The Fallacy of Failure… and How to Rise Above It

“What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?”

~ Robert H. Schuller

It’s easy to think of shooting for the moon when the idea of crashing to the ground doesn’t enter the picture. We can dream and scheme all we want, but to make our dreams real, we must act. And when we do, the idea of failure has a way of creeping in despite our best attempts to move forward.

Failure means different things to different people. But what’s most debilitating about the idea of it is having to experience or endure some kind of pain – pain of rejection, embarrassment, loss, financial ruin – not to mention its actual physical variations.

The interesting thing about pain is that, thankfully, it is usually finite. It comes and it goes. And while we don’t always have control over whether we experience it, we do seem to play a part in how long it lasts and how uncomfortable it gets.

As a kid, getting immunizations was terrifying. I remember how worked up I would get before the needle even came close to my skin. And I watched my kids do the same thing –screaming or wailing before contact was ever actually made.  But a few seconds later, the injections were completed before they even realized it.

They got off the exam table and immediately went onto other things – except when one of them, in need of a little more sympathy deliberately focused on the blood on the bandage – making the experience into something far more painful than it needed to be.

I think we do the same thing when we contemplate the pain that accompanies what we believe would be “failure”. Our minds have a way of making it far more ominous than it ever is in reality. And if we happen to find ourselves experiencing it, we can also fall into the trap of unwittingly making it more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

But we can also exercise resilience and determination in our ability to bounce back and focus on something that will allow us to move forward despite an otherwise unpleasant experience.

Because what it really comes down to is what your experiences – regardless of the way they turn out – have given you, rather than cost you. People who have accomplished extraordinary things in the world are the first to tell you that what many refer to as “failure” has plagued them time after time.  And many will tell you those experiences were prerequisites for their success.

What differentiates them from those who allowed “failure” to defeat them is that they picked themselves up, figured out what they could learn, and moved forward armed with a new awareness, a new understanding, and a renewed commitment to their greatest dreams and visions.

What great thing can YOU achieve today, knowing that you simply cannot fail?

Could There be Clarity Hidden in Your Chaos?

Ever have a stretch where work (and life) is filled with unpredictable twists and turns, inexplicable delays, and random disorder?

It can be frustrating, unsettling and unnerving.

Our nature as humans is to seek meaning in the things that happen to us. But when there is no logical explanation, we are left scratching our heads wondering what to make of it.

If you’ve ever driven by a construction site and wondered what was being built, you may have noticed the same kind of disjointed activity… people working diligently, each focused on their own specific task… steel girders, half constructed walls, and unidentifiable objects at various stages of completion.

Upon first glance it likely appears chaotic and messy.

But amidst the sawdust and cement blocks, something pulls it all together. Though you may not know exactly what the larger plan is, over time the construction starts to take shape, and you begin to recognize a room here, and another there. Soon you can start to surmise the purpose and function of each room.

As the walls are plastered and paint is applied, the appearance becomes neater. And suddenly, it is completed in all its glory – a stunning compilation of raw materials, sweat, and focused action.

Perhaps we too build things in this way. It is nice to know in advance exactly what we are building. But at times things may feel chaotic, disconnected and random. We have some experiences that uplift us and others that disappoint. Often, we are without an explanation of why certain events and experiences are taking place.

But maybe underneath it all, there is a larger plan at work.

One that will reveal itself over time. As we undertake each new experience, another wall is constructed, and a new room is being built.

What if we were willing to experience our lives with the same wonder and curiosity with which we look upon that building undergoing construction? And what if we were able to engender that same enthusiasm and optimism in everyone around us?

Are you willing to entertain the thought that somewhere within you, there is a perfect blueprint of everything your life and your leadership will bring about?

And can you delight in the mystery of its gradual unfolding?

 

“A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

Are You at a Crossroads?

 

Are you at a crossroads in your life or your career?

Do you feel like something amazing is ready to bust through but not sure exactly what it is, or how it will take form?

Do you find that things you used to be good at are no longer satisfying or even interesting?

Have you been daydreaming or even just longing for something different but not sure where to start?

It might feel disconcerting and even overwhelming. Maybe you think you need to change jobs or even careers. Or perhaps you just feel you need a change of scene – different projects, new challenges, new opportunities. You might still be reeling from a recent significant change.

Is something new and different beckoning?…maybe a great idea brewing that you just haven’t had the time (or the courage) to explore? Perhaps you’ve put it on the back burner and tried to dismiss recurring daydreams to go back to the tried and true, but it the tried and true just doesn’t seem to work for you anymore.

In fact, it could become downright miserable. And though you continue to resist the feeling that there’s got to be more than this, you can’t help but wonder if it might be true.

If any of this resonates, you are on the verge of an exciting, energizing transformation. But it may or may not feel exciting and energizing. Right now, it could just be disconcerting and uncomfortable. And you may not know exactly what to do about it.

What if you were not alone?

Would it help to know that many people are feeling the same way? Some of them have just quit their jobs because they were miserable. Some have been laid off. Others are at the pinnacles of their careers, by all appearances wildly successful but dying on the inside.

Some are at the helms of corporations or large organizations, wanting to take things in new, exciting directions but not sure where to go or how to get there. Others are inside organizations, acutely aware of what’s possible and what’s not working, but hesitant to volunteer their thoughts and ideas or fearful that doing so is just too risky.

Still more are entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, writers, and other creative, innovative, and resourceful people that are playing (or wrestling) with the idea of entering unchartered territory.

The good news is you don’t have to go off the deep end. 

Though change is knocking at your door (and may already have come through it), you don’t necessarily have to tear everything down and start over again. You just need to learn to see things differently – your opportunities, your challenges, your very self.

And you must learn to tap the reserves and the brilliance that is within you.

 

Why Letting Go of the Old Helps You Succeed With the New (and How to Do It)

 

What is it that you are longing to create in the coming year?

And what do you need to let go of to allow it to fully take root?

Every year, we are encouraged to set New Year’s resolutions.

We are a goal-driven society that is conditioned to seek more. Our egos desire more money, more fame and prestige, and more stuff. A deeper part of ourselves longs for more peace, more meaning, and more purpose in our lives.

We want to move beyond our previous realizations of what we’ve already accomplished to master newer, better ways of doing things (in our lives and our organizations) – and as leaders what we can inspire others to do.

Though it is tempting to think about how we can achieve all of this and what we need to do more of, perhaps what we really need to start with is what we need to do less of… what we need to let go of to create the space for something new to come in.

We are constantly evolving both individually and collectively. 

It is so easy to look to the past to define who we are through the things we’ve already done:  goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built. Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.

The fact of the matter is,

you are not your accomplishments,

your creations, or the sum of the various roles

you play in your life – manager, director, vice president,

mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc.

You are much, much more than that.

Your potential is limitless.

And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions.

They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take. To be happy, we reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target. So we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done – on a sort of autopilot.

Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some a growing source of discontentment. We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility that what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined.

In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to fully embrace the mystery unfolding in each of our lives.

Easier said than done, right?

How exactly do you go about letting go of the known when it’s all you know?

We can take our cues from nature. Snakes and other reptiles shed their skin, trees drop their leaves, and caterpillars create cocoons in which their forms entirely dissolve before recreating themselves as butterflies.

Even a fish in a bowl cannot stay in water that contains its excrement – the waste must either be emptied and replaced with new water, or absorbed by something else that will remove it from the fish’s environment.

Without engaging in these renewing processes, these creatures will die. And so it is of us. Many of us are already walking around encased in layers of old, dead stuff that needs to be released.

What are you holding onto in your life that has run its course?

What are the old outmoded ways of doing things that no longer bring you energy? What are the things you’ve acquired that you no longer need? What beliefs are you holding onto that are no longer true for you?

Pay attention to the times that you feel constricted, anxious, or tired and in those moments ask what you can let go of. Don’t be afraid of the answer. Though it may frighten you because it introduces an element of the unknown, following these insights will always lead to freedom and liberation.

Your computer can only handle so much data.

If you do not delete old email and get rid of files that have been accumulating over the years, and if you continue to add new programs without deleting old ones, you will find that it becomes sluggish and unresponsive.

Just as freeing up space allows your computer to process things more quickly, so too will clearing your own personal space (whether of things or thoughts) allow you to access new levels of clarity and creativity.

Space invites opportunity.

You will breathe easier, be more present in every action and interaction you partake of, and bring more of who you really are to what you do. And you will open up the space of possibility that will allow something to come in that may surprise and delight you.

So here’s a thought for the New Year: Instead of trying so hard to do more with less, perhaps we can allow ourselves to explore the possibility that in doing less, we can have so much more.

For more on how to affect your own personal and professional transformation, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.

Don’t Let a Gut Punch Keep You Down

 

If you’ve ever had a major disappointment, you know it can suck the wind right out of you, just like a gut punch. It can also steal your attention and energy and keep it fixated on something you likely have little or no control over. And that has far worse consequences.

Getting the wind knocked out of you is temporary. Eventually your breathing evens out and your bruises heal. But if you allow your attention and energy to be dominated by something that brings you down, you not only forfeit your ability to savor the positive things in your life – you also give away your power.

Why?

Because our brains are wired to take in information that confirms what we already believe, deem to be important, and/or are currently focused on. And they screen out any information that doesn’t match.

So, when you allow your focus to be consumed by something that’s bringing you down, your reticular activating system acts as a filter that allows more information in to match the dominant thought pattern. It’ll also screen out information that could otherwise pull you out of your funk. And that can keep you trapped in a downward spiral.

It’ll magnify your feelings of disappointment, but that’s not the worst of it. Since action follows thought, it’ll also keep you from recognizing what you could potentially do to rise above it.

But it doesn’t have to…

Here are five tips for turning that dynamic around – so you can bounce back from disappointment more quickly and get yourself back on a positive, productive, and promising trajectory.

1) Notice your state and acknowledge your feeling. Disappointment is real, as are the losses that often accompany them. Often denying those feelings just makes them stronger. Feeling them allows them to move through you more quickly.

2) Identify what you most want now. You can use the disappointment itself as a guiding force. If the thing you most wanted had come to be, what would it have given you? See if you can go deeper by identifying the feeling beneath them that was driving the desire. Perhaps it was a feeling of peace or joy. Maybe it was a sense of accomplishment or progress.

3) Shift your focus to whatever allows you to feel those feelings now. Maybe it’s something you are grateful for in your life. Or the memory of a previous success. The more you can identify with that feeling, the more likely you are to align your thoughts with what you most desire.

4) Shift your attention from what’s out of your control to what’s within your ability to impact. Even asking yourself the question of what you could do to bring your desire to fruition will begin to change your thought pattern and prompt your reticular activating system to search for ideas and solutions.

5) Never underestimate the power your thoughts and actions have on those around you. Use this opportunity to show others the way to rise above their own disappointment and frustration.

No one enjoys a gut punch. It may knock you down, but it doesn’t have to keep you there. With conscious intention, desire, and a willingness to stay in the game you can come back strong – with the mindset and mojo of a winner.

How to keep life’s obstacles from stopping you

Imagine that you’re cruising along in your car headed smoothly toward your destination. And then traffic slows to a stop.

Is there an accident ahead? Construction? Some other impediment?

No worries. Your GPS has an alternate route that’ll get you exactly where you need to go.

What if you could find your way around life’s roadblocks with the same ease and efficiency as your GPS system?

You can!

The video below will show you how. It marks Day 2 in the countdown to the kickoff of The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track launching on 9/20…

It’s an excerpt from one of the video lessons in the program. If you’re thinking about attending, it’s not too late to register. Get more information and save your seat at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com. For alumni or group enrollment, email us at Support@DianeBolden.com.

Sometimes the Smallest Changes Spark the Biggest Transformations

“How do you like your new office?” my friend asked. I had moved from a small building to a larger one and managed to find a nice little space on the second floor at the top of a winding staircase.

It didn’t take long for me to realize it was likely the ONLY small office, surrounded by much larger suites filled with employees of organizations far bigger than my own.

“I love it. It’s beautiful and quiet… Maybe too quiet sometimes,” I added.

My friend looked puzzled.

I missed walking down the halls of my old building, seeing warm smiles on familiar faces, and engaging in an occasional bit of banter.

“It’s strange,” I told her. People don’t seem to make eye contact. Everyone stares straight ahead and silently goes about their business. It’s like an unwritten code or something.”

“An introvert’s dream.” She replied.

She was right. Kind of.

As an introvert myself, I must admit I’m not one who actively seeks conversation. But something was missing. I just wasn’t feeling very connected.

A few days later I was washing my hands in the lady’s room. A woman came out of the stall and proceeded to the sink next to mine. Something welled up in me. Before I knew what I was doing, I heard myself break the silence, suddenly blurting out a clumsy greeting.

“How are you today?”

She looked up, somewhat startled, and stared blankly at me. For a moment, I was reminded of how it felt to be an awkward teenager.

“I’m fine,” she replied after what seemed an eternity. “How are you?”

“I’m great. I’m kind of new here, and I noticed that people don’t really talk to each other much – it’s like an elevator where everyone faces forward and never interacts. And I started to do that too. But I thought it might be nice to try something different today.”

Her face softened, and her eyes brightened. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just running all the time from thing to thing and so preoccupied.”

“I know that feeling,” I responded, thinking of how many times I was kind of relieved to not have to engage with anyone.

“It really is nice to just be able to talk like yourself, isn’t’ it?” she said.

I found her choice of words interesting. We both relaxed a bit and became a little more conscious. After exchanging names and talking ever so briefly, we each went our way.

And in that moment, the trajectory of my day (and perhaps that of days to come) was changed.

As I reflected on the interaction later, I realized how easy it is for all of us to just take as given the circumstances we find ourselves in – the social norms, the cultural conditioning, the perceived constraints of our day-to-day lives.

Some of those norms serve us. But every once in a while, you might recognize one you’d like to bump up against and challenge in some small, perhaps even unperceivable way.

Do it. You may find you’re not the only one who wants to break through those unwritten rules.

Sometimes the smallest changes spark the biggest transformations – even if only in yourself.

Here’s to busting out of your box!

When Life Throws You Curve Balls… Use Them to Improve Your Game

Have you experienced a lot of change and/or challenge recently?

The last several weeks/months ushered in a series of unfortunate events in my life that had me reeling a bit.  But I learned a few things in the process that helped me get through it all and bounce back stronger. Thought I’d share that in this week’s video…

As Robert Frost once said, “The best way out is always through.” I’ve learned that some of life’s richest lessons are learned through adversity. And what you learn in your personal life benefits you professionally (and vice versa).

We tend to want to move through unpleasant circumstances as quickly as possible, but there is something to be said for pausing long enough to absorb the wisdom they awaken within you. Because those situations always come with gifts that must be unwrapped to be fully received.

If you’re grappling with a challenge right now, I wish you peace, courage, resilience, and faith. You’ve likely been through worse – and you’ll come out the other side better.

Here’s to using life’s curve balls to improve your game!

How to Stay Cool When Things Get Hot at Work (and life itself)

 

There are those days…

You know the ones – when everything seems to hit the fan all at once.  Sometimes it’s just work, and other times it happens across other areas of your life too.  Maybe it’s a bad day. But it could be a tough week, tough month, tough… year?

In times like that, it’s like someone turned up the heat and left it on full blast far too long (kind of like the record-breaking temperatures we had in Phoenix over the entire month of July).

Everything seems to take more effort than it used to. The pressure increases and your energy declines.  It might be so hot that you lose your cool and become impatient with people and things (or yourself) in a way that makes things even worse.

If you can relate to any of this, you’ll likely enjoy my latest article in Brainz Magazine, How to Survive Tough Times at Work – Three Tips to Help You Come Out On Top.

 And if you’d like more on how to not only survive but thrive during your most challenging times (both at work and at home), check out The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed: The Real Leader’s Guide to Accessing the Freedom & Flow of Your Authentic Genius. Registration is now open!

This program integrates much of the work I’ve done coaching executive clients over the last 25+ years into a thirteen-week curriculum and is especially appropriate for high-achieving professionals experiencing high levels of stress, pressure, and overwhelm.

The fall session will kick off on Thursday 8/31 and run through 11/16.  To maximize individualized attention and group interaction, enrollment will be limited to ten people and will close on Friday 8/18.

Learn more and reserve your seat here.  Attend with a friend or colleague and you’ll both get $500 off the registration (email me to take advantage of that.)

Want to talk to a real person to get your questions about the program answered?  Click here to schedule a brief call directly with Diane.

Here’s to keeping your cool and performing at your best – even in the hottest of times!

Feeling stuck? Refocus on your GOAL…

 

Research indicates that 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the beginning of February.  And if you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s why I don’t ever SET them,” you are not alone.

BUT… we all have goals and dreams and visions that are important to us.  And achieving them isn’t always easy.  If you’re feeling stuck or stymied, you may begin to get discouraged.  You might judge yourself or beat yourself up – which certainly doesn’t help the situation.

But the solution for getting back in the game and on the path to achievement may not be as difficult as you think.  Perhaps all you need do is refocus on your goal, or better yet shift your focus to something even more compelling…

This video is about getting back in the game after you’ve lost some of your steam – or when your best laid plans have gone awry.  I’ve shared from my own personal experience (one that seems quite common) what I’ve found to be the biggest derailer – and how to avoid and/or overcome it.

Why refocus on your goal?  Because your dreams, visions, and heartfelt intentions are too important to let feeling stuck get in the way.  Watch the video to learn a powerful approach for getting out of the mire and back on the road to success.

And if you’d like more guidance on how to follow through on your most important intentions, visions and dreams – download my special report: Why Real Leaders Don’t Set Goals… (and what they do instead). 

You’ll learn:

1.) why goals in and of themselves are insufficient

2.) a simple, compelling, and far more effective approach to achievement

3.) how to minimize the chance that your plans will be derailed

4.) how to master your mindset to achieve your dreams.

 Here’s to your success!