Is the way you’re working not really working for you?

 

 

I’ve been talking with a lot of people who feel like the way they’ve been working over the last several years just isn’t working for them anymore.  Can you relate?

Some had become accustomed to seventy and eighty-hour work weeks.  They were used to pushing through exhaustion, getting to the end of the day with nothing left in the tank, and starting the next one with very little sleep.  Their family life suffered, as well as their own sanity.

Work they once enjoyed had begun to suck the life out of them.

Covid brought things to a head for a lot of us.  We were reminded of our own mortality – of the preciousness of life, and our desire to live it fully.  It seeded a desire to seek greater freedom and fulfillment in our work and our lives and to create necessary change.

But for many (maybe even you?), there is still a compulsion to push harder even though you’ve reached a point of diminishing returns. Perhaps you’ve slipped off your groove and seem to be spinning your wheels, going faster than ever but not really getting anywhere – except more stuck.

If this is true for you, it’s not your fault.  We have been conditioned to believe the harder we work and the busier we are, the more successful we’ll be… and that slowing down to take care of ourselves is a sign of weakness.

Old habits, patterns and beliefs die hard.  But they can be replaced with better ones.

I invite you to participate in a think tank that is eager to find a better way, to unlearn old self-defeating habits and patterns and replace them with new ones, and in so doing unleash genius in yourself and others.

You can find out more about this groundbreaking 7-week leadership development program kicking off on September 20 at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com.

Here’s what a previous participant had to say:

“I’ve really benefitted from the tools and approaches taught in The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program and often found I was able to immediately apply a concept or tool covered in a lesson or a group meeting to something unfolding at work.  I’ve kept myself from falling into traps that used to keep me overextended and replaced old unconscious ways of working with better communication, prioritization, delegation and daily routines.

Integrating what I’ve learned in the program has also helped me stay positive and not get pulled down by things around me – and as a result have a beneficial impact on others as well. I’m living my life much more consciously and intentionally both at work and home and feeling so much happier, even as lines between work and family are becoming increasingly blurred.

I’m thrilled that people in my team have also gone through the program and will continue to do so, because I believe it’s helped us restructure and reinvigorate the way we do business to maximize our strengths and better serve our customers.”

Julie Patrick, Senior Account Executive, Employer Advocates

Feeling constrained at work (and life)?

 

If you’ve ever felt like you’re at the mercy of your environment, you may be craving more freedom in your work (and your life). Do you ever…

…feel encumbered by everything on your plate and worry that if you slow down for a minute everything could come crashing down?

…experience pressure to achieve stellar success and believe you’re only as good as your last accomplishment?

…get preoccupied with what people – your boss, peers, subordinates, even your customers think of you and exert a lot of energy trying to manage their perceptions?

…feel constrained by corporate politics and compelled to say and do things to keep yourself safe, while holding back on sharing what you really think (or who you really are)?

Most of us occasionally think and act in ways that keep us feeling trapped because it may seem doing so leads to success (or prevents “failure”). But despite your best efforts, that automatic reaction will keep you from what you most want – and eventually suck the life out of you.

There is a wiser, stronger part of you that’ll show you a better way. It’s present and playful, creative and courageous, and capable of achieving extraordinary things.

We’re conditioned to keep this version of ourselves at bay, though it offers our truest source of sustainable fuel. We often don’t even realize what great lengths we go to hold ourselves down.

What would it look like if you let more of this side yourself come out at work?

Imagine a reality where you…

… are less preoccupied and more present, have clarity to efficiently and effectively get the most important things done, and access innovative solutions that would otherwise elude you.

…are buoyed by energy, enthusiasm and confidence rather than overcome with fear and doubt.

…worry less about what people think of you and enjoy stronger, deeper connections with people who are important to you, allowing you to have greater influence and stronger relationships.

…bring more of who you really are to what you do, allowing your organization and everyone around you to benefit from your unique perspective, talents and wisdom – and through your example unleash the talent and passion of people around you.

That is a state of freedom and flow. And it’s entirely within your reach. The first step is simply to envision what that would feel and look like in your life and open yourself to the possibility of achieving it.

If you’d like some support accessing and sustaining that way of working and living, consider joining me in my upcoming program kicking off on September 20.

The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track: The Real Leader’s Guide to Accessing the Freedom & Flow of Your Authentic Genius is a seven-week leadership development program designed for high achieving professionals who are ready to reclaim their freedom, unleash their Genius, and through their example pave the way for others to do the same. Registration is now open.

You can read more about it at UnleashtheExtraordinary.com

P.S. Do you work for an organization that has a budget for leadership development? Download the business case for completing the program, which spells out seven powerful ways your organization will experience a return on its investment.

How to Break Out of Overwhelm and Lighten Your Load

 

 

Have you ever noticed that your experience directly reflects your state of mind?

When you feel heavy and bogged down, everything you do becomes harder and more cumbersome.

You may think the way you feel is a result of your experiences, and that’s true — the more you have to do, the more overwhelmed you’ll feel. But the reverse also applies — the more overwhelmed you feel, the more you are likely to act in ways that exacerbate it. You might procrastinate, overcomplicate things, or waste energy resisting and worrying.

If you focus on evidence suggesting you’ll never rise above the way you are feeling, you’ll trap yourself in vicious circles where you’ll continue to see what you want to rise above and feel the frustration of being unable to break free.

In fact, your frame of mind with everything you do has a direct effect on whether the experience of doing it will be exhilarating and satisfying or frustrating and heavy. 

The stories we tell ourselves have a way of coming true. The way out of the traps we set for ourselves is to start not with our experiences, but our thoughts.

The fundamental shift must come not in what you do, or even how you do it, but what you are thinking, believing and allowing yourself to feel about what you are doing. 

To that end, setting an intention or statement of your desired experience can be very powerful. If you want greater freedom and joy, more meaning and satisfaction, and heightened effectiveness, you must align your thoughts around enjoying those experiences before you even start.

And you need to become diligently aware of the degree to which your thoughts stay aligned with your overarching intention. When they drift, you can return to them, remember what you really want, and align yourself with the state you wish to be in again.

In this way, you can break the vicious cycle of allowing your experiences to bring you down in ways that result in more lousy experiences — and begin anew. Your actions align with your thoughts, and you’ll find yourself coming up with creative ways to simplify, get focused on what is most important, and get it done while enjoying yourself in the process – and sharing your joy with everyone around you.

Looking for a better way to lighten your load?

Check out The Pinocchio Principle Unleashed Fast Track: The Real Leader’s Guide to Accessing the Freedom & Flow of Your Authentic Genius, an exclusive 7-week leadership development program designed to help high achieving (and often overextended) leaders minimize pressure and stress so they can access their best work — and enjoy their lives more both on and off the job.

Registration for the fall session is now open! The program will kick off on Friday 9/20 and go through November 1. Visit UnleashtheExtraordinary.com for more information or to reserve your seat.

Sometimes the Smallest Changes Spark the Biggest Transformations

“How do you like your new office?” my friend asked. I had moved from a small building to a larger one and managed to find a nice little space on the second floor at the top of a winding staircase.

It didn’t take long for me to realize it was likely the ONLY small office, surrounded by much larger suites filled with employees of organizations far bigger than my own.

“I love it. It’s beautiful and quiet… Maybe too quiet sometimes,” I added.

My friend looked puzzled.

I missed walking down the halls of my old building, seeing warm smiles on familiar faces, and engaging in an occasional bit of banter.

“It’s strange,” I told her. People don’t seem to make eye contact. Everyone stares straight ahead and silently goes about their business. It’s like an unwritten code or something.”

“An introvert’s dream.” She replied.

She was right. Kind of.

As an introvert myself, I must admit I’m not one who actively seeks conversation. But something was missing. I just wasn’t feeling very connected.

A few days later I was washing my hands in the lady’s room. A woman came out of the stall and proceeded to the sink next to mine. Something welled up in me. Before I knew what I was doing, I heard myself break the silence, suddenly blurting out a clumsy greeting.

“How are you today?”

She looked up, somewhat startled, and stared blankly at me. For a moment, I was reminded of how it felt to be an awkward teenager.

“I’m fine,” she replied after what seemed an eternity. “How are you?”

“I’m great. I’m kind of new here, and I noticed that people don’t really talk to each other much – it’s like an elevator where everyone faces forward and never interacts. And I started to do that too. But I thought it might be nice to try something different today.”

Her face softened, and her eyes brightened. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just running all the time from thing to thing and so preoccupied.”

“I know that feeling,” I responded, thinking of how many times I was kind of relieved to not have to engage with anyone.

“It really is nice to just be able to talk like yourself, isn’t’ it?” she said.

I found her choice of words interesting. We both relaxed a bit and became a little more conscious. After exchanging names and talking ever so briefly, we each went our way.

And in that moment, the trajectory of my day (and perhaps that of days to come) was changed.

As I reflected on the interaction later, I realized how easy it is for all of us to just take as given the circumstances we find ourselves in – the social norms, the cultural conditioning, the perceived constraints of our day-to-day lives.

Some of those norms serve us. But every once in a while, you might recognize one you’d like to bump up against and challenge in some small, perhaps even unperceivable way.

Do it. You may find you’re not the only one who wants to break through those unwritten rules.

Sometimes the smallest changes spark the biggest transformations – even if only in yourself.

Here’s to busting out of your box!

Performance Management Doesn’t Have to Be Painful

Do you dread doing performance appraisals? (…or any kind of performance management?)

If so, you’re not alone. It’s rarely an experience people look forward to – whether on the receiving, or the giving end. But it doesn’t have to be.

It’s true that many performance appraisal systems don’t do much to motivate and inspire even the strongest of performers (and are often seen as a necessary evil). But if you feel your hands are tied as a result, you will dramatically underestimate the power of your leadership.

Over the years, in the myriad of 360 feedback interviews I’ve done for my executive clients, it almost never fails that at least one (and usually many more) of their directs indicate they would really like to have more feedback, coaching, and mentoring on what they could do better…

Which is interesting – because they don’t just say they want more POSITIVE feedback. They say they want the CONSTRUCTIVE kind too.

They want to know what their leader sees them as capable of achieving – what heights their manager envisions them potentially reaching. And they want to know what they need to do (or stop doing) to close the gap between where they are and where they could be.

These conversations are undoubtedly something that should happen more than once or twice a year. But even if, like many leaders, you have not yet made good on your intentions to have those conversations more often, you can start anytime.

You can start now.

Here are some questions worth considering that can help you turn otherwise unpleasant feedback conversations into valuable ignitors of performance.

• What do you see each of your people capable of achieving?
• What, if anything might they be doing that could get in their way?
• How can you bring limiting behaviors or patterns to their attention in a way that helps them recognize (1) how their current behavior is getting in their way, (2) why making a change will help them to succeed, (3) what they need to do differently, (4) what gives you the confidence they can turn things around?
• What coaching, mentoring, learning/development opportunities, and/or other support can you make available to help them bridge the gap?

Performance feedback conversations don’t have to be a drag.

If you were walking around with a giant weight tied to your back that you didn’t realize you were carrying, you’d be grateful to someone who helped you recognize how to release it. Especially if that person was also able to hold a vision of what you could achieve if you let it go – and where you might be able to go without it.

As a leader, you can do that for other people all day, every day.

Here’s to your success – and your ability to help others succeed too!

Diane

How to Keep Your Dream Alive (despite doubt, hesitation and other obstacles)

 

Do you have a vision you aspire to make real? No matter what the day/week/month brings… hold strong and continue to breathe life into it. And don’t let your doubt or hesitation steal its fire.

As children, most of us received mixed messages. You may have been encouraged to follow your heart and give life to your dreams in addition to being conditioned to be practical, hedge your bets, and take the safest route. Over time, many of us have allowed the roar of public opinion – that often tells us our dreams are frivolous, selfish, and unlikely to come to fruition – to silence that small still voice within.

But those among us who have risen against their odds have learned to reverse that process and believe in themselves and their dreams despite the overwhelming evidence around them that would suggest that success is improbable.

“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lost that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all.

And so today I still have a dream.”

~ Martin Luther King

The beginning of each year brings with it the question of what you will focus your time, energy, and resources on accomplishing. It is an optimal time to reacquaint yourself with your dreams and visions, your purpose and values, and the question of how you can become a living example of that which you most admire.

You may be quite sure of what it is you would like to create, do, have, or become. Or perhaps you have only small pieces of a bigger puzzle that has not yet come together.

We all have different talents and strengths, diverse styles and passions – along with a unique combination of experiences (for better or worse) that allows us to discover and apply them to create something bigger than ourselves. You may not know exactly what form it will take, but if you pay attention to the whispers and yearnings of your heart, you’ll begin to make out the shape of something that beckons to you.

The power of your dream will be bolstered by the degree to which your vision expands beyond your own interests to those of others around you. Spend some time contemplating where you feel most drawn and why.

When you land on something that will allow your gifts to align with those of others to accomplish complementary goals, you’ll join forces with something much greater than yourself. It will lift you up when your energy is low and sustain you through moments of doubt and fear.

If you’d like some support in learning how you can leverage your unique style to best connect and collaborate with others to make your vision real, take advantage of a special Happy New Year offer.

For a limited time when you enroll in the Leverage Your Style Behavioral Style Self Study, you’ll have complimentary access to Navigating Change, Challenge & Uncertainty: How to Unleash Extraordinary Performance in Unchartered Territory. Go to www.MeetChangeWithStyle.com for more information (including the curriculum for each course) and to enroll.

You’ll also receive a research-backed, highly validated Target Training International assessment that’ll provide you with a comprehensive 20+ page report about your specific style, including your strengths and areas of opportunity.

Here’s to the power of YOUR dream!

The One Gift Everyone Needs Most (and No One Gets Enough Of)

 

Regardless of your holiday budget, there’s a gift you can share that transcends all others and won’t cost you a thing. One could argue it’s the one thing that no one gets enough of and everyone needs the most…

It’s the gift of presence, a state that allows us to truly bring out the best in ourselves so that we can do the same for others.

When you give presence, everyone benefits – including you.

You can experience it wherever you are — whether in a meeting, running an errand, sitting at your desk, or in a conversation. It has the power to transform the way you experience your daily life and what it allows you to create for yourself and others — without really DOING anything at all.

Can you recall the last time you felt totally and completely attended to?

Chances are it wasn’t when someone was giving you advice or telling you what to do. It may not have even been when someone was serving you or watching you tear open a gift. Yet when we think of giving something to others our minds often immediately jump to what we can do, say or buy for someone. Many times, the best gift we can give someone is that of our presence.

What exactly is presence?

The word present derives from the Latin past participle praesse meaning “to be before one”. It’s a state of being that’s achieved when you’re truly in the moment, allowing it to unfold without judging it, labeling it, or getting lost in your thoughts about what it means or what you believe should be happening next (or instead).

Presence allows us to cut through the clamor of our preoccupations, worries and fears so that our true selves can emerge. It’s a gateway through which our intuition and inner wisdom enters and expresses itself. A moment of presence is a state of grace that allows us to receive powerful insights that help us make the most of our opportunities and rise to our challenges in creative ways.

It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

 In these moments of presence, you’ll experience things on a different level – one that allows you to respond from a deeper, wiser part of yourself. And when you are with others, listening deeply and making them the center of your attention you will bring out that deeper, wiser part of them as well.

This is why the best leaders have learned to become comfortable with silence, to listen more than they talk, and to allow themselves to become instruments that help others to recognize their own greatness – not necessarily through anything that say or do, but rather through moments of presence that are created and shared with others.

In a world where everything moves so fast and people often feel overlooked and unheard, presence is one of the greatest gifts you can give.

It has the capacity to transform ordinary everyday life into precious moments that’ll become treasured memories. And since it’s a gift that’ll give as much to you as it will to others, it makes giving as wonderful as getting – no matter the time of year.

Here’s to your presence! Wishing you and yours a beautiful holiday.

 

It’s Not What You Do – It’s the Way that You Do It…

 

Ahh December.  Twinkle lights on trees and rooftops, the smell of wood burning in fireplaces, a refreshing chill in the air…  and of course, a whole slew of things to do that can tip the scales for people who were already feeling overwhelmed with work (and maybe even life itself).

How You Do Things is as Important as What You Do (…maybe even more so)

It’s tempting to approach all those things the way you do items on a checklist – just power through them in the most efficient way possible.  The risk of that, however, is that you’ll relegate yourself to a kind of “autopilot” state, where you’re going through the motions with your head and your hands but not really your heart.

And when that happens, the things you do can feel empty – for yourself and others too.

Never Underestimate the Power of Presence

I’m convinced that when people receive what we give them, they experience the energy we put into it.  You’ve probably had someone tell you to have a good day while looking at their phone or multi-tasking.  It just doesn’t have the same impact as it does when they look you in the eye and are truly with you, sharing a feeling and not just words that sound good.

The end of the year brings into focus what really matters in our lives.

November leads us to think about what we are grateful for.  December allows us to spend time with those we love, both giving and receiving in ways that create and perpetuate joy.  And as we move closer to January, we do well to reflect on what we most want to experience, accomplish, or become in the new year.

It’s a time that calls us to be present – and to pour our very selves into what matters most.

Honor What’s Most Important

You may not be able to DO everything on your list (most of us never really can).  Instead, take some time to identify what is really important to you.

What are the things you care so much about that it’s worth slowing down to pour enough of yourself into them that people are moved by the experience?  Those things you give yourself to wholeheartedly will be the game changers in both your personal and your professional life.

So be intentional.  Start now.  Today. 

What matters most to you?  And how can you be completely present and intentional in a way that allows others to truly experience the magnitude of what you have to offer?

Because when you do, what you give to others will enrich your own life as much as it does theirs.

 

How an Attitude of Gratitude Can Transform Your Work – and Your Life

 

Though Thanksgiving is behind us, taking an attitude of gratitude into our everyday lives pays great dividends – both personally and professionally.  Gratitude allows us to see beyond life’s little (and big) trials and tribulations to find openings where we previously only saw obstacles.  It allows us to move past annoyance and irritation to find something redeeming in people and situations.  And it has the power to transform frustration into appreciation.

It’s scientifically proven…

There is scientific evidence that our thoughts and focus can influence our perception, behavior, and outcomes.  When you consciously shift into a state of gratitude, your heightened level of focus will allow you to see solutions, opportunities, and possibilities you might otherwise miss – and act in ways that free you from constraints that previously held you back.

Notice what you’re focusing on.

Your brain allocates resources to process information more deeply about whatever you focus your attention on.  And it will prioritize that information over other stimuli.  The process is called selective perception.  While it is natural to focus on things that exasperate us, allowing attention to linger there will likely lead you to continue to take in information that just further upsets you.  And in that state, your ability to effectively respond is greatly diminished.

Focus on what you most want to see.

But you can turn that around with deliberate and conscious intention.  The same principle applies, so taking in information that allows you to find something to be grateful for will allow you to see and focus more deeply on constructive elements things in situations and people that you can build on.  It’ll lead you to place your attention on things you can positively impact.

Make an attitude of gratitude part of your neural network.

The more often you deliberately shift your attention from frustration to appreciation, the more your cognitive and behavioral patterns become hardwired in ways that increase your resourcefulness and ingenuity.  This process, which involves adaptive structural and functional changes to the brain is called neuroplasticity.

So next time you find yourself annoyed by someone or something, find something (anything) to be grateful for – and watch how the way it leads you to respond provides you and everyone around you even more to be grateful for.

 

 

Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs and Create Your Desired Future

 

It’s pretty indisputable… to create and experience your desired future, you must overcome your limiting beliefs.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The future depends on those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”.  And according to Mahatma Gandhi, “The future depends on what we do in the present.”

I think they are both right.

The thing is, most of us are so busy running around fighting fires that we don’t give a whole lot of thought to what we’d like to create.  And even when we do, those dreams and visions are sometimes accompanied by hesitation, doubt, and even resistance.

The good news is that when your most formidable obstacles are self-generated, you most certainly have the power to rise above them.

In this week’s video, I’ll share some tips on how you can overcome your limiting beliefs that might otherwise stop you in your tracks (or keep you from starting at all) – so that you can move confidently toward the future you most want to experience.

Here’s to the beauty of YOUR dream!

Diane

P.S. The content of this week’s video was drawn from a workshop for visionary and heart centered leaders I recently presented at a Board Retreat for a client.  If you’re interested in bringing a workshop or webinar into your organization, contact us at support@DianeBolden.com.

 FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, Diane Bolden, executive coach and author of The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead.

A couple weeks ago, I facilitated a workshop for heart-centered and visionary leaders at a retreat for one of my clients. Retreats are such a great way to get a bigger perspective and to begin to connect the dots of where you’re at, where it is you most want to go, what you’re learning along the way, what’s beckoning to you.

But you know what? You don’t have to get away or go someplace fancy in order to have a retreat. You can start by doing that right here, right now.

And it is something that you have to make a conscious decision to do because often, we’re so busy running around, fighting fires, dealing with the crisis of the day that we don’t stop to think about what is it we most want and what we might need to do in order to get it.

Sometimes when you think about what it is that you want, you might experience a feeling of resistance or dread or heaviness – and that’s to be expected because anytime you endeavor to do something that goes beyond your comfort zone and requires that you do something that you haven’t done before, you’re going to be met with resistance.

Oftentimes though, the resistance that we feel is something that we associate with the task and our chances of actually being able to accomplish it, when, in reality, those feelings are really just a product of what we’re thinking about the vision that we’re entertaining in our minds. And that thinking, when you’re not aware of it, tends to run the show…

Thinking that goes something like this, ” I don’t have the time to do that.” When you’re not aware of that limiting belief, you’ll end up acting in ways that make it true because you won’t take the time or make the time.

You might believe something like, ” I’m not really sure I’m cut out to do that,” or, “I don’t know what it is I would need to know” in order to pull that off,” or, “I would have to have everything all figured out, and I am nowhere near being able to do that.” When you believe those things, again, they stop you before you’ll ever even start because if you believe that you don’t have the ability to pull something off, why would you even bother trying?

You might believe something like, “I’m not really sure I can get people to support me.” And again, with that belief, you’re likely not to even ask because you feel like you already know what the answer will be.

The thing is, when you become conscious of what the limiting beliefs are that create that heaviness and tend to stop you in your tracks, you can begin to challenge them. Once you’re aware of limiting beliefs, they tend to lose their power over you.  Awareness opens the door that allows you to overcome your limiting beliefs.  Once you’re aware of a thought that isn’t serving you (and perhaps isn’t even true), you can replace it with something better.

If you think about a belief like, “I don’t really have the time to do that,” you might recognize, “You know what? I may not have the time to do all of it right away, but I do have the time to take a couple steps here and there – and I can make the time to do it regularly enough that I’ll actually make good progress.”

Something like, “I’m not sure I have what it takes in order to figure that out,” or even, “I need to have it all figured out before I can even start,” when you challenge it, can be shifted into a belief that actually supports you – a belief that says, “I don’t have to have everything all figured out. I just need to figure out the first few steps, and from that vantage point, I’ll know what I need to do next.”

A belief like, “I’m not really sure I could get people to support me” could become something more like, “I’m willing to approach a few people to see what it would take in order to get the support that I would need.”

In a few short months, we’ll be in a whole new year. It’s a great time to begin to take stock of what it is that’s beckoning to you and to create the space you need to incubate those kinds of visions, so that they are more likely to become reality. It’s also a great time to let go of anything that could get in the way of allowing you to achieve those visions and dreams.

The best time for you to recognize and overcome your limiting beliefs is now.

So, take some time to see if you can connect with what it is that you most want to create in the coming months and year, and what it is that you’re believing about that particular vision or dream that could potentially stop you. When you become aware of what those showstoppers are, they lose their power over you. And you can change them into something that actually can facilitate and increase the chances that you’ll meet with the success you desire.

If you’re interested in bringing a workshop or a webinar into your organization, contact us at support@dianebolden.com. Thanks for watching, and here’s to your success.