What if Time is On Your Side?

Do you ever find yourself in a place where, despite your best efforts, nothing seems to be working out the way you want it to? 

Maybe you have an amazing idea that you just can’t seem to get off the ground. Perhaps you’ve made progress toward a goal and suddenly feel stymied or unable to gain the resources or support you need to move forward. You might be navigating some kind of transition that has you wondering whether that next thing for you is ever going to materialize.

When obstacles seem to be coming from all directions and you keep running into walls, it’s easy to lose hope and become consumed with frustration.

Sometimes it seems the only options are to throw in the towel or buckle down and try harder. We are conditioned as a society to do the latter, and sometimes that is what it takes to bust through the barriers that confront us. But when you continue to run into setback after setback, it may serve you better to stop for a while and survey the territory before proceeding — as what you thought was a frustrating delay is actually integral to getting you where we want to go.

There is a part of you that knows exactly what you need to do to succeed in any given area – a part of you that has knowledge of a bigger picture and all the moving parts necessary to bring your grandest goals and visions to fruition.

This wiser part of you knows exactly what you need to do (or not do) to yield the best results. It communicates in nonlinear ways — through feelings and flashes of insight that leave your logical mind wanting more details. And it rises above the noise in your head when you are consciously present.

To tap your sager self, you must learn to become attuned to what’s going on in this moment, trusting that amid frustrating delays and setbacks something advantageous may be happening. Tuning into it could allow you to move beyond resistance and frustration and gain clarity on what needs to happen next.

When I was writing The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, I hit a wall and forced myself to write despite my lack of inspiration. Before long I realized that I simply couldn’t continue and took a break. I ended up throwing away everything I made myself write under my own duress, as it was flat, mechanical and uninspired. I replaced it with stories about the previous months’ experiences, which turned out to be quite relevant. As I wrote, the words seemed to fly onto the page, and I was back in my flow again.

You too may need to experience something that is integral to the next phase of your greatest vision, goal or project. So, when you feel frustration, look beyond what appears to be limitation to perceive the gifts it is bringing you. It could be the very springboard you need to get you back in your game.

Gripped by Fear, Anger or Frustration? Get Back into Your Right Mind

 

We’ve all been there… someone says or does something that triggers you – or things take an unexpected turn for the worse and you can’t help but react. Your heart begins to beat wildly, your breathing gets shallow and choppy, and your body tenses up.

It’s called an amygdala hijack. And it literally disables your rational mind – the part of you that makes decisions, controls your reactions, and allows you to problem solve.

Though the physiological symptoms may only last for seconds or minutes, your ability to think clearly may be reduced for hours. And the thoughts and actions you’re likely to take in its grip could prolong a state of fear, anger or frustration for hours, days and even weeks.

This is because the aperture of your lens becomes so narrow that you’ll only perceive a small fraction of the entire picture. In this state, you’re likely to…

…put your attention on what is wrong, rather than what is right.

…spend more time and energy on describing, complaining about, and magnifying the problem than finding the solution.

…be more concerned with what you can get rather than what you can give.

…focus more on what’s out of your control than on what you can influence.

…feel helpless rather than hopeful – and act in ways that lead others to feel that way too.

But each of us has the power to turn that around.  And doing so is an act of leadership – regardless of your job title, industry or profession. Here are three simple steps you can take:

1) Take some deep breaths.Get oxygen flowing back into your cells. Remember that inspiration is the act of drawing in not only air but also new and creative ideas.

2) Ask yourself a question that moves your neural activity back to your prefrontal cortex, the part that allows you to think deeply and make good decisions. A question like, “What do I really want?” or “What could I do to make things better?” will help you get back on the right track.

3) Choose curiosity over judgment. While judgment narrows your aperture and keeps you in a fixed position, curiosity opens it and allows you to get unstuck.  Your lens zooms OUT rather than IN, allowing you to see possibilities and solutions that can move you forward.

4) Notice anything you may be thinking that could be shutting you down or causing more stress – and challenge it.  Ask yourself, “Is it really true?”.  Rather than paying attention to what your eyes are showing you, get curious and ask, “What am I NOT seeing?”

As you take these steps, you’ll become more connected with the wiser, calmer part of yourself that can rise to your challenges with courage and grace. And you’ll hold space for others to do the same.

The Fallacy of Failure… and How to Rise Above It

“What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?”

~ Robert H. Schuller

It’s easy to think of shooting for the moon when the idea of crashing to the ground doesn’t enter the picture. We can dream and scheme all we want, but to make our dreams real, we must act. And when we do, the idea of failure has a way of creeping in despite our best attempts to move forward.

Failure means different things to different people. But what’s most debilitating about the idea of it is having to experience or endure some kind of pain – pain of rejection, embarrassment, loss, financial ruin – not to mention its actual physical variations.

The interesting thing about pain is that, thankfully, it is usually finite. It comes and it goes. And while we don’t always have control over whether we experience it, we do seem to play a part in how long it lasts and how uncomfortable it gets.

As a kid, getting immunizations was terrifying. I remember how worked up I would get before the needle even came close to my skin. And I watched my kids do the same thing –screaming or wailing before contact was ever actually made.  But a few seconds later, the injections were completed before they even realized it.

They got off the exam table and immediately went onto other things – except when one of them, in need of a little more sympathy deliberately focused on the blood on the bandage – making the experience into something far more painful than it needed to be.

I think we do the same thing when we contemplate the pain that accompanies what we believe would be “failure”. Our minds have a way of making it far more ominous than it ever is in reality. And if we happen to find ourselves experiencing it, we can also fall into the trap of unwittingly making it more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

But we can also exercise resilience and determination in our ability to bounce back and focus on something that will allow us to move forward despite an otherwise unpleasant experience.

Because what it really comes down to is what your experiences – regardless of the way they turn out – have given you, rather than cost you. People who have accomplished extraordinary things in the world are the first to tell you that what many refer to as “failure” has plagued them time after time.  And many will tell you those experiences were prerequisites for their success.

What differentiates them from those who allowed “failure” to defeat them is that they picked themselves up, figured out what they could learn, and moved forward armed with a new awareness, a new understanding, and a renewed commitment to their greatest dreams and visions.

What great thing can YOU achieve today, knowing that you simply cannot fail?

But what if you could?

 

Do you remember what it was like to be unconstrained by the world’s limitations?

Maybe you were a young child, wanting to fly to the moon or discover buried treasure. How long was it before the people around you compelled you to be more “practical and realistic”?

They didn’t mean any harm.  In fact, those people likely had your best interests in mind.  They wanted to help you learn the rules for engagement in a world of challenges and limitations – to keep you from experiencing pain and disappointment.

Chances are you do that for your own young children.  I know I did.

But over time, the rules for engagement can become more constraining than they are empowering.  Especially when those rules don’t really apply the way they used to.

Have you noticed that many of the old, ingrained ways of getting things done and achieving success are no longer effective, or even relevant?

We are all experiencing it – on both an individual and a collective level, in our homes, our communities and our organizations.  And we need to find a better way of dealing with these emerging challenges and opportunities.  To do that, we must transcend old, well-worn, even tried and true methods that just aren’t working anymore.

The time has come for us to access the creativity, ingenuity, curiosity, and wonder of that little kid that knew no limits and had the willingness and determination to blaze a new trail.

As trees and flowers all around us burst into bloom with the emergence of spring, we can allow creative energy and inspiration to move through us as well.

In nature and in our own lives, the old must give way to the new. Trees lose their leaves and flowers and plants that have been pruned proliferate with an energy and vitality that wouldn’t have otherwise been possible.

What old beliefs and assumptions in your life and leadership need to give way to what is blooming within you?

The next time your great idea or inspiration is met with inner skepticism or restraint, notice what you are believing and ask yourself if it’s really true. Stay with it and see if you can find a way around the things that would otherwise stop you in your tracks.

We are all the pioneers and architects of our own lives and now is the time to go beyond what we previously thought was possible and do the things we’ve been capable of all along.

“Nothing else in the world…not all the armies…is so powerful as an idea whose time has come.”- Victor Hugo,

Here’s to your success!

 

Fear or Love… What’ll it Be?

 

When it comes down to it, there are really only 2 places you can come from in an organization (or in life). One is fear and the other is love.

You’ve likely seen what fear looks like in organizations… competitiveness, silos, lack of trust, hidden agendas, showboating, cutting people down, insensitivity, judgment, conformity, negativity.

You’ve probably also seen what love looks like in organizations (though people don’t refer to it as love)… the passion of doing work as its own reward, pursuit of excellence, collaboration, lifting people up, trust, teamwork, compassion, respect, individuality, service to others.

Leaders are like transformers. When I worked in the utility industry several years ago, I learned that transformers are devices that change the voltage of energy – either increasing it (stepping it up) or decreasing it (stepping it down).

Leaders who come from a place of fear tend to perpetuate and amplify fear. In my experience, it’s rarely their intention to do so. They are usually more unconscious than anything – and acting from a place of self-preservation. Their focus is on limitation, doubt, threats that are coming at them, and things that bring them down.

And as the saying goes, where the focus goes, the energy flows.

Leaders who come from a place of love focus on something entirely different. It’s not that they don’t feel fear. They just intentionally, deliberately shift their attention to align with what they most want to move toward (versus away from).

• Instead of fixating on what they fear, they focus on what they want – and how to create it.
• Rather than getting frustrated by what they lack, they determine what they can give.
• When they get bogged down by limitation and doubt, they lift their sights to the capability of and confidence in themselves and others.

Leaders exist at all levels of organizations, regardless of title or position. Some of the most extraordinary leaders have no title at all. But they are powerhouses of possibility. They lift others out of fear and give them something meaningful to work toward. They can be in the presence of negativity and still radiate optimism and confidence.

They can literally transform the energy in an organization.

When a leader helps another person shift from fear to love, miracles happen. People are infused with energy they didn’t know they had. They see openings where they previously only saw obstacles and find solutions to problems that seem insurmountable.

They create brightness that illuminates the darkness and helps others find their way through the thickest of mires. And when the pockets of light begin to multiply, an entire culture can shift. What was once deemed impossible becomes entirely achievable – and even probable.

So what’ll it be… fear, or love?

Make the decision today to be a transformer that creates more of what you most want to be a part of.

Want some support infusing more love into your leadership or organizational culture? Email me. 

The Secret to Success No One Ever Talks About in Business

 

I filmed this week’s video 13 years ago but didn’t share it widely back then because I wasn’t sure it would be perceived as relevant to business executives. All these years later, after conversations and work with thousands of executives, I’ve realized that not only is it fitting, but that its relevance transcends time, industry, vocation, and position.

I can say that definitively because it is about one of the most fundamental forces leaders and organizations can harness and nurture within their organizations (and themselves): the undeniable, irrefutable and universal power of LOVE.

While it’s not likely something you’ll learn about in business school, or see on a job description, or even hear talked about all that much, you’ll feel it in the organizations that have sustained success over the longest periods.

It’s shared by their employees, their customers, and anyone who interacts with them or their people. It leads to repeat business, recruitment and retention of the best and brightest talent, and performance at the highest levels.

It is the one thing that grows the more that it is given (and received). It pulls people out of their slumps, gets them to believe in themselves and each other, and leads them to find the strength and resilience they need to overcome any obstacle.

This force draws people in and opens them to new possibilities. It transcends fear and allows them to feel safe, to unearth their greatest potential, and to connect more deeply to others.

Utilizing and perpetuating love doesn’t require an advanced degree, decades of experience or a formal title and yet, it is the one thing that has allowed the most influential leaders of all time create monumental leaps of progress – by inspiring the human spirt to go above and beyond what we previously thought possible.

It’s as powerful for communities as it is for companies and the individuals within them. And it is the one thing we all have the ability to generate regardless of our circumstances, experiences, limitations or doubts.

I would venture to say we need it now more than ever – and we must each take the opportunity not only to seek it, enjoy it, create it, and share it, but also to BECOME it.

It’s NOT business as usual…

 

Great organizations are not created accidentally. They are a product of conscious intention and deliberate action shared by leaders at all levels, regardless of formal title or level of responsibility.

So often people feel they’re at the mercy of their circumstances at work – the one arena they spend more of their time in than any other. It’s not uncommon for people to feel lost, misunderstood, overlooked or undervalued.

Work can feel like a never-ending series of boxes that need to be checked and a perpetual exercise in firefighting. Competition, office politics and inflated egos can shut people down, take the wind out of their sails, and lead them to feel powerless and unimportant.

But in great organizations these things are not the unavoidable byproduct of “business as usual”. Dynamics that keep people feeling trapped in auto-pilot, stunt their growth, and ultimately breed toxic cultures are carefully monitored and proactively addressed.

There is a spirit of solidarity and shared leadership that unites people in the face of challenges that would otherwise tear organizations apart.

A client I had the privilege to work onsite with a couple of weeks ago is a perfect example.

They are the kind of organization that makes you feel good the moment you come into their presence. The energy they share is dynamic and alive. People go out of their way to care for each other and are invested in each other’s and the organization’s success.  They have one of the lowest turnover rates in the industry and they attract the best and the brightest.

Their CEO came to me over seven years ago, expressing his desire to create a vibrant culture of inspired leadership.

It’s not uncommon for executives to bring programs in-house for their people to attend. But the most exemplary organizations begin those initiatives at the highest levels.

This wasn’t an initiative that would be arbitrarily rolled out. Instead, the C-level team insisted on experiencing the Pinocchio Principle Unleashed program starting with themselves – going through it together.

They knew that to create the kind of culture that would become infused into every level of the organization, they had to become living models of what they themselves were learning and hoped to see develop in their people.

In the years that followed, they’ve continued to enroll small groups of their people through the same program and taken deliberate steps to ensure the learning is reinforced and integrated into daily conversations and ways of doing business.

By practicing real leadership from the top down, they’ve nurtured it from the bottom up as well.

Working with clients like these to achieve unprecedented results by igniting the power of their people is one of the things I love most about my work. Message me if you are interested in creating a vibrant and inspired culture in your organization.

Never forget YOU are the hero of your own story

 

“Sometimes I just want my life to be more like a fairy tale.”

One of my workshop participants once told me that. And I could relate.

What she meant was, “I wish that I didn’t have to deal with problems… that things would always go my way… that life could be about riding into marmalade sunsets through rolling fields of daisies.”

I couldn’t help but remind her that even the best of fairy tales has conflict and peril and villains and crisis.  If they didn’t, no one would watch (or read) them.

Because they would be pretty boring.

In fact, the arc of most of those stories involves a character that sets off on some kind of journey or quest to find that things are not as easy as initially thought.  An unexpected setback puts the hero on her heels or knocks her down altogether.

She has to pick herself up, dust herself off and persevere.

It is only a matter of time before she faces another more difficult challenge. But she’s learned a thing or two from the last one.  And she relies upon that experience and that wisdom to get her through this one and the next… and the one after that.

Life is like that too.

The major difference between a fairy tale (or an action/adventure movie) and real life is that when you’re watching the character in a story, you are safe in your seat.  And when the peril is your own, you’re in the thick of the action – unsure of what will happen next and whether you’ll come out alright.

But this likely isn’t your first rodeo.

You’ve been through a challenge or two yourself.  And lived to tell about it.  Like the hero in those stories, you too have gained wisdom and insight and strength along the way.

Rainer Maria Wilke once wrote, “The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens.”

What if the very experiences you have had over the course of your life occurred in perfect order to prepare you for what you would experience in your future?

Why Letting Go of the Old Helps You Succeed With the New (and How to Do It)

 

What is it that you are longing to create in the coming year?

And what do you need to let go of to allow it to fully take root?

Every year, we are encouraged to set New Year’s resolutions.

We are a goal-driven society that is conditioned to seek more. Our egos desire more money, more fame and prestige, and more stuff. A deeper part of ourselves longs for more peace, more meaning, and more purpose in our lives.

We want to move beyond our previous realizations of what we’ve already accomplished to master newer, better ways of doing things (in our lives and our organizations) – and as leaders what we can inspire others to do.

Though it is tempting to think about how we can achieve all of this and what we need to do more of, perhaps what we really need to start with is what we need to do less of… what we need to let go of to create the space for something new to come in.

We are constantly evolving both individually and collectively. 

It is so easy to look to the past to define who we are through the things we’ve already done:  goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built. Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.

The fact of the matter is,

you are not your accomplishments,

your creations, or the sum of the various roles

you play in your life – manager, director, vice president,

mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc.

You are much, much more than that.

Your potential is limitless.

And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions.

They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take. To be happy, we reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target. So we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done – on a sort of autopilot.

Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some a growing source of discontentment. We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility that what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined.

In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to fully embrace the mystery unfolding in each of our lives.

Easier said than done, right?

How exactly do you go about letting go of the known when it’s all you know?

We can take our cues from nature. Snakes and other reptiles shed their skin, trees drop their leaves, and caterpillars create cocoons in which their forms entirely dissolve before recreating themselves as butterflies.

Even a fish in a bowl cannot stay in water that contains its excrement – the waste must either be emptied and replaced with new water, or absorbed by something else that will remove it from the fish’s environment.

Without engaging in these renewing processes, these creatures will die. And so it is of us. Many of us are already walking around encased in layers of old, dead stuff that needs to be released.

What are you holding onto in your life that has run its course?

What are the old outmoded ways of doing things that no longer bring you energy? What are the things you’ve acquired that you no longer need? What beliefs are you holding onto that are no longer true for you?

Pay attention to the times that you feel constricted, anxious, or tired and in those moments ask what you can let go of. Don’t be afraid of the answer. Though it may frighten you because it introduces an element of the unknown, following these insights will always lead to freedom and liberation.

Your computer can only handle so much data.

If you do not delete old email and get rid of files that have been accumulating over the years, and if you continue to add new programs without deleting old ones, you will find that it becomes sluggish and unresponsive.

Just as freeing up space allows your computer to process things more quickly, so too will clearing your own personal space (whether of things or thoughts) allow you to access new levels of clarity and creativity.

Space invites opportunity.

You will breathe easier, be more present in every action and interaction you partake of, and bring more of who you really are to what you do. And you will open up the space of possibility that will allow something to come in that may surprise and delight you.

So here’s a thought for the New Year: Instead of trying so hard to do more with less, perhaps we can allow ourselves to explore the possibility that in doing less, we can have so much more.

For more on how to affect your own personal and professional transformation, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader – How to Unleash Genius in Yourself and Those You Lead, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.

Ringing in the New Year: Why Looking Back is as Vital as Looking Ahead

 

There is something magical about being at the threshold of a new year.

It’s like climbing to the top of a long staircase to find yourself on a landing, standing before a large glimmering door just waiting to be opened. As you look down, you realize how far you have climbed to get here. Yet, you cannot help but wonder what lies behind the door.

Often, we underestimate the amount of growth we have achieved.

It’s important to take some time to reflect on the unique combination of experiences that have led to both successes and disappointments and the learnings that have accompanied them. Doing so cultivates insight that helps you know what to do in the future.

I often work with people who feel ready for a change but aren’t sure what that change should be. They aren’t necessarily miserable in their jobs or other areas of their lives – they just long for something that will fill them up in ways they haven’t been fulfilled in the past.

When I coach people who feel this way, they sometimes want me to tell them what the next best step is – to give them the answer or a step-by-step process that will lead them to find what they seek. Of course, no person has these answers for another. Our greatest challenge and opportunity is to find them for ourselves.

Each of our lives has a story with perfect order and meaning.

As in a novel or screenplay, each character has a unique relationship to the main character, and every scene has some relevance to his growth and evolution. There will be victories and disappointments as well as twists and turns.

We will have occasion to laugh, cry, and experience a myriad of other emotions that are somewhere in between. And as a result of this perfect combination of events and mini-plots, we discover ourselves to be better people.

When reading a book or watching a movie, the perfect order is often easier to see than it is for the characters enmeshed in the stories we are watching. Yet, the mystery and intrigue, the humor over each misstep, and the courage we see the characters exude to find their way give substance to the story and allow us to leave the book or the theatre feeling moved or inspired in some way.

As you reflect on 2024, can you identify your story’s most pivotal turns? What did you learn from them? Think about your character sketch. What are the endearing qualities you have that make you unique and special? How can you leverage them to build on the previous events to create a story worth telling?

Think also about the people that surround you. In what ways are they helping you grow? What are they teaching you about yourself – whether in joyful or painful ways? And what qualities do they possess that are similar to and different from yours? How do you complement each other, and what might it be that you can create together?

You now sit at the threshold of another chapter in your story.

Contemplate what you have already experienced and ask yourself how you might build upon it to add a bit of intrigue and adventure. Identify the ways that you could add a little lightness and humor. Think about the interplay between the characters and how you could spice things up a little.

We have each been given the makings of a beautiful tale. Open your eyes and survey them the way you would the perfectly planned detail of your favorite movie or novel. Give yourself completely to the adventure, the possibilities, and the humor in your life.

Then find a way to revel in the joy of living it.

Here’s to a bright, beautiful New Year!

 

For more on reveling in the adventure that is your life, check out The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming a Real Leader, available in both paperback and Kindle formats.