How to Use Your Vacation to Strengthen Your Team (and your organization)

 

It’s not uncommon to return from vacation feeling like you need another vacation. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you approach your time away with the same level of thoughtfulness and intention that you do with any project you undertake, you can turn that around.

Three strategies will help you create vacation experiences that not only revitalize you and supercharge your performance but also increase the strength and effectiveness of your organization. I posted about the first strategy last week: Make the decision to completely disconnect from work.

This week, we’ll move to the second strategy…

(2) Prepare people in your organization to handle things in your absence.

Most executives would benefit by delegating and empowering others more in general. Often senior leaders find themselves unable to act strategically because they get bogged down in operational tasks that they really shouldn’t be involved in. So, creating a plan to prepare others to run things in your absence will yield dividends for you (and your organization) long after your vacation is over.

Take some time to identify what is most likely to hijack your relaxation, and plan accordingly.

Identify people in your organization whose skills, experience, and passion are a good match for things you would normally handle yourself. Then take the steps necessary to bring them up to speed and put them in charge while you are away.

Create and communicate guidelines that will help them know what to do in situations that would cause you the greatest stress, so they can make solid decisions without you.

Taking these steps not only helps ensure consistency and effectiveness while you are away.  It also develops key players on your team that, given the right opportunities, can make a bigger impact.

When you return, follow up to help your people integrate what they have learned and build on it.

In addition to increasing their own capability, their fresh perspective may yield insights into how things can be handled more effectively in the future. And the confidence you place in your staff can go a long way toward making them feel valued and appreciated.

Implementing this strategy for how to disconnect from work on vacation will allow you to open doors to new levels of performance that benefit your entire organization.

Next week, I’ll share with you the third strategy for disconnecting from work, so you can enjoy your vacation, return feeling refreshed and ready to reengage at a higher, more effective level, and set a powerful example for your people about how to maximize their own performance.

If you want to learn to infuse your work year-round with the same freshness and inspiration you feel after a good vacation, message me to learn about a new program I’ll soon be making available to a limited number of executives.

Why You Can’t Afford NOT to Disconnect from Work on Your Vacation

 

We all know we need vacations… time to rest and recuperate, enjoy our loved ones and have some fun. But all too often, being away creates stress for high-performing executives who dread coming back to loads of work that has piled up.

How can you truly leave work at the office while you’re on vacation, so you don’t spend your time away preoccupied or getting sucked into email and phone calls?

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting strategies to help you do just that.  Let’s start with number one…

(1) Make the decision to completely disconnect from work.

We all know our electronic devices need to be recharged to work properly. And it’s a no-brainer that they charge more efficiently when we’re not using them. However, we often fail to grasp that to replenish our energy, creativity, resilience, determination, and focus – we too need to go offline.

It is often our underlying (and unexamined) assumptions that keep us from truly relaxing.

We’re conditioned to believe that the harder you work, the more successful you’ll be, and that taking your eyes off the ball (even for a day, let alone a week or more) can lead to things spiraling out of control. As a result, many of us have a hard time letting go.

We approach our vacations with one foot in and one foot back in the office, checking our phones and becoming preoccupied with work. In this state of mind, it’s easy to get sucked back into anything that appears to be less than optimal.

Few of us realize that the belief we can’t afford to let go is the problem, which is why so many struggle with how to disconnect from work on vacation. Perhaps in reality, this belief causes more problems than it solves. 

• Like your cell phone, which is constantly searching for a signal and downloading messages, you too are expending energy even as you try to recharge it.
• You become far more susceptible to distractions that take you away from what you are doing in the moment.
• And before you even leave, that belief will keep you from doing the preparation necessary to ensure that others can handle things without you while you are away.

Once you realize this underlying belief is the culprit, you can substitute it with a new truth.

You can begin to entertain the possibility that disconnecting will truly serve you (and your organization) and act in ways that make that true. And when you fully commit to a vacation that allows you to go offline, you are better able to prepare in ways that make that possible.

This leads to the next strategy, which I’ll be sharing with you in my upcoming post next week…

If you want to learn to infuse your work year-round with the same freshness and inspiration you feel after a good vacation, message me to learn about a new program I’ll soon be making available to a limited number of executives.

A Simple Little Secret for Overcoming Inertia

Is there something you’ve wanted to do that you just can’t get yourself to act on?  You may dream and scheme, and even have a plan for moving forward.  But for whatever reason, you just haven’t been able to execute it.  Overcoming inertia is a common challenge, and it can keep you from your best work.  But it doesn’t have to.

You’re probably familiar with the law of inertia.  According to Merriam Webster, inertia is “…the inherent property of a body that makes it oppose a force that would cause a change in its motion. A body at rest and a body in motion both oppose forces that might cause acceleration.”

So, anytime you aspire to do something different, whether changing a habit or behavior, beginning a new endeavor, or creating anything – overcoming inertia is going to be a necessary and unavoidable part of the process.

It’s a powerful force.  Because it’ll lead you to believe that whatever you are about to do is going to be hard. And you may end up telling yourself stories that’ll keep you stuck.  You might convince yourself that whatever you are about to do is too complicated. Or that it’ll require too much work. Or that you don’t have the talent, energy, or wherewithal to endure it.

But what if the secret to overcoming inertia is to actually use the principle of inertia itself?

What if all you had to do to launch your new endeavor, habit, behavior, creation – or whatever you aspire to do – is just take some small action?

What if you don’t need to have it all figured out? …all your ducks in a row? …a multi-phase plan that maps every requirement, every step, and every contingency?

What if all you need to do is just START something?

Open a word doc and start writing.  Pick up the phone and make a call.  Go for a walk. Just get into action – and create new momentum – that is in alignment with whatever you ultimately want to accomplish.

If inertia is a force that leads us to continue doing what we’ve done before, by definition even the tiniest change in trajectory will begin to create a new force in a different direction.

Perhaps in this way, the smallest actions can ultimately lead to the biggest accomplishments.

I experienced the power of this a while ago, on a cold February day in Phoenix, Arizona.  And on a whim, I filmed a little video to capture my epiphany…

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hi, Diane Bolden, executive coach and author of “The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader.” And I just finished my morning ride. The thought hit me to shoot a video.

It’s cold here in Phoenix, which is crazy. I know. Wa, wa. But it was 35 degrees this morning, which is cold in Phoenix in February. And I did not want to get out of bed.  And I did not want to ride the exercise bike.  But I did it.

And I had an insight while I was riding that I wanted to share with you. What I realized is that it was hard to get on the bike because I was cold and I had to push through that resistance.

But now I’m warm. I’m actually kind of hot.

And I was thinking about how this is kind of like a metaphor for life… because whenever you start something new, you feel kind of cold.  And you don’t want to.  And there’s a lot of resistance.

[NOTE:  Starting something new requires overcoming inertia – the momentum of whatever you were doing before that may be keeping you from doing what you’d like to do next.  But… you can use the force of inertial to overcome inertia.]

And the more you give yourself to it – the more you allow yourself to kind of be in the game and push, (and I don’t mean push in a negative way, I just mean to get warm, to get your feet wet, to start something somewhere), what’s interesting is the environment doesn’t change…

It’s still very cold outside, and in here, but my body’s warmer and I have the ability to do things that I couldn’t do when I first woke up. And isn’t that just the same thing with life?

We start off and we’re cold. The environment doesn’t change, the circumstances don’t change. But if you allow yourself to get in the game and to get a little warm, and to move a little bit, you might find that you change.

And when you do, you’re capable of doing things you maybe didn’t think you could.

3 Steps for Escaping the Hamster Wheel

Do you find yourself running from one thing to the next with little time to think about what you’re doing and why?

If you said yes, you’re not alone.

Many high achieving professionals feel they have way more to do than time to do it. Their ambition, drive, and passion have served them well, but they know they’re capable of more. More opportunity, more impact, and dare I say – more freedom to enjoy their careers and their lives.

The daily grind keeps us tethered to the ground, thinking our best is just around the corner if only we can get through what’s in front of us – often an accumulation of projects and commitments that grows far faster than it shrinks. Occasionally, it becomes apparent that something’s got to give.

But who has time to slow down when there’s so much more to get done?

The fantasy many of us have bought into is that if we just work longer and harder, we will get there. And despite our longing to find balance and the sweet spot that will finally allow us to relax and be more effective, we often act in ways that bring greater levels of anxiety and toil.

As leaders, we also unwittingly create entire cultures of people who emulate our frenetic behavior in the name of getting ahead.

The hamster in the wheel doesn’t know he isn’t getting anywhere.

And before he can, he must realize that he is, in fact, in a wheel. Our wheels are much more sophisticated and deceiving than those of the hamster. Because initially, our wheels do get us somewhere. It’s just that over time, they lose traction and become stuck in comfortable ruts.

And we don’t realize when we’re stuck, because it doesn’t seem possible to be standing still when you’re running like hell.

How willing are you to recognize that perhaps there is a better way?

All change begins with awareness coupled with desire. To move beyond your madness, try the following:

• Pay attention when you’re feeling anxious, stressed, or tense. Recognize the thought or behavior pattern that may be causing this discomfort. This may be a prime area for a shift.
• Ask yourself some discerning questions such as, “What small, but powerful change could I make today that would allow me to be more effective?” Open your mind to different approaches, processes and greater discernment about what really must be done, when, and by whom.
• Notice what catches your attention in the coming days. The answers to your questions will reveal themselves to you, but you must hold the intention to receive them and be willing to listen.

Once you recognize the patterns and triggers that perpetuate your anxiety, stress, and pressure – and the impact they’re having in your life, they begin to lose their hold on you. As they fall away, you can escape the hamster wheel and take the kind of inspired action that’ll get you where you REALLY want to go.

Here’s to your success!

The Fallacy of Failure… and How to Rise Above It

“What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?”

~ Robert H. Schuller

It’s easy to think of shooting for the moon when the idea of crashing to the ground doesn’t enter the picture. We can dream and scheme all we want, but to make our dreams real, we must act. And when we do, the idea of failure has a way of creeping in despite our best attempts to move forward.

Failure means different things to different people. But what’s most debilitating about the idea of it is having to experience or endure some kind of pain – pain of rejection, embarrassment, loss, financial ruin – not to mention its actual physical variations.

The interesting thing about pain is that, thankfully, it is usually finite. It comes and it goes. And while we don’t always have control over whether we experience it, we do seem to play a part in how long it lasts and how uncomfortable it gets.

As a kid, getting immunizations was terrifying. I remember how worked up I would get before the needle even came close to my skin. And I watched my kids do the same thing –screaming or wailing before contact was ever actually made.  But a few seconds later, the injections were completed before they even realized it.

They got off the exam table and immediately went onto other things – except when one of them, in need of a little more sympathy deliberately focused on the blood on the bandage – making the experience into something far more painful than it needed to be.

I think we do the same thing when we contemplate the pain that accompanies what we believe would be “failure”. Our minds have a way of making it far more ominous than it ever is in reality. And if we happen to find ourselves experiencing it, we can also fall into the trap of unwittingly making it more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

But we can also exercise resilience and determination in our ability to bounce back and focus on something that will allow us to move forward despite an otherwise unpleasant experience.

Because what it really comes down to is what your experiences – regardless of the way they turn out – have given you, rather than cost you. People who have accomplished extraordinary things in the world are the first to tell you that what many refer to as “failure” has plagued them time after time.  And many will tell you those experiences were prerequisites for their success.

What differentiates them from those who allowed “failure” to defeat them is that they picked themselves up, figured out what they could learn, and moved forward armed with a new awareness, a new understanding, and a renewed commitment to their greatest dreams and visions.

What great thing can YOU achieve today, knowing that you simply cannot fail?

Can you slow down time?

 

What if you could slow down time? 

If you’ve ever had a great massage, a decadent vacation or a fantastic meal, you may have consciously savored each moment or morsel in such a way that allows you to enjoy every second of the experience.

While you may not have actually altered time, being intensely present does seem to allow you to expand your experience of each moment in a way that connects you with the sublime.

Contrast that to how you have felt at the end of a long day.

While stuck in traffic, sitting in meeting after meeting, or getting a cavity filled, perhaps you’ve found that you can disengage altogether and occupy your mind with other things. And when you do, time may seem to speed up. The whole experience can become distant and a bit blurred.

You can drive all the way home and not be able to recall a single landmark you passed along the way.

Knowing we can slow down or speed up time for ourselves may be interesting.

But what is even more intriguing – and somewhat unsettling – is the thought of how much of our lives have been spent somewhere between these two extremes, on a kind of auto pilot.

• How many times when talking with someone has your mind been somewhere else – reviewing your “to do” list, rehashing something that just happened, or even determining what you want to say next?
• How often have you foregone the moment unfolding before you because you were fretting about the past or worrying about the future?
• How many missed opportunities have we all had to be truly present with each other, listening intently and holding space that allows others to feel seen and heard and valued?

What if we lived more often with the intention of not wanting to miss a thing?

• How much more trust could we inspire and cultivate?
• How much more effectively could we create and innovate to meet emerging challenges and opportunities?
• How much more of our very selves could we bring to everything we do and everyone we are with?

Imagine how much better our world could be as a result.

Perhaps as we become more aware of the degree to which we are really showing up, we can begin to gauge how much of our lives we are truly living.  And then we can consciously create and enjoy lives worth living and organizations worth working for.

Why is this happening?!

 

I recently designed and delivered a workshop for one of my oldest clients to address something that will be as relevant in 5, 10, or 20 years as it is now and impacts us all personally and professionally every day… “How to Survive and THRIVE in Turbulence, Transition, and Transformation”.

We all have a wealth of experience working through each of those things because they come at us regularly. And the more we do, the better we get at handling them. If you look back on the most challenging times of your life, when you were pushed to your limit (or beyond), when the rug got pulled out from under you, when something came at you that you had no idea how to handle – despite whatever doubts or misgivings you may have had, you got through it.

And you learned a thing or two in the process. Though those times in your personal and professional life are often things you may rather forget, there is much to be gained in realizing just how much they have taught you – and perhaps to consider that they may be preparing you for something greater.

We all have our unique personal and career paths. And we have within us everything we need to reach our fullest potential, which exists within us as seeds that wait for the best conditions to sprout.

Some of our seeds will be like that of the lotus flower. They’ll remain dormant in the mud for years, until the time is right for them to grow roots and to shoot a stem upward toward the light, followed by exquisitely vibrant flowers and leaves.

If the lotus flower can bloom so beautifully from
the thickest and deepest mud, perhaps so too can we.

What’s interesting about creating a vision for something you want to achieve is that life has a way of delivering to you the exact combination of experiences that will prepare you to step into that vision and become the person who can make it real.

Some of those experiences we wouldn’t choose for ourselves.

Many of my executive coaching clients can’t help but ask, “Why is this happening to me?”. And they often tell me months later that without those experiences they initially bemoaned, they wouldn’t have had the strength, stamina, insight, or the ability to accomplish some of the very things they are most proud of.

Consider for a moment the stuff that is being thrown at you – difficulties that threaten to drag you down, turbulence that threatens your stability, and curve balls that keep you on your toes. And remember two things: (1) You have everything you need to rise to those challenges and work through them in ways that allow you to prevail, and (2) In the process of doing so, you’ll continue to develop the strength, resilience, and confidence to rise to the heights you most aspire to.

If you’re interested in one-on-one personalized leadership development or would like to bring a custom-designed workshop into your organization, message me for more information.

Why Letting Go of the Old Helps You Succeed With the New (and How to Do It)

 

What is it that you are longing to create in the coming year?

And what do you need to let go of to allow it to fully take root?

Every year, we are encouraged to set New Year’s resolutions.

We are a goal-driven society that is conditioned to seek more. Our egos desire more money, more fame and prestige, and more stuff. A deeper part of ourselves longs for more peace, more meaning, and more purpose in our lives.

We want to move beyond our previous realizations of what we’ve already accomplished to master newer, better ways of doing things (in our lives and our organizations) – and as leaders what we can inspire others to do.

Though it is tempting to think about how we can achieve all of this and what we need to do more of, perhaps what we really need to start with is what we need to do less of… what we need to let go of to create the space for something new to come in.

We are constantly evolving both individually and collectively. 

It is so easy to look to the past to define who we are through the things we’ve already done:  goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built. Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.

The fact of the matter is,

you are not your accomplishments,

your creations, or the sum of the various roles

you play in your life – manager, director, vice president,

mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc.

You are much, much more than that.

Your potential is limitless.

And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions.

They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take. To be happy, we reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target. So we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done – on a sort of autopilot.

Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some a growing source of discontentment. We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility that what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined.

In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to fully embrace the mystery unfolding in each of our lives.

Easier said than done, right?

How exactly do you go about letting go of the known when it’s all you know?

We can take our cues from nature. Snakes and other reptiles shed their skin, trees drop their leaves, and caterpillars create cocoons in which their forms entirely dissolve before recreating themselves as butterflies.

Even a fish in a bowl cannot stay in water that contains its excrement – the waste must either be emptied and replaced with new water, or absorbed by something else that will remove it from the fish’s environment.

Without engaging in these renewing processes, these creatures will die. And so it is of us. Many of us are already walking around encased in layers of old, dead stuff that needs to be released.

What are you holding onto in your life that has run its course?

What are the old outmoded ways of doing things that no longer bring you energy? What are the things you’ve acquired that you no longer need? What beliefs are you holding onto that are no longer true for you?

Pay attention to the times that you feel constricted, anxious, or tired and in those moments ask what you can let go of. Don’t be afraid of the answer. Though it may frighten you because it introduces an element of the unknown, following these insights will always lead to freedom and liberation.

Your computer can only handle so much data.

If you do not delete old email and get rid of files that have been accumulating over the years, and if you continue to add new programs without deleting old ones, you will find that it becomes sluggish and unresponsive.

Just as freeing up space allows your computer to process things more quickly, so too will clearing your own personal space (whether of things or thoughts) allow you to access new levels of clarity and creativity.

Space invites opportunity.

You will breathe easier, be more present in every action and interaction you partake of, and bring more of who you really are to what you do. And you will open up the space of possibility that will allow something to come in that may surprise and delight you.

So here’s a thought for the New Year: Instead of trying so hard to do more with less, perhaps we can allow ourselves to explore the possibility that in doing less, we can have so much more.

For more on how to affect your own personal and professional transformation, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.

Ringing in the New Year: Why Looking Back is as Vital as Looking Ahead

 

There is something magical about being at the threshold of a new year.

It’s like climbing to the top of a long staircase to find yourself on a landing, standing before a large glimmering door just waiting to be opened. As you look down, you realize how far you have climbed to get here. Yet, you cannot help but wonder what lies behind the door.

Often, we underestimate the amount of growth we have achieved.

It’s important to take some time to reflect on the unique combination of experiences that have led to both successes and disappointments and the learnings that have accompanied them. Doing so cultivates insight that helps you know what to do in the future.

I often work with people who feel ready for a change but aren’t sure what that change should be. They aren’t necessarily miserable in their jobs or other areas of their lives – they just long for something that will fill them up in ways they haven’t been fulfilled in the past.

When I coach people who feel this way, they sometimes want me to tell them what the next best step is – to give them the answer or a step-by-step process that will lead them to find what they seek. Of course, no person has these answers for another. Our greatest challenge and opportunity is to find them for ourselves.

Each of our lives has a story with perfect order and meaning.

As in a novel or screenplay, each character has a unique relationship to the main character, and every scene has some relevance to his growth and evolution. There will be victories and disappointments as well as twists and turns.

We will have occasion to laugh, cry, and experience a myriad of other emotions that are somewhere in between. And as a result of this perfect combination of events and mini-plots, we discover ourselves to be better people.

When reading a book or watching a movie, the perfect order is often easier to see than it is for the characters enmeshed in the stories we are watching. Yet, the mystery and intrigue, the humor over each misstep, and the courage we see the characters exude to find their way give substance to the story and allow us to leave the book or the theatre feeling moved or inspired in some way.

As you reflect on 2024, can you identify your story’s most pivotal turns? What did you learn from them? Think about your character sketch. What are the endearing qualities you have that make you unique and special? How can you leverage them to build on the previous events to create a story worth telling?

Think also about the people that surround you. In what ways are they helping you grow? What are they teaching you about yourself – whether in joyful or painful ways? And what qualities do they possess that are similar to and different from yours? How do you complement each other, and what might it be that you can create together?

You now sit at the threshold of another chapter in your story.

Contemplate what you have already experienced and ask yourself how you might build upon it to add a bit of intrigue and adventure. Identify the ways that you could add a little lightness and humor. Think about the interplay between the characters and how you could spice things up a little.

We have each been given the makings of a beautiful tale. Open your eyes and survey them the way you would the perfectly planned detail of your favorite movie or novel. Give yourself completely to the adventure, the possibilities, and the humor in your life.

Then find a way to revel in the joy of living it.

Here’s to a bright, beautiful New Year!

 

For more on reveling in the adventure that is your life, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.

How Going Backwards Can Help You Move Forward

 

“I can’t believe I did that (again).”

I hear that often from clients who are intent on changing a behavior or habit they’ve realized is getting in their way.

And of course, I’ve said it myself.

But for anyone who has uttered those words, I have good news.

If you’ve caught yourself (even after the fact) falling into old, painful patterns, you are actually making great progress.

It’s likely that many of the things that get in your way operate beneath your level of conscious awareness. They may be knee jerk reactions that occur when you are triggered (i.e. firing off that email before you’ve calmed down or talking louder instead of listening or seeking to understand).

You may do them on autopilot – without even realizing it (i.e. checking your inbox every time a new email comes in or saying yes to something you don’t have time for).

And those are the things that can get you in trouble.

Because though you may not realize when you’re engaging in self-defeating behavior, you will experience the IMPACT of that behavior (stress, frustration, overwhelm, anxiety).

And rather than realizing that impact is something self-created (that you can prevent in the future), it’s all too easy to attribute it to external circumstances… the behavior of others, the stressful environments you’re in, the pressure you’re under.

BUT – when you not only realize you tend to fall into some kind of self-defeating pattern, but also CATCH yourself doing it, you have just interrupted a vicious cycle. The pattern begins to lose its power, because once you have become aware of it you have reclaimed that power for yourself.

EVEN if you don’t catch yourself until after the fact.

You can replay your own behavior in your mind’s eye and notice what the trigger was and how you reacted. You can ask yourself, “what could I do in a similar situation that would be better than what I just did?”

In your mind’s eye, you can watch yourself engaging in that alternative behavior over and over again (which is much more productive than repeatedly beating yourself up as you replay the actual event).

And that practice has been scientifically proven to change behavior. Brain scans show mental rehearsal builds the same neural connections that actual practice does. It creates a new path for your brain to travel on – one that will eventually allow your behavior to follow.

As you continue to hold the intention of catching yourself falling into an old pattern and choosing a different, more effective response, the time it’ll take for you respond in alignment with your intentions will get shorter and shorter.

You’ll go from catching yourself after the fact to catching yourself moments after it happened (and having the opportunity to redirect), to realizing you’ve been triggered and engaging in a more effective way altogether.

So, the next time you catch yourself falling into an old habit, pat yourself on the back and leverage your experience as a path for progress.