the impact they’re having in your life, they begin to lose their hold on you. As they fall away, you can escape the hamster wheel and take the kind of inspired action that’ll get you where you REALLY want to go.

Here’s to your success!

The Fallacy of Failure… and How to Rise Above It

“What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?”

~ Robert H. Schuller

It’s easy to think of shooting for the moon when the idea of crashing to the ground doesn’t enter the picture. We can dream and scheme all we want, but to make our dreams real, we must act. And when we do, the idea of failure has a way of creeping in despite our best attempts to move forward.

Failure means different things to different people. But what’s most debilitating about the idea of it is having to experience or endure some kind of pain – pain of rejection, embarrassment, loss, financial ruin – not to mention its actual physical variations.

The interesting thing about pain is that, thankfully, it is usually finite. It comes and it goes. And while we don’t always have control over whether we experience it, we do seem to play a part in how long it lasts and how uncomfortable it gets.

As a kid, getting immunizations was terrifying. I remember how worked up I would get before the needle even came close to my skin. And I watched my kids do the same thing –screaming or wailing before contact was ever actually made.  But a few seconds later, the injections were completed before they even realized it.

They got off the exam table and immediately went onto other things – except when one of them, in need of a little more sympathy deliberately focused on the blood on the bandage – making the experience into something far more painful than it needed to be.

I think we do the same thing when we contemplate the pain that accompanies what we believe would be “failure”. Our minds have a way of making it far more ominous than it ever is in reality. And if we happen to find ourselves experiencing it, we can also fall into the trap of unwittingly making it more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

But we can also exercise resilience and determination in our ability to bounce back and focus on something that will allow us to move forward despite an otherwise unpleasant experience.

Because what it really comes down to is what your experiences – regardless of the way they turn out – have given you, rather than cost you. People who have accomplished extraordinary things in the world are the first to tell you that what many refer to as “failure” has plagued them time after time.  And many will tell you those experiences were prerequisites for their success.

What differentiates them from those who allowed “failure” to defeat them is that they picked themselves up, figured out what they could learn, and moved forward armed with a new awareness, a new understanding, and a renewed commitment to their greatest dreams and visions.

What great thing can YOU achieve today, knowing that you simply cannot fail?

Could There be Clarity Hidden in Your Chaos?

Ever have a stretch where work (and life) is filled with unpredictable twists and turns, inexplicable delays, and random disorder?

It can be frustrating, unsettling and unnerving.

Our nature as humans is to seek meaning in the things that happen to us. But when there is no logical explanation, we are left scratching our heads wondering what to make of it.

If you’ve ever driven by a construction site and wondered what was being built, you may have noticed the same kind of disjointed activity… people working diligently, each focused on their own specific task… steel girders, half constructed walls, and unidentifiable objects at various stages of completion.

Upon first glance it likely appears chaotic and messy.

But amidst the sawdust and cement blocks, something pulls it all together. Though you may not know exactly what the larger plan is, over time the construction starts to take shape, and you begin to recognize a room here, and another there. Soon you can start to surmise the purpose and function of each room.

As the walls are plastered and paint is applied, the appearance becomes neater. And suddenly, it is completed in all its glory – a stunning compilation of raw materials, sweat, and focused action.

Perhaps we too build things in this way. It is nice to know in advance exactly what we are building. But at times things may feel chaotic, disconnected and random. We have some experiences that uplift us and others that disappoint. Often, we are without an explanation of why certain events and experiences are taking place.

But maybe underneath it all, there is a larger plan at work.

One that will reveal itself over time. As we undertake each new experience, another wall is constructed, and a new room is being built.

What if we were willing to experience our lives with the same wonder and curiosity with which we look upon that building undergoing construction? And what if we were able to engender that same enthusiasm and optimism in everyone around us?

Are you willing to entertain the thought that somewhere within you, there is a perfect blueprint of everything your life and your leadership will bring about?

And can you delight in the mystery of its gradual unfolding?

 

“A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

Are You at a Crossroads?

 

Are you at a crossroads in your life or your career?

Do you feel like something amazing is ready to bust through but not sure exactly what it is, or how it will take form?

Do you find that things you used to be good at are no longer satisfying or even interesting?

Have you been daydreaming or even just longing for something different but not sure where to start?

It might feel disconcerting and even overwhelming. Maybe you think you need to change jobs or even careers. Or perhaps you just feel you need a change of scene – different projects, new challenges, new opportunities. You might still be reeling from a recent significant change.

Is something new and different beckoning?…maybe a great idea brewing that you just haven’t had the time (or the courage) to explore? Perhaps you’ve put it on the back burner and tried to dismiss recurring daydreams to go back to the tried and true, but it the tried and true just doesn’t seem to work for you anymore.

In fact, it could become downright miserable. And though you continue to resist the feeling that there’s got to be more than this, you can’t help but wonder if it might be true.

If any of this resonates, you are on the verge of an exciting, energizing transformation. But it may or may not feel exciting and energizing. Right now, it could just be disconcerting and uncomfortable. And you may not know exactly what to do about it.

What if you were not alone?

Would it help to know that many people are feeling the same way? Some of them have just quit their jobs because they were miserable. Some have been laid off. Others are at the pinnacles of their careers, by all appearances wildly successful but dying on the inside.

Some are at the helms of corporations or large organizations, wanting to take things in new, exciting directions but not sure where to go or how to get there. Others are inside organizations, acutely aware of what’s possible and what’s not working, but hesitant to volunteer their thoughts and ideas or fearful that doing so is just too risky.

Still more are entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, writers, and other creative, innovative, and resourceful people that are playing (or wrestling) with the idea of entering unchartered territory.

The good news is you don’t have to go off the deep end. 

Though change is knocking at your door (and may already have come through it), you don’t necessarily have to tear everything down and start over again. You just need to learn to see things differently – your opportunities, your challenges, your very self.

And you must learn to tap the reserves and the brilliance that is within you.

 

Why is this happening?!

 

I recently designed and delivered a workshop for one of my oldest clients to address something that will be as relevant in 5, 10, or 20 years as it is now and impacts us all personally and professionally every day… “How to Survive and THRIVE in Turbulence, Transition, and Transformation”.

We all have a wealth of experience working through each of those things because they come at us regularly. And the more we do, the better we get at handling them. If you look back on the most challenging times of your life, when you were pushed to your limit (or beyond), when the rug got pulled out from under you, when something came at you that you had no idea how to handle – despite whatever doubts or misgivings you may have had, you got through it.

And you learned a thing or two in the process. Though those times in your personal and professional life are often things you may rather forget, there is much to be gained in realizing just how much they have taught you – and perhaps to consider that they may be preparing you for something greater.

We all have our unique personal and career paths. And we have within us everything we need to reach our fullest potential, which exists within us as seeds that wait for the best conditions to sprout.

Some of our seeds will be like that of the lotus flower. They’ll remain dormant in the mud for years, until the time is right for them to grow roots and to shoot a stem upward toward the light, followed by exquisitely vibrant flowers and leaves.

If the lotus flower can bloom so beautifully from
the thickest and deepest mud, perhaps so too can we.

What’s interesting about creating a vision for something you want to achieve is that life has a way of delivering to you the exact combination of experiences that will prepare you to step into that vision and become the person who can make it real.

Some of those experiences we wouldn’t choose for ourselves.

Many of my executive coaching clients can’t help but ask, “Why is this happening to me?”. And they often tell me months later that without those experiences they initially bemoaned, they wouldn’t have had the strength, stamina, insight, or the ability to accomplish some of the very things they are most proud of.

Consider for a moment the stuff that is being thrown at you – difficulties that threaten to drag you down, turbulence that threatens your stability, and curve balls that keep you on your toes. And remember two things: (1) You have everything you need to rise to those challenges and work through them in ways that allow you to prevail, and (2) In the process of doing so, you’ll continue to develop the strength, resilience, and confidence to rise to the heights you most aspire to.

If you’re interested in one-on-one personalized leadership development or would like to bring a custom-designed workshop into your organization, message me for more information.

Why Letting Go of the Old Helps You Succeed With the New (and How to Do It)

 

What is it that you are longing to create in the coming year?

And what do you need to let go of to allow it to fully take root?

Every year, we are encouraged to set New Year’s resolutions.

We are a goal-driven society that is conditioned to seek more. Our egos desire more money, more fame and prestige, and more stuff. A deeper part of ourselves longs for more peace, more meaning, and more purpose in our lives.

We want to move beyond our previous realizations of what we’ve already accomplished to master newer, better ways of doing things (in our lives and our organizations) – and as leaders what we can inspire others to do.

Though it is tempting to think about how we can achieve all of this and what we need to do more of, perhaps what we really need to start with is what we need to do less of… what we need to let go of to create the space for something new to come in.

We are constantly evolving both individually and collectively. 

It is so easy to look to the past to define who we are through the things we’ve already done:  goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built. Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.

The fact of the matter is,

you are not your accomplishments,

your creations, or the sum of the various roles

you play in your life – manager, director, vice president,

mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc.

You are much, much more than that.

Your potential is limitless.

And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions.

They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take. To be happy, we reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target. So we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done – on a sort of autopilot.

Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some a growing source of discontentment. We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility that what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined.

In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to fully embrace the mystery unfolding in each of our lives.

Easier said than done, right?

How exactly do you go about letting go of the known when it’s all you know?

We can take our cues from nature. Snakes and other reptiles shed their skin, trees drop their leaves, and caterpillars create cocoons in which their forms entirely dissolve before recreating themselves as butterflies.

Even a fish in a bowl cannot stay in water that contains its excrement – the waste must either be emptied and replaced with new water, or absorbed by something else that will remove it from the fish’s environment.

Without engaging in these renewing processes, these creatures will die. And so it is of us. Many of us are already walking around encased in layers of old, dead stuff that needs to be released.

What are you holding onto in your life that has run its course?

What are the old outmoded ways of doing things that no longer bring you energy? What are the things you’ve acquired that you no longer need? What beliefs are you holding onto that are no longer true for you?

Pay attention to the times that you feel constricted, anxious, or tired and in those moments ask what you can let go of. Don’t be afraid of the answer. Though it may frighten you because it introduces an element of the unknown, following these insights will always lead to freedom and liberation.

Your computer can only handle so much data.

If you do not delete old email and get rid of files that have been accumulating over the years, and if you continue to add new programs without deleting old ones, you will find that it becomes sluggish and unresponsive.

Just as freeing up space allows your computer to process things more quickly, so too will clearing your own personal space (whether of things or thoughts) allow you to access new levels of clarity and creativity.

Space invites opportunity.

You will breathe easier, be more present in every action and interaction you partake of, and bring more of who you really are to what you do. And you will open up the space of possibility that will allow something to come in that may surprise and delight you.

So here’s a thought for the New Year: Instead of trying so hard to do more with less, perhaps we can allow ourselves to explore the possibility that in doing less, we can have so much more.

For more on how to affect your own personal and professional transformation, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.

Ringing in the New Year: Why Looking Back is as Vital as Looking Ahead

 

There is something magical about being at the threshold of a new year.

It’s like climbing to the top of a long staircase to find yourself on a landing, standing before a large glimmering door just waiting to be opened. As you look down, you realize how far you have climbed to get here. Yet, you cannot help but wonder what lies behind the door.

Often, we underestimate the amount of growth we have achieved.

It’s important to take some time to reflect on the unique combination of experiences that have led to both successes and disappointments and the learnings that have accompanied them. Doing so cultivates insight that helps you know what to do in the future.

I often work with people who feel ready for a change but aren’t sure what that change should be. They aren’t necessarily miserable in their jobs or other areas of their lives – they just long for something that will fill them up in ways they haven’t been fulfilled in the past.

When I coach people who feel this way, they sometimes want me to tell them what the next best step is – to give them the answer or a step-by-step process that will lead them to find what they seek. Of course, no person has these answers for another. Our greatest challenge and opportunity is to find them for ourselves.

Each of our lives has a story with perfect order and meaning.

As in a novel or screenplay, each character has a unique relationship to the main character, and every scene has some relevance to his growth and evolution. There will be victories and disappointments as well as twists and turns.

We will have occasion to laugh, cry, and experience a myriad of other emotions that are somewhere in between. And as a result of this perfect combination of events and mini-plots, we discover ourselves to be better people.

When reading a book or watching a movie, the perfect order is often easier to see than it is for the characters enmeshed in the stories we are watching. Yet, the mystery and intrigue, the humor over each misstep, and the courage we see the characters exude to find their way give substance to the story and allow us to leave the book or the theatre feeling moved or inspired in some way.

As you reflect on 2024, can you identify your story’s most pivotal turns? What did you learn from them? Think about your character sketch. What are the endearing qualities you have that make you unique and special? How can you leverage them to build on the previous events to create a story worth telling?

Think also about the people that surround you. In what ways are they helping you grow? What are they teaching you about yourself – whether in joyful or painful ways? And what qualities do they possess that are similar to and different from yours? How do you complement each other, and what might it be that you can create together?

You now sit at the threshold of another chapter in your story.

Contemplate what you have already experienced and ask yourself how you might build upon it to add a bit of intrigue and adventure. Identify the ways that you could add a little lightness and humor. Think about the interplay between the characters and how you could spice things up a little.

We have each been given the makings of a beautiful tale. Open your eyes and survey them the way you would the perfectly planned detail of your favorite movie or novel. Give yourself completely to the adventure, the possibilities, and the humor in your life.

Then find a way to revel in the joy of living it.

Here’s to a bright, beautiful New Year!

 

For more on reveling in the adventure that is your life, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.